A lonely mormon


Tbone
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I have been a member of the church going on 23 years I live in a small country town of about 40,000 people the church has a small branch I am a convert I have come and gone from church many times because of my own bad choices but its really sad when the only people that come to my little flat are the missionaries no other members have visited me to check to see if I am all right after my marriage fell apart. We call each other brothers and sisters but treat each other like we don't won't to know anyone I am struggling to stay active yes I have spoken to my branch president still no one seems to care 

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25 minutes ago, Tbone said:

I have been a member of the church going on 23 years I live in a small country town of about 40,000 people the church has a small branch I am a convert I have come and gone from church many times because of my own bad choices but its really sad when the only people that come to my little flat are the missionaries no other members have visited me to check to see if I am all right after my marriage fell apart. We call each other brothers and sisters but treat each other like we don't won't to know anyone I am struggling to stay active yes I have spoken to my branch president still no one seems to care 

Everybody is working on their own failures.  Give them a chance.  Forgive them.  Or give them a leg up.  Tell the branch you want to serve whoever needs help.  Volunteer for everything.  You are a brother (or sister?) too.

Hope things get better.

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Hello Tbone,

I am sorry that you find yourself in a situation that you feel lonely. Being lonely, is well, a lonely place to be. I am glad you found "us" here. We are happy to be a support to you and act as surrogate members of your branch. There are several members here that find themselves in similar circumstances when it comes to a small branch and few members in their area. One of the blessings of modern times is that you can connect with others like us remotely and find spiritual strengthen that way. I greatly enjoy my interactions here on lds.net and find the quality of members here to be uplifting and a strength. So again... welcome!

When it comes to member's "outreach" or the lack thereof, I am reminded of a couple of key points:

1. No one is paid in the Branch. Every bit of outreach is done out of free service. Every time someone is off visiting another it is time that they are not doing something they might need to personally do themselves, at their own home, with their own family. 

2. As we look at others and wonder "why aren't they visiting ME?", we should also look in the mirror and say, "When was the last time I went and visited them?". Service to one another is a two way street. I would encourage you to visit others in your Branch. Take a little treat, say hi, reintroduce yourself if haven't been to church in a while. There is no requirement to wait for them, you can take the first step instead!

3. Become friends with members, not simply "Brother and Sister". As friends, you will naturally look out and visit each other anyways. 

4. Make sure you have a calling. Callings will naturally put you in contact with other members and help open doors to becoming a friend.

Well, those are just a couple of thoughts. Welcome again! 

Edited by NeedleinA
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30 minutes ago, Tbone said:

We call each other brothers and sisters but treat each other like we don't won't to know anyone I am struggling to stay active yes I have spoken to my branch president still no one seems to care 

It's difficult all around.  They may just not know how to approach you.  They may not know if you're ready to have them come over.  Fie on the home teacher.

If someone (say a HT) were to ask you if you needed anything, what would you tell them?  How would you expect them to approach you?  What would you expect them to do?  If you can envision that (them approaching you) what can you do to encourage that situation to happen?

It is difficult for everyone in every situation.  I recently had a tragedy hit our home.  And I even had a call from the home teacher.  But I told them everything was fine just because I'm not supposed to be one of the needy ones. (maybe a little pride).  And truthfully, I should be able to take care of it on my own.  But it is just very difficult to get things done.

You're problem is more emotional and mine is more physical.  But the fact is that I should be able to deal with this.  Even though I should, I don't know if I can.  But I shouldn't be asking for help on this.  How do you feel about your problems?

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Welcome, @Tbone!  We're glad you're here.  I second the suggestion to request a calling - not because it will give you opportunities to interact with branch members (though it may), but because it brings spiritual blessings, and you need those.

The last time I was seriously lonely, I discovered (after it was over), that I had been withdrawing myself from everything - people, the hobbies / past-times I enjoyed, scripture study & prayer, curiosity, etc.  I had been sure that I needed someone else to come to me.  Turns out, I needed to be more me - do all the things I knew made me happy.  That doesn't mean you're in the same situation, but I offer it as a suggestion: is there something you always used to do but don't anymore?  Why not?  Are you studying your scriptures and praying daily?  Why not?  Are you exploring new things to learn / do?  Why not?   (I offer these questions for self-reflection - you don't have to reply here.)   I know it's hard to do these things without a friend with you, but try, and you might pick up friends along the way.

And we'll keep you company along the way, and celebrate your successes, and encourage you when you need it. :)

PS: Now I want a steak...

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Guest MormonGator

I am so sorry it's happening to you. You are in my prayers Tbone. To second what the amazing Zil said-we're glad you are here. 

Keep posting here, first off. It's a great community full of wonderful people. 

Second-get involved and get active. Make sure everyone knows that you are there and you want to be a part of the LDS community. Don't let these people off the hook! Call them, set up appointments, go home teaching. Eventually you'll find out they are great people. 

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Tbone, I'm so sorry.  I understand where you are coming from.  There are times in my life when I have felt immensely supported by my ward family, but at the time I needed support them the most, I felt abandoned.  It is hard.  People don't mean to let you down, we're just fallible humans, you know?  You can count on Christ, Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost to never let you down. 

I'm glad you found us. We will do our best to support you. :) 

Edited by LiterateParakeet
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1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Tell the branch you want to serve whoever needs help.  Volunteer for everything.  You are a brother (or sister?) too.

Hope things get better.

That is an excellent idea!  By helping others you help yourself too!

 

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6 hours ago, Tbone said:

I have been a member of the church going on 23 years I live in a small country town of about 40,000 people the church has a small branch I am a convert I have come and gone from church many times because of my own bad choices but its really sad when the only people that come to my little flat are the missionaries no other members have visited me to check to see if I am all right after my marriage fell apart. We call each other brothers and sisters but treat each other like we don't won't to know anyone I am struggling to stay active yes I have spoken to my branch president still no one seems to care 

Maybe choose a new path.

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7 minutes ago, letmeoff said:

Maybe choose a new path.

You do know lds in lds.net stands for Latter-day Saints, right?  You know, the religious organization?  How would you like it if we go to a biotheist site and start telling y'all struggling with life to go "choose a new path"?

You need to back off and rethink your approach... like explaining yourself better with more words or something.

Edited by anatess2
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2 hours ago, anatess2 said:

You do know lds in lds.net stands for Latter-day Saints, right?  You know, the religious organization?  How would you like it if we go to a biotheist site and start telling y'all struggling with life to go "choose a new path"?

You need to back off and rethink your approach... like explaining yourself better with more words or something.

Well I'm always finding new paths Anatess, even in my field. However I do retain certain principles and their core theories. But any of my theories can change, so long as I have sufficient enough evidence to support the change. 

Can you say the same for the LDS

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*putting on my admin hat*

Let me please remind people that this is an LDS site.  And this particular forum is to help and encourage those who are having a hard time and provide some suggestions that are appropriate for LDS members.  We do not encourage them to look away from the LDS religion.  

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10 hours ago, letmeoff said:

Well I'm always finding new paths Anatess, even in my field. However I do retain certain principles and their core theories. But any of my theories can change, so long as I have sufficient enough evidence to support the change. 

Can you say the same for the LDS

Most of us here are LDS because we found that path.  We have a testimony of its truth.  A testimony is not just some ponderings in our heads or some logical study that makes sense or even something we tried and it made us happy at that moment.  No.  A testimony is a WITNESS.  It's imprinted in our souls through our exercise of faith.  It's not just some theory that can change with "sufficient enough evidence".  It has very deep roots that guide the way we live our lives and is proven time and time and time again through a millenia of experiences.  Hence the stories of scripture that bear witness to such to which our own experiences are also added as we apply these principles to our own lives.

 

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Tbone, to just add to what everyone has said: The gospel is love and service. The church, especially small branches, doesn't always reach that goal. But the real goal, for now, is to keep learning that the gospel is love and service.

I like what other people have recommended - reach out and become the person who visits and serves others. Of course that way you will be less lonely too. It sounds like your branch needs you.

Best wishes to you

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17 minutes ago, zil said:

Amen to that!

Tbone, we need you here too! The more people here the better. Hold on to the book of Mormon and the Bible and keep praying. That might be the most important thing to do. 

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Tbone I think sometimes all of us allow our lives to get so busy and so complicated that we forget how to actually fellowship those that we come into contact with at church.  But I do agree with a couple of the comments in regards to offering service to others.  Hang in there.  I wish you the best.

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On June 2, 2016 at 1:29 PM, Tbone said:

I have been a member of the church going on 23 years I live in a small country town of about 40,000 people the church has a small branch I am a convert I have come and gone from church many times because of my own bad choices but its really sad when the only people that come to my little flat are the missionaries no other members have visited me to check to see if I am all right after my marriage fell apart. We call each other brothers and sisters but treat each other like we don't won't to know anyone I am struggling to stay active yes I have spoken to my branch president still no one seems to care 

Invite the missionaries over for dinner...instant family! 

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The missionaries?  That's like paying someone to be your friend. 

I think the best bet is visit the elderly, the sick, the lame, etc.

I have long known that there are many old people out there, the kids (now adult) never visit, friends are gone etc.  And they love to have a visitor.

dc

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3 hours ago, David13 said:

The missionaries?  That's like paying someone to be your friend. 

 

How is that paying someone to be your friend?  You are providing service to the missionaries by feeding them.  

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1 hour ago, pam said:

How is that paying someone to be your friend?  You are providing service to the missionaries by feeding them.  

Pam

That was not meant to be a real scientific analogy or homily.  Just more of an off the cuff statement.

I know that we are supposed to feed them.  And I do.

But that does not mean that they are my friends.  They are paid professional proselytizers, or paying professionals.  Full timers.  

We are supposed to feed them no matter what, not to have friends.

And, getting back to my suggestions, as seen above, there are many elderly single, widowed people in and around the ward.  They need a friend.  They need someone to come along and pay them a visit.  I have been doing that all my life, and they have told me how much they appreciate it.  How the kids (adults) don't come around or call, etc.  And how nobody comes to visit them.  But me.

You know, I doubt if there is anyone more poor old sad and lonely and friendless than me on this forum.  And the best cure I know of, for me, and for others should they choose to do it, is to get out there and visit the elderly,  The widowed, or even an old couple.

dc

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8 hours ago, David13 said:

Pam

That was not meant to be a real scientific analogy or homily.  Just more of an off the cuff statement.

I know that we are supposed to feed them.  And I do.

But that does not mean that they are my friends.  They are paid professional proselytizers, or paying professionals.  Full timers.  

We are supposed to feed them no matter what, not to have friends.

And, getting back to my suggestions, as seen above, there are many elderly single, widowed people in and around the ward.  They need a friend.  They need someone to come along and pay them a visit.  I have been doing that all my life, and they have told me how much they appreciate it.  How the kids (adults) don't come around or call, etc.  And how nobody comes to visit them.  But me.

You know, I doubt if there is anyone more poor old sad and lonely and friendless than me on this forum.  And the best cure I know of, for me, and for others should they choose to do it, is to get out there and visit the elderly,  The widowed, or even an old couple.

dc

And why can't they become friends?  When I was growing up, my home was the "home away from home" for the Elders.  I seriously don't remember a time that we didn't have a set of Elders at our house just hanging out.  That was 40+ years ago and I'm still in contact with many of those same Elders.

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On 6/4/2016 at 1:23 AM, David13 said:

But that does not mean that they are my friends.  They are paid professional proselytizers, or paying professionals.  Full timers.  

 

Not sure what you mean by "paying professionals", but it's just as lonely to be 18 or thereabouts being sooooo far from home giving up 2 years of your life while a lot of your friends are getting on with theirs.  They need you to be their friend, not just a - I'm feeding you because I feel I have to, but I'm not your friend.

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