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Are the young married sealed in the temple couples at a better advantage than me?

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I am 31 years old, never been sealed in the temple, but I've been temple endowed for 11 and a half years and have done countless temple work for ancestors and others. My question though is are the 19 to 22 year olds that I know who are just getting sealed in the temple to their spouses at a better spiritual advantage than me because they've completed all their ordinances that they need for exaltation, while I'm still lacking being sealed to a spouse and my parents, or does it not matter if the actual ordinance has been done already or not, and if I'm worthy and keep the commandments I could be on a better path than those who are already sealed but aren't as faithful? I ask because I'm very jealous of these 18-23 year olds who get sealed in the temple and the girls who don't even have to go on mission and get endowed and sealed in the span of a month and accomplish the 2 crowning ordinances in the church, while I feel like I may never get the sealing ordinance in this life and I'm 31. Should I have reason to relax and have good faith and if so what is that reason? I'm trying not to be jealous of all my young friends who are getting the crowning ordinance of the temple and setting themselves up on the path to exaltation while I've never had a LDS girlfriend and may never will by chance.

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6 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

Do you believe that Jesus knows you and is merciful?

Yes but the way it feels is like this metaphor. It feels like I'm 31 years old with a Bachelor's degree and all these 19-23 year olds are getting their PHDs or already have their PHDs.

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9 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

Comparison is the thief of joy. 

More true words have never been spoken. If you compare yourself to others, you are setting yourself up for a battle that you will lose 100% of the time. Period. 

First off, you compare yourself to people at their best-for all you know they could be neurotic, stupid, sinful, lazy, or otherwise incredibly messed up. You don't know who they really are, so comparing yourself to others shows how shallow you are. 

Next, comparing yourself to others robs you of gratitude. Gratitude, my son, is among the most important attributes you can have. While you are comparing yourself to others and whining that you don't have what they have, someone is comparing themselves to you and wishing they had what you do. 

In other words, if you want to ruin your life, start comparing yourself to everyone else. 

Edited by MormonGator

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I think you need to trust in the Lord's will for you life. Many great comments have been said about the unhealthiness of comparing yourself to other people. Focus on your relationship with Christ and just keep becoming more like Him. 

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Someone at the bottom of a staircase has just as much opportunity to reach the top of that staircase as the people already at the top did, assuming the person at the bottom climbs to the top.  It really is that simple.  The people in between aren't in anyone's way - there's room for all; the staircase isn't going anywhere, it isn't changing, so just keep climbing and eventually you'll reach the top.  The only way not to reach the top is to stop climbing.  So don't stop climbing.

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1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

More true words have never been spoken. If you compare yourself to others, you are setting yourself up for a battle that you will lose 100% of the time. Period. 

First off, you compare yourself to people at their best-for all you know they could be neurotic, stupid, sinful, lazy, or otherwise incredibly messed up. You don't know who they really are, so comparing yourself to others shows how shallow you are. 

Next, comparing yourself to others robs you of gratitude. Gratitude, my son, is among the most important attributes you can have. While you are comparing yourself to others and whining that you don't have what they have, someone is comparing themselves to you and wishing they had what you do. 

In other words, if you want to ruin your life, start comparing yourself to everyone else. 

I'd like you to apologize for calling me shallow.

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1 minute ago, Zarahemla said:

I'd like you to apologize for calling me shallow.

He didn't. He told you he was speaking in generalities.

When we (general) compare ourselves to others, we are being shallow. It's a form of pride (pride isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking about yourself less). We're all guilty of it sometimes. In fact i could compare my life to yours right now and find ways you're better off than I am. But what good would that do? Would it change my challenges? Make them easier? Would it make me feel any better about myself, or you? Would it draw me closer to God?

What if instead I could my blessings? Dig deep and see with gratitude what I am being blessed with, every day. Thank God for the gifts and opportunities I have, and instead of bemoaning what others have and I don't, ask Him what He wants for me, and how I should go about obtaining it? It would have nothing to do with you, would it? 

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You know, your situation regarding relationships may change quickly... more quickly than you can possibly imagine.  (Your post is really about being frustrated that you are not yet married, right?)

I remember back in 2005, here I was, 23 years old, just back from a semi-disasterous mission, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, no marital prospects, stuck in a small Texas town.  I went running one night, and I was thinking about my plans in the future, and I set a goal - I would get my first kiss in the next ten years, by the time I turned 33, or else!  As a fairly awkward and plenty ugly guy, I thought this was a reasonable goal.

Well, about a month later, and out of nowhere, I started dating a very special girl.  I got my first kiss within 30 days of that night, and within a year I was married!

I am telling you this because your post really seems to be about anxiety that you may not get the chance to be married.  I understand this feeling well - I was there!  But take my word for it - things can change in the blink of an eye in this area.  Just because you have not yet met that special someone does not mean that you won't.  It will probably come out of nowhere and develop fast.  So keep your eyes open and your chin up, because I bet you have some great things coming your way.

 

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5 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

You know, your situation regarding relationships may change quickly... more quickly than you can possibly imagine.  (Your post is really about being frustrated that you are not yet married, right?)

I remember back in 2005, here I was, 23 years old, just back from a semi-disasterous mission, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, no marital prospects, stuck in a small Texas town.  I went running one night, and I was thinking about my plans in the future, and I set a goal - I would get my first kiss in the next ten years, by the time I turned 33, or else!  As a fairly awkward and plenty ugly guy, I thought this was a reasonable goal.

Well, about a month later, and out of nowhere, I started dating a very special girl.  I got my first kiss within 30 days of that night, and within a year I was married!

I am telling you this because your post really seems to be about anxiety that you may not get the chance to be married.  I understand this feeling well - I was there!  But take my word for it - things can change in the blink of an eye in this area.  Just because you have not yet met that special someone does not mean that you won't.  It will probably come out of nowhere and develop fast.  So keep your eyes open and your chin up, because I bet you have some great things coming your way.

 

I remind myself of Toula in My Big Fat Greek Wedding!  Ha!

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18 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

He didn't. He told you he was speaking in generalities.

When we (general) compare ourselves to others, we are being shallow. It's a form of pride (pride isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking about yourself less). We're all guilty of it sometimes. In fact i could compare my life to yours right now and find ways you're better off than I am. But what good would that do? Would it change my challenges? Make them easier? Would it make me feel any better about myself, or you? Would it draw me closer to God?

What if instead I could my blessings? Dig deep and see with gratitude what I am being blessed with, every day. Thank God for the gifts and opportunities I have, and instead of bemoaning what others have and I don't, ask Him what He wants for me, and how I should go about obtaining it? It would have nothing to do with you, would it? 

Read his actual words. He called me pretty shallow.

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I read it. It doesn't say that just because you've convinced yourself it does.

By the way, I think we'd all like to say a big "your welcome", Maui style, for once again trying to help and you fixating on a perceived slight.

But anyway, what does your therapist say about your tendency to compare yourself/your life to other people? Does he/she give you strategies to turn those thoughts around? You don't have to answer me. Just something you might want to redirect yourself with.

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15 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

I read it. It doesn't say that just because you've convinced yourself it does.

By the way, I think we'd all like to say a big "your welcome", Maui style, for once again trying to help and you fixating on a perceived slight.

But anyway, what does your therapist say about your tendency to compare yourself/your life to other people? Does he/she give you strategies to turn those thoughts around? You don't have to answer me. Just something you might want to redirect yourself with.

I cant afford my therapist right now moneys tight. Haven't seen him since December.

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This isn't a race or a competition. Maybe your PhD is getting your endowments and enduring to the end. God doesn't judge us as a whole but individually. Because of this he doesn't look at you and compare your accomplishments to another. He knows what you can and cannot do, he sees your heart and knows as his child. Be faithful and endure to the end, that is all he requires of you. And if that's a different path than others then so be it. God will bless you for who YOU are.

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I think that a person who has kept more commandments than another person is more likely to be more blessed than that other person, so in general, all else being equal (note this important qualifier) a person who has kept the commandment to be married is more likely to be blessed than one who hasn't. At the very least, assuming that all your young friends are happily married, then yes, I would say that at the moment, in some ways, (again, note the qualifiers) they are better off than you because they are at least enjoying the blessings of being happily married while you are not. Its up to you to decide whether jealously is the best way to respond to that situation. When you look on these happily married young couples, and you start to feel that jealousy, you might want to remember that you have served a mission and thereby aided many people on their path to salvation, and some of them have not,  

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8 hours ago, Zarahemla said:

I am 31 years old, never been sealed in the temple, but I've been temple endowed for 11 and a half years and have done countless temple work for ancestors and others. My question though is are the 19 to 22 year olds that I know who are just getting sealed in the temple to their spouses at a better spiritual advantage than me because they've completed all their ordinances that they need for exaltation, while I'm still lacking being sealed to a spouse and my parents, or does it not matter if the actual ordinance has been done already or not, and if I'm worthy and keep the commandments I could be on a better path than those who are already sealed but aren't as faithful? I ask because I'm very jealous of these 18-23 year olds who get sealed in the temple and the girls who don't even have to go on mission and get endowed and sealed in the span of a month and accomplish the 2 crowning ordinances in the church, while I feel like I may never get the sealing ordinance in this life and I'm 31. Should I have reason to relax and have good faith and if so what is that reason? I'm trying not to be jealous of all my young friends who are getting the crowning ordinance of the temple and setting themselves up on the path to exaltation while I've never had a LDS girlfriend and may never will by chance.

You are missing out on clear blessings, and it is true that only those who are sealed will achieve exaltation.

but why does it matter? We aren't graded on a scale :) it is like the best 144,000 achieve exaltation x). Where everyone else is on the path doesn't matter, what matters is where you are and what direction you are heading.

"There is, however, a far more common ailment among us—and that is pride from the bottom looking up." - Ezra Taft Benson

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I assume you are Male from how you phrased your statement?

It's a tough question to answer.  Without knowing what opportunities you've had in life, it is impossible to actually tell how certain things may apply to you.  Did you ever have the chance to be sealed in the temple and turn it down?  Did you choose work and education over dating worthy members?  Did you have the opportunity to go on a mission and decide not to?  There's a whole cachet of possibilities and questions and without knowing the answer to those, it is impossible to say something relating to your situation.  The general answer is NOT one that I think you'd be happy for (though it is probably applicable to at least 90% of the situations out there).

Instead, I'll relate a story that can show hope for those who may not have opportunities in this life.

This story is about a person named Alvin.  Alvin was NOT born into the church.  He was never baptized.  He never received the Holy Ghost.  He never had a chance to go to the Temple.  By all accounts, he did not get to do any of the ordinances that we are instructed to do.

Imagine Joseph Smith's surprise when he found that his brother Alvin was in the Celestial Kingdom despite all of that.  For those who are unable to obtain ordinances and promises in this life, there is this hope.  As he stated about his brother Alvin.

Doctrine and Covenants 137: 3-9

Quote

Also the blazing throne of God, whereon was seated the Father and the Son.

4 I saw the beautiful streets of that kingdom, which had the appearance of being paved with gold.

5 I saw Father Adam and Abraham; and my father and my mother; my brother Alvin, that has long since slept;

6 And marveled how it was that he had obtained an inheritance in that kingdom, seeing that he had departed this life before the Lord had set his hand to gather Israel the second time, and had not been baptized for the remission of sins.

7 Thus came the voice of the Lord unto me, saying: All who have died without a knowledge of this gospel, who would have received it if they had been permitted to tarry, shall be heirs of the celestial kingdom of God;

8 Also all that shall die henceforth without a knowledge of it, who would have received it with all their hearts, shall be heirs of that kingdom;

9 For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.

Thus we see the Lord looks upon men's hearts.  Alvin, even though he did not have the opportunity in this life, if he HAD gotten that opportunity to receive these ordinances would have received them with all his heart.  Hence we see the Lord is just for all men, regardless of the circumstances they face in this life.

Hopefully you can see the parallel here.

 

Edited by JohnsonJones
Adding the D&C reference for those who want to look it up.

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It's about balance.  We can go on through life completely complacent and have some level of peace but achieving nothing.  Or we can go through life in complete anxiety about everything, constantly worrying whether we'll "make it" and never knowing peace.

The balance is having a "healthy level" of anxiety -- just enough to motivate us into action, but not so much as to paralyze us from action, nor so much as to prevent us from knowing the peace that the Savior offers.  Always, we cannot forget our own responsibilities.

Balance.

10 hours ago, Zarahemla said:

I cant afford my therapist right now moneys tight. Haven't seen him since December.

If you can't afford the therapist I'll suggest two things:

1) Talk to your bishop about possibly getting some ward funds to help out. 

2) Do everything you can (that is legal and righteous) to get proper sleep, diet, and exercise.  Most people have no idea how much these three can change our lives.  There's nothing on earth that can substitute for these.

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