How to find patience when feeling the gospel isn't enough


ALostSoul
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So, as I have been living this past year as a college student and trying to discover what to do in the upcoming future, I have come to realize that I don't have as a fulfilling of a life as i once thought. I have thought about things to do, but honestly I find my options very bleak. I currently am unable to go on a mission because of mental health. I live in a state where the church is very small, so very few people my age that are members and an even smaller dating pool. I have a hard time coping with new environments and don't really think I could handle moving to a new place permanently. I am not very satisfied with my current situation, yet the few things I know and love are where I am at. I don't want to sound ungrateful: I know that I have been blessed with so much, but I find even being active in the church and trying to find joy in others doesn't help me. Even when I get strong confirmation from the spirit to take comfort, I feel very empty. I think much of this has to do with a few mental issues I struggle with, but at the same time I have found it very frustrating and am losing patience in my self and quite frankly, in Heavenly Father. I know I am probably making things harder for myself, but I honestly can't help but feel this way. It is almost as if I lack the same love, compassion, and hope that I once had. So i guess I am asking, what do you do when you feel that the gospel isn't enough?

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18 minutes ago, ALostSoul said:

So, as I have been living this past year as a college student and trying to discover what to do in the upcoming future, I have come to realize that I don't have as a fulfilling of a life as i once thought. I have thought about things to do, but honestly I find my options very bleak. I currently am unable to go on a mission because of mental health. I live in a state where the church is very small, so very few people my age that are members and an even smaller dating pool. I have a hard time coping with new environments and don't really think I could handle moving to a new place permanently. I am not very satisfied with my current situation, yet the few things I know and love are where I am at. I don't want to sound ungrateful: I know that I have been blessed with so much, but I find even being active in the church and trying to find joy in others doesn't help me. Even when I get strong confirmation from the spirit to take comfort, I feel very empty. I think much of this has to do with a few mental issues I struggle with, but at the same time I have found it very frustrating and am losing patience in my self and quite frankly, in Heavenly Father. I know I am probably making things harder for myself, but I honestly can't help but feel this way. It is almost as if I lack the same love, compassion, and hope that I once had. So i guess I am asking, what do you do when you feel that the gospel isn't enough?

As hard as it may be to hear, the bottom line is that a successful person is willing to do that which the unsuccessful person is not willing to do.

You can talk about your mental health.  You can talk about what you feel comfortable with or uncomfortable with.  You can come up with every reason/excuse in the book.  but in the end, it doesn't matter if it is an excuse or a reason.  If you don't do it, you don't do it.

I don't know your life story or all the details of your situation.  But if you need to move, then you need to move.  If you need to suck it up, you need to suck it up.  If you need to get better medication, you need better medication or therapy.  Whatever you need to do, you need to do it.  No excuses, no reasons, no barriers change that fact.  All it does is prevent you from getting what you seek.

We can talk all day about causes and why you don't / can't.  But the bottom line is only one thing: did you do what you needed to do?

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3 hours ago, Carborendum said:

As hard as it may be to hear, the bottom line is that a successful person is willing to do that which the unsuccessful person is not willing to do.

You can talk about your mental health.  You can talk about what you feel comfortable with or uncomfortable with.  You can come up with every reason/excuse in the book.  but in the end, it doesn't matter if it is an excuse or a reason.  If you don't do it, you don't do it.

I don't know your life story or all the details of your situation.  But if you need to move, then you need to move.  If you need to suck it up, you need to suck it up.  If you need to get better medication, you need better medication or therapy.  Whatever you need to do, you need to do it.  No excuses, no reasons, no barriers change that fact.  All it does is prevent you from getting what you seek.

We can talk all day about causes and why you don't / can't.  But the bottom line is only one thing: did you do what you needed to do?

It's not so much as what I am comfortable with as much as what is possible/reasonable. I understand it is up to me in the end to find my own happiness, but I honestly have no idea on how to reach that. Everything I listed where just a few ideas, but so far I haven't received any answer as too what I should actually do. I highly doubt it is up to me based on what I want, but even if it were I doubt any path that I can think will lead to more happiness. I have thought that perhaps I am just supposed to suck it up for now, but honestly, if that is the case I would almost rather die young, rather than put up with what I know is likely ahead of me.

I can put up with a lot as long as I have something to go off of, something to really care about and focus on. But over this last year the gospel hasn't been enough to keep me going.

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7 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

So, as I have been living this past year as a college student and trying to discover what to do in the upcoming future, I have come to realize that I don't have as a fulfilling of a life as i once thought. I have thought about things to do, but honestly I find my options very bleak. I currently am unable to go on a mission because of mental health. I live in a state where the church is very small, so very few people my age that are members and an even smaller dating pool. I have a hard time coping with new environments and don't really think I could handle moving to a new place permanently. I am not very satisfied with my current situation, yet the few things I know and love are where I am at. I don't want to sound ungrateful: I know that I have been blessed with so much, but I find even being active in the church and trying to find joy in others doesn't help me. Even when I get strong confirmation from the spirit to take comfort, I feel very empty. I think much of this has to do with a few mental issues I struggle with, but at the same time I have found it very frustrating and am losing patience in my self and quite frankly, in Heavenly Father. I know I am probably making things harder for myself, but I honestly can't help but feel this way. It is almost as if I lack the same love, compassion, and hope that I once had. So i guess I am asking, what do you do when you feel that the gospel isn't enough?

I don't know you personally but judging by just this message, I believe that you display symptoms of depression and I kindly advise that you seek the help of a professional as soon as possible. Are you seeing a therapist? What most people don't realize about depression is that it distorts our reality and that's why medical assistance is vital. Psychotherapy can help you greatly.

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1 minute ago, Jane_Doe said:

@ALostSoul, are you receiving treatment for your mental illness?  (I apologize if this has been asked before)

 

Just now, Suzie said:

I don't know you personally but judging by just this message, I believe that you display symptoms of depression and I kindly advise that you seek the help of a professional as soon as possible. Are you seeing a therapist? What most people don't realize about depression is that it distorts our reality and that's why medical assistance is vital. Psychotherapy can help you greatly.

Yeah I do have depression. I am trying a new medication that I am not convinced is working. The thing is though, once I do find medication that will help and even if I do eventually get better, I still believe I will be empty. I think there is more to it than just the chemical imbalances. I think it also has to do with my own situation and perhaps my own stubbornness. I understand life is not going to be a picnic, but I don't really know how to get to a point where I can both dedicate myself to better the lives of others and fulfill my own emotional and educational goals. But I feel I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. At least as far as how I should plan my future.

 

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10 minutes ago, ALostSoul said:

Yeah I do have depression. I am trying a new medication that I am not convinced is working. The thing is though, once I do find medication that will help and even if I do eventually get better, I still believe I will be empty. I think there is more to it than just the chemical imbalances. I think it also has to do with my own situation and perhaps my own stubbornness. I understand life is not going to be a picnic, but I don't really know how to get to a point where I can both dedicate myself to better the lives of others and fulfill my own emotional and educational goals. But I feel I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. At least as far as how I should plan my future.

So you are receiving medication.  Are you receiving counseling?  

The questions you are asking here are classical questions for someone who currently has depression (not uber surprising).  A central part of counseling is figuring out the answers: how does a person move forward in life, find purpose, and make connections, while simultaneously combatting depression.  This involves making plans for changes: changes in outlook and changes in behavior, and following through.

Edited by Jane_Doe
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1 minute ago, Jane_Doe said:

So you are receiving medication.  Are you receiving counseling?  

The questions you are asking here are classical questions for someone who currently has depression (not uber surprising).  A central part of counseling is figuring out the answers: how does a person move forward in life, find purpose, and make connections, while simultaneously combatting depression.

Yes I am seeing a counselor. I think he focusses too much on finding a hobby or something to keep my attention when I can't focus on small things when I know there are greater things looming over me. That's kind of left me to find ways somewhat on my own in an attempt to be happy, but everything I have tried has blown up in my face.

 

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4 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

 

 

Yeah I do have depression. I am trying a new medication that I am not convinced is working. The thing is though, once I do find medication that will help and even if I do eventually get better, I still believe I will be empty.

 

That's the depression talking. I suggest that you speak to your psychiatrist as soon as possible if the medication isn't working. Are you doing psychotherapy along with the meds or just the meds?

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4 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

Yes I am seeing a counselor. I think he focusses too much on finding a hobby or something to keep my attention when I can't focus on small things when I know there are greater things looming over me. That's kind of left me to find ways somewhat on my own in an attempt to be happy, but everything I have tried has blown up in my face.

 

A second opinion?

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Just now, Suzie said:

That's the depression talking. I suggest that you speak to your psychiatrist as soon as possible if the medication isn't working. Are you doing psychotherapy along with the meds or just the meds?

I take meds and see a therapist twice a month. I have heard that it is the depression talking, and i understand it probably does make things seem worse, but at the same time I haven't seen any difference in the way I think as opossed to when I wasn't struggling with depression. Even when things seem more peaceful, generally it is only because of something happening in my life that helps me feel better

 

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4 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

I take meds and see a therapist twice a month. I have heard that it is the depression talking, and i understand it probably does make things seem worse, but at the same time I haven't seen any difference in the way I think as opossed to when I wasn't struggling with depression. Even when things seem more peaceful, generally it is only because of something happening in my life that helps me feel better

 

Why only twice a month? It seems to me that you need ongoing sessions.

I do not want to sound like I am intruding but if you do not mind to share... besides depression, do you have any other co-morbid conditions such as Aspergers or similar that could put things into perspective?

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12 minutes ago, ALostSoul said:

Yes I am seeing a counselor. I think he focusses too much on finding a hobby or something to keep my attention when I can't focus on small things when I know there are greater things looming over me. That's kind of left me to find ways somewhat on my own in an attempt to be happy, but everything I have tried has blown up in my face.

 

(The bolded is depression talking)

You should talk to him about these concerns.  That's exactly what he's there for.  If you feel that this particular counselor isn't working out for you, there's no shame in trying someone else out.  Finding the right counselor is a lot more like finding the right coach (cause that's what they are) rather than computer repairman to give you some binary solution (humans are much more complicated then that).  I myself tried out three counselors before settling.  

As to balancing short term activities (like hobbies) vs long term stuff, both need addressed.  I know when I was depressed I wanted to focus almost exclusively on the long-term, and didn't pay any attention on doing something today that made me smile.  Some people are the opposite.  

Edited by Jane_Doe
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6 minutes ago, Suzie said:

Why only twice a month? It seems to me that you need ongoing sessions.

I do not want to sound intrusive but besides depression, do you have any other co-morbid conditions such as Aspergers or similar?

I think it honestly has something to do with this medication. I have only been taking it for a month and it is actually for bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist thought there was a chance that I could have a slight case of bipolar based on the waves of depression I am feeling. Before, I would go a week or more being generally ok, but others it would be everyother day where I would have a breakdown. It has a lot to do with what is going on (lack of sleep from school, this girl I was talking to, etc). I will probably ask him to change it to every week, but honestly, hes not a member, and I don't really think that talking about the situation will help because I have spent alot of time already working every angle of what is going on and my choices. And nothing really brings me any sense of peace.

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2 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

(The bolded is depression talking)

You should talk to him about these concerns.  That's exactly what he's there for.  If you feel that this particular counselor isn't working out for you, there's no shame in trying someone else out.  Finding the right counselor is a lot more like finding the right coach (cause that's what they are) rather than computer repairman to give you some binary solution (humans are much more complicated then that).  I myself tried out three counselors before settling.  

As to balancing short term activities (like hobbies) vs long term stuff, both need addressed.  I know when I was depressed I wanted to focus almost exclusively on the long-term, and didn't pay any attention on doing something today that made me smile.  Some people are the opposite.  

 

 

 

Well, I know that it does make things seem worse, but the thing is, Im not really able to try to go out of my comfort zone very much, but the few times I have have ended pretty badly at least in part. Two times were when I was trying to date a girl. One passive aggressively just stopped talking to me and the other and I are still friends, but she isnt really the dating type. Most of my issues with this is that I see no real alternative. I havent seen anything else out there for me, dating or otherwise. And in the meantime I feel like im just expected to get over it

 

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4 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

I think it honestly has something to do with this medication. I have only been taking it for a month and it is actually for bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist thought there was a chance that I could have a slight case of bipolar based on the waves of depression I am feeling. Before, I would go a week or more being generally ok, but others it would be everyother day where I would have a breakdown. It has a lot to do with what is going on (lack of sleep from school, this girl I was talking to, etc). I will probably ask him to change it to every week, but honestly, hes not a member, and I don't really think that talking about the situation will help because I have spent alot of time already working every angle of what is going on and my choices. And nothing really brings me any sense of peace.

Did you have a formal diagnosis by the same doctor? May I suggest (if possible) that you get a second opinion and get a full evaluation done?

Also, did you always find difficult to adapt to new environments? What about social settings?

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13 minutes ago, Suzie said:

Why only twice a month? It seems to me that you need ongoing sessions.

I do not want to sound intrusive but besides depression, do you have any other co-morbid conditions such as Aspergers or similar?

I haven't recieved a formal full diagnosis. Amd somewhat at least socially, but mostly not that bad. Ive always had friends and did good in school. I think it goes back to me wanting things, such as dating or maybe being around my own peers in church, but at the cost of other things I dont really know how to give up, like moving away. Plus, i couldnt financially support going away

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1 minute ago, ALostSoul said:

Well, I know that it does make things seem worse, but the thing is, Im not really able to try to go out of my comfort zone very much, but the few times I have have ended pretty badly at least in part. Two times were when I was trying to date a girl. One passive aggressively just stopped talking to me and the other and I are still friends, but she isnt really the dating type. Most of my issues with this is that I see no real alternative. I havent seen anything else out there for me, dating or otherwise. And in the meantime I feel like im just expected to get over it

 

Dating is NOT the solution for depression.

You need to stand on your own two legs, not look for some girl to come make you feel better.  Asking girl to do that is a recipe for disaster, no matter how well meaning the girl is because no one else can serve as YOUR self esteem.  Things to help combat depression include getting an exercise routine, eating right, being involved in your community (especially service projects), and generally joining people in mutually fun activities.  Once you have your depression at least under control, then you can look towards dating-- not before then.  Again, girls are NOT a vaccine for depression.

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4 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

I haven't recieved a formal full diagnosis. Amd somewhat at least socially, but mostly not that bad. Ive always had friends and did good in school. I think it goes back to me wanting things, such as dating or maybe being around my own peers in church, but at the cost of other things I dont really know how to give up, like moving away. Plus, i couldnt financially support going away

I strongly suggest that you seek a full diagnosis so it can help you to know what is really happening and you can get the right treatment.

About the rest, I wish I could help you but may I suggest that for now you can stick around our forum so we can all support each other? I know it is not the same as face to face interaction, but we would love to have you around. :) We have great topics of discussions and we also laugh a little bit in other threads. You are more than welcome to stay.

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First, I agree with those who suggest professional help (whatever that may look like for you).  While I recommend giving any given professional and / or treatment sufficient time to have effect, if something isn't working, it's OK to look for something better.

4 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

So i guess I am asking, what do you do when you feel that the gospel isn't enough?

To me, the answer depends on what exactly you mean by that question.  It's not possible for the Gospel to not be enough as all truth, and therefore all reality, is encompassed by the Gospel.  So, my first thought might be to recognize this truth.  I would also recommend expanding on the limits which may have come from church lesson experiences - e.g. your prayers can include things which you never heard in any prayer anyone else ever said.  Your scripture study doesn't have to consist of reading chapter by chapter, or following a lesson plan, or any other methodology you may have been taught - it can be just hopping around, or following footnotes, or whatever else you can imagine.  Prayers and scripture study, and whatnot, can be modified to fit your needs and interests.  (I say this, because sometimes the primary / youth training is so sequence- / process-oriented that some I have met never even considered that it was OK to completely mix it up - they were too busy repeating the pattern they'd been shown, without recognizing the pattern could be more flexible.)

On the other hand, if you mean you want something else (besides things directly related to church and the Gospel / spiritual pursuits) on which to spend your time, well, first, I'm not so sure any good pursuit isn't a part of the Gospel in a sense, but, see below for a thought or two on what you might do.  For me (to answer your question), I pursue my personal interests - reading, writing, and the tools used for writing (fountain pens), doodling (and occasionally painting), logic and word puzzles, listening to happy music with the volume cranked up to "vibrate the walls" levels (which makes me ridiculously happy, and generally motivates me to get up and do something), etc.

59 minutes ago, ALostSoul said:

I understand it is up to me in the end to find my own happiness, but I honestly have no idea on how to reach that.

Pray for it - in every single prayer you say (in private, and perhaps with different phrasing in public).  Ask God to bless you with happiness, to teach you how to be happy, to help you recognize the blessings and joys already present in your life.  Do not stop praying for this, ever (or at least, not until you've reached a point where you understand how to choose happiness).

If you still have no ideas, try random, new things.  This is extremely good for your brain.  With the internet, there's pretty much nothing that you can't learn the basics of, so pick anything and give it a try.  Don't worry about being good at it - worry about experiencing a new thing, without regard for "good" or "bad" - it's just new.

1 hour ago, ALostSoul said:

... so far I haven't received any answer as too what I should actually do. I highly doubt it is up to me based on what I want...

You should not dismiss the idea (unless what you think you want is something wrong).  God gave each of us unique talents, abilities, and interests.  Pursuing these helps bring us joy, and leads us to others with similar talents, abilities, and interests, or who can benefit from our presence.

D&C 58:18 Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart;

19 Yea, for food and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul.

...note that the first reasons given for why God has blessed us with the things of this earth are for our benefit - to please the eye (so we can enjoy looking at them) and gladden the heart (so we can be happy that they exist).  Only later are the practical uses mentioned, and then topped off with "enliven the soul".

I think it's OK for us to spend a portion of our time on things which are simply for our enjoyment.  And God does expect us to be "anxiously engaged" and to choose for ourselves many of the things in which we will be anxiously engaged, so pick something you always wanted to try, and give it a shot.

38 minutes ago, ALostSoul said:

I can't focus on small things when I know there are greater things looming over me.

Alma 37:6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

This principle is not only true for God, nor only for spiritual things.  It is a true principle in every circumstance and context.  Try to recognize that small things are how you build up or accomplish greater things.

Also, try to put things into perspective.  Big things are always taken care of by attending to the little things that lead there.  An education, integrity, and strong work ethic will lead to good jobs.  Charity, service, kindness, and interaction with others will lead to positive relationships.  Do your best and trust the Lord to do the rest.

There's some good stuff in Chapter 3 of the President Hinckley manual, in case you want to check it out.  In particular, the story of Caleb and Joshua, and relate that to the following comment from you:

5 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

I am not very satisfied with my current situation, yet the few things I know and love are where I am at.

Sometimes, the Lord has a land flowing with milk and honey just waiting for us to come and claim it, but we're too afraid to leave the wilderness.  (This concept can apply to experiences, habits, thoughts, etc. as much as to physical locations.)  Be brave, trust the Lord, go claim the good things he's promised - even if to begin with, it's just one little thing.

Finally, I wasn't entirely sure what you were asking for - suggestions for things you could try out to occupy your time, or...?  Maybe you could clarify that point.  I had the random thought that we could issue you a sort of "30 days of new" challenge, where we suggest simple new things you can try out - one a day (plus iron) - and you report back here what you did / experienced and your thoughts on the same.  (Or, if 30 is too much, 7, or whatever.)  But I wasn't sure that was in any way related to what you were asking for...

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6 hours ago, ALostSoul said:

 So i guess I am asking, what do you do when you feel that the gospel isn't enough?

(I never actually addressed this directly.  @zil's excellent post reminded me)

It's not the the "gospel isn't enough", because the Gospel encompasses all.  For example, advice on how to take care of your body in the WoW.  While we rightly spend a lot of time talking about having a Gospel testimony and scripture study, and tend not to think about "as part of my living the Gospel I'm going to get up on time", but it totally is!  Same with taking care of rest of your physical/mental health.  So, going to a good doctor (or counselor) is part of living the Gospel.   Taking care of yourself is part of the Gospel.  Developing self esteem and knowledge that you are beloved child of God = living the Gospel.  Self awareness = living the Gospel.  Enduring/conquering life's challenges = living the Gospel.  

We do this all with Christ!   You're not trying to expand "past" the Gospel, you're growing to have it fill more and more aspects of your life!  Part of His work and His glory is you growing stronger and pushing forward every day.

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Guest LiterateParakeet

You mentioned you are seeing a couselor, but is that person a licensed therapist? My job title is Bilingual Youth Counselor, but I'm not a therapist. 

Part of therapy ia finding a good match with a counselor. It doesn't sound like you have a good match, maybe someone else would be a better help?

Finally, I dont think twice a month is enough. I go to therapy twice a week. I used to be depressed, but I'm doing much better now. My anxiety, PTSD and other disorder, ate much better now as well. 

I know its hard to believe right now that things will wver get better, but that is the depression talking. Depression lies. Things can get better, I promise. They have for me, and many others I have known. 

Finally, I think meds are a help, but therapy is what will make the most difference. I recommend that you go to therapy at least once a week. 

I have to run, I'll talk to you about the gospel aspect later.

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2 hours ago, zil said:

Pray for it - in every single prayer you say (in private, and perhaps with different phrasing in public).  Ask God to bless you with happiness, to teach you how to be happy, to help you recognize the blessings and joys already present in your life.  Do not stop praying for this, ever (or at least, not until you've reached a point where you understand how to choose happiness).

I realize I left out an important part of this: after your prayer, you get up and do the best you can to do the things you know are right (things like church attendance, serving in your calling, studying the scriptures, etc.).  You don't have to be perfect at it, you don't even have to be "good" at it (whatever that means), but you have to do the best you can manage, and repent when needed, and keep asking for help.  It could easily take years before you notice a difference, and I'm not saying this can take the place of professional help (I'm not qualified to say one way or the other), but I do know this is the pattern for personal progression.

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