I'm tired of wearing garments - ladies


macaroon

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This is my first time posting so hopefully I'm doing this right!

I received my endowments in 2003 and I wear my garments everyday even if I exercise (I'm too scared of not wearing them).

Wearing garments make me feel frumpy and ugly.  I think it's pointless to buy a cute bra if I have to wear it on top of the garment and the garment bottom. 

I don't wish to ditch the garments so that I can wear stuff I couldn't wear with them. I've been always modest, even before joining the church, because I have some birth marks and never felt comfortable wearing sleeveless stuff.

I just wish I could feel better about myself and feel confident with what I wear.  It's like if you are wearing a beautiful outfit and new shoes but wearing old socks full of holes! It feels strange.  Another example, I used to wear old t-shirts to go to bed but since I purchased real and proper pajamas I feel like an actual human being and feel great going to bed as strange as it might sound.

Has anyone felt this way and how do you deal with it? 

I've read another thread about lingerie but it was mostly talking about sex. I'm married but I don't have problems with lingerie during intimate moments. My concern is that I don't feel feminine and like a woman wearing garments.

Thanks!

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What's the point in wearing a cute bra if you're just going to put a shirt over it? ?

The times that it would be appropriate to show your cute bra are the times that it's appropriate to not wear your garments. If modesty isnt an issue, maybe consider what's really behind your reluctance to continue wearing garments. 

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Welcome Macaroon.

Reading your post, I couldn't stop thinking that you are missing the point of what wearing the garment is about.

I could tell you what it means to me, you could probably regurgitate what others have said, but none of that will help. I think you need to get personal with Heavenly Father about why HE wants you to wear the garment. Really ask, search for an answer...don't stop until you have a testimony of it. An answer from the Lord will be worth more to you than anything the rest of us could say.

BTW, I always wear cute bras...except for those times when I wear a sexy bra. ;)  It's not a problem. :)

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This has little to do with your issue, so take it or leave it.

The Garment of the Holy Priesthood is the only part of the Temple that is with us every day. It is one of the most important parts. It has the Marks of the Holy Priesthood in it. Just as the Veil of the Temple has them, your garment has them: they are not just reminders, they are the Marks.

Take it or leave it.

Lehi

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Underwear does not a sexy, feminine woman make. Outerwear does not a sexy, feminine woman make. What makes a woman feminine is your attitude, the way you present your self to the world. How you treat others. What you think of yourself.

My mother was probably the most feminine woman on this earth. She was not LDS until very late in life. BUT her underwear was utilitarian, IOW it served it's purpose. Boxy, old lady kinickers, bra that was downright ugly. Slip that was no more than 1 inch above the hem of her dress. Yes, she wore dresses and never, ever pants/slacks. Even her shoes were ugly. She wore them to protect her feet and give support to her arches. 

When Mom came down the stairs in the morning, the look on my Dad's face was pure love. He adored her. NOT the underwear she wore. He loved her modesty. Had they been LDS when us kids were growing up, they both would wear their garments and never thought once whether they were sexy or not. 

 

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1 hour ago, macaroon said:

I just wish I could feel better about myself and feel confident with what I wear.  It's like if you are wearing a beautiful outfit and new shoes but wearing old socks full of holes!

This sentence really bothers me.  If your self esteem depend on clothing.... that's a problem that is not the fault of the garments or anything religious: your INCREDIBLE value as a person is NOT dependent on any clothes.

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21 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

This sentence really bothers me.  If your self esteem depend on clothing.... that's a problem that is not the fault of the garments or anything religious: your INCREDIBLE value as a person is NOT dependent on any clothes.

I don't remember saying I feel less valued or unworthy because I don't like wearing garments so I'm not really sure where you came up with this.

All I'm saying is that I feel ugly wearing them and I wish I didn't. I don't care if no one can see the cute underwear I wish I was wearing because I dress for myself and not for anyone else.  

After I posted this I found another forum where faithful Lds women are expressing similar concerns and I got great ideas from those responses.  Had I read it first I wouldn't have needed to vent here.

 

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I hate to flip this thread around from the talk of the significance of the garment and the value of you as a person and the nature of sexiness but...

Have you ever switched up your garment styles? 

There are a few styles I will run to first and others I will scorn... because of how I feel in them. I get the frumpiness feeling, I do. Hence, why I don't buy certain styles but are all about others.

 

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22 minutes ago, macaroon said:

After I posted this I found another forum where faithful Lds women are expressing similar concerns and I got great ideas from those responses.  Had I read it first I wouldn't have needed to vent here.

Out of pure curiosity, what ideas did you get there? I'm quite intrigued by this thread.

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23 minutes ago, Backroads said:

I hate to flip this thread around from the talk of the significance of the garment and the value of you as a person and the nature of sexiness but...

Have you ever switched up your garment styles? 

There are a few styles I will run to first and others I will scorn... because of how I feel in them. I get the frumpiness feeling, I do. Hence, why I don't buy certain styles but are all about others.

 

That's an idea. I mostly wear drisilque and cotton. Have tried a couple others but I know there are many more options out there these days. Thanks!

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54 minutes ago, Backroads said:

Out of pure curiosity, what ideas did you get there? I'm quite intrigued by this thread.

 

Some people mentioned that nowadays temple workers are telling those taking their endowments that they can decide if they prefer to wear underwear under or above the garments. This would make a huge difference to my problem haha

It also mentions how instructions in the church are interpreted in so many ways that they end up becoming the norm or Lds culture.

I just really enjoyed reading that thread and reading different ideas and experiences.

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Ugh. Words bandied about like "I can't choose what to wear against my own skin" and "modesty enforcement" make me want to roll my eyes, at least, and make me very wary, at worst. Careful going to sites like that, that encourage criticism against holy things. 

Really and truly, this isn't a "pretty" or "sexy" or "forced modesty" (barf) issue. It's an issue of not fully understanding the purpose of the garment and the meaning attached. 

Now discomfort I get, and as Backroads said, there are a lot of different fabrics and cuts to try. But when we get into altering them or wearing petite size when we don't need them just so that we can feel sexy by the world's standards, we might as well not be wearing them at all, if you ask me, because we're not doing it with the purpose and spirit we've covenanted. 

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1 hour ago, macaroon said:

I don't remember saying I feel less valued or unworthy because I don't like wearing garments so I'm not really sure where you came up with this.

Your sentence "I just wish I could feel better about myself and feel confident with what I wear" gave me that impression.  If I was wrong, I apologize.

1 hour ago, macaroon said:

All I'm saying is that I feel ugly wearing them and I wish I didn't. I don't care if no one can see the cute underwear I wish I was wearing because I dress for myself and not for anyone else.  

But how ugly/pretty you are has nothing to do with what you wear....

1 hour ago, macaroon said:

After I posted this I found another forum where faithful Lds women are expressing similar concerns and I got great ideas from those responses. 

Yeah!

Edited by Jane_Doe
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1 hour ago, macaroon said:

I found another forum where faithful Lds women are expressing similar concerns and I got great ideas from those responses.

And those responses were …

Lehi

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4 minutes ago, LeSellers said:

And those responses were …

Lehi

Anything but "study covenants", "ask a temple matron", "go to the temple for the purpose of learning/being reminded of the covenant", or heaven forbid "pray about it". 

Edited by Eowyn
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@macaroon  Personally I now stay away from the website staylds.  I've read too many things there that has me thinking more like sheep in wolves clothing than anything else.  Especially since one of the fellowship sites they list on their home page is the Mormonism Research Ministry which is very anti-Mormon.

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Wear whatever bra you want. You can wear bras next to your skin and not over your garments. I find that if I wear bras over garments that I have the issue of the bra sliding around and even losing the purpose I wear it. So, I choose to wear underwear next to my skin and under my garments. I can honor my covenants and still wear undies underneath my garments.

And wearing cute/sexy underwear doesn't make me feel feminine or ugly. It how I feel about myself that gives me confidence and feelings of femininity or sexiness.

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1 hour ago, pam said:

@macaroon  Personally I now stay away from the website staylds.  I've read too many things there that has me thinking more like sheep in wolves clothing than anything else.  Especially since one of the fellowship sites they list on their home page is the Mormonism Research Ministry which is very anti-Mormon.

I've struggled in the past with questions... and such sites have me running back. The whole vibe "oh, of course you can stay LDS all you want and we won'the judge but we will anyway because you're naive and don't know this and that and this nugget of irevalant fool's gold but yeah, you can be LDS!" Is just so disgustinhly patronizing for those with real questions.

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3 hours ago, Backroads said:

I hate to flip this thread around from the talk of the significance of the garment and the value of you as a person and the nature of sexiness but...

Have you ever switched up your garment styles? 

There are a few styles I will run to first and others I will scorn... because of how I feel in them. I get the frumpiness feeling, I do. Hence, why I don't buy certain styles but are all about others.

 

The carinessa tops and bottoms are more form-fitting and make me feel less "frumpy" in other styles. I'm really petite so everything drowns me, so the carinessa is really nice to have if you want a more fitted look that works with your figure. Maybe that might help! 

There's a lot of good advice on this form though about the importance of the garment---and even when we're living righteous lives and attending the temple regularly, we sometimes need that reminder of what the purpose of this garment truly is. 

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Carinessa is what I wear too.  I'm also petite and got surgery to get woman-boobs.  Somehow, having a husband with bigger boobs than me made me feel less than a woman.  So yeah, I get that feeling of being less than what I am that sounds silly to a lot of people because the size of your breasts is not what makes you woman.  That said... the Carinessa makes it unnecessary for me to wear a bra even when jogging.

So, I'm a convert and my first time wearing garments I was 3 weeks away from delivering my baby so I was bigger than Shamu... so sizing garments was a challenge.  Anyway, I finally had the baby and got regular size garments and realized that most of my closet didn't look/feel good with garments.  But, I was determined to wear my garments as my outward expression of my personal covenant with God... so I spent some weekends taking everything out of my closet.  Everything.  This includes day clothes, house clothes, going out clothes, working out clothes... every single scrap of clothing I had in there... out the closet and onto my bed.  I then went through every single one and decided if I want to keep it or get rid of it.  If it goes good with garments, I kept... if not, it went to the get rid of box (even ones that were modest and covers garments - if it doesn't feel or sit right with my garments, out they went).  After the last piece of clothing was sorted, I ended up with less than 1/4 of my closet left to keep.  But that was fine... I had enough to last a week.  After that, when I get money, I go buy me an outfit... I try them on in the fitting room with my garments.

Anyway, I have lots of stuff that are super cute and nice and sexy, even to my ex-runway-model husband's eyes... that works awesome with the garments.  And that includes my Star Wars pajamas I got from Wal-mart for $8.99.  They are super cute with a nice cut for the shirt that curves on the waistline and cap sleeves making it very feminine so my 2 boys wouldn't have the desire to swipe it... it looks and feels so feminine that I even wore the pajama shirt out in public... on a shopping trip to Wal-mart.  LOL.

Maybe you need one of those closet-overhaul days... we women can use those days at least once in our lives.

Edited by anatess2
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On 5/18/2016 at 3:07 PM, Eowyn said:

<snip> But when we get into altering them or wearing petite size when we don't need them just so that we can feel sexy by the world's standards, we might as well not be wearing them at all, if you ask me, because we're not doing it with the purpose and spirit we've covenanted. 

Bolding is mine

On 5/19/2016 at 6:05 PM, BeccaKirstyn said:

 I'm really petite so everything drowns me, so the carinessa is really nice to have if you want a more fitted look that works with your figure. Maybe that might help! 

Just want to comment on the size issue of the garments. It is amazing that so many sisters don't read the entire site regarding sizing, fitting the garments. [placing a link really isn't advisable here - need to be an endowed member to see this page, but I have copied and pasted the part I am talking about]

 

Quote

 

Special Needs Garments

Some members have a need for garments that meet particular needs. Some surgical procedures such as mastectomies or colostomies may make standard garments uncomfortable or unworkable. Garments adapted to these needs are available through special order.

Special orders are also available for members who are unable to obtain correct sizing in standard garments or who have workplace requirements.

If you have a sizing concern, a medical need, or a special requirement at your workplace please call Customer Support and discuss your situation with a support representative. They will assist you in finding a garment to serve your needs or help you place a special order. All special orders for garments must be placed in quantities of two and must be prepaid. Allow 8-10 weeks for delivery.

 

My sisters are very large women. Very large. One is 5'5" tall and weighs over 600 pounds (sadly she passed away in 2004), one is 5'10" and weighs nearly 400 pounds, and lastly one is 5'8" and weighs nearly 480 pounds. They all must order Special Needs Garments. They went to the distribution center in their city and was measured by the sisters who work there. Then the measurements were sent in for the garments to be made for them.

I also know several women who are so petite that size 00 is too large for them. They also order Special Needs Garments.

If my husband continues to gain weight, we will have to order Special Needs. :eek:

Regarding altering garments. I know Elowyn was not saying this is okay, in fact she is stating that it is not okay as this part of her statement so clearly shows: quote: because we're not doing it with the purpose and spirit we've covenanted.  end quote

After trying nearly all of the fabrics that were available 10 years ago (before that I wore cotton [my two older sisters purchased 14 pairs of them for me] and absolutely hated them), I settled on DriSilque, also DriSilque was the only fabric that I could get the Full Figure tops in. The only feature I don't like is the hems roll up. I wrote and asked if I could put 2" lace on the hems to stop the rolling and was told no, there is to be NO alterations to the garments, not even the adding of lace. So I got the longer legged knickers and the tall tops. Now I see that the hems are finished, so that should put an end to the rolling.

Lastly is a pet peeve of mine. We receive our Endowment. Singular, no S added to the end, thus never plural. https://www.lds.org/search?query=receiving+our+endowment&lang=eng

When I search for endowments - https://www.lds.org/search?lang=eng&query=receiving+our+endowments it is used when the plural of men/women is used.

 

 

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43 minutes ago, Iggy said:

 

Just want to comment on the size issue of the garments. It is amazing that so many sisters don't read the entire site regarding sizing, fitting the garments. [placing a link really isn't advisable here - need to be an endowed member to see this page, but I have copied and pasted the part I am talking about]

 

I think a lot of us are aware of the special orders section on the site. For myself, the carinessa style fits perfectly and is a fabric that I prefer over the others. So I feel no need to special order a different style to ensure it fits properly when they have a style that is more form fitting for my body, which is what the other styles lack for myself. I'm sure many others use special order--everyone's body is unique and doesn't always fall into the "standard" size chart. 

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2 hours ago, BeccaKirstyn said:

I think a lot of us are aware of the special orders section on the site. For myself, the carinessa style fits perfectly and is a fabric that I prefer over the others. So I feel no need to special order a different style to ensure it fits properly when they have a style that is more form fitting for my body, which is what the other styles lack for myself. I'm sure many others use special order--everyone's body is unique and doesn't always fall into the "standard" size chart. 

It is not special ordering styles, it is SIZES.

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25 minutes ago, Iggy said:

It is not special ordering styles, it is SIZES.

Yes, I know exactly what it is. The SIZE of the carniessa tops and bottoms fit perfect for my body. Therefore, I and maybe others do not desire to have special sizes made when there is a specific style (carniessa) that fits just right. But if the OP would like to determine a specialized size for herself, then maybe that would work best for her! 

 

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2 hours ago, Iggy said:

It is not special ordering styles, it is SIZES.

 

1 hour ago, BeccaKirstyn said:

Yes, I know exactly what it is. The SIZE of the carniessa tops and bottoms fit perfect for my body. Therefore, I and maybe others do not desire to have special sizes made when there is a specific style (carniessa) that fits just right. But if the OP would like to determine a specialized size for herself, then maybe that would work best for her! 

 

Becca is right... Some styles have sizes that fit better.  As far as my personal experience with different styles, the DriSilq sits shorter on my leg than the Carinessa.  I can wear DriSilq with my cut-offs (probably because it rides up when I move around and has a curl to the bottom of it) but the Carinessa goes to the top of my knee and stays there, so I can't wear anything shorter than capris.  So, I special ordered my garments.  I'm five-foot-nothing tall...

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