mt_mck7

What should I do now that I'm crushing on this guy who's about to go on his 2 year mission?

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There's this guy who I go to church with, and I brought him to my school's semi-formal back in February. We've started to develop a bit of a relationship, and I've really taken a liking to him. I've realized though that it's not a good time to tell him anything or try to have a deeper connection with him because he's going on a 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (AKA: Mormons or LDS).

For those who don't know, when a guy goes on a 2 year mission for the LDS church, they devote 2 years of their life to teaching and preaching the Gospel. Once they sign their missionary papers, they send them to Salt Lake City where the President of the Church and his two counselors prayerfully decide where this missionary will go. Once the President and his counselors have the missionary papers, that missionary can go in any area in the world except for a few places, but I can't recall them right now. Thankfully, my guy is going to be staying in the United States, and will be Spanish-speaking. I've figured from this that it would be easier for him while he's on his mission to share the gospel, and his testimony if he wasn't constantly thinking about me who he had to leave at home 24/7. So I've decided to help him by not getting too close, and I've been trying to follow my own words of advice, but I have a crush on him. He's super nice to everyone, he works 2 jobs, and knows how to budget money. He's also been saving money for his mission, but I'm not saying that I'm into him only because he has money. If anything, I think he's really smart for saving up money for his mission.

While I've been trying to follow my own words of advice by not getting too close to him, I have written a song or two about him. Songwriting has turned into my outlet through all of this.

As I've said before, I haven't even told this guy that I like him, or anything as well because I don't want him to get side tracked and talk him out of going on his mission. I've heard that if you don't want to tell him that you like him to just send him a letter about a week or two before he comes home and explain to him that you really liked him, and that you still like him (that is if you want to continue the relationship with him). I've considered doing that, and I've written the letter already, but I wanted to get some more ideas. What should I do now that I'm crushing on this guy who's about to go on his mission?

Another thing I forgot to add was that during the **seminary graduation, he had to give a talk, and when he said "Seminary has changed my life" he accidentally said "wife". He obviously corrected it, but I had a feeling he was referring to me for some reason. (I also caught him staring at me before that)

**Seminary is an early morning class for those in high school. Seminary is only held on weekdays (Mon-Fri) and it usually starts as early as 5:30 am and as late as 6:15 am.

Edited by mt_mck7

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Correction.  The President of the Church and his counselors don't decide where missionaries will go. There is a committee for that comprised of a couple of the apostles and members of the missionary department.

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Welcome to the forum MT.  You sound like a very reasonable young woman.  Certainly the letter option you suggested is one option.  You could also wait until he is home to talk about it.  Or you could tell him now as long as you stress that you support him going on a mission and want him to go.  You can write to him the whole two years also.

Something else to consider young men (and young women) experience tremendous growth on their missions.  You need to make sure that you are doing things to help you grow as well.  Working hard to increase your knowledge and testimony of the gospel i a great starting place.  You didn't say how old you are, but if you can go to college while he is gone that would give you some new growth experiences, especially if you leave home to go to college.  

Keep up the song-writing.  That is a wonderful way to express yourself, and you will likely find that it helps you express other things as well.  As you probably know, sometimes missionaries come home and marry someone they knew before the mission and sometimes not.  One of my favorite stories is that of Pres. Benson and his wife, Flora.  They dated before his mission.  He left, and came back and they began dating again.  But the Spirit told her that he would not accomplish all he should if they married right away so SHE went on a mission!  He waited for her and when she came home, at last they were married.

The moral of my story is this:  Heavenly Father loves you and He wants you to be happy.  Even happier than you are right now. Whether it will be with this young man or not, I can't say, but it is certainly possible (like Pres. and Sis. Benson).  Support this young man in his effort to serve the Lord, make sure you are having growth experiences of your own, and then trust the Lord to guide you to the happiness and joy that He wants for all His children.

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Just because a guy has a girlfriend while on his mission doesn't mean that he isn't going to be as good of a missionary or that his girl will be a hindrance.  It depends on how he chooses to treat the situation and how she chooses to act as well.  I met my future wife when I was 17 and I knew the night we met that she was the one.  Two years later to the day I was set apart as a missionary.  She never once did anything to try and discourage me from serving a mission, in fact she was very encouraging and told me that first night that really like guys who were planning to serve a mission.  I didn't need her encouragement, serving a mission was something I wanted to do since I was quite young, but the fact that she encourage me to go was something that made me respect and love her more.

She didn't write me letters that distracted me from the work, and I was motivated to be a missionary that she would be proud of.  There were hard times where her kind words really helped, and often she was the only one I could pour out my heart to. I didn't wish I was back with her, I wished she could be there sharing my mission.

I don't know your or your or your guy so I can't say if it would be like that for you, you have to make that call yourself based on your knowledge of him and on prayer.  You can tell him you have feelings for him and that it's very important to you that you don't interfere with his mission, ask him how he thinks the two of you should handle it.  It concerns him too. 

Whatever the case, write to him and keep that connection alive whether it is as a friend or as a girlfriend.  And while he is away, keep your eyes open.  Use him as a standard to measure other guys against as you get to know them.  If you can't find somebody better them him over the next two years then he wins a chance to continue and expand his relationship with you and you have the security of knowing you have someone lined up for later so there is no pressure to get into a relationship with somebody else now.  You can be picky, you can wait. 

If this becomes a case of you are his girlfriend and waiting for him, you both need to be clear and agree on just what that means.  Make sure you know what kind of relationships with other guys he would be OK with and what he would feel was being disloyal.  At what point would a Dear John letter be appropriate?  I've seen some girls think that anything is fine and they would only Dear John a missionary if they got engaged.  And I've known guys that felt deeply betrayed over their girlfriend sharing a kiss with another guy.  You need to be on the same page if you go there.

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22 hours ago, mt_mck7 said:

What should I do now that I'm crushing on this guy who's about to go on his mission?

Well, I guess since nobody else is willing to take one for the team, you can crush on me.

Unless you're psycho, that is.  If you are, then crush on mirkwood.  His +4 Hat of Involuntary Chastity will protect him. :P

Edited by NightSG

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22 hours ago, pam said:

Correction.  The President of the Church and his counselors don't decide where missionaries will go. There is a committee for that comprised of a couple of the apostles and members of the missionary department.

Something I learned the hard way on my mission was that the Mission President doesn't make the transfers, God does.  I'm pretty sure the same can be said about mission calls.

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6 hours ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

Something I learned the hard way on my mission was that the Mission President doesn't make the transfers, God does.  I'm pretty sure the same can be said about mission calls.

Oh I agree with that.  I just wanted to clarify that the Prophet and his counselors don't sit and make all of the decisions as to where missionaries will go.   With the tens of thousands currently out, if they were the 3 that made the decisions they would get nothing else done. :)

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On 22/05/2016 at 2:50 PM, mt_mck7 said:

There's this guy who I go to church with, and I brought him to my school's semi-formal back in February. We've started to develop a bit of a relationship, and I've really taken a liking to him. I've realized though that it's not a good time to tell him anything or try to have a deeper connection with him because he's going on a 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (AKA: Mormons or LDS).

For those who don't know, when a guy goes on a 2 year mission for the LDS church, they devote 2 years of their life to teaching and preaching the Gospel. Once they sign their missionary papers, they send them to Salt Lake City where the President of the Church and his two counselors prayerfully decide where this missionary will go. Once the President and his counselors have the missionary papers, that missionary can go in any area in the world except for a few places, but I can't recall them right now. Thankfully, my guy is going to be staying in the United States, and will be Spanish-speaking. I've figured from this that it would be easier for him while he's on his mission to share the gospel, and his testimony if he wasn't constantly thinking about me who he had to leave at home 24/7. So I've decided to help him by not getting too close, and I've been trying to follow my own words of advice, but I have a crush on him. He's super nice to everyone, he works 2 jobs, and knows how to budget money. He's also been saving money for his mission, but I'm not saying that I'm into him only because he has money. If anything, I think he's really smart for saving up money for his mission.

While I've been trying to follow my own words of advice by not getting too close to him, I have written a song or two about him. Songwriting has turned into my outlet through all of this.

As I've said before, I haven't even told this guy that I like him, or anything as well because I don't want him to get side tracked and talk him out of going on his mission. I've heard that if you don't want to tell him that you like him to just send him a letter about a week or two before he comes home and explain to him that you really liked him, and that you still like him (that is if you want to continue the relationship with him). I've considered doing that, and I've written the letter already, but I wanted to get some more ideas. What should I do now that I'm crushing on this guy who's about to go on his mission?

Another thing I forgot to add was that during the **seminary graduation, he had to give a talk, and when he said "Seminary has changed my life" he accidentally said "wife". He obviously corrected it, but I had a feeling he was referring to me for some reason. (I also caught him staring at me before that)

**Seminary is an early morning class for those in high school. Seminary is only held on weekdays (Mon-Fri) and it usually starts as early as 5:30 am and as late as 6:15 am.

I wish you would say something sooner than later, unlike me who waited around for too long and lost EVERYTHING.

I should have listed to myself and not trends of morality.

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5 hours ago, letmeoff said:

I should have listed to myself and not trends of morality.

And here is where the teachings of the gospel comes in... we listen to God and not "trends of morality" (whatever that means).  God's morality doesn't "trend".  It is what it is.

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3 hours ago, anatess2 said:

And here is where the teachings of the gospel comes in... we listen to God and not "trends of morality" (whatever that means).  God's morality doesn't "trend".  It is what it is.

Yes I agree and if God ever wanted me to wipe out a whole town because of their wickedness, I wouldn't hesitate.

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1 minute ago, letmeoff said:

Yes I agree and if God ever wanted me to wipe out a whole town because of their wickedness, I wouldn't hesitate.

You shouldn't.  But first you have to make sure it's God that's telling you to do so... that means, you'll have to know God first.

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1 minute ago, anatess2 said:

You shouldn't.  But first you have to make sure it's God that's telling you to do so... that means, you'll have to know God first.

Hilarious :)

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