Advice on dealing with mean strangers

[Sunday21]

Actually, I am very proud. I was watching a hysterical British show in which comedians told long convoluted stories from their lives. One of the more demented comedians thought it would be a jolly jape to drive a bus full of dead serious new age UFO believers to Area 55 in the states. The comedian got into trouble with the army...could this story ever end well? , by coming far too close to a military installation with these seriously nutty people, ( no doubt @MormonGator was in attendance always a bad sign). Anyway the sheriff was called and he was a Mormon! As the comedian explained 'They (Mormons) are such nice people! You may not agree with them, but you have to love them' ❤️. My people! A proud moment! Even if I just spent about a hour watching a silly show! I will never get that hour back!

Edited April 9, 2017 by Sunday21

[zil]

1 hour ago, Sunday21 said:

Area 55

Area 51.  [sigh]  How could you not know that?  Half the Canadians I know can trace their ancestry back there...

[Guest MormonGator]

1 hour ago, Sunday21 said:

Actually, I am very proud. I was watching a hysterical British show in which comedians told long convoluted stories from their lives. One of the more demented comedians thought it would be a jolly jape to drive a bus full of dead serious new age UFO believers to Area 55 in the states. The comedian got into trouble with the army...could this story ever end well? , by coming far too close to a military installation with these seriously nutty people, ( no doubt @MormonGator was in attendance always a bad sign). Anyway the sheriff was called and he was a Mormon! As the comedian explained 'They (Mormons) are such nice people! You may not agree with them, but you have to love them' ❤️. My people! A proud moment! Even if I just spent about a hour watching a silly show! I will never get that hour back!

LOL!!! @Sunday21 that made me literally laugh out loud!!!! 

 

[Sunday21]

9 hours ago, zil said:

Area 51.  [sigh]  How could you not know that?  Half the Canadians I know can trace their ancestry back there...

Yes, we are all aliens!

[Strongerie]

Keep your composure all the time if you can and do not lose your cool. Handling people with different personality can be daunting but if you gain everybody's respect you'll find your job easier to do in the long run. 

[paracaidista508]

Dr lemon,

Now you know how everyone else feels when they are put on the witness stand and grilled by an attorney who's only mission is to destroy your credibility. I spent a career as a cop and every time on the stand it wasent the evidence which was attacked, it was me, my integrity and usually a bit of racist accusations thrown in for good measure. And for the record not one time was my interrogator in a suit ever correct in that regard. Spotless career and track record.

It is part of your job to be that way and the other part is to be on the receiving end. Sucks but that is life.

Edited May 13, 2017 by paracaidista508
i cnat spell

[Just_A_Guy]

I am working for DCFS now, so I'm routinely in mediations and/or court with people whose kids I am trying to remove from the home. Things I have found:

--There is real power in being kind, respectful, and sympathetic.  People always *think* they are sincere and honest (even if they aren't) and it doesn't cost you anything to treat them as such no matter how outlandishly they are acting.

--I find there isn't a lot of strategic advantage to letting someone know that you just caught them in a lie.  If you're doing a deposition, you already know the information you need to elicit.  Ask civil questions designed to get the info you need--and once you have the answer you need, back off.  Inconsistencies can be pointed out in your closing argument--no need humiliate the witness or to showboat by going all Perry Mason with the witness still on the stand.  It's not the end of the world if the witness visibly thinks they've outsmarted you.  In fact, it just sweetens the victory when the judge rules in your favor.

--There's need to respond to every little barb that the adverse party throws your way; and I find that once I let the first few pitches sail by, the party settles down.

--If you're at a negotiating meeting, and you're at an impasse--don't be afraid to just say, in a friendly way, "well, I guess we can pitch it to the judge and let them make the call".  It shows that you aren't willing to go to trial--but also shows that, for your part, it's just a question that needs an answer and not a personalized grudge match.

Edited May 12, 2017 by Just_A_Guy

[NightSG]

On 4/6/2017 at 8:14 PM, DoctorLemon said:

As part of my new responsibility, i am going to have to deal with some ugly, mean strangers.  I will be taking depositions, dealing with clients, negotiating settlements, and all kinds of stuff like that.  I am concerned about being too thin skinned in this position.  Frankly, behind my swagger, I am a bit of a softie on the inside.

Ask if you can beat the snot out of every ~10th one.  It really helps, especially if you leave them hog tied with duct tape where the others can see.

[NeuroTypical]

(The above advice is only good if covered by departmental policy.)

[Guest]

38 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

I am working for DCFS now, so I'm routinely in mediations and/or court with people whose kids I am trying to remove from the home. Things I have found:

--There is real power in being kind, respectful, and sympathetic.  People always *think* they are sincere and honest (even if they aren't) and it doesn't cost you anything to treat them as such no matter how outlandishly they are acting.

--I find there isn't a lot of strategic advantage to letting someone know that you just caught them in a lie.  If you're doing a deposition, you already know the information you need to elicit.  Ask civil questions designed to get the info you need--and once you have the answer you need, back off.  Inconsistencies can be pointed out in your closing argument--no need humiliate the witness or to showboat by going all Perry Mason with the witness still on the stand.  It's not the end of the world if the witness visibly thinks they've outsmarted you.  In fact, it just sweetens the victory when the judge rules in your favor.

--There's need to respond to every little barb that the adverse party throws your way; and I find that once I let the first few pitches sail by, the party settles down.

--If you're at a negotiating meeting, and you're at an impasse--don't be afraid to just say, in a friendly way, "well, I guess we can pitch it to the judge and let them make the call".  It shows that you aren't willing to go to trial--but also shows that, for your part, it's just a question that needs an answer and not a personalized grudge match.

This is some excellent advice.  Thank you.

[Just_A_Guy]

49 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

--If you're at a negotiating meeting, and you're at an impasse--don't be afraid to just say, in a friendly way, "well, I guess we can pitch it to the judge and let them make the call".  It shows that you aren't willing to go to trial--but also shows that, for your part, it's just a question that needs an answer and not a personalized grudge match.

D'oh!  Need to correct myself--it shows you aren't AFRAID to go to trial . . .

But generally--yeah, just try to remove yourself from the equation; and take the approach that we all have a problem, we all need a solution that works for everyone, hopefully we can come up with something, and if not--that's what the judge is for; and then we'll all grab lunch.

Edited May 12, 2017 by Just_A_Guy

[NightSG]

25 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

(The above advice is only good if covered by departmental policy.)

What's the point of putting up with lawyers if they can't get you off the hook for a little questionable handling of (other types of) annoying people?

[Guest]

On 5/12/2017 at 1:34 PM, NightSG said:

What's the point of putting up with lawyers if they can't get you off the hook for a little questionable handling of (other types of) annoying people?

SG never beat up nobody that didn't need beatin' up.

[Jojo Bags]

This isn't exactly turn the other cheek, but it gets the point across.

 

[anatess2]

Hi @DoctorLemon,

Dunno if this is going to help.  But, I was volunteering at my uncle's law office one summer and one thing I will never forget.  My uncle was prosecuting a rapist in the morning and then went to defend a rapist in the afternoon.  So, I asked my uncle, do you think that (afternoon) rapist is innocent?  And my uncle said, with the evidence against him, I don't think so.  I couldn't believe my uncle could be on the side of a rapist!  So I asked my uncle, aghast, "How can you defend a rapist???".  And my uncle said, what I think of the rapist doesn't matter.  What matters is that I defend his rights to the best of my ability in court so that justice can be carried out.

So, this is how I'm applying this to your situation:  It doesn't really matter if they're jerks.  You will need to see these jerks as people whose rights need to be defended to the full extent of your ability so that justice can be carried out.  So, if you're seeing them as jerks instead of people with rights, it might color your ability to do your part in the litigation.  So, you'll have to  be able to see past their jerky attitudes.

Just my half a penny's worth...

Edited May 22, 2017 by anatess2