Can you tolerate spicy food?


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I just had to include this oldie but goodie in this thread.


“Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.”

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:


Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy hot tomatoes, Batman, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.


Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQflavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.


Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT … Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I broke wind, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.


Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I soiled myself when I passed gas, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my heiney with a snow cone.


Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed gas, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 — No report.


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9 hours ago, Carborendum said:

I like the scoville scale ratings around 50,000 to 100,000.  Habanero (350,000) may have more kick than I'm used to.  But I think I could handle it.  But the ghost chili?  I'll try it and see.  If I can find somewhere that would actually use it.

I've got some Da Bomb Ground Zero sauce that I occasionally use for sinus congestion; at 234,000 Scoville, one drop in a can of beans is enough to make my scalp sweat and nose run like water.  I expect the 4oz bottle to outlast me.

Oddly, though, I can taste the difference between the citrus based Ground Zero and the more common vinegar base in other sauces.

Edited by NightSG
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Can't stand anything spicy. I can barely eat a slice of pepperoni pizza. And all this started happening after my first pregnancy over  35 years ago. I could easily handle spicy foods up until that time, now I tolerate it, more to just be polite. It isn't something I willingly order at a restaurant or prepare for my family.

I've been to South Korea twice in the last 5 years and I had the hardest time eating kimchi and/or anything similar.  I can eat it, but dislike it immensely!

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  • 10 months later...

I like hot and spicy foods. When I eat hot spicy food my scalp sweats profusely. I actually start to sweat before I actually eat the food. 

I like hot mustard. I like the rush I get when it burns up the back of my nose. 

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21 hours ago, BJ64 said:

I like hot and spicy foods. When I eat hot spicy food my scalp sweats profusely. I actually start to sweat before I actually eat the food. 

I like hot mustard. I like the rush I get when it burns up the back of my nose. 

On the right day, we could be friends.

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1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

On the right day, we could be friends.

I think Internet forums are not the easiest places to have a good discussion. Putting your thoughts into a few sentences does not always allow your true intent and feelings to come across well 

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I cannot eat spicy food. I have never even been a fan of pepper but I've noticed that lately I can handle pepper especially on scrambled eggs. If I do get food from a restaurant with a little spice, I get a side of sour cream to tone it down. Everything goes well with sour cream. 😊


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