Teen dating non-members?

[Wahlymom]

I have a 17 year old daughter at home. She is my baby of 5. Two of her brothers are currently serving missions and she has been left alone, and lonely here at home (her other 2 siblings are up and out). She attends a small rural school and we attend a very small branch of the church. She is literally the only active youth in the whole branch. We make sure she attends Stake youth activities, but she struggles to make friends since none of the kids she meets live closer than 30 miles away nor do they attend the same school. Consequently, she is wanting to date non-members. To the point that she actually had a dinner date with a young man from school but told us that she was going out with "friends". When I didn't buy her story, I finally pried out of here that it was actually a date with a non-member. She was afraid to tell us because she assumed we would not "let" her go out with a non-member. Considering the fact that she literally has no member prospects for dating what should we do? Do we allow her to socialize and date non-members because of her isolation from other member youth, or hold the line and just tell her it will get better once she can date YSA's and travel to find them?

[mdfxdb]

You are the parent, you have absolute control over your daughter's associations.  However, she does need to learn to interact and socialize with members of the opposite sex.  If you have taught her properly, and she holds high standards, then there is no reason she cannot date a non-member.  She needs to understand that even those boys are not members of the church, she should hold them to the same standards of behavior that she would a member.  She is 17, and will likely not get married.  If at all possible, I would not allow her to have a boyfriend.

You need to have a frank discussion with your daughter about the dangers of dating non-members.  You marry who you date.  While in the short term, and while a minor (depending on your state) she will not get married.  Ask your daughter her marriage goals.  Tie those into her dating goals.  You definitely do not want her to go sneaking around behind your back because she is afraid of you or your judgments.  

[Wahlymom]

It just terrifies me because I dated non-members as a teen and got into way too much trouble in the process. We have had very frank discussions and she knows our preference is that she date members....knowing that even members do not always keep to the standards. But at least you know they SHOULD be on the same page. She is just so lonely with he brothers gone on their missions! She always used to run with their crowd and never had to worry about finding friends at church things. If we can just keep her on track, about the time she turns 18 and can start attending YSA activities her brothers will be back and she will have 2 "escorts" to steer her to the best boys! This agency thing is tough on Moms!

 

[Jane_Doe]

There is nothing wrong with any one being friends with non-LDS people.  You do want to be friends with people who share similar values as you, but they could be Catholics, Evangelicals, non-Christian, or non-religious.  And sadly not all LDS people actually hold the values they should.  

At 17 dating should be learning how to interact with the opposite sex and have fun.  It should not be for marriage or martial relations.  I see no problem with a 17 year old learning this and having fun with other people who share her similar values.

[Wahlymom]

All of my kids friends are non-lds kids due to where we live. It is just up until this point none of them really even wanted to date  pre-mission/pre-college beyond a prom date. This particular child is just really lonely and all her friends are dating so she is enjoying the attention I think. I love that my kids have all made friends of all religions. This situation is just new to us....which is weird because she is the baby of 5, so you would think I would have this down. But somehow they dynamics of raising this last kiddo is very different with all the other "kids" up and out!

[estradling75]

I am going to have to agree with the idea that you need to talk to her...

But instead of once again letting her know what you expect and what your values are and what you think she should do...  Listen to her... encourage her to state what her goals are in relation to marriage/temple stuff, encourage her to figure out how to best accomplish those goals.  Let her figure out what kind of shape her life should take.  Because she is more likely to stick when it is "her plan" and not just what her parents expect.

At this age she should be taking over the reins of her life, with her parents taking a less hands on and a more advisory role... and only over ruling her when absolutely necessary.