What advice would you give someone considering divorce over income?


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51 minutes ago, Dillon said:

Most people will marry for money, expect to be divorced, says Wall Street Journal

 

Among the women in their twenties who said they would marry for money, 71% said they expected to get divorced -- the highest of any demographic. Only 27% of men in their 40s expect expected to divorce.

Next time you quote the Wall Steet Journal, cite the Wall Street Journal; rather than a Yelp discussion about a Journal article.

https://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-most-people-will-marry-for-money-expect-to-be-divorced-says-wall-street-journal-do-you-believe-it

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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Marriage and Divorce: A Rigged Game for Men, But Also Ultimately Bad for Women and Children

In my opinion, the primary reason women initiate divorces in 70% of divorces cases is because most women stand to gain far more than they have to lose if they choose to divorce.

Sorry, sweetie. I’m bored and you don’t meet my insatiable needs for attention and I’m not in love with you, in fact, I don’t know if I ever was in love with you, so it’s over. Except for supporting me with the money you work hard to earn. I still want access to that. And your retirement. What do you mean it’s ironic that I complained about how much time you spent at work while we were married to support our family because I refused to work, but still expect you to support me after the divorce with money from your job that I complained about incessantly? I sacrificed my career for you. True, I never wanted to work, but I would have had a career if you didn’t me marry me. Get it?”

This figure would probably be closer to 50% if men were able to leave dissatisfying and/or abusive marriages without the threat of being destroyed by the family court system and losing their assets and children just as most women are able to do when they initiate divorce. Would women be filing for divorce as much if there were consequences? For instance, if custody was automatically 50/50 and spousal support lasted only as long as her state’s unemployment benefits? Probably not.

Even though women initiate approximately 70% of divorces, men are frequently ordered to pay their ex-wives legal costs. So, in addition to potentially losing their assets, their homes and their children, men are also expected to pay for the privilege of being emotionally and financially eviscerated by their ex-wives.

Not only do women initiate 70% of divorces, women are awarded primary custody in 82.6% of custody cases and this figure has remained largely unchanged since the 1994 U.S. Census. While U.S. Census statistics don’t provide information on how these women obtain custody, for example, the father fought for custody, but ran out of funds and/or was victimized by a benighted family court judge, we do know the following statistics about children who do not have an active father in their lives.

The New Hampshire Commission on the Status of Men (2006) concluded that, “paternity fraud is a growing concern for men and children everywhere. It can spawn considerable grief for the men who may or may not be emotionally attached to a child they later discover was fathered by another; and possibly unsettling for children who may discover the false nature of their paternity.”

What about brave men who marry a second time? Men can have their new spouses’ income held against them and used to extort more child and spousal support to their ex-wives. For instance, in Massachusetts, judges frequently include a second spouse’s income as part of “total household income” and use that figure to determine whether the payor, usually a man, has enough income to keep paying spousal support.

This is nothing more than a “backhanded way of tapping into a second spouse’s income” to pay for the ex who believes she shouldn’t have to work because she was once married to her ex once upon a time or wants to maintain that magical and totally unrealistic “marital standard of living.”

However, if the ex-wife remarries, her new spouse is under no legal obligation to financially support his stepchildren. The court’s rationale? Hey, they’re not his children and, therefore, not his responsibility. Yet, it is the new wife’s responsibility to give a portion of her salary to her husband’s ex-wife and children.

In many states, long after a divorce has been settled, ex-wives can come after their ex-husbands to shake down their retirement plans — even after they received a portion of the man’s retirement during the divorce settlement! In factoring a man’s ability to pay spousal support after retirement, judges can count the income from retirement accounts, including those already divided in half during the original divorce proceedings. This essentially allows some ex-wives to “double dip” into their exes’ retirement savings.

Here’s another statistic: Divorced and separated men are two and a half times more likely to commit suicide than married men. Divorce, however, doesn’t seem to lead more women to commit suicide. Separated and divorced male suicides outnumber their female counterparts by 4 to 1.

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18 hours ago, Vort said:

And even if they could, is that an appropriate criterion with which to judge someone? Should every right-thinking man be expected to take the highest paying job he can find? Is the size of the paycheck truly the measure of a man? I vote no.

I do believe that the paycheck may not be the measure of a man but it can be an indicator.  But I don't think this is the proper perspective, especially when you're trying to raise kids with these values.  The perspective in "pay" is to not to simply look for the money.  The money is not the virtuous thing.  What you do that got you money is the virtuous thing.  This is something that I did not like about the Catholic Church teachings.  They espouse the vow of poverty as a virtue and a noble sacrifice so much so that a lot people grow up "allergic" to wealth because being rich is not taught as virtuous as much as being poor.  So when they realize the Catholic Church has vast riches they end up accusing her of hypocrisy.  Or they end up blessed with wealth and they feel ashamed.  And if they're living in abject poverty they feel okay because it is better than being wealthy.

I teach my kids that wealth can be a blessing.  I teach them to find something of great value and of good moral standing in the kingdom that you feel you're going to like to provide and then go and become an expert at it, the best at it.  If the money doesn't come from that hard work, then you get to find more creative ways of marketing that skill with a plea to God for guidance.  That's what I'm teaching my boys - the measure of a man is his vision, moral standing, and work ethic.  The money will come as God has promised.  And He promised abundance and prosperity so much so that there won't be room in the storehouse.

My husband was a 21-year-old penniless man at the end of his chosen career struggling to get a foot on another career when we got married.  But I knew the money will come.  That guy had vision and work ethic.  He was a servant of God even as he did not go to church (he left when he was 17).  So, if the money did not come... I would have had to question my understanding of who this guy is.

In any case, the husband's job is to bring resources to bless the family and God's kingdom as a whole.  The wife's job is to use those resources wisely.  It doesn't matter if the husband brings home 10 dollars or 10 million dollars.  The wife still has to use those resources wisely - to bless the family and God's kingdom as a whole.

 

 

 

 

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46 minutes ago, Dillon said:

Marriage and Divorce: A Rigged Game for Men, But Also Ultimately Bad for Women and Children

In my opinion, the primary reason women initiate divorces in 70% of divorces cases is because most women stand to gain far more than they have to lose if they choose to divorce..

[Jane abiding]

Dillon, do realize that you're provide evidence AGAINST your claim that all women argument marry for money? 

But then again, everything you're quoting here isn't actual study figures, but literally someone's opinion. 

Edited by Jane_Doe
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