Advice on excommunication


Recommended Posts

I need some advice when it comes to your spouse getting excommunicated. My wife of 10 plus years was just excommunicated for having a few months affair. We have been trying to fix out marriage through therapy, her seeing the bishop regularly and ending all ties to the other person involved in the affair. I figured after a few months of doing all of this that she might be disfellowship at worst. I was not expecting excommunication. As the spouse, what am I suppose to do now? what does this Intel for me? how do I move forward in my marriage. Things were getting better now I am affraid she is going to run from the church, herself and her family (kids and I). I need any advice that might help me in this matter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What you do is simple...  You support her... you help her draw closer to Christ.  In many way excommunication was the beginning of the repentance process for her.  For complete repentance she must return to full fellowship.

While you have been focused on her relationship with you and your kids (totally understandable)...  She needs to repair her relationship with the Lord as well.  You can be there for her.  You can encourage her, you can pray with her, you can study scriptures with her, you can attend church with her... all things that will help her repent and mend the relationships she broke and/or strained.

The promise is clear forgiveness will be granted she simply has to show by her actions that she wants it.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You job is to love her, same as before.  Help her see that excommunication is giving her a chance to start over, it gives her a break to prepare to make and keep covenants she is not ready to make now.  If she pushes away from the church, don't stop loving her, don't make the church and her lack of involvement in it into a point of contention, that is a matter for her spiritual life and shouldn't alter how you feel about her or how committed you are to the relationship.  Many times people who are exed and take it hard do soften over time and come back, but you don't want to create any additional burdens to block her return.  Encourage but don't push, share your thoughts if she says she is willing to listen, same for scriptures, talks etc.  When you go to the park to feed the pigeons you don't chase them down and pelt them with bread crumbs, you put a few out quietly and let them come.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, metalcanyons said:

I need some advice when it comes to your spouse getting excommunicated. My wife of 10 plus years was just excommunicated for having a few months affair. We have been trying to fix out marriage through therapy, her seeing the bishop regularly and ending all ties to the other person involved in the affair. I figured after a few months of doing all of this that she might be disfellowship at worst. I was not expecting excommunication. As the spouse, what am I suppose to do now? what does this Intel for me? how do I move forward in my marriage. Things were getting better now I am affraid she is going to run from the church, herself and her family (kids and I). I need any advice that might help me in this matter.

I just wanted to add that, for what it is worth, you are truly a great man to be willing to put in the efforts described to fix your marriage after your wife had an affair.  A lot of men would have just called it quits.  If I can see that you are doing an amazing job in a terrible situation, the Lord can see it as well, and He will be with you through all of this.

Edited by DoctorLemon
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

When you go to the park to feed the pigeons you don't chase them down and pelt them with bread crumbs,

Well, maybe you don't.

How is she taking it so far?  Sounds like a good time to ask and be ready to listen for as long as it takes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ideally, the excommunication should have nothing to do with how your marriage works. the principles of nurturing a relationship are the same regardless of ine's membership status in the church.

If you both desire to make the church a shared part of your relationship, work together to do that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, MarginOfError said:

Ideally, the excommunication should have nothing to do with how your marriage works. the principles of nurturing a relationship are the same regardless of ine's membership status in the church.

If you both desire to make the church a shared part of your relationship, work together to do that.

@MarginOfError   This username seems very familiar for some reason. :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

As to the affair,

 

You should both be pleased that you have broken the world's norm after such a soul shattering occurrence of an affair and NOT divorced. This alone speaks VOLUMES that good people at times to bad things, yet are STILL good people. People are not disposable, they should never be treated that way. Husbands and Wives are not disposable, forgiveness is always the highest demand our God makes upon us that so few seem to find themselves willing to do so truly and completely. Second only unto God is marriage, after God, there is no more beautiful or important thing that stands above it. 

As to what YOU do after she has been exed. You champion her, you be her hero in every way, lead her to church lovingly and gently as if nothing has happened, you do not speak of her being exed to other members, it is not their concern. You hold her as high, as your wife, in a manner that she has no ill past, you have forgiven her. Read Hosea. You are the priesthood holder and the priest of your home and family, lead by loving her through the whole repentance process, press your Bishop for a time frame for rebaptism all the way up to full restoration in standing she had prior to her transgression as if you were brand new, in fact, not too bad a time to treat her brand new as if your marriage had just started. How do you do that? Love, is always the answer. Demonstrate your pleasure to be seated with her in church, do this everytime you go. I am so glad for the two of you that you remained together. Your story both brought tears to my eyes as well as I celebrate that Satan FAILED to destroy another family, as hard as he tried. Tell your sweet wife this "Don't you worry baby, it will all work out alright, we're MORMONS, we don't quit". Take your beautiful wife with you to Church, let God handle the rest. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share