Why do people leave the Church?


Eve1991
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10 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said:

While I can't speak for everyone, of course, my sense of the matter is that what you're saying here about these issues not bothering many members of the church is not entirely accurate. I think they do. It is how we respond to the bother that makes the difference. When I first came across some of these things, for example, it was bothersome. I never let the bothersome-ness of it make a difference in my commitment to the gospel, and the bothersome-ness was moderately short-lived (I found answers pretty quickly). But I'm pretty sure that anyone who hears that Joseph Smith found a brown stone in a well and used it to treasure hunt and then later used that same stone for translating the BOM is going to stress at least a wee bit upon first hearing it. Maybe that won't be the case moving forward as it becomes more common for these sorts of issues to be addressed early in a child's life (like how Bible miracles, as strange as some of them are, don't bother us at all because we were raised with them). Anyhow, like I said, only my sense of the matter. But...there it is.

Thanks for sharing that perspective and your own personal experience with it. I appreciate it. :)

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100 posts?  I'm not going to read them all.

Why do people leave the church? 

Because they want to.

I think it's absurd to think they left because somebody said the wrong thing, because they disagree with this or that policy, or whatever.

The decision is still that personal decision to leave all that there is to the church (which to me is a very large lot) because of ... whatever.

I think it's simple.  They just want to give it up.

dc

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Guest MormonGator
2 hours ago, David13 said:

Why do people leave the church? 

Because they want to.

 

No, that's just a cop out members use to dismiss others who leave the church. I don't think many people want to leave a faith-in particular one they grew up. Just because they'll lose friends/family etc and it'll make their life very difficult. 

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2 hours ago, David13 said:

100 posts?  I'm not going to read them all.

Why do people leave the church? 

Because they want to.

I think it's absurd to think they left because somebody said the wrong thing, because they disagree with this or that policy, or whatever.

The decision is still that personal decision to leave all that there is to the church (which to me is a very large lot) because of ... whatever.

I think it's simple.  They just want to give it up.

dc

I think you have missed the point of the thread, though. The reasons as to why they want to leave. The reasons are varied, which are not as simple as you think. 

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4 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

No, that's just a cop out members use to dismiss others who leave the church. I don't think many people want to leave a faith-in particular one they grew up. Just because they'll lose friends/family etc and it'll make their life very difficult. 

I agree, it is a cop out and shows a lack of willingness to understand. 

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Guest Godless
3 hours ago, David13 said:

100 posts?  I'm not going to read them all.

Why do people leave the church? 

Because they want to.

I think it's absurd to think they left because somebody said the wrong thing, because they disagree with this or that policy, or whatever.

The decision is still that personal decision to leave all that there is to the church (which to me is a very large lot) because of ... whatever.

I think it's simple.  They just want to give it up.

dc

Not true (though I suppose sometimes it can be). I fought it for quite some time. I desperately wanted to believe. The thought of abandoning everything I grew up with was terrifying. I fought back against my better judgement because I didn't want to let my family down. Because I didn't want to let my friends down. Because if there was a god, I didn't want to let him down. It took time for me to come to terms with what I truly believed about the church, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. 

Every apostate has a different story. In some cases, you're right, the person in question just wanted out, was looking for an excuse, and found one in something fairly trivial. For many of us though, the road out was far more difficult and involved many sleepless nights, soul-searching, and (believe it or not) relentless prayer. Experiences like that shouldn't be trivialized.

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13 minutes ago, Godless said:

Not true (though I suppose sometimes it can be). I fought it for quite some time. I desperately wanted to believe. The thought of abandoning everything I grew up with was terrifying. I fought back against my better judgement because I didn't want to let my family down. Because I didn't want to let my friends down. Because if there was a god, I didn't want to let him down. It took time for me to come to terms with what I truly believed about the church, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. 

Every apostate has a different story. In some cases, you're right, the person in question just wanted out, was looking for an excuse, and found one in something fairly trivial. For many of us though, the road out was far more difficult and involved many sleepless nights, soul-searching, and (believe it or not) relentless prayer. Experiences like that shouldn't be trivialized.

I hope you are ok, Godless. I have found myself with the kind of struggles you describe. It guts one to the very core. It turns a person's life upside down. 

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1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

No, that's just a cop out members use to dismiss others who leave the church. I don't think many people want to leave a faith-in particular one they grew up. Just because they'll lose friends/family etc and it'll make their life very difficult. 

The excuses they use to leave the church are a cop out.

dc

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1 hour ago, TeresaA said:

I think you have missed the point of the thread, though. The reasons as to why they want to leave. The reasons are varied, which are not as simple as you think. 

The reasons are varied.

The net result is the same.

They want to leave.  They make excuses to do so.

They leave.

dc

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30 minutes ago, Godless said:

Not true (though I suppose sometimes it can be). I fought it for quite some time. I desperately wanted to believe. The thought of abandoning everything I grew up with was terrifying. I fought back against my better judgement because I didn't want to let my family down. Because I didn't want to let my friends down. Because if there was a god, I didn't want to let him down. It took time for me to come to terms with what I truly believed about the church, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. 

Every apostate has a different story. In some cases, you're right, the person in question just wanted out, was looking for an excuse, and found one in something fairly trivial. For many of us though, the road out was far more difficult and involved many sleepless nights, soul-searching, and (believe it or not) relentless prayer. Experiences like that shouldn't be trivialized.

Nobody is trivializing it.

Was it or was it not your decision? 

Did you or someone else make the decision?

Who can make the decision for you to come back?

You, or someone else?

dc

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I have a friend who went to the temple and asked for revelation about whether or not she should marry someone. She was super active and very dedicated in her calling. The response was a complicated one and perhaps she misinterpreted the response. Perhaps she let her emotions cloud her judgement. She married the someone. He turned out to be a bad man. She now lives on social assistance. The someone has remarried and pays no child support. He is on marriage at least 4. My friend is bitter and inactive. Life can be brutal even when you play by all the rules and do your very best. So yes, I can understand why people leave the church. Being a Mormon can be tough. 

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On 6/27/2016 at 5:21 PM, FogCity said:

It's hard to feel special/important when everyone around you is doing the exact same thing. 

Part of the problem with modern society, every child has to be "special" or "important". It's not just your daughter but an entire generation who has been quite frankly raised to be spoiled brats (I am not saying your daughter is, just that the her generation is like that) with twitter, facebook, etc.  Everyone's life must be "amazing!!" . . .idiots.  They will learn eventually.  I like this article. . . .http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

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11 hours ago, Godless said:

Not true (though I suppose sometimes it can be). I fought it for quite some time. I desperately wanted to believe.

I learned a long time ago, it doesn't have anything to do with "wanting to believe".  Faith is simple, it is a choice, nothing else nothing more.  I choose to believe in God. I also learned that I need God more than He could ever possibly need me. So I choose Faith.  

And that choice has been rewarded, abundantly, yet someone who did not choose faith could look at my same experience and see it differently.  Well, that just happened by chance, by probability.

God is very good, yet we must have ears to hear him and eyes to see him with. If we choose faith and truly look, we will see the tapestry of life that God has woven with us and when we truly see it . . . it is amazing!

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2 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Life can be brutal even when you play by all the rules and do your very best. 

It can be . . .one of the most important lessons to learn is that just because God instructs us to do something doesn't mean it's going to be all sunshine and roses. It will be for our ultimate betterment, but we all us must choose how we live our life, God can't choose for us.  Just b/c God told her to marry him, doesn't negate his free will and choice to at some point be a jerk and destroy her family.

It comes down to the age old question of "Why did God let this happen?"

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3 hours ago, yjacket said:

It can be . . .one of the most important lessons to learn is that just because God instructs us to do something doesn't mean it's going to be all sunshine and roses. It will be for our ultimate betterment, but we all us must choose how we live our life, God can't choose for us.  Just b/c God told her to marry him, doesn't negate his free will and choice to at some point be a jerk and destroy her family.

It comes down to the age old question of "Why did God let this happen?"

my theory is that, sometimes G-d places people in a situation in which they have the opportunity to step up to the plate and change their lives. Sometimes the person does not make the right choice and the righteous lds person gets zapped. Righteous lds people exist to serve G-d. Sometimes that service is painful.

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Guest Godless
19 hours ago, David13 said:

Nobody is trivializing it.

Was it or was it not your decision? 

Did you or someone else make the decision?

Who can make the decision for you to come back?

You, or someone else?

dc

Yes, the decision was mine and mine alone. But it was more of a decision to follow my conscience than a deliberate "want" or desire to leave the church. It's like someone who converts to the LDS church from another religion. They don't necessarily want to leave their old religion so much as they want to follow the new one that they feel holds more truth for them. It may seem like a small matter of semantics, but the ideological difference is significant. 

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Guest Godless
19 hours ago, TeresaA said:

I hope you are ok, Godless. I have found myself with the kind of struggles you describe. It guts one to the very core. It turns a person's life upside down. 

Thank you. It's been over 10 years, and I'm fine. It was very hard for a while, but the peace that came with finding (in my opinion) a better worldview made the hardship worth it. 

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8 hours ago, yjacket said:

Part of the problem with modern society, every child has to be "special" or "important". It's not just your daughter but an entire generation who has been quite frankly raised to be spoiled brats (I am not saying your daughter is, just that the her generation is like that) with twitter, facebook, etc.  Everyone's life must be "amazing!!" . . .idiots.  They will learn eventually.  I like this article. . . .http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

What an excellent and easy to understand link.  But it goes beyond truth, it includes the idea that those special ones reading are indeed thinking "but I really am special!"

It may have a deeper infiltration into the LDS world, as I hear the word "Awesome!" far too much from a lot of the young ones.

(Awesome, another word for 'special')

dc

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8 hours ago, yjacket said:

Part of the problem with modern society, every child has to be "special" or "important". It's not just your daughter but an entire generation who has been quite frankly raised to be spoiled brats (I am not saying your daughter is, just that the her generation is like that) with twitter, facebook, etc.  Everyone's life must be "amazing!!" . . .idiots.  They will learn eventually.  I like this article. . . .http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

What an excellent and easy to understand link.  But it goes beyond truth, it includes the idea that those special ones reading are indeed thinking "but I really am special!"

It may have a deeper infiltration into the LDS world, as I hear the word "Awesome!" far too much from a lot of the young ones.

(Awesome, another word for 'special')

dc

46 minutes ago, Godless said:

Thank you. It's been over 10 years, and I'm fine. It was very hard for a while, but the peace that came with finding (in my opinion) a better worldview made the hardship worth it. 

I'm no mind reader, but I can't help but think you are thinking of coming back into the church.

dc

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Guest Godless
11 minutes ago, David13 said:

 

I'm no mind reader, but I can't help but think you are thinking of coming back into the church.

dc

I can assure you that that's not true. Interestingly though, you're not the first person on this site to say that.

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