My Wife is Leaving me Over Boundaries


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I wish I could get her to agree to stop lending her sister money.  I am probably going to ask her sister to quit asking my wife for more money for things like gasoline money to visit people or going out to eat.  She asked me once for money to go out to eat and I turned her down and told her to eat something we had in the house.  

 

Edit:  This may be one of my last posts on this subject.  I think I have all the information I need for this and I can see it is going to be an ugly end (at least financially).  It is causing strain on my marriage which is the worst thing of all.  Thanks for all the input and advice.

Edited by Fire_Guy
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20 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

I agree with this.

But at the same time, you need to be smart with money because not all marriages have this:

A lot of people don't quite have the same understanding on what "more than we have" means. 

 

This is true.  I know many people that can't do simple math.    Take the equation   6+3*10.   Is the answer 19 or is it 36.  The rules you learned in 6th or 7th grade and should have continued to use throughout high school would give you the answer to this, but if you posted this on facebook, at least half would get it wrong.

I made sure my wife knew her way around money before I married her.  There wasn't a chance on this planet that I would marry a woman who was carelessly in debt.  I wanted to know that once married, she and I could be trusted to know that each other wouldn't spend beyond our means.  We never have in the 25 years being together.  Not once have we carried a balance on a credit card.  And not once have we ever had an argument about money.  On any and all big purchases, we consult with each other.

For couples struggling with money, they really need to learn to budget and curb their desire for things they don't need.  Learn to plan ahead.  This is something nearly everyone can do.  And it takes one of the big destroyers of marriage out of the game.

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6 minutes ago, Fire_Guy said:

I wish I could get her to agree to stop lending her sister money.  I am probably going to ask her sister to quit asking my wife for more money for things like gasoline money to visit people or going out to eat.  She asked me once for money to go out to eat and I turned her down and told her to eat something we had in the house.  

Lets agree to the terminology here.  Your wife is not lending money, she is giving money.  The quicker you accept this, the easier it will be for you to deal with it.

I suggest that going to her sister is the wrong thing to do.  You are married to your wife.  It is something that you and your wife need to work out.  You need to have some discussions with your wife on this.  And when you do, don't be accusatory on this.  Don't say "you always.. blah blah blah"  That is not going to end well.

Keep it positive.  "Hey Honey, you know I think you have the biggest heart and I really love you for it, but I am concerned about us continuing to give sister in law money.  You and I would not spend money we didn't have on things that aren't absolutely necessary.  I feel like us giving her money is sending bad signals to her.  How do you feel about this?

Then follow up with "I don't feel comfortable continuing giving her money.  Do you think we can find a better way to help her?"

 

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1 minute ago, Lost Boy said:

Sorry, that should have been 90 or 36...  (6+3)*10 verses 6+(3*10).  Of course the 6+(3*10) is the correct answer...  36.  And yes, I feel dumb now.  But that is ok,  I get over myself pretty quick...

Of course, someone on facebook would have said 19, but you had me worried there for a sec. ;)

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9 minutes ago, Vort said:

Don't tell anyone, but I'm Fire_Guy's sock puppet.

Vort, stop exposing all of my deadly secrets. 

Vort:  "What are we going to do tonight?"

Fire Guy:  "Same thing we do every night Vort, try to take over the world."

Edited by Fire_Guy
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1 minute ago, Fire_Guy said:

Vort, stop exposing all of my deadly secrets. 

Vort:  "What are we going to do tonight?"

Fire Guy:  "Same thing we do every night Vort, try to take over the world."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Vort?"

"I think so, Fire_Guy, but how can I wear a frilly pink tutu if I'm swimming in jello wearing tight leather pants filled with peanut butter?"

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