Pet Rules

[pushka]

I received this in an email today, I'm not sure where it originates from but thanks to whoever wrote it:

PET RULES

(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height)

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other

dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in

the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your

food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me

to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall

faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about

this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your

comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It

is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the

fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and

having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but

sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.. If by

some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not

necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under

the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I

entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline

attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I

cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our

front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is

short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less.

2. Don't ask for money all the time.

3. Are easier to train.

4. Normally come when called.

5. Never ask to drive the car.

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.

7. Don't smoke or drink.

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.

9. Don't want to wear your clothes.

10 Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[Jbs2763]

or at least give them away in front of wal mart and not goto jail. the kids that is

[Dr T]

That was great Push. Thank you for that.

[FrankJL]

For the Colts fan...

Who was the Steelers 2005 season MVP?

Nick Harper's wife

[Jbs2763]

For the Colts fan...

Who was the Steelers 2005 season MVP?

Nick Harper's wife

how much did pittsburgh raise to pay off the replay offical in super bowl XL?

[Guest Yediyd]

I LOVE that!! Mind if I pass it on to the "other" forum?

...Hope not! 'Couse I'm heading back over there now!! Hey, Dr. T...come check out my new playground!!! It needs one last finishing touch...YOU!!!!!

www.ldsforums.com

[onyx]

I received this in an email today, I'm not sure where it originates from but thanks to whoever wrote it:

PET RULES

(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height)

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other

dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in

the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your

food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me

to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall

faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about

this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your

comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It

is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the

fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and

having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but

sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.. If by

some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not

necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under

the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I

entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline

attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I

cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our

front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is

short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less.

2. Don't ask for money all the time.

3. Are easier to train.

4. Normally come when called.

5. Never ask to drive the car.

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.

7. Don't smoke or drink.

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.

9. Don't want to wear your clothes.

10 Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

I'm definately gonna read these rules to my cat!!!!

[pushka]

LOL! I'm glad you all enjoyed them..a friend who has been ill, and needed cheering up, sent the article to me..it certainly cheered me up anyway! :)