Would I get shunned if I don't want to have kids in the LDS church?


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1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

I apologize if this sounded like it was meant to be harsh.  I meant it to be playful.  

My point was that everyone does things that are stupid (insert your substitute word here).  Myself included.  But I think we all need to be more forgiving of others (and ourselves) who just do things becuase they just don't know better.  They don't realize it hurts.  It's just stuff people do.  And whenever someone experiences something negative, they can choose to be "offended" or we can make allowance for people when they just don't stop to think about it much.

So... a few months ago, I asked a sister who has 5 kids... You seem close, when are you due?  She replied - I'm not pregnant.

Yes.  I did this.  I did.  And yes, I was mortified.  And yes, I apologized profusely over and over.  She laughed so hard I thought she was really pregnant and was just pulling my leg.  Nope.  She really was not pregnant...

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Some people will judge you for this, but that is their bad. And in general you will find this to be an exception rather than the rule.

You will definitely hear in relief society, and maybe from the occasional member or visiting or home teacher, that God has commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth.

If I were you, I'd probably just roll my eyes at this. God also doesn't want you to start making babies that you don't want. And it is between you and your spouse to decide with God if/when you feel ready to have kids, and its not anyone else's business (even though some people think its their business). Some people will look down on you, but a majority of people in the church will respect your decision, or not care.

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1 hour ago, rpframe said:

Some people will judge you for this, but that is their bad. And in general you will find this to be an exception rather than the rule.

You will definitely hear in relief society, and maybe from the occasional member or visiting or home teacher, that God has commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth.

If I were you, I'd probably just roll my eyes at this. God also doesn't want you to start making babies that you don't want. And it is between you and your spouse to decide with God if/when you feel ready to have kids, and its not anyone else's business (even though some people think its their business). Some people will look down on you, but a majority of people in the church will respect your decision, or not care.

Amen. So true. 

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2 hours ago, rpframe said:

Some people will judge you for this, but that is their bad. And in general you will find this to be an exception rather than the rule.

You will definitely hear in relief society, and maybe from the occasional member or visiting or home teacher, that God has commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth.

If I were you, I'd probably just roll my eyes at this. God also doesn't want you to start making babies that you don't want. And it is between you and your spouse to decide with God if/when you feel ready to have kids, and its not anyone else's business (even though some people think its their business). Some people will look down on you, but a majority of people in the church will respect your decision, or not care.

No, this is bogus and incorrect doctrine, I don't know where to begin.

It is absolutely unequivocal; the prophets, scriptures, modern day revelation, etc. have stated that bearing and rearing children is absolutely essential and is no if/ands/or buts a commandment. Those who ignore this commandment are free to do so and no member of the Church should ever shun those who decide not to have children-but make no mistake raising children isn't a "oh it'd be nice to" or "well we'd just rather not have children", it is a Commandment.  Those who don't heed this commandment do so to their own peril and own unhappiness and will one day stand before the Judgment bar to account for this grievous disobedience of God's 1st Commandment.

October 2011: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng&_r=1

https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/birth-control?lang=eng

Now, there are certainly some cases where I believe the Lord will be merciful to us in a couple's decision to not have children-i.e. the parents are known to carry a horrible genetic issue with a high chance of passing it on-the mother has an issue in childbirth and subsequent children run the high-risk of death to the mother, etc.

Edited by yjacket
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2 hours ago, yjacket said:

No, this is bogus and incorrect doctrine, I don't know where to begin.

It is absolutely unequivocal; the prophets, scriptures, modern day revelation, etc. have stated that bearing and rearing children is absolutely essential and is no if/ands/or buts a commandment. Those who ignore this commandment are free to do so and no member of the Church should ever shun those who decide not to have children-but make no mistake raising children isn't a "oh it'd be nice to" or "well we'd just rather not have children", it is a Commandment.  Those who don't heed this commandment do so to their own peril and own unhappiness and will one day stand before the Judgment bar to account for this grievous disobedience of God's 1st Commandment.

October 2011: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng&_r=1

https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/birth-control?lang=eng

Now, there are certainly some cases where I believe the Lord will be merciful to us in a couple's decision to not have children-i.e. the parents are known to carry a horrible genetic issue with a high chance of passing it on-the mother has an issue in childbirth and subsequent children run the high-risk of death to the mother, etc.

As you point out at the end there, it is a far more complicated issue than it is at face value.

But the point still stands... the OP's original question was twofold. Will she get shunned? (not really) And could she be a worthy member? (Yes, including holding a temple recommend).

The choice to have children is a very complicated and personal decision (especially for women). The only person she should feel pressured by to have children is God, and that may come in time as she develops her relationship with him.

I assure you that God does not intend women to keep popping out babies that they don't want and sending them to government organizations to potentially be adopted.

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I have not meet anyone in the church who would shun someone for not having kids..and I have met some rather odd characters! I have met people who will tactlessly ask why you do not have kids...they ask me, I am single, and gasp when the answer is 'no kids' and I am, yeah, single! But they don't shun you...anyone who did shun you would be doing you a favor as I am sure that you do not want to talk to them anyway! 

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Commandments are for us to achieve higher levels of happiness.  No one is required to follow any commandment, and no one is required to follow a commandment that makes them miserable if they are not committed to it.  Having kids is a commandment, but not every one wants to commit to it.  They may or may not regret that decision later in life, but it may be the right decision for them.  This applies to going on a mission, to accept a calling, to marrying a member vs a non-member, to attending church weekly, to paying tithing to not getting a tattoo. They are to benefit us, if we commit to them, but not everyone does, and not everyone can.  But I would say, the rewards are greater than we can ever imagine, particularly from an eternal perspective. So, people will naturally want you to share in what they see as eternal blessings that you just aren't wanting.  So, that's what the motivation is, it's not out of rejection or anger. 

Edited by bytebear
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On September 4, 2016 at 0:44 PM, Jackie said:

I am investigating the LDS church and just begun reading The Book of Mormon. I'm female and in my mid 20's.

I did go to one Sunday church meeting and discovered a lot of emphasis on women and having a family with children.

I personally don't want any kids in my lifetime. I've always held that position for a very long time. Even though I have a boyfriend for 4 years already. He respects my choice.

Would I get shunned or not be a worthy member if I do get baptized in the future and not want a family with children?

Thank you. This is my main concern.

 

 

 

 

These are the normal/usual questions for an unmarried young adult in my Mormon family.

When are you going to get married?

After getting married: when are you going to have kids?

IMO Unmarried, living with a boyfriend will get you get you on a mud list with a lot of people. No children will get the when-are-you-having-kids question, a lot, but on the mud list of only a few people.

 

 

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So, currently, I'm starting my list of financially stable people without kids... I just received this year's fund-raising kit for my middle schooler...  if you were in my ward, I'd be asking you to go through the fund-raising catalog.  You're probably gonna end up with a bunch of these... :)

We try not to give this to people with kids because we don't want to have to be obligated to buy from their kids' catalogs when they do their fund-raising.  Hah!

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36 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

So, currently, I'm starting my list of financially stable people without kids... I just received this year's fund-raising kit for my middle schooler...  if you were in my ward, I'd be asking you to go through the fund-raising catalog.  You're probably gonna end up with a bunch of these... :)

We try not to give this to people with kids because we don't want to have to be obligated to buy from their kids' catalogs when they do their fund-raising.  Hah!

She asked me to donate but I donate anything to FSU fans. 

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11 hours ago, Blueskye2 said:

These are the normal/usual questions for an unmarried young adult in my Mormon family.

When are you going to get married?

After getting married: when are you going to have kids?

IMO Unmarried, living with a boyfriend will get you get you on a mud list with a lot of people. No children will get the when-are-you-having-kids question, a lot, but on the mud list of only a few people.

 

 

I don't want to get married. I don't live with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is a very stressed out individual with bad anger issues. I can't marry a guy like that, even though we're been in a relationship for 4-5 years.

 

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16 minutes ago, Jackie said:

I don't want to get married. I don't live with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is a very stressed out individual with bad anger issues. I can't marry a guy like that, even though we're been in a relationship for 4-5 years.

 

Dear Jackie,

I sympathize. I was married to someone like this and chose not to have children because I did not want to bring up children with someone with that type of problem. You may enjoy the community of the church. Wishing you the best!

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43 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

Dear Jackie,

I sympathize. I was married to someone like this and chose not to have children because I did not want to bring up children with someone with that type of problem. You may enjoy the community of the church. Wishing you the best!

Thank you.

A lot of people have said to me to break off the relationship with my boyfriend, but sometimes he can be a good guy...just a little bit at a time. He is an arrogant guy with lots of family problems that contributes to his impulsive nature. Plus the anger/frustration he gets from work/anyone that "ticks" him off. It's like a rushing steam train going off its tracks.

I try to calm him down. Thankfully he's never been in trouble with anyone.

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4 hours ago, Jackie said:

Thank you.

A lot of people have said to me to break off the relationship with my boyfriend, but sometimes he can be a good guy...just a little bit at a time. He is an arrogant guy with lots of family problems that contributes to his impulsive nature. Plus the anger/frustration he gets from work/anyone that "ticks" him off. It's like a rushing steam train going off its tracks.

I try to calm him down. Thankfully he's never been in trouble with anyone.

Well I know just you feel! Two separate households has its advantages. In a way you are always dating. I have had friends who have long term relationships and do not live together. There are good things about this lifestyle! 

Best Wishes,

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