Lame Jokes, the Sequel


zil
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1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Rabbi 1 to Rabbi 2: I sent my son to Israel and he came home a Christian.

Rabbi 2:  You know what, I sent my son to Israel and he came home a Christian too!

Rabbi 1 and Rabbi 2 to Rabbie 3:  We sent our sons to Israel and they came home a Christian.

Rabbi 3:  You know what, I sent my son to Israel and he came home a Christian too!

So all 3 Rabbis decided to go to Israel and figure out what's going on.  Together they prayed at the western wall.

Rabbis:  God, we sent our sons to Israel and they came home a Christian.  We seek to know why.

God:  You know what...

I don't get it. *chagrin* I assume the last line has something to do with God telling the rabbis that he's Christ or something of the sort, but the punchline sailed overhead, so far up that I didn't even catch a glimpse.

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51 minutes ago, Vort said:

I don't get it. *chagrin* I assume the last line has something to do with God telling the rabbis that he's Christ or something of the sort, but the punchline sailed overhead, so far up that I didn't even catch a glimpse.

It would become just so lame if I have to explain it... :D

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4 hours ago, Vort said:

Back in the day, the joke was that Cougar football players were those who could spell "BYU". Those who couldn't went to play for the Utes.

Oklahoma joke: Why do all the best football players go to OU1?  Because it's easier to spell than OSU2.

1 Oklahoma University

2 Oklahoma State University

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15 hours ago, zil said:

Oklahoma joke: Why do all the best football players go to OU1?  Because it's easier to spell than OSU2.

1 Oklahoma University

2 Oklahoma State University

Oh!  So that's what those initials stand for.

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On 12/23/2016 at 11:33 AM, Vort said:

What do you get when you cross and elephant with a rhinoceros?

Geekier answer: (Elephant) (Rhinoceros) (sin θ)

I passed this around the family that is full of technical individuals.  Only the two rocket scientists got it.

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1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

I passed this around the family that is full of technical individuals.  Only the two rocket scientists got it.

I showed this to my sons who are "rocket scientists" thanks to Eve Online.  Both of them said... it's "an" not "and".  Don't know what to make of that.  I didn't notice it!  They both didn't get it (neither did I) but at least the older kid knew to call it theta.

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3 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

I showed this to my sons who are "rocket scientists" thanks to Eve Online.  Both of them said... it's "an" not "and".  Don't know what to make of that.  I didn't notice it!  They both didn't get it (neither did I) but at least the older kid knew to call it theta.

Sometimes it's easier to understand after you cross your t's and dot product your i's and j's.

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  • 4 weeks later...

THE TRUE STORY OF THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME

The bellringer at the cathedral of Notre Dame had died, and a lengthy search for a successor had failed. Finally the archbishop himself began interviewing candidates for the job. No one suitable was found, and the archbishop began to despair of filling the vacancy.

Then one morning, in walked a short, hunchbacked, armless, incredibly ugly man, who said to the archbishop, "I am here to apply for the bellringer position." The archbishop looked the man over, then gently said, "My son, this job is too difficult for you. The bell is very heavy, and you have no arms to pull it." The man pleaded, "Just give me a chance!" Finally, the archbishop relented and escorted the applicant to the top of the bell tower. Upon reaching the bell, the man took off in a sudden sprint, then threw himself face-first at the bell. The most magnificent, beautiful tone rang out from the old bell. The man stood watching as the archbishop marveled at the miracle that had occurred. When the archbishop finally found his voice, he said, "Welcome, new bellringer!"

So began a year of wondrous beauty, as the hunchback bellringer faithfully executed his duties, to the delight of Paris. Never had such beautiful music emanated from the old bell tower of Notre Dame!

But one fateful, rainy night, while the hunchback scaled the tower to perform his duties, he slipped on the wet stairs by a window and plummeted to his death. A crowd quickly gathered around him. "It's the bellringer!" cried the people. "The bellringer is dead!", The archbishop, weeping, came out to witness the tragic sight. Someone in the small crowd asked, "What was this man's name?" The archbishop replied, "I don't remember his name, but his face sure rings a bell."

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THE TRUE STORY OF THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME, PART DEUX

Naturally, the bellringer position needed to be filled again. And once again, the search was long and arduous, and the archbishop was on the edge of despair. But one morning, in walked a ugly armless hunchback. The archbishop was speechless -- it was as if his old bellringer had risen from the dead! And like the old bellringer, the man rung the bell in the same unusual manner, and with the same sublime results. Naturally, he was hired on the spot, and faithfully filled his duties.

But one rainy night a year later, the unthinkable happened yet again, and the bellringer plunged to his death. Again the crowd gathered, the lamentations sounded, and the archbishop in tears came to the tragedy. Someone asked, "Who was this poor bellringer?" The archbishop responded, "I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for the last guy."

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My son and I were texting Tom Swifties to each other yesterday. Here are a few:

  • "I hate bananas," Tom cried dolefully.
  • "Fan the flames!" Tom bellowed.
  • "There's no room on the Place de la Concorde," Tom said ruefully.
  • "I prefer pumpernickel," Tom said wryly.
  • "You cut me off at the ankles," said Tom, defeated.
  • "I'm too passive" was said by Tom.
  • "I'm a raven!" Tom crowed.
  • "It's on the other side of the road," Tom said crossly.
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12 hours ago, Vort said:

My son and I were texting Tom Swifties to each other yesterday. Here are a few:

  • "I hate bananas," Tom cried dolefully.
  • "Fan the flames!" Tom bellowed.
  • "There's no room on the Place de la Concorde," Tom said ruefully.
  • "I prefer pumpernickel," Tom said wryly.
  • "You cut me off at the ankles," said Tom, defeated.
  • "I'm too passive" was said by Tom.
  • "I'm a raven!" Tom crowed.
  • "It's on the other side of the road," Tom said crossly.
  • "Who's in line for the New Year's Honours?" wondered Tom as he peered at the list.
  • "Don't waste our time with your fairy tales!" his brothers warned him grimly.
Edited by Jamie123
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Jane: Let me see if I understand this correctly.  You took our baby into a knife fight?

Jeff: It was a fair fight.  Two of them.  Two of us.

Jane: I can't believe you forgot the (baby's) formula.

Edited by Guest
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50 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Jane: Let me see if I understand this correctly.  You took our baby into a knife fight?

Jeff: It was a fair fight.  Two of them.  Two of us.

Jane: I can't believe you forgot the (baby's) formula.

Funny movie.

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9 hours ago, Jamie123 said:

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

"New Jersey has the best hot dogs," Tom stated frankly.

"I believe the tree is some sort of Irish conifer," Tom opined.

"An orca!" Tom wailed*.

*Doesn't actually work for me, since I pronounce the animal as a /ˈhwāl/.

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