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This seems to be a pretty common thread here. But none of them that I found were my situation. 

And I'm riddled with anxiety about this. 

I was raised in the church, not super strong, but i grew up going to church and never thought I'd be facing this trial. Never thought I'd mess up this badly. 

My boyfriend (convert) and I broke the law of chastity. We did not go all the way, but I don't know if that matters at all, we've gone pretty far. We haven't done anything in about six months now. And I want to get back into going to church, the problem is I feel guilty about being there. I feel unworthy. I know I need to repent if I want to marry my boyfriend in the temple someday relatively soon, and I do, more than anything. 

I'm scared of what my bishop will make me do, I don't want to sound whiny, I know this was my mistake and I need to take whatever consequences come. I'd just like to know what I'm in for. Will i be excommunicated? Will he make me tell my parents? (I'm 23) How long will we have to wait? (I know this depends on a lot of things but will it be a year or more?) 
I'm also petrified to talk to him, it's very embarrassing, and the fact I have to tell this middle aged man what I've done is hard for me to swallow. I know the bishop is there to help you along the path to repentance but part of me thinks that this should be just between me and God. Does that make any sense? 

Thanks for any help. I know this is a hard question to answer as every situation is different. 

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Around these parts... The question of what "will a bishop do is"  Is a good question to ask your Bishop.

We can give all kinds of thoughts and opinions but in the end we do not have the keys or the stewardship to receive revelation from God for you or to speak authoritatively to you.  Only your bishop does, that is why you need to speak with him.

Now consider this... you say you have stopped going to Church because you feel unworthy to go.  You have of your own accord cut yourself off from the Church.  The worse disciplinary action the Bishop can do is to excommunicate you, which cuts you off from the Church... something you are already doing to yourself.  So consider the idea that whatever the Bishop might do, is going to be less painful then what you are facing trying to do this all alone.  And that working with the Bishop points you in the direction of healing and peace, something you will not get as long as you remain stuck with fear and trying to do it on your own.  

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Not to worry! The Bishop has heard it before and he knows how embarassing this discussion is. Trust me he has had this interview many times before. Get up and go to church on Sunday. Pin on a big smile. You can do it! Ignore Satan's attempts to embarrass you. So many people return to the church after a period of inactivity. Do you think that breaking the law of chastity does not feature prominently in many of these stories? You are better than Satan. Ruin Satan's entire day - go to church and talk to the bishop.

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6 hours ago, grey47 said:

I'd just like to know what I'm in for.
1. Will i be excommunicated?
2. Will he make me tell my parents? (I'm 23)
3. How long will we have to wait? 
4. I'm also petrified to talk to him, it's very embarrassing, and the fact I have to tell this middle aged man what I've done is hard for me to swallow.
5. I know the bishop is there to help you along the path to repentance but part of me thinks that this should be just between me and God.
6. Does that make any sense? 

Others are spot on, what your Bishop will do in your situation is a question to ask your Bishop. Whatever the Bishop has you do, in order to get back on track will be far better than what you are currently doing to yourself. 

Here is an AskGramps response to another individual worried about excommunication. Please substitute yourself instead and I believe it will be of great value to you as well: http://askgramps.org/can-excommunicated-age-14/

Though we are not your Bishop, and we would never try to limit or tell him what to do in any way, let me share some thoughts and personal observations over the years to your comments above 1-6:
1. No. Consensual sex (meaning all the way) between a boyfriend and girlfriend does not constitute immediate excommunication. There are those, that having spoken to their Bishop, repeatedly and defiantly ignore him and return to their sexual behavior, they are those who might need excommunication to help them change. You do not sound like this person.
2. No. You are 23, he will not. He may suggest it to you, but there is no "making" you do it. You are an adult now.
3. Unknown. 6 months to a year is common. A year is very common. 6 months only because your last instance was 6 months. This is your Bishop's call.
4. That middle-age man has heard and witnessed more struggle, grief, heart ache and embarrassing stories than you may ever realize. You can't shock your Bishop. The adversary is the one trying to convince you not to go. In contrast your Bishop would love to see you.
5. Of all the answers this is one that I am 100% certain of. This is an issue you must get help from your Bishop with. This is not a behind closed doors, me and God will work it out issue. 
6. Yes, it all makes sense. This is nothing new. So, go take care of it today versus tomorrow. Good luck!! 

 

Edited by NeedleinA

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Just adding the choir here--

9 hours ago, grey47 said:

My boyfriend (convert) and I broke the law of chastity. We did not go all the way, but I don't know if that matters at all, we've gone pretty far. We haven't done anything in about six months now.

Just to make sure you're under no illusions: you would not be the only person to go to the Bishop with this exact situation.  In fact, he's probably seen at least three this month.

9 hours ago, grey47 said:

And I want to get back into going to church, the problem is I feel guilty about being there. I feel unworthy.

That would be Satan saying that.  No one is "unworthy" to be at church, not even the worse serial killer.

9 hours ago, grey47 said:

I know I need to repent if I want to marry my boyfriend in the temple someday relatively soon, and I do, more than anything. 

Correction: you need to repent.  Period.  Not "I need to repent if I want to [anything]".  You just need to repent.

On a different note: getting married in the temple is a great goal.

9 hours ago, grey47 said:

I'm scared of what my bishop will make me do

Again, that is Satan.  He wants to keep you from meeting with the Bishop and healing your wounds.

9 hours ago, grey47 said:

I know this was my mistake and I need to take whatever consequences come.

Excellent!

9 hours ago, grey47 said:

I'd just like to know what I'm in for. Will i be excommunicated? Will he make me tell my parents? (I'm 23) How long will we have to wait? (I know this depends on a lot of things but will it be a year or more?) 

The path of healing is highly individualized, so we can't tell you.  It is extremely unlikely your parents will have to be told.

9 hours ago, grey47 said:

I'm also petrified to talk to him, it's very embarrassing, and the fact I have to tell this middle aged man what I've done is hard for me to swallow. I know the bishop is there to help you along the path to repentance but part of me thinks that this should be just between me and God. Does that make any sense? 

Thanks for any help. I know this is a hard question to answer as every situation is different. 

It makes sense, but it's totally wrong.  

You are gravely injured by your sins. The bishop is there as a doctor, on assignment from the Great Physician.  They together will help you through the process. Having an Earthly doctor to help you keeps a person accountable and focused, and on the right path.  Too often when people say "just me and Christ will work this out" results in "I'll just do what I want" (people never mean it to, but happens tragically often).  The bishop has seen many people down this path, and quite possibly walked it himself back himself.  Experience is a good thing.

 

 

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15 hours ago, grey47 said:

My boyfriend (convert) and I broke the law of chastity. We did not go all the way, but I don't know if that matters at all, we've gone pretty far.

Being a non-member, I wondered if you had really broken the Law of Chastity. After all, you said you did not go all the way. Many Christian churches teach their young people to avoid heavy petting, etc., before marriage. However, the "real" sin is fornication. We say not to engage in  the "leading up to" stuff to help the young person avoid temptation.

So, I checked.  https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-39-the-law-of-chastity?lang=eng

It does appear that heavy making out breaks the law too. I would imagine that in determining the pathway of repentance most bishops would consider the severity of the lapse. A key is for the penitents to demonstrate remorse, even as they explain the not-going-all-the-way.  No matter what, the other posters are right. Get thee to thy spiritual leader, and do not avoid the household of faith. Trouble should push us towards God's people, not away.

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8 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

I love this about you, PC - you're not afraid to go to the Mormon reference (and you know where to find it!) to give counsel to a Mormon!  I think a lot of people would just stick to their own beliefs.  I think we should send you an honorary CTR ring, or something! :)

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On 2016-12-04 at 3:53 AM, grey47 said:

This seems to be a pretty common thread here. But none of them that I found were my situation. 

And I'm riddled with anxiety about this. 

I was raised in the church, not super strong, but i grew up going to church and never thought I'd be facing this trial. Never thought I'd mess up this badly. 

My boyfriend (convert) and I broke the law of chastity. We did not go all the way, but I don't know if that matters at all, we've gone pretty far. We haven't done anything in about six months now. And I want to get back into going to church, the problem is I feel guilty about being there. I feel unworthy. I know I need to repent if I want to marry my boyfriend in the temple someday relatively soon, and I do, more than anything. 

I'm scared of what my bishop will make me do, I don't want to sound whiny, I know this was my mistake and I need to take whatever consequences come. I'd just like to know what I'm in for. Will i be excommunicated? Will he make me tell my parents? (I'm 23) How long will we have to wait? (I know this depends on a lot of things but will it be a year or more?) 
I'm also petrified to talk to him, it's very embarrassing, and the fact I have to tell this middle aged man what I've done is hard for me to swallow. I know the bishop is there to help you along the path to repentance but part of me thinks that this should be just between me and God. Does that make any sense? 

Thanks for any help. I know this is a hard question to answer as every situation is different. 

God is not vindictive, he is not looking for an excuse to punish people or make them pay for what they did.  He loves us deeply, and when we hurt him through our sins he wants so much for us to repent so he can be justified in setting it all aside.  You do not need to fear your Bishop's reaction, I have no doubt that when you go and confess to him you will leave feeling so much better than you felt going in. 

And like others have said, breaking the LoC is not a guaranteed excommunication, a Disciplinary Council may be called if the Bishop is prompted to, but it is not mandatory and if there is one, it is not an interrogation or trial.  It is about trying to help you repair your relationship with God.  The results may mean stepping back for a time from participating fully in the church but there will be no public shaming.

The Lord looks on the heart, not every case is the same.  A young couple who are deeply in love and slip up will find forgiveness far easier than some guy who chooses to be a player and bed as many women as he can, or somebody who made a covenant to God in the temple then breaks it repeatedly and is unrepentant.  You had a moment of weakness, you didn't turn rebellious, and that makes a difference. 

The fact that you stopped 6 months ago is a wonderful thing, but you do need to see the Bishop.  You can't bury this under any amount of time or good deeds, it has to be dealt with.  Put yourself in God's place, somebody you dearly love has just done something that hurts you very much.  You want to restore the relationship to what it was before, but if they never come to you and apologize, if they never address it and just pretend it never happened and do nothing to heal the wound they inflicted it will always be there affecting the relationship.

As for the need of seeing a Bishop, this is something where you have separated yourself from God to the point where you need the guidance of somebody more objective about the situation than yourself, somebody whose life and priesthood keys enable him to get the revelation that you can't at the moment.  In our bodies we have an immune system that can take care of little things, but if we get really sick we need a doctor.  Likewise, spiritually there are things we can take care of ourselves and things where we need a spiritual doctor's help.  When you go to see a doctor, the examination might require exposing more of yourself than would publicly, might involve some personal questions about your lifestyle or other less than comfortable moments,  There may be distasteful medicines prescribed with side effects, but it is all so you can become whole once again.

Also, a conversation like that with a Bishop is confidential.  It is even a 'privileged conversation' meaning that even the law can't force him to reveal what was said (except in some places if a person confesses to child abuse that doesn't apply and they are required by law to report it).

Please go see your Bishop, and please keep posting and reading here too.

Edited by Latter-Day Marriage

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On 2016-12-04 at 9:35 AM, estradling75 said:

Now consider this... you say you have stopped going to Church because you feel unworthy to go.  You have of your own accord cut yourself off from the Church.  The worse disciplinary action the Bishop can do is to excommunicate you, which cuts you off from the Church... something you are already doing to yourself. 

Actually, an excommunicated member is welcome to keep attending church as long as they don't become disruptive, so what she is imposing on herself is worse than excommunication.

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22 minutes ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

Actually, an excommunicated member is welcome to keep attending church as long as they don't become disruptive, so what she is imposing on herself is worse than excommunication.

That was kinda my point when I said

On 12/4/2016 at 7:35 AM, estradling75 said:

 So consider the idea that whatever the Bishop might do, is going to be less painful then what you are facing trying to do this all alone.   

 

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28 minutes ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

Actually, an excommunicated member is welcome to keep attending church as long as they don't become disruptive, so what she is imposing on herself is worse than excommunication.

Thats a very good thing that the church does. I fear that many excommunicated people might feel isolated or alone if they have that stigma of being excommunicated. Glad the church doesn't forbid them from going to church. 

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33 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Thats a very good thing that the church does. I fear that many excommunicated people might feel isolated or alone if they have that stigma of being excommunicated. Glad the church doesn't forbid them from going to church. 

Or really tell anyone they're been excommunicated.  There's lots of stories of an excummincated person celebrating and announcing thier re-baptism and everyone going "huh?  I didn't know you were ex-commicated.... oh well, sure I'll come to your baptism"

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