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Coping when you're unhappy in your calling

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Long story short, I love the people I serve, but have good reason to be unhappy with the people I serve under/with. There have been problems in our auxiliary leadership for months. 

I've been in a spot before when I hated a calling because of a person/people. I know I can't do anything about them. I won't ask to be released. I feel like I do good where I'm allowed to, and there are people I serve who need me there. 

So how do you make the most of a calling when the people you serve with make it kind of miserable?

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5 hours ago, Eowyn said:

Long story short, I love the people I serve, but have good reason to be unhappy with the people I serve under/with. There have been problems in our auxiliary leadership for months. 

I've been in a spot before when I hated a calling because of a person/people. I know I can't do anything about them. I won't ask to be released. I feel like I do good where I'm allowed to, and there are people I serve who need me there. 

So how do you make the most of a calling when the people you serve with make it kind of miserable?

Are the people you serve under/with stopping you from serving others or hindering your calling?

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@Eowyn

I tend to get irritated and frustrated with people I deem as "unintelligent", "irrational" or any other negative expletive. This mostly comes out when someone is doing something that is clearly against church doctrine, but they fight and argue that, in fact, it is church doctrine and that I am just a fanatic or I am taking things too far. The other day I was wondering how I could stop both becoming angry and how to stop pegging people in such a way.

I came to the conclusion that instead of getting angry with people who don't understand the doctrine or teachings of the church, or who just ignore them all together. Instead of getting angry, I remind myself of the blessings they are missing out on and how much better their lives and families would be if they would just live those standards. Instead of getting angry, I now try to become sympathetic and sorrowful for their choices

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2 hours ago, Suzie said:

Are the people you serve under/with stopping you from serving others or hindering your calling?

Yes, at times. 

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17 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

Yes, at times. 

@Eowyn I'm so sorry this is happening to you. 

I'm with @mirkwood 100%. Ignore them, but in doubt push back. Remind them that you aren't getting paid for this, you are a mom and a wife so your time is already very valuable.  Remind them of this-they lose the right to complain about people not doing their calling if they make it overly difficult to do the calling. 

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Just now, Suzie said:

That's a hard one. Did you try talking to them and explain the situation?

Yes, and it's led to months of me being stonewalled in the organization. I'm supposedly a counselor but it's actually more like I don't exist anymore. 

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4 hours ago, Eowyn said:

Yes, and it's led to months of me being stonewalled in the organization. I'm supposedly a counselor but it's actually more like I don't exist anymore. 

Sounds like they are giving you the cold shoulder?  Have you been praying about it? What answer are you getting?

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1 minute ago, Suzie said:

Sounds like they are giving you the cold shoulder?  Have you been praying about it? What answer are you getting?

Just that I shouldn't ask to be released. I need to study it out some more though..

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3 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

Just that I shouldn't ask to be released. I need to study it out some more though..

I wish people at our wards could see how we are here. Might help a lot of us out. 

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4 hours ago, Eowyn said:

Just that I shouldn't ask to be released. I need to study it out some more though..

Then hang in there tight my friend, even when you do not know yet what He has in store for you. :wub:

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1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

I wish people at our wards could see how we are here. Might help a lot of us out. 

Or at home... or the aftermath of things that happen at church. Have there been times I've hurt or upset someone at church by being careless?? What if I had a front seat to the tears and conversations they had about it after they went home?

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1 minute ago, Suzie said:

Then hang in there tight my friend, even when you do not know yet what He has in store for you. :wub:

Thanks Suzie! <3 Good to see you around.

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4 hours ago, mirkwood said:

But I also have a personality that will push back when they are idiots.  That has made things...interesting...a time or two.

Yeah...some people listen so much better when you have them in a painful joint lock.

Bishops don't like it when you do that, though, so make sure there aren't any witnesses, and you leave them too scared to tattle.

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My advice would be to focus on those you are serving. If you are unable to do a program or something more formal, that doesn't prevent you from loving those you serve, praying for them, putting an arm around them, reaching out thru text/email, asking them how you can help them.

I think you are serving YW. If that is the case, then you still have a lot of room to serve. YW need love and need to know they are loved. Find out their interests and then have a conversation with them about it. If you are able, go to a performance of theirs, compliment them on Sunday for something (dress, good talk, being kind to another, etc.). Sit by them at church or invite them to sit with you (and the YW would love to be around your kiddos). Make them Valentine day cards (too late!) or St Paddy's day cards, etc. Put a encouraging meme on their FB wall or on Instagram. 

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1 hour ago, NightSG said:

Yeah...some people listen so much better when you have them in a painful joint lock.

Bishops don't like it when you do that, though, so make sure there aren't any witnesses, and you leave them too scared to tattle.

Haha, the tongue is rougher than the twistlock!

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2 hours ago, beefche said:

My advice would be to focus on those you are serving. If you are unable to do a program or something more formal, that doesn't prevent you from loving those you serve, praying for them, putting an arm around them, reaching out thru text/email, asking them how you can help them.

I think you are serving YW. If that is the case, then you still have a lot of room to serve. YW need love and need to know they are loved. Find out their interests and then have a conversation with them about it. If you are able, go to a performance of theirs, compliment them on Sunday for something (dress, good talk, being kind to another, etc.). Sit by them at church or invite them to sit with you (and the YW would love to be around your kiddos). Make them Valentine day cards (too late!) or St Paddy's day cards, etc. Put a encouraging meme on their FB wall or on Instagram. 

This.  Go on your own and minister to individuals you are called to serve.

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19 hours ago, Eowyn said:

Yes, and it's led to months of me being stonewalled in the organization. I'm supposedly a counselor but it's actually more like I don't exist anymore. 

I once had a calling that made me feel this way.  I eventually just walked out of ward council and never went back.  They eventually released me.

I'm not necessarily saying this is the best way to handle it.  But it was the only way that "I" could handle it.

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19 hours ago, Eowyn said:

Just that I shouldn't ask to be released. I need to study it out some more though..

If you're being stonewalled in planning and all that formal leadership stuff, are you still able to work with your girls and reach them individually?

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Sometimes local leaders have limitations. Remember the story about Hyram Smith's widow trying to make the trip to Utah? The leader of the team was a major league jerk. She made the trip with a lot of determination, the grace of God and little help from the team leader. In some parts of the church, local talent is limited. Your immediate superiors may be cognitively limited, have difficulty making good decisions in any sector of their lives or be one of of those 'look at me, I'm a disorganized dolt' types. Just do your bit of the job. Make the world a little better. Let God judge your leaders. The burden of being smarter than anyone else is that...you have to live your life surrounded by people dumber than you! Is this not something you are used to? Wait until you are sent down to the telestial kingdom to work with the noncelestial inhabitants. Good training!

Edited by Sunday21

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I have several experiences with this.

1.) I was activities committee coordinator.  They called this lovely sister to be my assistant.  I was excited because I love this sister's crafty talents and bubbly personality... but then I realized we just have very different ideas about activities and I'm a big-production gal and she's a Just-have-ice-cream-and-a-talk-and-done gal.  We drove each other crazy.  So I told her, I want big production, this is the breakdown of tasks, pick none, one or as many tasks as you like to take on and I'll do everything else.  So she'd pick one and do something completely different that it doesn't work with the rest of the plan.  So the next time I told her, we'll take turns - you do one activity, I'll do the next activity.  So she plans an activity and assign me tasks then a few days before the activity she tells me she can't do something because she has somewhere she has to go... so I look at the tasks and I'm like... heck, since I'm doing most everything anyway, I'll go big production.  Drove her nuts.  So I went and asked the bishop to release me or release her.... his choice.  I just couldn't keep making this lovely sister's life miserable anymore and I don't want to end up not liking her anymore.

2.). Same calling.  They want me to attend ward council.  I said I'm not going to ward council as I just don't have the time nor the energy to go.  I simply give the bishopric the activity plan and what I need from the auxiliaries with the deadlines.  I told them if ward council is non-negotiable then they'll have to release me.

3.). I was primary chorister.  The primary presidency got released and a new one called but I was still chorister.  I already had the entire year planned but this new president is a micro-manager so she wants me to teach the songs with these activities she planned.  So I told her, I already got it planned and I don't want to change it.  So she says I'll have to change it so it fits with her sharing time activities.  I told her ain't happening, sister.  I got released.

So, in my experience, I set my boundaries on what I can and can't do and I let others decide if they can work with it or get me released.

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@Eowyn. Sorry to ask if this is too creepy a question but..are you in high, medium, or low density Mormon-ville? In high density Mormon-ville, there is always someone else to fill your calling. In low density, if you say no to a calling, some poor oppressed sister has to pick up your calling in addition to her own. Can you just asked to be released and there is someone else waiting in the wings?

Edited by Sunday21

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3 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Remember the story about Hyram Smith's widow trying to make the trip to Utah? The leader of the team was a major league jerk. She made the trip with a lot of determination, the grace of God and little help from the team leader.

This may be an overly harsh assessment of the wagonmaster, who after all was only trying to do his job and make his best assessment -- but I expect Joseph F. Smith would have agreed with you. Here is his recounting of the story. It's a short and entertaining read.

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