Feeling left out of wedding stuff


Jane_Doe
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I'm feeling mopey right now, and was wondering if anyone had any advise to snap out of it, or ... maybe just to vent.

My sister is getting married in the temple this summer- I'm very excited for her.  But I'm feeling very left out of everything- which I know is self-centered.  I'm not endowed, so I can't go to the sealing- which I'm fine with and I understand.  She doesn't want me to be a bridesmaid  so that his younger siblings can be bridesmaids (he's one of 8)- which ok, I can understand.  She doesn't want to go dress shopping with me- which I understand, we live ~6 hours drive away.  She doesn't want me to help planning any of the pre-wedding festivities because her mother-in-law to be has that under control-- which I understand.  She doesn't want me to plan the reception, because my mother is in charge of that and we'll just argue- which I totally understand.  She doesn't want my help planning post-wedding stuff because her husband's in charge of that-- which I totally understand.  She doesn't really have time to talk to me about wedding stuff because she's super busy with her life and obsessed with the finance-- which I totally understand.

So despite a bunch of understanding... I'm feeling really left out of everything.  And admittedly having a bit of a self-pity party and probably need to snap out of....

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@Jane_Doe Why not plan out how bad you are going to trash their "Just Married" car instead? I mean you could really do a super number on that thing. Then leave a note saying, "I wasn't allowed to help on anything else, so voila! Enjoy!"  I decorated my friends car after his wedding. Like an idiot I used white shoe polish on his car tires and did crazy designs. Apparently white shoe polish does not come off black tires, at least not for a couple of years anyways. Ooooops! My friend = :cursing:

When you say your sister "doesn't want me to...", does that mean she actually doesn't want your personal help, or rather someone else is doing it and therefore that assignment is already taken care of and your help is simply not needed?

If push comes to shove, plan an all expenses paid vacation for everyone in the Bahamas during the same time as her wedding. Show her who the boss is! Boom, in your face sistah!

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Sort of reminds me of cats.  When a cat finds a nicer house where he gets more food, or better food, or more affection, he stays over there.

Then maybe he only comes home to eat, then goes back over there.

Your sister has found this new family (his) and it seems she is happier over there. 

It was inevitable anyway.  You may have been close and all when you were younger, but eventually she grows up, gets married, moves away, and hardly has time at all for you.

However, if as younger girls you two fought like cats and dogs, then the inevitable is even more understandable.

You are going to the wedding, aren't you? 

At least she didn't 'not invite' you.

dc

Edited by David13
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I'm not endowed, so I can't go to the sealing

She doesn't want me to be a bridesmaid  

She doesn't want to go dress shopping with me

She doesn't want me to help planning any of the pre-wedding festivities

She doesn't want me to plan the reception

She doesn't want my help planning post-wedding stuff

She doesn't really have time to talk to me about wedding stuff because she's super busy with her life

So despite a bunch of understanding... I'm feeling really left out of everything.

 

 

"I'm feeling really left out of everything" - that's because you ARE being left out of everything.  Are you the only sister/sibling?  Are there hard feelings under the surface?  Did you say something to upset her when she was first engaged or not show enough excitement?

If you are her only sister... I would wonder why she would not find room for you in the bridal party.  Or help with literally anything at all.  And 6 hours away is not very far at all to make a weekend trip to go dress shopping together or at least have you with the group she has chosen.

Have you spoken to her about this and came right out and asked;  "I really would love to help in some way... any way!  What can I do?  Where can I be of help?"

 

 

 

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1 minute ago, Budget said:

"I'm feeling really left out of everything" - that's because you ARE being left out of everything.  Are you the only sister/sibling?  Are there hard feelings under the surface?  Did you say something to upset her when she was first engaged or not show enough excitement?

If you are her only sister... I would wonder why she would not find room for you in the bridal party.  Or help with literally anything at all.  And 6 hours away is not very far at all to make a weekend trip to go dress shopping together or at least have you with the group she has chosen.

Have you spoken to her about this and came right out and asked;  "I really would love to help in some way... any way!  What can I do?  Where can I be of help?"

The bride has 3 sisters, and the groom has 4(?) sisters and 1 sister in law, plus the bride wanted 3 of her friends to be bridesmaids too.   So myself and one of his sisters got cut out.   She and I don't have any bad feelings or anything... she just can live in her own little world and can be oblivious to people/things not right in her face.

I did actually pull myself out of my pity-party, (persistently) hunted my sister down until she answered the phone, and straight up asked: "What can I do for you to show my love and excitement for you and your upcoming wedding?"  Come to find out: she hasn't even thought of flowers or cake!  So, I am now in charge of those: we set up a Pinterest account to get ideas and research places, and arranged for me to come down in a few weeks and are going to pick them out.  Having an outlet to express my love to her.... I feel so much better now :).

Being honest and forthright with people really is the best policy.

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6 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

...and straight up asked: "What can I do for you to show my love and excitement for you and your upcoming wedding?" 

 

YEAH!  :)   I'm glad you went ahead and just asked her straight out - even before you read my reply.  Ha ha.  I absolutely agree; being honest and forthright is the best policy. 

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4 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

I did actually pull myself out of my pity-party, (persistently) hunted my sister down until she answered the phone, and straight up asked: "What can I do for you to show my love and excitement for you and your upcoming wedding?"  Come to find out: she hasn't even thought of flowers or cake!  So, I am now in charge of those: we set up a Pinterest account to get ideas and research places, and arranged for me to come down in a few weeks and are going to pick them out.  Having an outlet to express my love to her.... I feel so much better now :).

But you're still gonna do the male stripper (you don't actually have to let him do his routine) and trash their car, right? :D

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4 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

The bride has 3 sisters, and the groom has 4(?) sisters and 1 sister in law, plus the bride wanted 3 of her friends to be bridesmaids too.   So myself and one of his sisters got cut out.   She and I don't have any bad feelings or anything... she just can live in her own little world and can be oblivious to people/things not right in her face.

I did actually pull myself out of my pity-party, (persistently) hunted my sister down until she answered the phone, and straight up asked: "What can I do for you to show my love and excitement for you and your upcoming wedding?"  Come to find out: she hasn't even thought of flowers or cake!  So, I am now in charge of those: we set up a Pinterest account to get ideas and research places, and arranged for me to come down in a few weeks and are going to pick them out.  Having an outlet to express my love to her.... I feel so much better now :).

Being honest and forthright with people really is the best policy.

It sounds like you and I might show love the same way... acts of service and gifts. I know if I were you, I would feel so much better knowing I could do something to show, as you perfectly said, that love and excitement. Have a great time with it, and best wishes to your sister.

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4 hours ago, Budget said:

 

YEAH!  :)   I'm glad you went ahead and just asked her straight out - even before you read my reply.  Ha ha.  I absolutely agree; being honest and forthright is the best policy. 

I wonder about you sometimes. ;)

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7 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

The bride has 3 sisters, and the groom has 4(?) sisters and 1 sister in law, plus the bride wanted 3 of her friends to be bridesmaids too.   So myself and one of his sisters got cut out.   She and I don't have any bad feelings or anything... she just can live in her own little world and can be oblivious to people/things not right in her face.

I did actually pull myself out of my pity-party, (persistently) hunted my sister down until she answered the phone, and straight up asked: "What can I do for you to show my love and excitement for you and your upcoming wedding?"  Come to find out: she hasn't even thought of flowers or cake!  So, I am now in charge of those: we set up a Pinterest account to get ideas and research places, and arranged for me to come down in a few weeks and are going to pick them out.  Having an outlet to express my love to her.... I feel so much better now :).

Being honest and forthright with people really is the best policy.

Cake you say?

 

 

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Jane, sorry I just read this thread.  I felt so bad for you....you were right to be disappointed.  You were being left out.  I'm so glad you found a way to resolve things though!  Way to go!!!

Just for general whatever...I've been married 22 yrs this month and one of the things I remember as a FAVORITE thing someone did for us was this:  my sister-in-law paid for a hotel room for us, and knowing that wedding days can be hectic, she made sure there was food in the room.  She also "decorated" with chocolates on the bed etc.  I love that.  I think I will do the same for my kids when they get married if I can.  Enjoy! 

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20 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

I did actually pull myself out of my pity-party, (persistently) hunted my sister down until she answered the phone, and straight up asked: "What can I do for you to show my love and excitement for you and your upcoming wedding?"  Come to find out: she hasn't even thought of flowers or cake!  So, I am now in charge of those: we set up a Pinterest account to get ideas and research places, and arranged for me to come down in a few weeks and are going to pick them out.  Having an outlet to express my love to her.... I feel so much better now :).

Being honest and forthright with people really is the best policy.

Wait - you say you went and solved your problem without our help?  Oh great, so now I'm feeling not needed.

 

 

Edited by NeuroTypical
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9 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Wait - you say you went and solved your problem without our help?  Oh great, so now I'm feeling not needed.

 

 

Lol.  Actually, you guys did help- NeedleInA directly, and the rest of you indirectly simply by creating an safe venue for me to come and talk (I don't really and real life LDS friends which will understand the whole sealing thing).

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1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

Wait - you say you went and solved your problem without our help?  Oh great, so now I'm feeling not needed.

 

 

I was about to offer some sage advice (I mean, top-quality stuff that I should be charging money for) when I realized you could just go and do what Jane did and solve your problem yourself. And then where would I be? WHERE WOULD I BE?!!! Right where you are now.

I'm breaking the cycle for the good of this thread. I have no answers for you - no suggestions.

 

<sniff> Don't look at me like that. I have to be strong enough for the both of us right now.

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