Wife quit church and I got arrested


Happy Hiker
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 I met my wife in a singles ward and I married her in the church due to lack of worthiness.  She was a young woman of nineteen when we started dating, and never lived the church lifestyle as an adult.  From everything I heard she was gung ho in her teens.

I am seven years older.  Now thirty three.

We have no kids, but last year she got a dog. 

She said doggy would make her feel better, and that made me very sad because she didn't need the Holy Ghost but she needed a dog.

Her parents were abusive when she was a kid.

I met up with missionaries about three years ago and started to feel the spirit and go to church for about a month.

I felt more at peace in the faith than ever before.  She said the whole bit made her uncomfortable, and one day she told me there was no way she could ever see herself becoming active again.

That was the worst day of my life.

I had a habit of drinking vodka and smoking a lot of grass for most of our marriage.  

I was a jerk at times, but she could be pretty rough on me, too.

I still love her to death, and she always tells me I mean everything to her and she loves me.  I don't think she knows how disappointed I feel.  Even though I really love her, I drastically narrowed my dating pool to find a member to marry.  

I just thought that eventually I would iron out my mental health and we would be in church and feeling the spirit together.  I thought the spirit confirmed to me that even though we weren't married in the temple, I was doing the right thing.

Wondering if I imagined that.

Eventually she told me she took her name off of church rolls.  That hurt but was more expected.

We have moved to a new community, and I am hoping to get into the ward, but I am very scared to roll up to the church without a job, and with a recent arrest for driving under the influence of marijuana and carrying a gun while intoxicated.  

My license is about to be suspended for six months and although I am a respected songwriter, I have no job prospects or education.  She is working a job in a bottling plant, and I feel pretty bad about everything.  I may never make a cent off of music.  And it just got harder to get hired.

I have a lot of social anxiety.  

I want to rebaptize her, but my gut feeling is that it isn't likely to ever happen.

She wants to have kids with me.

Signed up for the forum just to get this off my chest.  Thanks.

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Church is where you belong.  With or without her.  I wasn't that much different than your wife for a long time, but my wife was really solid in the gospel.  It was because of her that I have finally made some changes that will allow me to once again be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!  The spirit can work through you if you allow it and put effort into what you want to become.  Your dreams of attending church with your wife and feeling the spirit is possible but you first need to put the work into yourself and someday she will hopefully follow.  Many prayers for you my brother.

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I'm in a movies quote mood these past few days:

"Nothing is final until you're dead.  And even then, God negotiates."  This is, of course, from a secular movie.  But yes, everybody goes through change - for the better or for the worse - all their lives and even beyond death.

Don't worry much about your wife right now.  You need to worry about yourself.  Your worthiness is, right now, the most important part of your life.  The Church is a hospital of spiritually sick people, we're all in there to change for the better.  Spiritual peace leads to temporal peace.  A strong spirit can overcome the body's weaknesses.  And you can't do this alone.  Go talk to the bishop and ask him to help you get better.  He can help you with temporal needs - if you need groceries, etc. - until you're strong enough to get back on your feet.  But all this depends upon your willingness to change.  Be humble, love God, love your wife.  She's on her own journey too even if it seems like she's in the abyss right now.  But you can't be worried about your wife's spiritual state when yours is in trouble.  You have to be at spiritual peace with the Holy Ghost  first before you can hear the Holy Ghost's guidance on what you can do for your wife.

Good luck!  Love God.  Love yourself.  Love your wife.

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@Happy Hiker,

The Church is a hospital for the sinner, not a country club for the righteous.  You have a lot of wounds, and need a lot of healing.  If you go to church saying that you have no job and admit all your sins to the public and say,"Hey, accept me!"  That probably won't go over too well.

If, however, you come to church in humility and simply say that you've had problems in your life and you're working on them -- and that you've come to the Church to obtain spiritual support and healing and to return to God, then everyone will probably bend over backwards trying to help you out.

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Welcome HappyHiker, 

I'd be happy to sit next to you at church.  We all have pasts, none of us are perfect.   Marriages that struggle can succeed.  Miracles are real, and also success through a lifetime of devotion is a thing that happens.  

That said - don't you dare ever carry a gun while you're drinking, or drive under the influence, ever again.  I can't sit next to you if you're in prison, and you've got enough struggles without adding a lifetime of guilt for injuring or killing some poor innocent soul who didn't deserve to die in a dumb accident.

Stick around!

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Dear @Happy Hiker

Welcome to the forum! 

So you are one part of a 'part member' family. Not uncommon.

As per @Carborendum's suggestion, I would just attend church. Make some friends and do not give anyone your life story. At some point the Holy Ghost will kick in and help you to sort out your life. In the meantime, I would learn about the gospel and take things one challenge at a time. Things will get better. 

At some point, likely months after attending church, the bishop may ask to speak to you. No biggy.

Let me stress, it is your right to attend the Lds church. God wants you there as does the bishop. You do not have to qualify to attend this church. It is your right and we welcome you! You are wanted.

By the way, there should be quite a few free activities often with food. You do not need to be a member to attend. Bring your lady and some friends. Tuck in! You, your friends, your family, your neighbors, they are all welcome! 

Edited by Sunday21
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  • 1 month later...

Thanks for all of the encouragement.

I got the job I wanted and I'm starting soon.  It is a manufacturing job with a company that owns two out of the world's three producers of hard drive reader micro circuits.  The piece is the size of a grain of rice and requires over ninety processes.  I looked at one through an electron microscope and it was pretty cool.

I want to start a food truck and I have a pretty good idea about a new kind of energy drink I want to sell.  Sorry I can't share the idea. It's actually new and different.  LOL.

I quit a manosphere forum I posted at with a lot of swearing, so I'm going to try to keep coming here to feel the spirit instead of feeling contention.

I found out that part of why I have trouble with joining communities is because I have agoraphobia. 

I'm going to go to church soon, and I realize that waiting for the perfect self to do anything is a trap and a fallacy.

Even though I wasn't even high, and I just had a taillight out the night I got in trouble, I am still glad that I got in trouble because I will probably learn a lot from peeing in a cup eighty times in six months.  They are requiring a lot from me, including fines and eighty hours of community service.  Looks like I can get my gun rights back in about a year.  I don't want to use any chemicals anyway.

It's time to rely on Heavenly Father.  I am a proud person and I never rely on HF.  At most, I just ask for the companionship of the Spirit when times get tough.

I didn't make great friends when I was young, and I wasted some potential, but I'm only thirty three, so there's a lot of time. 

I have spent many hours learning about the Book of Mormon, and watching people explain why they believe on You Tube.  I agree with Dan Peterson that when you line up all of the accounts from those days and look at the book itself, it makes more sense that it is real than fake.

Thanks again.

 

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