Adult covert - since 1968

[AlanBurgess]

This account is being shared by Alan John BURGESS, as a way of introducing myself. I was baptized on April 6th of 1968. On June 15, 1968 I married Kathryn Ranee FLAUGHER in the Portsmouth Branch of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; we were wed by our Branch President, Robert Hartford. In November of 1969, our temporal marriage became a celestial marriage "for time and all eternity" in the Salt Lake Temple in a beautiful and sacred ceremony conducted by our former New England Mission President, Elder Boyd K. Packer.

We wanted a family right away, but it took nearly five years for us to accomplish pregnancy. Late on the night of December 19th, 1973, my wife, Kathryn, awoke from her sleep and realized she was having labor pains. At first she was certain that they were "Braxton-Hicks" but soon realized she was in real, premature labor. I was a resident in Hospital and Healthcare Administration and a 2nd Lieutenant in the United States Air Force, assigned as a Medical Service Corps officer to the USAF Regional Hospital - Chanute AFB in Rantoul, Illinois. I got up and immediately realized that the snow that was still falling would prevent us from driving to the base hospital, so I called the hospital and they sent a 4-wheel drive ambulance to come pick her up.

Once they got to the house, they helped her onto a gurney and into the "cracker box" ambulance and headed to the hospital. I followed the ambulance in our green Audi 100 LS, staying in the tracks made by the ambulance. At the hospital, the emergency room physician confirmed that Kathy was in labor and allowed me to accompany her into the ER where he performed an emergency episiotomy (without anesthesia). His rationale was that time was of an essence if we were to try to save the baby. Kathy was a strawberry blond, and red heads tend to bleed. And because the baby was very small, only a single "snip" would be necessary. I told her she could bite on the joint of the base of my thumb if it would help her deal with the pain. It felt like she was biting my thumb clean off! Priscilla was delivered around 2:10 am very premature, weighing exactly two pounds. The ER crew spent their time intubating the baby and trying to keep her alive for the neonatal transport to arrive from Champaign, IL Fortunately for Kathy, the anesthesiologist on duty came by and, realizing the signs of blood loss, he delivered the placenta and essentially saved her life! Meanwhile our LDS Chaplain arrived and he and I gave Priscilla a name and a blessing fearing that if we didn't do so then, we might never have the opportunity to do so. With our hands reaching into an incubator and with tears of joy and fear for her little life, I gave her the name Priscilla BURGESS and blessed her that Heavenly Father's will would prevail and I expressed His and our great love for her.

When the neonatal transport team arrived, they took Priscilla to Mercy Hospital in Champaign and the Air Force ambulance followed close behind with Kathryn, while I followed behind in our car. Once Kathy was admitted to the hospital and realized she hadn't brought her maternity bag to the hospital, I went on home to get a little sleep and they promised to call me if there was any change in the baby's or Kathy's condition. I caught a short nap and was getting dressed when the phone rang and I was advised that I needed to get back to the hospital soon. Despite the icy roads, I got there as quickly as possible.

Upon my arrival, I was taken immediately to Priscilla's bedside, where I was informed that her premature lungs were lined with a sticky substance that normally sluffs off and is cried out when a newborn term baby is born. With premature babies it doesn't release and the lining of the lungs is covered with the stuff to protect the baby from drowning in amnionic fluid while in utero. The premature infant's lungs, then, are similar to two sheets of flypaper and every time the infant exhales, the lungs stick together a little more giving the baby less and less lung surface to absorb oxygen from the air. Slowly and terribly, my daughter was suffocating and neither the doctors (at that time) nor I could do anything more about it, but to wait and watch her die. I asked if I could give her a Father's Blessing. The hospital staff approved my request and listened as I gave my beautiful, tiny, infant daughter a blessing. I told her of our great love for her and that her Heavenly Father loves her even more. With a quivering voice and tears in my eyes once again, I told her that she had fulfilled her mission on Earth, and that if Heavenly Father was calling for her to return to His presence, that would be fine. That we would certainly miss her, but that we knew that some day, we will be together with her again. I had barely said "Amen" when Priscilla took her last breath, and then stopped breathing, even with the positive pressure machine still trying to force my oxygen into her now, lifeless body.

The walk from that room to Kathy's hospital room probably wasn't very far, but it felt like a hundred miles! I had tears in my eyes and couldn't hold them back. I walked into my sweetheart's private room and as soon as she saw me, she knew. Nonetheless, she asked me: "Is she . . . ." to which I replied: "Priscilla's gone." We held each other tight and wept together until we were both cried out. Finally, I got up and told her that I would go talk to our Branch President in Rantoul and make plans. I also asked what more she might need during her hospital stay. She gave me a short list, and I drove back to our home on Chanute AFB. I called the Branch President and he recommended a local mortuary. I called the Hospital Administrator who was also my residency preceptor; he told me to take as much time as I might need to take care of my daughter's arrangements and to tend to my wife, and he would see me after the first of the year. I gathered the items my wife had requested and returned to her bed side and we talked and cried and called family members with our sad news.

Over the next few days, I arranged for flowers for Priscilla's graveside service and for her gravesite and made various other arrangements. We agreed not to have a funeral, viewing or calling hours. We held her graveside service early on Christmas Eve, December 24th, 1973. It was attended my many from our little LDS Branch, by my military comrades, and superiors and friends, but no family were able to attend. Following the internment, I drove to the hospital and picked up Kathy and brought her back to a childless home with countless presents for the new mother and baby still under the brightly lit, but difficult to look at Christmas Tree.

Christmas was bittersweet. We remembered the birth of the Christ child and the birth and death of our own little child. We decided to open every package under the tree, even those that we were forewarned contained gifts for our baby who would never see the pretty clothes, toys, blankets and expressions of familial love. Immediately after Christmas, I worked hard on finishing, re-writing, editing and submitting my Master's thesis for the George Washington University program. I wrote a brief dedication in the front of the thesis, dedicating it to the memory of our daughter, Priscilla.

Although I am writing this down many years later, I can feel the loss as if it were yesterday. If it were not for our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, our faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, our love for one another, and the knowledge that "Families are Forever" I don't know how we could have survived this loss. I do know, however, that every time I attend the Temple, I can feel her presence and know that so long as I am faithful to the covenants, oaths and promises I have made and honor the priesthood that I hold, I will see her and be reunited with her again. Of this I bear solemn witness in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

[Blackmarch]

Welcome and thank you for sharing.