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Hi, I am new to the site, just wanted to ask anyone who might be able to help. I am having a hard time finding any young lady who is a member to date. I live in an area with few mormons and because of current circumstances, I am not able to move. I am 19, red headed, going to school for accounting. I have a strong testimony, and I want anyone I date seriously to have the same, or atleast an understanding of the gospel. I am open minded to nonmembers, I just dont want to lower my standards and lose any chance of the spirit being involved. Anyway, if anyone knows any single lady that has similar issues, let me know. I dont want to seem awkward or desperate, just frustrated. Thanks

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Two options:

1) Date & dunk.

2) Wait until your education is over.  Get a job in an area with higher concentration of eligible LDS bachelorettes.

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Welcome, @hewasamormonboy.

I like that you're setting high standards for dating partners.  But dating is usually a precursor to marriage, and given the slim pickings in your area--maybe you can put serious dating "on the shelf" until after your mission, when you'll (presumably) have more options in terms of relocation?

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When I was your age, which wasn't all that long ago, the counsel was for young men not to date seriously until after their mission anyway.

I just did a search over at lds.org, and it was still the counsel as of 2010:

Quote

Before his mission, a young man should not be looking for a serious relationship. It may distract him from the call to full-time service he will receive from a prophet of God. It just doesn’t make sense to add the complication of a steady girlfriend when a young man is trying to prepare for a mission, and especially when he’s on his mission. It might create temptations and even expectations regarding the relationship. It’s not fair to him or the young woman. Neither of them needs that sort of distraction or pressure.

Dating FAQs - New Era, April 2010

If you can't go on a mission, period - for something that is a permanent problem, not something that is just delaying the mission - well, you do say that you can't move because of current circumstances, so I still don't understand why you have to be dating now, especially dating seriously.

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15 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Welcome, @hewasamormonboy.

I like that you're setting high standards for dating partners.  But dating is usually a precursor to marriage, and given the slim pickings in your area--maybe you can put serious dating "on the shelf" until after your mission, when you'll (presumably) have more options in terms of relocation?

The thing is, I don't think I am going on a mission. There's a number of reasons, none of them worthiness, but I think the next step in life for me is to continue school and look for someone to marry.

 

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7 hours ago, hewasamormonboy said:

The thing is, I don't think I am going on a mission. There's a number of reasons, none of them worthiness, but I think the next step in life for me is to continue school and look for someone to marry.

 

OK.  Then in that case, stop it.  Get ready for a mission. Then worry about this stuff after you come home.

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7 hours ago, hewasamormonboy said:

The thing is, I don't think I am going on a mission. There's a number of reasons, none of them worthiness, 

 

??? Why not go on a mission?

This I don't understand, someone who doesn't think they are going on a mission (maybe they aren't ready, don't want to sacrifice, believe it's not for them, etc.?) but yet they feel ready for marriage?

I've got news for you, if you don't think you can hack being a missionary, then what makes you think you can hack being married? 'Cuz I got news for you being married requires way more work, time, devotion, sacrifice, leadership than a mission could ever require.

A mission is prime training grounds for skills that are essential for marriage.

"Missionary service is a priesthood duty—an obligation the Lord expects of us who have been given so very much. Young men, I admonish you to prepare for service as a missionary." - President Monson

Edited by yjacket

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Far be it for me to pile on, but . . . Yeah, you're talking to a pretty pro-mission crowd here. ;)  Your life decisions are, of course, none of our business; but you should bear in mind that any prospective LDS bride would be fully justified in asking you how you are fulfilling your priesthood obligation to rid yourself of the blood and sins of this generation.  If serving a mission isn't going to be part of that answer, a savvy LDS girl will probably be asking you some pretty blunt follow-ups.

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On 6/12/2017 at 0:34 AM, hewasamormonboy said:
  • I have a strong testimony
  • I want anyone I date seriously to have the same
  • I am open minded to nonmembers
  • I just dont want to lower my standards 

There are serious conflicts in the above ideas that you need to resolve first.

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I am also pro mission...  As a father that has a son who will not be serving a full time proselyting mission due to medical reasons...  The church does offer alternative forms of missionary service.  My Stake President and Bishop are working with us to craft a Church Service Mission that is with in my son's abilities.

There is no reason for an young man to not be discussing with his church leaders about serving.  And the only honorable reason not to is if they say no they will not take you.  In which case then you are honorably dismissed by God's chosen.servants 

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My wife has repeatedly told me she never would have married me had I not gone on a mission.

Take that for what you will.

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I have slightly mixed feelings about women who won't marry anyone who is not an RM (such as my wife).

On one hand, I feel like there is a purity of intent problem, that one should be going on a mission with the sole intent to serve the Lord and not with the intent to impress the ladies (or for any other selfish motive).  I think those who go on a mission without the intent to serve the Lord risk having far less successful or effective missions.  (On the other hand, someone can perhaps go initially due to outside pressure, and "catch the vision" while in the field).  So I always feel a little uncomfortable with social pressure to serve a mission.

On the other hand, if you had a clear chance to go on a mission and just didn't do it because you couldn't be bothered, that does say something about your commitment to the gospel.  (Converts and medically excused people note: I am NOT talking about you.  I am talking about people who were members at age 20, had a testimony, and just couldn't be bothered to make the sacrifice).  I think it would be justified if a prospective spouse at the very least took a look at the person who refused to go on a mission to see if they are, at the very least, now more committed to the gospel.

Folks, whether you like it or not, missionary work is a priesthood duty.  It isn't easy or necessarily even fun, but someone has to do it.  If you young men don't at least try, you are letting down the Lord and being most lukewarm in His gospel.  If you are a male in his late teens and you willfully refuse to go on a mission, you are sinning and need to repent.

Edited by DoctorLemon

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13 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

On the other hand, if you had a clear chance to go on a mission and just didn't do it because you couldn't be bothered, that does say something about your commitment to the gospel.  (Converts note: I am NOT talking about you.  I am talking about people who were members at age 20, had a testimony, and just couldn't be bothered to make the sacrifice).  

I'm confused-are you talking about converts here?

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8 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I'm confused-are you talking about converts here?

The reason I wanted to make that clear is there was actually a guy on this forum who was having trouble finding people willing to date him, because (according to him) he converted after mission age and no one would date him because he was not an RM.  I do not believe the convert should be condemned for not making a choice he never had.  Same goes for those who are physically unable to go.

I generally dislike stigmas.  However, being fully honest with myself, when someone is actually a member in their late teens and had a perfect opportunity to go and should be on a mission but doesn't want to give up comfort, that shows a certain level of lukewarmth.  Members who are lukewarm risk going to the Terrestrial Kingdom, according to numerous Church talks.  So, while, to some extent, I dislike the "don't date someone who is not an RM" stigma, I do think the stigma makes a lot of sense when dealing with young men who had a clear and open opportunity to go and just didn't want to be inconvenienced with the Lord's work.  I would not want my daughter to marry someone who is lukewarm in the gospel.  If my daughter were dating someone who had blown off going on a mission solely because he didn't want the inconvenience, I would certainly hope he had repented of his past slothfulness and got a little more serious about the gospel, at very least.

Edited by DoctorLemon

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10 hours ago, Carborendum said:

OK.  Then in that case, stop it.  Get ready for a mission. Then worry about this stuff after you come home.

Yeah, no. At this point in my life, I feel that I want to focus on school and pursuing marriage. Despite what is commonly believed by those in the church, a mission is a personal decision and should be an opportunity as opposed to an obligation. Not all of my reasons for why im not going are of my own doing, but it is largely my own desires that I am pursuing.

7 hours ago, DoctorLemon said:

The reason I wanted to make that clear is there was actually a guy on this forum who was having trouble finding people willing to date him, because (according to him) he converted after mission age and no one would date him because he was not an RM.  I do not believe the convert should be condemned for not making a choice he never had.  Same goes for those who are physically unable to go.

I generally dislike stigmas.  However, being fully honest with myself, when someone is actually a member in their late teens and had a perfect opportunity to go and should be on a mission but doesn't want to give up comfort, that shows a certain level of lukewarmth.  Members who are lukewarm risk going to the Terrestrial Kingdom, according to numerous Church talks.  So, while, to some extent, I dislike the "don't date someone who is not an RM" stigma, I do think the stigma makes a lot of sense when dealing with young men who had a clear and open opportunity to go and just didn't want to be inconvenienced with the Lord's work.  I would not want my daughter to marry someone who is lukewarm in the gospel.  If my daughter were dating someone who had blown off going on a mission solely because he didn't want the inconvenience, I would certainly hope he had repented of his past slothfulness and got a little more serious about the gospel, at very least.

I understand that stigmas are a bad source of resentment and ridicule in the church. I agree that those that were not able to go are not at fault and that they will not be punished for that. However, going on a mission, although a wonderful opportunity, is NOT required for celestial glory, as a temple marriage, baptism, etc. are. In areas with high membership it is seen to be that way at times and missions are seen as more of a draft rather than an enlistment. Anyone who wants to go on a mission has my full support and love and I think it is a great opportunity to serve. But, those that chose not to, like I am, are not going to be held back because of their decision and should not be ridiculed because of it.

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Also, as far as marriage and whether a girl would date/marry me for not going on a mission, not all mormon girls are the same. I know several wont date nonmembers or members who havent gone on missions, but that is not everyone. That is their decision and is perfectly fine, but personally I think I would rather date someone who is more understanding and bases merit on both personal testimony and traits she finds attractive.

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19 minutes ago, hewasamormonboy said:

Despite what is commonly believed by those in the church, a mission is a personal decision and should be an opportunity as opposed to an obligation. Not all of my reasons for why I'm not going are of my own doing, but it is largely my own desires that I am pursuing.

However, going on a mission, although a wonderful opportunity, is NOT required for celestial glory, as a temple marriage, baptism, etc. are.... But, those that chose not to, like I am, are not going to be held back because of their decision and should not be ridiculed because of it.

Things you are right about: a mission is a personal decision, going on a mission is not required for celestial glory.

HOWEVER, a mission IS a priesthood duty. So you are putting your personal desires ahead of your priesthood responsibility, which has been given to you by the Lord through his prophets. That attitude is what is going to hold you back.

Quote

We affirm that missionary work is a priesthood duty—and we encourage all young men who are worthy and who are physically able and mentally capable to respond to the call to serve. Many young women also serve, but they are not under the same mandate to serve as are the young men.

Monson, Thomas S. "Welcome to Conference." Saturday Morning Session of General Conference, Salt Lake City, UT, October 6, 2012. emphasis added

 

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35 minutes ago, hewasamormonboy said:

However, going on a mission, although a wonderful opportunity, is NOT required for celestial glory, as a temple marriage, baptism, etc. are.

True; but one prerequisite to having a temple sealing that will be honored in the eternities, is receiving the spiritual blessings affiliated with the endowment.  One prerequisite for receiving the spiritual blessings affiliated with the endowment (not just undergoing the ceremony, but getting the actual spiritual blessings that can accompany it) is being cleansed from the blood and sins of your generation.

So I would encourage you to think long and hard about what you have done/are doing, in lieu of a mission, to spread the gospel of repentance to your fellowman so that you don't someday find yourself held accountable for their sins.  

Priesthood ordination isn't just something you go through en route to the greater goal of wedding and bedding some sweet Mormon girl.  It's a commitment to spiritually wear out one's own life in the service of others.  Wise LDS girls who consider you as a marriage prospect will expect to see that commitment embodied in your life--if not through missionary service, then by some comparable sacrifice.  A girl who doesn't encourage/expect that of you, might well not be a Mormon (at least, not a very active one) for very long once you're married, since sooner or later she will start to resent the inconveniences that service in the Church inevitably impose on your time and resources.  In which case--you may as well go ahead and start dating non-members now. ;) 

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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10 minutes ago, SilentOne said:

Things you are right about: a mission is a personal decision, going on a mission is not required for celestial glory.

HOWEVER, a mission IS a priesthood duty. So you are putting your personal desires ahead of your priesthood responsibility, which has been given to you by the Lord through his prophets. That attitude is what is going to hold you back.

 

The problem is, numerous prophets have warned that Mormons who are lukewarm risk going to the Terrestrial Kingdom.  Now, I for one do not know where the line is.  However, refusing to serve a mission because of the inconvenience seems to me to be a choice that shows where one's priorities lay.  It is a pretty Terrestrial thing to be doing, as far as I can see.

I do know several people who did not serve missions 15 years ago who later got married in the temple and today are shining examples of members.  However, these people, I believe, at some point saw that they chose wrong by choosing not to serve missions and repented and changed their ways.  I don't know, but perhaps such repentance is necessary in coming out of lukewarmth and getting back on the path for exaltation?  I do not believe they would be so blessed today had they not repented at some point.  Moreover, I know that several of them regret that they let down Heavenly Father by not serving.  

So please, please, please consider your ways while there is still time to change.  The time may come when you can no longer serve a mission, and you may find that you bitterly regret your decision.

Edited by DoctorLemon

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On 6/12/2017 at 1:34 AM, hewasamormonboy said:

Hi, I am new to the site, just wanted to ask anyone who might be able to help. I am having a hard time finding any young lady who is a member to date. I live in an area with few mormons and because of current circumstances, I am not able to move. I am 19, red headed, going to school for accounting. I have a strong testimony, and I want anyone I date seriously to have the same, or atleast an understanding of the gospel. I am open minded to nonmembers, I just dont want to lower my standards and lose any chance of the spirit being involved. Anyway, if anyone knows any single lady that has similar issues, let me know. I dont want to seem awkward or desperate, just frustrated. Thanks

Odds are, all of the LDS women in your dating pool are probably preparing to serve missions, while non-LDS member women in your dating pool are either currently uninterested in marriage or looking for a member of their own congregation.

When I worked in the temple (my mission equivalent since crippling student debt prevented me from saving up money to serve), I remember hearing counsel from somewhere that more important than preparing to serve a mission is preparing to receive your own endowment. I suggest you focus your personal study on preparing for the temple (Oct 2010 Ensign is a good place to start) and put the dating search on hold for now. Even if you aren't planning on serving a mission, you'll have to receive your own endowment before becoming sealed, which is why I'm suggesting you focus there.

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On 6/12/2017 at 2:34 AM, hewasamormonboy said:

I am having a hard time finding any young lady who is a member to date.

I just dont want to lower my standards and lose any chance of the spirit being involved. 

 

1 hour ago, hewasamormonboy said:

I know several wont date nonmembers or members who havent gone on missions, but that is not everyone.

I would rather date someone who is more understanding and bases merit on both personal testimony and traits she finds attractive.

1 hour ago, hewasamormonboy said:

Despite what is commonly believed by those in the church, a mission is a personal decision and should be an opportunity as opposed to an obligation. 

But, those that chose not to, like I am, are not going to be held back because of their decision and should not be ridiculed because of it.

Typical millennial claptrap.  

No ifs,and, or buts, for a young priesthood holder, mission service is a duty and and obligation.

So basically what you are saying is: you want to do what you want to do (i.e. not serving a mission), you want to get married, you understand in general LDS girls don't seriously date non-members or RMs.  But you feel you are special and the girl you date/marry is going to be so much more spiritual b/c she sees you based upon your personal testimony and you don't want to lower your standards.

Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too!!  You are very funny.  I've got news for you based upon what you are currently saying, any stalwart LDS girl would be lowering her standards to marry you. No wonder you can't find anyone to date!

The 2nd bold portion is hilarious . . .another typical millennial claptrap reasoning of everyone is a STAR!!!  Look at me, I didn't serve a mission, not b/c I couldn't but b/c I choose not too and no one should hold me back b/c of it.

Hey kid.  Lesson #1 in life.  The world does not revolve around you, nor does it revolve around what you want-in fact it could care less about what you want in life.  

If you don't want to serve a mission, that's fine.  You just need to accept the realities and consequences of what that means.  Instead of pouting that "no one should hold you back" . . .really??? I've never seen another LDS member who didn't serve a mission be actively held back (i.e. no one says, welp nope you can't serve as EQP b/c you didn't serve a mission . .. how ridiculous).  What I have seen is that b/c of their choices, they held themselves back. And there is a big, big difference.

You don't want to serve a mission, cool.  But you need to accept the reality of what that will mean; which is that you will self-select out of the dating pool for many good LDS girls . . .and that is perfectly acceptable.  I will advise my girls to not seriously date boys who could have served but did not serve. If you accept that reality, cool, if not-well good luck kicking against the pricks.

-------------

A separate question is why should being an RM be a good qualifier for dating material.  Well, that is a separate answer, but suffice it to say-yes it is a very good selector.

Edited by yjacket

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1 hour ago, hewasamormonboy said:

Despite what is commonly believed by those in the church, a mission is a personal decision and should be an opportunity as opposed to an obligation.

This is not what's commonly believed because it doesn't make any sense. It is a personal decision. Everyone in the church believes that. It is also an obligation. The two things are not opposed one to another.

1 hour ago, hewasamormonboy said:

In areas with high membership it is seen to be that way at times 

No.

1 hour ago, hewasamormonboy said:

and missions are seen as more of a draft rather than an enlistment. 

No.

1 hour ago, hewasamormonboy said:

But, those that chose not to, like I am, are not going to be held back 

This isn't strictly true. In the long run it may be true. Any sin is the same. You could claim the same of any of them. Pre-marital sex isn't going to keep anyone from the celestial kingdom or hold anyone back, etc. No sins will if the person repents of them. That idea being used as an excuse to ignore God's will is unlikely to work out in the long run. A broken heart and a contrite spirit is the key. It is the key to repentance, the key to obedience, and the key to happiness. Treating any of God's counsels as if they aren't that important will, without a doubt, hold us back until we change our hearts, minds, and souls and seek His glory above all.

1 hour ago, hewasamormonboy said:

and should not be ridiculed because of it.

This just doesn't happen.

Edited by The Folk Prophet

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1 hour ago, hewasamormonboy said:

Also, as far as marriage and whether a girl would date/marry me for not going on a mission, not all mormon girls are the same. I know several wont date nonmembers or members who havent gone on missions, but that is not everyone. That is their decision and is perfectly fine, but personally I think I would rather date someone who is more understanding and bases merit on both personal testimony and traits she finds attractive.

Isn't choosing someone who has the commitment, humility, attitude, and willingness to serve a mission a trait to find attractive?

So what you mean to say is you want to find a girl who is attracted to the uncommitted, prideful, those with poor attitudes, and a lack of willingness to serve. Well...they're out there. I'm sure you can find one.

Edited by The Folk Prophet

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On a serious note.

I was listening to Mark 10 earlier this week.

--------

 17 And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?

18 And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.

19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.

20 And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.

21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.

-------

One of the absolute hardest things to do in life is to bend our will to God's will.  I find in general in my life, most of the time my will aligns with His (I'd like to think that's b/c of how I was raised).  But every now and then, my will does not align with His.  Learning to be completely willing and humbly enough to submit to God all things that He would have us do or go through is a very tough thing in life.  The older I've gotten, the more that I have come to learn about this principle.

Submitting to all things God has commanded me to do . . .whether He speaks to me in prayer, in scripture, or by the voice of His servants (Bishops, Apostles, Prophets) . . .learning to be humble, meek and 100% willing to do His will . . .it is very, very hard.  And something that I think takes a lifetime to master.

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31 minutes ago, yjacket said:

 

 

Typical millennial claptrap.  

No ifs,and, or buts, for a young priesthood holder, mission service is a duty and and obligation.

So basically what you are saying is: you want to do what you want to do (i.e. not serving a mission), you want to get married, you understand in general LDS girls don't seriously date non-members or RMs.  But you feel you are special and the girl you date/marry is going to be so much more spiritual b/c she sees you based upon your personal testimony and you don't want to lower your standards.

Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too!!  You are very funny.  I've got news for you based upon what you are currently saying, any stalwart LDS girl would be lowering her standards to marry you. No wonder you can't find anyone to date!

The 2nd bold portion is hilarious . . .another typical millennial claptrap reasoning of everyone is a STAR!!!  Look at me, I didn't serve a mission, not b/c I couldn't but b/c I choose not too and no one should hold me back b/c of it.

Hey kid.  Lesson #1 in life.  The world does not revolve around you, nor does it revolve around what you want-in fact it could care less about what you want in life.  

If you don't want to serve a mission, that's fine.  You just need to accept the realities and consequences of what that means.  Instead of pouting that "no one should hold you back" . . .really??? I've never seen another LDS member who didn't serve a mission be actively held back (i.e. no one says, welp nope you can't serve as EQP b/c you didn't serve a mission . .. how ridiculous).  What I have seen is that b/c of their choices, they held themselves back. And there is a big, big difference.

You don't want to serve a mission, cool.  But you need to accept the reality of what that will mean; which is that you will self-select out of the dating pool for many good LDS girls . . .and that is perfectly acceptable.  I will advise my girls to not seriously date boys who could have served but did not serve. If you accept that reality, cool, if not-well good luck kicking against the pricks.

-------------

A separate question is why should being an RM be a good qualifier for dating material.  Well, that is a separate answer, but suffice it to say-yes it is a very good selector.

Im not saying that I am in some way super special or that I should be rewarded or anything like that. I just understand that not all women in the church, Id even say a fair amount of them, dont necessarily require a mission in their spouse. I take it you are a dad/grandfather who is a member and live in an area where the church has a relatively high influence, but the fact is, outside of utah and idaho, missions are not as frequent. The only reason I asked the original question in the first place is because there aren't many peeople single and my age around; most are either older, married, or going to college at a byu school. Im sorry that I dont really care about the stoic, sarcastic comments about my views on a mission. I like to at least look for more than being a sunday mormon that marries a trophy wife and then comes on the internet to do nothing but look for satisfaction in trying to one-up someone younger with shallow arguments.

 

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