Perpetually unemployed, confused about my sexuality, and drifting

[Guest]

On 2/5/2017 at 6:35 PM, liveinlight said:

But I can't continue to try to make it on my own without any sense of guidance, and deep down I know that only God can help me to figure out life.

 

On 2/5/2017 at 6:35 PM, liveinlight said:

deep down I know that only God can help me to figure out life.

You know what you need to do, you just need to start your path back to finding God. The feelings you are having is Heavenly Father reaching out to you, calling you to come unto him. If you aren't already, start praying, this will help you come closer to Heavenly Father and help you find the direction you need to take. Also start reading the Book of Mormon and start taking the missionary discussions. If its hard to call up the missionaries you can always talk to them online: https://www.mormon.org/chat . The missionaries can help you with the questions you have and help you find your way back to the path that leads you back to God.  We have a wonderful group here (although some answers have been on the judgemental side) but I feel the missionaries and other leaders can answer your questions and calm your fears far better than we can.

I am a life long member and I struggle with some of the same questions and concerns that you do, although I feel as though I am asexual more than straight or bisexual.  You said you could see yourself in a, " romantic but non-sexual relationship with a man" and I feel the exact same way. But as you stated the chances of that happening are slim to none. Its very hard to struggle with these feelings. I know I am missing out on a relationship and children and I will probably never get married. But I am still a daughter of God and he loves me, He wants me to come unto him and find happiness through him. And happiness isn't one size fits all, we are all different and therefor find happiness in different ways. I believe if I stay strong with my testimony he will bless me (and he will bless you too). Whenever I get depressed or discouraged I tell myself that if I do all that I can do and endure to the end, Heavenly Father will, somehow someway, make it up in the end.

Talk to the missionaries, be open to what they say. Our journey isn't always easy but Heavenly Father wants us all to return to him, he will help you as you find your way back to him.

 

[Blueskye2]

On 2/5/2017 at 6:35 PM, liveinlight said:

I'm 22. I graduated from college last spring with a double major in Environmental Studies and History, and I've been job searching ever since and living at home with my parents. Well, actually, I had a minimum-wage job with my state's Dept. of Natural Resources for a few months, but I finally decided that the horrible, uninteresting work and an hour's commute just weren't worth minimum wage, so I quit in October, and have been unemployed since then. I've applied for probably 200 jobs at this point, everything from jobs semi-related to my Environmental Studies major, like research assistant positions and internships, to completely unrelated jobs, like a flight attendant or administrative assistant. I've had a few phone interviews and one face-to-face interview for a flight attendant job, but nothing has come of them. I'm about ready to give up. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do. My entire life is on hold because I literally can't do anything without money.

In addition to the sea of job rejections that I've been plunged into, I've been struggling internally for years with my sexuality. It started when I was about 17. Before that, I guess I just assumed that I was straight. I was homeschooled throughout middle school and high school and grew up in a very Christian family, and I didn't have a lot of friends my age and didn't know any gay people, so I didn't even realize being gay was a thing. And I had a huge crush on a male celebrity as a young teenager, so I had no reason to think I was anything other than straight until I started noticing feelings for girls. It started when I was on Tumblr and came across this lesbian singer. I started watching all her videos, and before I knew it, realized that I had developed a big crush on her. Then I started developing really strong feelings for one of my (straight, female) friends freshman year of college, and that was when I knew it was more than just a short phase or admiration of a singer who happened to be gay; I WAS gay, or at least bisexual with a preference for women.

Around age 15 or 16 (before I had any inkling that I might be gay) I had started to explore the LDS church. Even though I had grown up in a Protestant Christian environment, I met someone who was Mormon, which had led me to google the church, and something about it attracted me and made me want to know more about it. I didn't tell my parents, of course, because they would've gotten upset, and I never actually went to any LDS church services because I couldn't have done so on my own without them knowing, but I started reading the Book of Mormon online and thought that once I moved out of my parents' house, then I'd start to attend an LDS church. Well, fast-forward to 2012 - I had just realized that I really was something other than straight, and at first it terrified me. As I started to accept it, I also started to leave religion (of any form) by the wayside and follow my own path. I never really rebelled (I didn't even date women because I didn't know how to meet them), and I never drank except for the occasional few glasses of wine on the weekends with a friend. I just stopped considering myself a Christian because it was easier, and I knew that there was no place for me as a non-straight person in most Christian churches.

Now I'm 22, and I've still never been in a relationship with anyone (male or female). Up until a few days ago still gave no thought to God or religion. I went back to the place where I lived as a teenager, back when I first started to explore the LDS church and before everything became so complicated and confusing and I didn't know where to turn. It changed something in me somehow. I started wondering if living life on my own without God was a good plan. I only gave up on Him because I thought I had no other option if I was attracted to women; I thought my options were to either live my life alone and try to maintain my relationship with God, or set off on my own in order to maybe one day fall in love. But I've been single, alone, AND isolated from God, and it's taken its toll on me. Something has to change, and I don't think that pursuing a relationship with a woman is the best solution. The thing is, it's not that I can't see myself falling in love with a man. I can. (In fact, I thought I really was in love with that male celebrity when I was 15!) It's just that I'm not physically attracted to men in general. I can certainly appreciate a handsome face and pretty eyes and a kind smile, it's just that the thought of a sexual relationship with a man is unnerving and gross to me because I don't see men that way. I didn't have any bad experiences with men in the past or anything; I just am not attracted. I feel like if I could be in a romantic but non-sexual relationship with a man, I'd probably be just fine. It's just that the odds of that happening seem to be slim and none.

I guess the reason why I posted this was 1. so I could vent all of my feelings and frustrations to people who might understand and 2. to ask for advice on what I should do. My unemployment, separation from God, and lack of any purpose in life has taken a huge toll on me, and I don't know where to turn. If it weren't for the issue with my sexuality, I would jump wholeheartedly back into my relationship with God and going to church, but I'm not 100% sure that I'm okay with being single for life, and the chances of finding a man to be with on my own terms are dismal, especially when a lot of people my age are already in serious relationships or even married. But I can't continue to try to make it on my own without any sense of guidance, and deep down I know that only God can help me to figure out life.

Any suggestions for what to do in my situation? I realize that even if I do start to rebuild my relationship with God, it won't be easy, and I'll still face the same issues of unemployment and struggling with sexuality, it's just that I feel like at least I won't be alone in the struggle.

I suggest you ask people closer to your age, what they're doing and how they're doing it. 

That being said, I'm the parent of a twenty-something daughter. ? There isn't one of her friends who are living without roommates, as she herself is doing. 

You're doing well, in that you have a degree and have the desire to get going with your life. Time to think outside of the box. Be creative. Be willing to move, far from home if necessary. You'll find that your area of expertise will be needed in some areas and not so much in others. State jobs are notorious for underpaying! Look at the private sector. Engineering firms use environmentalists as does the energy sector. There are areas of the country where these jobs are booming.  They will pay better than the government.   

Focus on one thing at a time. A job, is where I recommend putting all of your energy, for now. Then onto the other personal things you want to work on, and are important to you. I think you'll find you can focus on them with a clearer mind, once you get your own space and aren't worried (as much) about money. 

You can and should pray, without worrying over all the things that might happen or not happen. Just be yourself.  

Edited February 9, 2017 by Blueskye2

[anatess2]

I still completely believe that spending a year in the Philippines should be a required curriculum in American High Schools.  Living in Poverty means a whole lot different with that kind of experience.

Edited February 9, 2017 by anatess2