Do Mormons seem relaxed enough to you?


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Guest LiterateParakeet
On 12/24/2016 at 10:46 PM, Zarahemla said:

So the biggest advice I am getting here is develop my relationship with Christ and just focus on Christ, not checklists in order to achieve exaltation.

I agree with this. And once again, I agree with the suggestion of therapy. It has helped me immensely. 

There's an old saying with a lot of truth to it:

If one person calls you a donkey, ignore him. 

If two people call you a donkey ignore them. 

But if three people call you a donkey,  buy a saddle. 

At least three people have recommended therapy, and not out of malice--as a couple of us have been in therapy. I hope you will accept our sincere desire to help and consider our advice. What have you got to lose? 

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On 12/24/2016 at 4:32 PM, Zarahemla said:

From my own personal observation it seems Mormons as a collective religion seem to be non stop working and a lot of worrying and stress and pressure in life. I've experienced this myself from being in the church my whole life. I look at Buddhists and they seem so relaxed and at peace and seem to enjoy life the most. Do you agree that lots of Mormons are heavily stressed and that Buddhists seem to be able to relax more? When I think of Mormon people I think of parents with 5 or more kids struggling to succeed financially and worrying about achieving eternal life. Or young men and women worrying about if they are worthy to go on a mission and be good enough. That puts a ton of stress on the mind and all of my mental stress is from worrying about if I'm a good enough Mormon. I have Buddhist friends and they seem so much happier and just let life come to them and achieve inner peace and don't worry as much. I'm in no way interested in becoming a Buddhist (If I wasn't a Mormon I might want to be though), but I can't help but notice how stressed out and worried Mormons are, and how high the use of anti depressants in Utah is compared to other states in the United States.

Depends, on the individual. I have a friend, who every time I talk to her, it is about how she is stressing out  She doesn't read the Book of Mormon enough. All the wile telling me she reads it every morning at 6AM! She doesn't do this. She doesn't do that. It is exhausting just to talk to her for 10 minutes. 

People giving talks and lessons are stressed out that they aren't going to say the right things or not enough or too much. Don't measure the stress level of a whole religion based on those who are, in fact, stressed out. 

I'm not Mormon, but we have our fair share of stressed out Catholics. Drive, towards holiness is overall good, I think, and it is work.  But we aren't doing it alone. We actually can't do it alone. 

Then there is scrupolsity, which, can affect anyone or everyone from time to time, but if it persists, it is not of God. It is diabolical in nature, and should be guarded against.

You need to look for and find the low stress Mormons.  I'm pretty sure that they are not mythical creatures. ;) You can help the stressed folk by supporting them, even just a thank you goes a long ways. 

Edited by Blueskye2
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On 24/12/2016 at 11:56 PM, Zarahemla said:

That's a load of crap that only I am the reason my life is stressful. Do you have any idea how strict the church is to teaching youth and adults about what to do and what not to do and that you will lose your family for eternity if you're not good enough? Not just me, but why is anti depressant use so high in Utah and why is suicide now going up among teenagers in Utah if not stress that the church imposes? I can't tell you how stressful watching old apostles speak like Spencer W Kimball and his book Miracle of Forgiveness. If you're going to suggest I have OCD and need to speak to my counselor about this, then you need to speak to many other Mormons in Utah who feel similar to me.

Ive just joined the Church and have a limited use recommend, two callings etc.. I don't feel as though I'm being restricted in anyway, infact I feel that the Gospel has made me happier and less likely to worry about things as I have an answer.   I think you need to seek help,  I will pray for you. 

 

And on the family thing,  my husband isn't a member but I'm sure God will sort it out so I don't worry,  I would like my husband to join but that's just because it would be nice for us all to be on the same page,  it's not a brooding stress thing 

Edited by An Investigator
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On ‎12‎/‎24‎/‎2016 at 4:32 PM, Zarahemla said:

From my own personal observation it seems Mormons as a collective religion seem to be non stop working and a lot of worrying and stress and pressure in life. I've experienced this myself from being in the church my whole life. I look at Buddhists and they seem so relaxed and at peace and seem to enjoy life the most. Do you agree that lots of Mormons are heavily stressed and that Buddhists seem to be able to relax more? When I think of Mormon people I think of parents with 5 or more kids struggling to succeed financially and worrying about achieving eternal life. Or young men and women worrying about if they are worthy to go on a mission and be good enough. That puts a ton of stress on the mind and all of my mental stress is from worrying about if I'm a good enough Mormon. I have Buddhist friends and they seem so much happier and just let life come to them and achieve inner peace and don't worry as much. I'm in no way interested in becoming a Buddhist (If I wasn't a Mormon I might want to be though), but I can't help but notice how stressed out and worried Mormons are, and how high the use of anti depressants in Utah is compared to other states in the United States.

 

I would like to respond because I am from a long time LDS family (5th generation).  My entire life I was never good enough for my parents.  I could bring home straight “A” and my parents would only say that I should have done better.  My oldest brother is a certified genus with a photographic memory, my father was considered a pillar of the community, my grandmother was the Utah mother of the year and I never measured up.  I was not a rebellious child but I was always in trouble.  I wanted to launch something into outer space – never happened but on several occasions the FBI tracked me down because of my efforts.  I had no name growing up – I was either ____’s son or ____’s brother.

In my youth I competed as a cyclist and skier.  My father was an amateur skier deciding to try it out with his boys and was ranked #1 nationally for over 65.  I am good – even today I am a strong ridder and skier with a local ranking but nothing special – I could be better.

But I have some advice to anyone that thinks being LDS is pressure or stress.  Nothing original – just something from my mission president.  He told me “There is no stress nor pressure unless there is resistance.”   When it comes to our LDS faith – or for that matter anything good:

For those that feel pressure or stress for doing anything good or being involved with anything that is good and right – QUIT RESTING and enjoy the ride.

 

The Traveler

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Guest MormonGator
10 hours ago, Larry Cotrell said:

As an unbiased third party, I would say most Mormons seem relaxed. There's always that one guy though (cough, cough, @MormonGator, cough) *Totally joking, if you weren't relaxed I couldn't say things like that

But yes, usually religious people in general are more relaxed. I've found that Mormons are almost always enjoying life.

Hey pal, what are you saying?!?! 

 

:P

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On December 24, 2016 at 4:32 PM, Zarahemla said:

From my own personal observation it seems Mormons as a collective religion seem to be non stop working and a lot of worrying and stress and pressure in life. I've experienced this myself from being in the church my whole life. I look at Buddhists and they seem so relaxed and at peace and seem to enjoy life the most. Do you agree that lots of Mormons are heavily stressed and that Buddhists seem to be able to relax more? When I think of Mormon people I think of parents with 5 or more kids struggling to succeed financially and worrying about achieving eternal life. Or young men and women worrying about if they are worthy to go on a mission and be good enough. That puts a ton of stress on the mind and all of my mental stress is from worrying about if I'm a good enough Mormon. I have Buddhist friends and they seem so much happier and just let life come to them and achieve inner peace and don't worry as much. I'm in no way interested in becoming a Buddhist (If I wasn't a Mormon I might want to be though), but I can't help but notice how stressed out and worried Mormons are, and how high the use of anti depressants in Utah is compared to other states in the United States.

 

Zarahemla, I think if you weren't stressing about being a "good Mormon" you would find something else to stress out about. :)

My son-in-law was a former Buddhist (he's Korean). He joined the church over 5 years ago. He is much happier as a "Mormon".  Why?  Because he knows the answers to "Why am I here?, Where do I come from? and Where will I go after death?" Knowing the Plan of Happiness brings us so much joy. For instance, we know if an infant, that has not been baptized before they die, will be saved in the Celestial Kingdom. Do you know how many people in the world sorrow because a child died before being baptized and believe that child is going to hell?  I don't know the number, but I know it's significant. I taught some of them during my mission. Learning that their beloved child is not going to end up in hell, but is saved, is a wonderful blessing. And brings so much relief to people.

Obeying the commandments brings peace. Disobeying brings sorrow. We are given the commandments to help us find joy in life, not to repress us. We just had a family incident occur over Christmas because of the consequences of a former sin. My grandson's father has another child from a past girlfriend, and he has been trying to establish visitation rights with his daughter. It has been a mess with accusations being hurled between him and his past girlfriend. His little girl and my grandson are in the middle of it, and there were a lot of tears spilled. There is so much pain and sorrow over the consequences of not following the law of chastity. My heart breaks for both my grandson and his half-sister. They have only met several times.

My life is happier when I know I'm following the Lord's will.  It's not more stressed.  We all fall short.  We always will.  But, we don't need to stress about it.  We repent, and then we try to do better. Should we just give up?  There will always be guilt and stress when we know we are not following the commandments.  We can't get away from that.  Even if we don't have the gospel in our lives, people still have the Light of Christ, and their conscience will prick at them when they make a wrong choice. The 10 Commandments are basic laws to follow. When we follow them we are happier.  And, what exactly more do Mormons have to follow?  IMO, we only have the Word of Wisdom extra. No coffee, tea, alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs. That isn't that hard unless you're already addicted. Other Christian religions have the Law of Chastity too.  Mormons aren't the only religion that teaches no sex before marriage. Other religions teach people to be a good person too.  So, please stop stressing and stop blaming the church for the stress.

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Guest Godless
On 12/25/2016 at 6:21 PM, Ironhold said:

I've heard about something called the "Hilton Report", which looked at the suicide rate. I've seen summations, but I can't find the actual report. 

http://www.adherents.com/largecom/lds_dem.html

The report says that active Mormons are 200% less likely to commit suicide, due in large part to the church's strong social network and abstinence from addictive substances like alcohol and illegal drugs. Rather, the state's high rate is due in large part to a wildly disproportionate number of non-member and inactive-member suicides. 

I was just thinking the exact same thing. I don't believe that Mormons are inherently or objectively happier than non-Mormons, but it wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that Utah non-Mormons are considerably more unhappy than non-Utah non-Mormons. Several states have some religious elements sprinkled into their culture (especially here in the South), but none as thoroughly as Utah. Imagine being a non-Mormon immersed in Mormon culture. Or worse, imagine being a Mormon apostate immersed in Mormon culture. The thought of that is certainly a depressing one to me. 

Another thing to consider, perhaps (in a general sense at least) Mormons outside of Utah are stronger in their testimonies because they are more exposed to religious adversity than their counterparts in Zion. I grew up as an "East Coast Mormon" in a military community that had LDS members from a wide range of different backgrounds. We had relocated Utah Mormons, lifelong East Coast Mormons, converts, and everything in between. The interesting thing to me is that many of the former Utah Mormons seemed to prefer their new situation. To them, it felt good to step outside the echo chamber of the Church and build a testimony among a much smaller community of Saints. I'd imagine the pressure to be a "perfect Mormon" (a purely imaginary creature) is significantly reduced outside of Utah, which could effect the overall happiness of individuals who concern themselves with such things. That's just a theory though.

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On ‎12‎/‎25‎/‎2016 at 11:36 PM, Larry Cotrell said:

But yes, usually religious people in general are more relaxed. I've found that Mormons are almost always enjoying life.

Of course, @Larry Cotrell has to say this.  He lives in Ogden, and his neighbors will beat him up if he doesn't.  :lol:

Me, on the other hand...living in the anti-Bible belt, as I do, can tell it like it is.  'cept that I work for the government, ergo I can neither confirm or deny ... :ninja:

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31 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

Of course, @Larry Cotrell has to say this.  He lives in Ogden, and his neighbors will beat him up if he doesn't.  :lol:

Me, on the other hand...living in the anti-Bible belt, as I do, can tell it like it is.  'cept that I work for the government, ergo I can neither confirm or deny ... :ninja:

I would point out that there is very little if any possible distinguishable difference between someone that just thinks they are happy from someone that really is only that time alone will manifest.

 

The Traveler

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No--- Just look at the stats behind mental illness, suicide, depression and mental illness drugs being used in Utah. Not saying its a mormon thing, but if you could ever assemble a large enough group of Mormons together to evaluate for (u name it) whatever- Utah is the place to do it. Definately wound too tight in Utah. No one can ever be good enough there. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On December 24, 2016 at 4:32 PM, Zarahemla said:

I personally should be an example to you all that Mormons aren't relaxed enough in life.

Ya i think we have a tendency to try to compare ourselves to perfection, and do not handle failure well.........   However, compared to the paranoia, evilspeaking, evilstriving of the world in general the church is a much calmer place.

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On 12/30/2016 at 1:37 PM, paracaidista508 said:

No--- Just look at the stats behind mental illness, suicide, depression and mental illness drugs being used in Utah. Not saying its a mormon thing, but if you could ever assemble a large enough group of Mormons together to evaluate for (u name it) whatever- Utah is the place to do it. Definately wound too tight in Utah. No one can ever be good enough there. 

See my postings above, please. 

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Guest LiterateParakeet
On 12/30/2016 at 11:37 AM, paracaidista508 said:

No--- Just look at the stats behind mental illness, suicide, depression and mental illness drugs being used in Utah. Not saying its a mormon thing, but if you could ever assemble a large enough group of Mormons together to evaluate for (u name it) whatever- Utah is the place to do it. Definately wound too tight in Utah. No one can ever be good enough there. 

I think it depends on where you live...and the influence you offer.  I have heard stories like you describe about Utah.  However, I lived there for about 7 years, 6 in Payson and one in St. George and I didn't experience that.  I know some wonderful people from those areas that are neither wound too tight or depressed.  They are just like people I've met any where else. 

That said, I live in the Northwest now, and I prefer the diversity here, both within and out of the church, but that is mostly just personal preference.  

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  • 2 weeks later...
On December 24, 2016 at 11:46 PM, Zarahemla said:

So the biggest advice I am getting here is develop my relationship with Christ and just focus on Christ, not checklists in order to achieve exaltation.

The israelites got way too into checklists. Checklists are great for organizing....... But we tend to fall into trends where we put too much importance into them and lose sight of what was originally being worked towards.

 

 

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I am a Mormon and I think that others' stress shouldn't determine your interest in the church. It depends on your situation and how well you handle stress. It isn't about mental health at all! What you are saying about Buddhism is very interesting, and I think that you can find peace in whatever church you go to, but you shouldn't think of the Mormon religion as stressful. Many mormons are non-stop as you said but they enjoy what they are doing, and if they don't, they stop. If a calling gets too stressful you can step back or ask your bishop if there might be another calling more suited for you. The Mormon church is purely volunteer based. You are not forced to do anything, and you have choices. It is not the religion that is stressful, it is what people take on in their life. You can choose whether or not to do certain things, which affects your stress level.

Edited by gdiculous
Unfinished; accidentally posted too early
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  • 3 weeks later...

From what I've been reading on this thread, the problem does not seem to be mormons themselves or our teachings, but rather, those who believe that you MUST follow everything strictly and you MUST do everything absolutely perfectly or else you fail. That is not the message of this gospel. That definitely isn't what Jesus taught. God rewards effort. God sees that we are trying, even if we don't always succeed. So stressing and worrying that we aren't living the gospel perfectly or that we aren't good enough if we sin, that we automatically fail if we don't quite understand or live the way we are supposed to, is really stressful and I believe it sends the wrong message. Jesus brings peace. Trying to live like he did is a righteous goal. Believing that things must be exact and perfect only causes stress. We are not perfect. That is why we are here. to be tested and to prove to our Heavenly Father that we love him. When you follow the spirit, you will find peace. Just follow Christ. Don't listen to those church leaders and teachers that tell you that you MUST do this or you MUST do that in order to dwell in the Celestial Kingdom. Only our Savior decides if we are worthy. Only through Christ can we return to heaven. As people have said, there is no "checklist" to get into Heaven. if you're following a checklist, you probably won't feel as peaceful as you will if you just follow the example that our Heavenly Father sent us. Jesus Christ. 

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On 12/25/2016 at 10:40 AM, kapikui said:

Actually attempted suicide rate in Utah is one of the lowest.  It's just that Utah has an insanely high successful suicide rate,  which speaks to method, not motive.

Or possibly determination level.  Most unsuccessful ones really didn't want to die.

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