Is it reasonable for my husband to ask me not to do this? Is it reasonable for me to do it anyway?

[ldsister]

22 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

 

Edited September 20, 2016 by ldsister

[NightSG]

19 minutes ago, ldsister said:

 

tl;dr

[ldsister]

Thank you all for your insights. I don't agree with his objections, and it's frustrating and discouraging to have to forego an easy 50 dollars a week for no good reason, but I won't cause contention in my marriage. 

[NeedleinA]

40 minutes ago, ldsister said:

I must not have communicated clearly. All those emergencies were paid for immediately, in full, with cash. Paying for them left us without funds for luxuries like sports, music lessons, or our planned anniversary getaway. The only way the Bishop's storehouse would play into this situation would be if we took that food and then spent our grocery money on sports, music lessons, and anniversary vacations. I might be misunderstanding the purpose of the Bishop's storehouse, but wouldn't that be an inappropriate use of it? 

I apologize, perhaps I misunderstood you too. The Bishop's Storehouse is to help "Support Life" not "Life Style". If you are concerned with paying for "luxuries", rather than "emergencies", yes, I would say that is inappropriate.

"sports, music lessons, or our planned anniversary getaway"

1. Music: Trade a skill of yours for the skill of the Piano Teachers. "You teach my kid X, I'll teach your kid Y". My "kid" will mow your lawn, you teach him violin.
2. Sports: YM & YW = Basketball league. School sports are basically free.
3. Getaway: Go camping. Teach each other how to give real massages. Borrow someone's timeshare and trade them your X service/talent. Do a staycation instead. Be creative vs. spendy.
 

Edited September 20, 2016 by NeedleinA

[classylady]

I have sold my plasma in the past to help bring in some extra cash. It isn't all that bad. I didn't feel that exhausted afterwards. I was able to go home and still take care of my children. But, I had the full support of my husband in this. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't have his support.  In my case, I stopped because it didn't really bring in all that much money, so in my mind it wasn't worth it. I think I only made about $50 each time I donated. And, you can only donate about once every three weeks. Maybe, now days, it pays more?

Talk to your husband. Tell him this is a service you are providing for others, and at the same time you are making a little extra money. There is no shame in this.

[ldsister]

24 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

I apologize, perhaps I misunderstood you too. The Bishop's Storehouse is to help "Support Life" not "Life Style". If you are concerned with paying for "luxuries", rather than "emergencies", yes, I would say that is inappropriate.

"sports, music lessons, or our planned anniversary getaway"

1. Music: Trade a skill of yours for the skill of the Piano Teachers. "You teach my kid X, I'll teach your kid Y". My "kid" will mow your lawn, you teach him violin.
2. Sports: YM & YW = Basketball league. School sports are basically free.
3. Getaway: Go camping. Teach each other how to give real massages. Borrow someone's timeshare and trade them your X service/talent. Do a staycation instead. Be creative vs. spendy.
 

I'm glad we're on the same page. For a moment, I was questioning my entire understanding of the church welfare program. 

 

[ldsister]

13 minutes ago, classylady said:

I have sold my plasma in the past to help bring in some extra cash. It isn't all that bad. I didn't feel that exhausted afterwards. I was able to go home and still take care of my children. But, I had the full support of my husband in this. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't have his support.  In my case, I stopped because it didn't really bring in all that much money, so in my mind it wasn't worth it. I think I only made about $50 each time I donated. And, you can only donate about once every three weeks. Maybe, now days, it pays more?

Talk to your husband. Tell him this is a service you are providing for others, and at the same time you are making a little extra money. There is no shame in this.

I believe you can donate 3 times a week, and it pays 15/15/20. Like you, I don't think it would be that bad. 

[NeedleinA]

4 minutes ago, ldsister said:

I believe you can donate 3 times a week, and it pays 15/15/20. Like you, I don't think it would be that bad. 

Do you mean month?

[ldsister]

4 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

Do you mean month?

No, I mean week. 

[prisonchaplain]

I understand the OP's desire to sell plasma, and her hubby's opposition.  It is easy money, and is probably an energy wash (lose a bit because of the plasma, but the process is very relaxing).  On the other hand, the collection places are usually in rough parts of town.  Many donors are living difficult lives.  And, many just feel like what comes from it is "blood money."  One poster here gave a frequent reaction:  ick.

All that said, the sum of counsel here seems spot on:  either convince hubby that this is a moral and financial good (hospitals need clean plasma from healthy donors, we can use the money), or find another way to supplement the family income.  Couples should agree on such things.  As a wise person once said, "You can be so right your wrong."  (i.e., you might be right about the whole plasma thing, but doing it over hubby's objections is more wrong than the rightness of your position)

[classylady]

I just googled, how often can I donate plasma? And the answer was every two days. So, it can be donated several times a week. Back when I donated, I seem to remember not being allowed to donate that often. But, my memory may be sketchy. It's been a long time since I last donated.

[ldsister]

19 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

I understand the OP's desire to sell plasma, and her hubby's opposition.  It is easy money, and is probably an energy wash (lose a bit because of the plasma, but the process is very relaxing).  On the other hand, the collection places are usually in rough parts of town.  Many donors are living difficult lives.  And, many just feel like what comes from it is "blood money."  One poster here gave a frequent reaction:  ick.

All that said, the sum of counsel here seems spot on:  either convince hubby that this is a moral and financial good (hospitals need clean plasma from healthy donors, we can use the money), or find another way to supplement the family income.  Couples should agree on such things.  As a wise person once said, "You can be so right your wrong."  (i.e., you might be right about the whole plasma thing, but doing it over hubby's objections is more wrong than the rightness of your position)

I think you're right. In our case, the plasma center is in a perfectly safe part of town. (We don't really have a bad place), and the sellers are mostly college students and single mothers.

Hubs' objection makes me sad because I'd really like to have the things I'd buy with it, but, eh. Suck it up, Buttercup. 

Edited September 20, 2016 by ldsister

[ldsister]

16 minutes ago, classylady said:

I just googled, how often can I donate plasma? And the answer was every two days. So, it can be donated several times a week. Back when I donated, I seem to remember not being allowed to donate that often. But, my memory may be sketchy. It's been a long time since I last donated.

Yeah. I think they've improved the process so it's not quite as physically demanding. 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I think the key here is to understand there is never "enough money".  We are humans are like that, whatever we have we will always want more.  I've seen this in my own life and others as well.  Try to be happy with what you have.  Could there be more?  Sure, but then there will be greater wants too, guaranteed.  

Don't go against your husband's wishes, he cares about you.  Wouldn't you be hurt and angry if the roles were reversed and he went against your wishes?  Marriage is about mutual respect.  No amount of money is worth causing trouble in your marriage.  

[NeedleinA]

1 hour ago, ldsister said:

I believe you can donate 3 times a week, and it pays 15/15/20. Like you, I don't think it would be that bad. 

1 week = $50 x 56 weeks = $2,800.00
56 weeks x 3 visits = 168 visits per year
168 visits x 1.5hrs per visit* = 252 hours in the center  (donation time* @NeuroTypical link: "Your first donation will take approximately 2 hours. Return visits on average take about 90 minutes."
.5 hr drive each visit (15 min. to, 15 min back) x 168 visits = 84 hrs driving

84hrs driving & 252 hours at the center = 336 hours of your time

$2,800.00 / 336 hours of your time = $8.56hr
Minus taxes, minus gas money, minus the days when you don't go/don't want to go, minus the extra car part/repair from driving 84 hours, minus time away from the house/kids/other responsibilities, etc. Plus possible track marks on your arm, light headed, blah blah blah.

Are you committed to 168 visits and 336hrs worth of time to earn $1,900.00 and miss out on 300+ hrs of other stuff? If so... Plasma is a clear winner

Edited September 20, 2016 by NeedleinA

[prisonchaplain]

@NeedleinA taking all of your numbers as accurate, how many part time jobs are there that allow you to miss whenever you need to/want to? How many allow you to lie down on the job, read, close your eyes and think, pray quietly, etc.?  Every part time job requires driving to and from, so I'd argue that this time should not be included in the equation.  Either way, if hubby was okay with it, it'd be an easy way to get some supplemental $$.

Edited September 20, 2016 by prisonchaplain
highlight response target

[NeedleinA]

6 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

@NeedleinA taking all of your numbers as accurate, how many part time jobs are there that allow you to miss whenever you need to/want to? How many allow you to lie down on the job, read, close your eyes and think, pray quietly, etc.?  Every part time job requires driving to and from, so I'd argue that this time should not be included in the equation.  Either way, if hubby was okay with it, it'd be an easy way to get some supplemental $$.

336 hours away from the home is still 336 hours, in the car, in the waiting room or reverently getting your blood sucked out of you... it is still time away from your family/SAHM role, etc. Is $1,900 worth it? If so, then go for it, I can't answer that question for someone else. If $1,900 is a make or break difference to a married couple's living situation, then some fundamental changes like @omegaseamaster75 suggested might be a better suggestion. 168 times one year, maybe? 168 again the following year...well?

[NightSG]

2 hours ago, NeedleinA said:

1. Music: Trade a skill of yours for the skill of the Piano Teachers. "You teach my kid X, I'll teach your kid Y". My "kid" will mow your lawn, you teach him violin.

Price lawn mowing against violin lessons.  The kid will be getting a lesson every 2-3 months.  During the grass growing season.  Assuming the local violin teacher doesn't already have this arrangement with someone else.

Edited September 20, 2016 by NightSG

[ldsister]

Because of our personal situation (family nearby, proximity of the blood bank, the flexibility that it would allow, and the fact that it's not subject to self-employment tax, it's a much better alternative than any part-time job I would be likely to find in this area. 

[ldsister]

7 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

336 hours away from the home is still 336 hours, in the car, in the waiting room or reverently getting your blood sucked out of you... it is still time away from your family/SAHM role, etc. Is $1,900 worth it? If so, then go for it, I can't answer that question for someone else. If $1,900 is a make or break difference to a married couple's living situation, then some fundamental changes like @omegaseamaster75 suggested might be a better suggestion. 168 times one year, maybe? 168 again the following year...well?

It's not make or break. It *would* let me buy some of the things I want. 

[NeedleinA]

8 minutes ago, NightSG said:

Price lawn mowing against violin lessons.  The kid will be getting a lesson every 2-3 months.

Not unless he sells his services for more $... "John's Custom Cut Lawns with a French Flair" 100% cut by hand with styling scissors. It's all about the marketing!

Edited September 20, 2016 by NeedleinA

[ldsister]

43 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:

I think the key here is to understand there is never "enough money".  We are humans are like that, whatever we have we will always want more.  I've seen this in my own life and others as well.  Try to be happy with what you have.  Could there be more?  Sure, but then there will be greater wants too, guaranteed.  

Don't go against your husband's wishes, he cares about you.  Wouldn't you be hurt and angry if the roles were reversed and he went against your wishes?  Marriage is about mutual respect.  No amount of money is worth causing trouble in your marriage.  

Mmmm . . . that's part of what I'm feeling. *I* would never tell him not to do something like that. I'd let it be his choice. If he wanted to sell plasma to buy a video game or a concert ticket, I'd say, "Well, you pass out when you get blood drawn, but you're a competent adult, so I trust you're going to do your research and manage your business." 

Is the lack of the reverse mutual respect? 

Edited September 20, 2016 by ldsister

[prisonchaplain]

10 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

336 hours away from the home is still 336 hours, in the car, in the waiting room or reverently getting your blood sucked out of you... it is still time away from your family/SAHM role, etc. Is $1,900 worth it? If so, then go for it, I can't answer that question for someone else. If $1,900 is a make or break difference to a married couple's living situation, then some fundamental changes like @omegaseamaster75 suggested might be a better suggestion. 168 times one year, maybe? 168 again the following year...well?

Now I am really curious.  This post could be used to lobby against SAH spouses taking on ANY part time work.  Is that the point--that stay-at-homes should, well, stay at home?  Or, is there something about the plasma donation that is driving this analysis?  I'm guessing that many people--LDS, traditional Christian, general public, would applaud the stay at home spouse that decides to do a little Proverbs 31 money-earning.  They would especially applaud finding a means that has very flexible hours, and where frequent absences (the family needs were more important this time, boss) were allowed.  I'm also not sure what "make or break" has to do with it.  If a child (or the spouse) has musical talent, and wants lessons, developing God-given gifts as a virtue, in my estimation. 

Plasma donating is not for everyone.  Couples should agree.  But, just on the cost-benefit analysis perspective, I can see that many would find it a winner.

[ldsister]

9 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

Now I am really curious.  This post could be used to lobby against SAH spouses taking on ANY part time work.  Is that the point--that stay-at-homes should, well, stay at home?  Or, is there something about the plasma donation that is driving this analysis?  I'm guessing that many people--LDS, traditional Christian, general public, would applaud the stay at home spouse that decides to do a little Proverbs 31 money-earning.  They would especially applaud finding a means that has very flexible hours, and where frequent absences (the family needs were more important this time, boss) were allowed.  I'm also not sure what "make or break" has to do with it.  If a child (or the spouse) has musical talent, and wants lessons, developing God-given gifts as a virtue, in my estimation. 

Plasma donating is not for everyone.  Couples should agree.  But, just on the cost-benefit analysis perspective, I can see that many would find it a winner.

Thank you! I'm surprised that people would find a mom wanting to find a way to let her kid take music lessons to be not supporting the family. Especially when the "cost to the family" is that baby and preschooler spend 90 minutes with Grandma a few times a week. People suggest "trading skills," but having been a wahm, let me tell you, that REALLY takes away from family. 

Edited September 20, 2016 by ldsister

[NightSG]

6 minutes ago, ldsister said:

Mmmm . . . that's part of what I'm feeling. *I* would never tell him not to do something like that. I'd let it be his choice. 

There's my issue with his objection; you want something he's not able to provide, you have the means (which is not illegal, immoral or detrimental to the family) to provide it, and he's saying no because...as far as I can tell, because it makes him feel like he can't provide everything, which is exactly the case.  

$1900/year would put two kids through martial arts lessons at most dojos I've dealt with, (I'm sure he'd then object to the kids being able to provide some of their own security) or buy memberships at several zoos, museums, etc. for the whole family.