Latter-Day Marriage Posted August 2, 2016 Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 On 2016-07-29 at 0:08 PM, omegaseamaster75 said: How old are you guys? You are in direct control of your body and how you look. Are you working out regularly? do you eat right? do you take care of your skin? do you dress well and wear clothing that fits your body type? If your overweight and things are saggy go to the gym. You can't fix your spouse he has to want to do that for himself but you can fix you. First of all, no, you don't have direct control of how you look. There are things you can do to influence how you look, but there are other things beyond your control, genetics, medical conditions, damage from accidents etc. Second, NOBODY should have to buy or earn love by their looks. That old wrinkled couple with the balding husband and overweight wife who have been married for 50 years should be more deeply in love with each other than when they were young thin attractive newlyweds if they were both doing the right things for their marriage. I could easily point out the signs of age and the result of bearing 6 children on my wife's body, but she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me and always will be because when I see her, I see the woman I shared my wife with, the woman who was happy to marry me when I had nothing, the woman who stood beside me at my lowest point, the woman who means more to me than any other person in the world. I no longer look like Christopher Reeve and she no longer looks like Molly Ringwald but so what. If your love can't transcend physical attributes then it is not love. tesuji and zil 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2016 Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 On 8/1/2016 at 1:27 PM, Carborendum said: It's better to look good than to feel good. And let me tell you something, dahling... you, look, mah-velous. flirting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter-Day Marriage Posted August 2, 2016 Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 On 2016-07-29 at 9:31 AM, unseen said: I'm interested in hearing from older couples and how they were able to handle getting old together. My spouse and I are having problems. We now sleep in separate rooms from one another, work schedules are different and we are both very busy so every second of sleep counts - the difference between 6 hrs and 7hrs a night etc. Also, my spouse gets horrible headaches if they have disrupted sleep so they cannot sleep with another person. Anyways, this combined with our changing now old ugly bodies means we have not been with one another for a very long time, and that is taking a toll on me. I feel like we are not married, I feel ugly and unloved. You know the Harlow study on monkeys? I feel like one of those baby monkeys - alone. I talked to my spouse about it a week ago,he said he was sorry and that he did still love me. We went to the temple together and he has now started holding my hand, but that is it. We still sleep in separate rooms. I used to have my cloths upstairs even though I have not slept up there for a long time. He suggested that I switch the craft closet for mycloths closet, and yesterday I made it official - I moved all of my cloths downstairs. He now has his side of the house,l and I have mine. We are polite and friendly to one another, love one another in a friendly sort of way, but ourmarriage feels like it is over. I'm now too old and ugly to have anything more than a friendship. I tell myself it doesn't matter, at least he's a good guy, he works, he's a good father - but I am just depressed, and I don't think it is healthy for the kids. What to do? Getting old isn't the problem. It's a matter of doing the things that keep a marriage healthy. A young newlywed couple would have the same issues if they were doing the same things. There is no such things as 'too old' or 'too ugly' to have a satisfying relationship with your spouse. Sex is not for only the young and beautiful. I've been married to my wife for over 27 years and our sex life is far, far better than it was in the early years of our marriage. We know each others bodies and likes, what works and what should never be attempted. You are unhappy because you have a legitimate need for intimacy that is not being met. His need for that is not being met either and it leaves both of you more vulnerable to temptation try and fill that need with porn, masturbation, affairs etc. You are to be 'one flesh' not roommates. And you are right that this is not a healthy example to set for your kids. Physical separation will create emotional separation. The work schedules etc. are something that can be worked around. It isn't that hard to get up and quietly get dressed and off to work while the other spouse sleeps. It isn't hard to quietly get undressed and slip into bed while the other spouse is asleep too. I would far rather have a slight disturbance to my sleep and be there to get a goodbye kiss from my wife as she heads out than have her up and leave with me asleep and unaware. It may be that your husband has sleep apnea. That would explain the headaches and being easily awoken, he is not getting enough oxygen when he sleeps so he never gets into the deep restful sleep phase. If he snores or gets up to pee a lot in the night, or stops breathing for a short time then gasps for air in his sleep that is a big sign. It can be a serious health issue. Sleep apnea can lead to damage to the heart muscle due to low blood oxygen and that will greatly shorten a person's life. Low blood oxygen will also cause the headaches. It is easily treated. Encourage him to get a sleep study done to make sure this is not an issue. Please go to your husband and tell him that you want a better marriage than this. Ask him to agree to share a bedroom with you again. Perhaps you need up upsize to a king sized bed with a mattress that will make it easier for you to not disturbe the sleep of the other. Perhaps you need to use a separate room for dressing, but still share a bedroom. Even two separate beds in the same room is better than separate rooms, but sharing a bed would be best of all. On top of that, be physically affectionate with him. You don't have to wait for him to do something, you take his hand, you kiss him, you hug him, you cuddle into him while sitting in church or watching a movie, you invite him out on a date, or to to make love with you. Tell him how much you appreciate the things he does, what you look up to him and rely on him for. Do nice things for him, hide a love note for him where he will find it. Satan will tell you all kinds of lies to keep you from doing those things, he likes that you are unhappy and wants to keep you there. Reject his lies. Your husband married you for a reason, help him remember it. tesuji and zil 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter-Day Marriage Posted August 2, 2016 Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) duplicate Edited August 2, 2016 by Latter-Day Marriage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter-Day Marriage Posted August 2, 2016 Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 On 2016-07-29 at 1:49 PM, unseen said: I'm old enough to have varicose veins, scars, and a few other things that exercise will not fix. I specifically stated that I was "interested in hearing from older couples" who could fill me in on what a marriage is when you get older. so, to the older people out there - what is marriage like when you get old? when it is not about physical attraction anymore? Can you hve a healthy relationship without physical attraction? If there is nothing there but physical attraction, than imo that is a pretty superficial relationship anyways, and I am not interested in that... I've been married 27 years, I have varicose veins, things I just have to live with, and my weight right now is about the same as what our combined weight was when we got married. After blessing me with 6 wonderful kids her body is not the same as it was back then either. So what. I love her, I am attracted to her on every level. I love to watch her dry her hair naked after she showers and hold and touch and kiss her. She is my desire and I'm hers. We make love with more passion and more often than we did in the early years of our marriage when we were both really good looking. It isn't about looking hot, it is about making love to a PERSON, not a body. Sex is so much more than physical and age and it's toll on a person's body doesn't mean your spouse can't be physically attracted to you. In short, marriage can get better with age, if you make that happen. The two of you can make your marriage better too if you work together at it. Even if you work at it alone it will get better, and that may be what he needs to inspire him to try. Porn is something that really destroys a man's ability to have a loving relationship with his wife though. Even when the wife is young and hot and willing to engage him sexually, porn will re-wire a guy's mind in a way that distances himself from her and blocks feelings of love and attraction. It isn't about her not being enough for him, it is a sickness, an addiction. I hope it has nothing to do with what is happening with your husband. tesuji and zil 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter-Day Marriage Posted August 2, 2016 Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 Any woman who has a Christlike spirit plus good grooming and hygiene is somebody a Christlike man can find attractive. JonnieZ and tesuji 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2016 Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) 2 hours ago, Latter-Day Marriage said: That old wrinkled couple with the balding husband and overweight wife who have been married for 50 years should be more deeply in love with each other than when they were young thin attractive newlyweds if they were both doing the right things for their marriage. I was just comforting my wife with that same thought. She's self-conscious about her weight because after 7 kids... She's also sad that her light golden hair has changed to light brown with some touches of grey -- after 20 years, things happen. While I am on some level aware of these changes, I just don't notice it. I look at her and I still see the woman I married, but... better. I see the years of our lives together. I see the blessing she has been in my life. I see the blessing she is to my babies. Yes, even my 17-y.o. is still my baby. I feel the joy in our relationship and the comfort of her company. I honestly believe she could get an entirely scarred and wrinkly face and put on another 100 pounds and I probably wouldn't think anything of it -- other than possible health issues. Edited August 2, 2016 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2016 Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) 2 hours ago, Eowyn said: flirting Ok. Miranda Otto looks mmmah-velous. Oops. Now I'm flirting with Miranda. Doh!! Edited August 2, 2016 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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