I Didn’t Serve a Mission, and It’s OK


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Opinion I was 18 and in my senior year of high school when President Thomas S. Monson stood at the pulpit in Saturday morning General Conference and said "Today I am pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21." I was busy that day, running in a cross country race. There was no moment of cheering and crying and running to the phone to call the bishop as soon as I heard. I was sweaty, tired, and too busy trying to recover after a hard race and its aftermath to give the news more than a passing "That's cool." Serving a mission was never something I'd thought about before. Twenty-one seemed so old — I feel some embarrassment for the thought now that I've left 21 behind — and I was applying to colleges and figuring out scholarships for the next year. The age change was another thing I had to figure...

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In the end, the decision whether to serve a mission is between you and the Lord. 

...But the consequences of not serving are another matter entirely. 

Prepare to have people question your moral character for not serving, and also prepare for a lifetime of loneliness, snide remarks, and second-guessing yourself. 

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Ironhold and I have done this dance before.  I didn't go on a mission, and he and I have had exact mirror opposite experiences as a result.  I have no lifetime of loneliness.  I've regretted not going, and I've had some decent-sized struggles in my life that probably wouldn't have been there if I had gone.  But I have no lifetime of second-guessing myself.  If I've ever been in the presence of a snide remarker, I didn't notice their remarks.  

I suppose Ironhold's cautionary tale is worth noting - if you don't go on a mission, you might end up like him and his lifetime of second-guessing himself.  But that's hardly the only possible outcome.

Edited by NeuroTypical
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When people ask if I went on a Mission I actually tend to walk around the issue and not give them a straight answer.  Why?  Because to me I think it's a foolish thing to try to talk about at times.

That said, I actually DID go on an LDS proselyting mission.  I encourage any young man to go on a mission.  I encouraged my Nephews to go on missions (and I feel sad that not all of them did or plan to).

However, what is FAR more important today is how worthy one is TODAY, and how strong a testimony one has of the gospel and the Lord TODAY. 

There are many strong members of the church that did not go on missions.  I believe Thomas S. Monson is one of those. 

Something to ponder.

Of interest, there are OTHER apostles who also did not serve missions from a quick search I performed...

Russel M. Nelson

Dallin H. Oaks

Robert D. Hales

Henry B. Eyring

Dieter F. Ucthdorf

Do these names sound familiar?  They should, as these are several of the twelve apostles of the LDS church.  Some later served as Mission Presidents, but that normally is an officially extended calling rather than purely voluntary.  Some have tried to give excuses of why they did not go (but I have also know those from those same times and circumstances that DID go after service), but the larger message is the same that I put above...

What one does in the past is not what matters most, what one does today in the HERE AND NOW is what is important.

Edited by JohnsonJones
Adding others who did not serve missions
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1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

What is the percentage of LDS young men (18-24) who go on a mission? Just curious, nothing more. 

This Wikipedia page claims that about 30% of LDS young men serve missions, with an 80%-90% rate among active families. While waiting for a more authoritative answer, we can present some reasonable guesswork:

  • The number of children of record added per year is currently about 110,000 - 120,000. These are about half boys and half girls, so we can estimate around 55,000-60,000 baby boys born per year to LDS families.
  • While there are young men who are baptized as teens and serve missions (my MTC companion was one), they are relatively uncommon. So for purposes of rough estimation, we can assume that missionaries come from the children of record.
  • The total number of LDS full-time missionaries appears to be stabilizing at about 70,000.
  • Of these 70,000, we can estimate that no less than half and probably no more than 3/4 are young men. Let's say two-thirds, or about 46,000.
  • This will be mixing generations in such a way as to make our estimate a bit low, but if we divide the young men on two-year missions by the number of baby boys born per two years, we come up with something around 46,000/115,000, or around 40%

That sounds a bit high to me, but it's on par with the Wikipedia estimate. I'm guessing that it's probably reasonably accurate to say that around a third of young LDS men serve a full-time mission.

Edited by Vort
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I see a lot of young women especially who do feel a lot of pressure to serve missions, but maybe that is a good thing. Let me disambiguate my thoughts because I do not intend to offend those who chose not to serve. I'll separate my thought based on lines I hear all the time.

1. "I prayed and was told not to go! You can't receive revelation for me."- while it is true that personal revelation is private, I find it hard to believe that the 50% of young women not going on missions are all receiving strong answers NOT TO GO! I think most of them realize and are reassured that it is OKAY if they choose not to go and that things will work out. 

2."missions are good but they aren't for everybody!"-wait how do you know that, you have never been? I believe the lessons a hard working, faithful missionary learns in his/her service can't be learned to the same measure elsewhere. People who don't serve don't get how hard missions really are. And I do think everyone can benefit from a mission and can help the Lord's work. I do acknowledge that many people can't physically, mentally, or emotionally serve. But wait for it....

3. "I don't desire to serve" or "I've never wanted to serve!"-how sad is that? You've been blessed with the gospel in your life and have had so many good things happen because of that, yet you've never wanted to show the Lord your appreciation through a mission? 

 

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1 hour ago, Sunday21 said:

We are talking about women here.  Too many think they need to be super human and do everything and anything.  So it is not surprising to me that even though it is offered as an option that women can take if they want... That many hear that as "Must Serve"

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On 3/16/2017 at 5:17 PM, RabidTurtle said:

I see a lot of young women especially who do feel a lot of pressure to serve missions, but maybe that is a good thing. Let me disambiguate my thoughts because I do not intend to offend those who chose not to serve. I'll separate my thought based on lines I hear all the time.

1. "I prayed and was told not to go! You can't receive revelation for me."- while it is true that personal revelation is private, I find it hard to believe that the 50% of young women not going on missions are all receiving strong answers NOT TO GO! I think most of them realize and are reassured that it is OKAY if they choose not to go and that things will work out. 

2."missions are good but they aren't for everybody!"-wait how do you know that, you have never been? I believe the lessons a hard working, faithful missionary learns in his/her service can't be learned to the same measure elsewhere. People who don't serve don't get how hard missions really are. And I do think everyone can benefit from a mission and can help the Lord's work. I do acknowledge that many people can't physically, mentally, or emotionally serve. But wait for it....

3. "I don't desire to serve" or "I've never wanted to serve!"-how sad is that? You've been blessed with the gospel in your life and have had so many good things happen because of that, yet you've never wanted to show the Lord your appreciation through a mission? 

 

Good thing I don't feel the need to validate my reason to not serve a mission. Not sure any reason I would come up with would be approved of. 

I don't think any validation or explanation is needed by a woman as to why they chose to not serve a mission, yet women feel the need to explain because of these very judgments. For myself I don't care what anyone thinks of my reason not to serve. But if I chose to explain that decision with any one of the three "lines" listed above I would be less concerned with what you said and more concerned with why you're judging my reasoning. At the end of the day, it is between that woman and the Lord. Whether or not the decision was come to mutually or individually, that is also between that woman and the Lord. Not the observer who has their own opinion on their reason to not serve, which is unwarranted. 

Edited by BeccaKirstyn
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I think that some lds people are extremely judgemental, less so fortunately our leaders. In fact the higher up, the level of authority, often the less judgemental both male and female leaders appear to be. I spent about an hour with my stake president today. He chatted to me about people in the stake and he was very loving and accepting of all of us, even those who are struggling. It was a warm bath of love and acceptance all the way. Very pleasant!

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