Falling for a serving sister missionary.

[UnityInspired91]

Hello everyone. I don't know what this will fall under, so I ended up putting it under share and I'm here for guidance and advice mainly. So as the titles suggests, yes I've fallen for a serving sister missionary in my YSA Ward. I'm a recent convert to the church for about 10 months now, (wow does time go by fast). My first few months of being a member I was single and just doing my best to diligently read my scriptures and keep up prayer and ask of my Heavenly Father many things. Then as of Feburary of this year, out of the blue, I'm with someone and dating them. And to be super honest, I had no idea that I asked her to be my girlfriend. (She is my first) But I can't help but get this negative vibe everytime I'm around her. And as months go by, my scripture study has be close to nothing now, I stopped prayer all together and I look into leaving the church altogether. And then she says somethings wrong with me and we need a counsuler, so she found a marriage counsuler and we're not even married. And as much as I want to break this relationship, it's hard because she reminds me of my late mother. So me leaving her would be like leaving my mother. But I know deep down this is a toxic relationship and to her all she can talk about is marriage and babies and that overwhelms me, because I'm trying to focus on my future and career before any of that, I told her I want to be completely stable with myself first. 

Anyways I was at my wards nightly Institute class and the new sister missionaries that transfered into our ward recently came up and saw that I was sitting alone. They were asking me how I was doing and if I needed anything. I asked them if they would be open to meet sometime next week and they said yeah, our schedule is open so I chose to meet on Wednesday afternoon. So Wednesday rolls around and I meet with them, and as I did and told them about my troubles about my testimony and with the everyday stress. My struggles of reading my scriptures and praying. Of staying for the whole duration of church on Sunday. About how I feel in general. And one of the sisters did most of the talking, the other one I could tell was shy by the way she was sitting and keeping quiet. But when she started to bear her insights and her testimony, I couldn't help but to stare into her eyes and have my heart skip a beat. I don't know if it was because of her soft tone and voice compared to her companions loud and stern tone. Or that her testimony really did touch me. Or maybe I'm connecting more better with her because she's a convert just like me. What ever it may be, I heart couldn't stop fluttering and everytime I see her now, Those feelings come back to me and I can't help but to feel at peace and smile again, no matter how bad my day was. I know that they're missionaries and they're just there and the next they go. And so I try my best not to grow attached to them. But I can't really bear for her to leave, I know I shouldn't have any feelings at all since I'm with someone as it is and I feel like it's inappropriate at this present time. I don't know what I should do. I'm torn in two and I'm hoping tonight, as I pray tonight. Because ever since that meeting I've gotten another Book of Mormon from them and I'm reading it like I was from the beginning of my baptsim and my prayers have never been better. I went outside today and I can feel the Holy Ghost around me and the blessings in store. Any advice or guidance would be appericated. I thank you for taking the time to read through my long story. 

[NeedleinA]

On 9/10/2016 at 10:55 PM, UnityInspired91 said:

1. I don't know if it was because ... her testimony really did touch me. 

2. I know I shouldn't have any feelings at all since I'm with someone as it is and I feel like it's inappropriate at this present time. 

3. I've gotten another Book of Mormon from them and I'm reading it like I was from the beginning of my baptsim and my prayers have never been better. I went outside today and I can feel the Holy Ghost around me and the blessings in store.

Hi @UnityInspired91

A couple of thoughts for you by number:

1. You yourself said you are in a "toxic" relationship, and that you have been distancing yourself from things that invite the Spirit into your life, lack of studying your scriptures and saying your prayers. Along comes a missionary, a person who via her testimony helped bring the Spirit back into your life. It is not uncommon for members/converts to feel the Spirit and erroneously associate those feelings with the visible Missionary before them.

2. Correct. You are with someone else and that Sister missionary is on her mission and if she is serving her mission properly, she will be doing it with a "locked heart" to romance and focused on the Lord's work instead.

3. Great!! Perhaps view your experience with the Sister Missionary as a tender mercy from our Father in Heaven instead. Try viewing it as an experience that our Father in Heaven gave to you to help motivate you to get back on the path to one-on-one spiritual guidance you need in your life again. With the spiritual guidance in the scriptures, and by saying your prayers again, I believe you can learn two key things:
                              a. What direction you should go with your current girlfriend
                              b. Appreciate the missionaries for being messengers of hope/change/bringing the Spirit, etc. but not view them with romantic eyes

Good luck in your efforts to get back to the fundamentals of Prayer and Scriptures!

Edited September 12, 2016 by NeedleinA

[UnityInspired91]

@NeedleinAthank you for your insight into my issue. I appericate it! And what you have to share with me was great! It was funny how yesterday while I was in Sunday school the answer from Heavenly Father came to me. I believe it deeply has to do with the fact that I care deeply more about myself and about my self worth as a son of Heavenly Father. The topic in Sunday School was about Eternal Marriage and The Law of Chasity. And this topic alone, made me ask more about myself and what I really truly look for in a eternal companion. And I believe I know what I want and need in one. And I know it deep down that who I'm with now, isn't who I should be with. My bishop and members of the elders quorum are worried about me and always ask me how my relationship is doing with my current girlfriend and I never really have anything good to say in the end. And even though I'm doing my best to see the positive, in the end, I have nothing but these dark and sad feelings. I don't know if it's because I use to being single or that I'm new to the dating world. Or it's the spirit strongly telling and testifying to me that something is seriously wrong. Whatever it may be I will just continue to indulge in the scriptures and pray upon this issue in the end.