Feelings on Video Games


artista
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Okay guys! I need some help. I do not have a healthy or kind view on video games whatsoever. This feeling towards them came from 1) watching my brother play and get super furious and have angry outbursts 2) the talk by David A. Bednar titled "Things as They Really Are" that talks about the virtual world and 3) the statistics I have heard of that a percentage of video gamers tend to be led towards porn. I feel as though it is unproductive. Its a hobby for some, yes. We need hobbies. I guess my idea of a hobby is something that makes you a better person, helps develop talents, ect. In the temple we covenant to give our time & talents to building the kingdom of God. We can do that in millions of ways. My husband plays video games every now and then & I feel so bad cause I turn off. I hate it so much guys and I need help to get some more perspective on this topic. 

Edited by artista
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Raging at a video game = bad.

Being obsessive about video games = bad.

Refusing to do anything else but play video games = bad.

Some good uses for video games: having a nice relaxing time playing a game.  There are plenty of wholesome games out there, plenty of games you can play with others and have fun, games you can play just by yourself to unwind, etc.  They can be quite fun.  The key is to keep them as just a fun tool and not let the tool rule your life.  Truthfully, that's the key for many many things in life.

 

Edited by Jane_Doe
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3 minutes ago, artista said:

My husband plays video games every now and then . . . I turn off.  I hate it so much guys . . .

In my mind, this is the key.  Have you ever played games with him?  Why do you hate it so much?  Has your husband exhibited destructive behaviors related to playing video games? Is it taking time away from you and things that you want to do together?  Would you feel the same if he was watching TV instead?  If not, they are both unproductive wastes of time, so why not?

Depending on the situation, this may be your need to come to the realization that it's okay, or it could be his need to realize he's overdoing it, or both.  From the way you wrote your initial inquiry, it sounds more like the first.  Regardless, the most effective way to reduce his game time could be to give him a better alternative, such as something that he likes doing together with you.  ← That is not a sexual reference, but it certainly could include that at times.

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Guest MormonGator

I am a HUGE gamer. One of my tattoos is the Atari logo. I tease @LadyGator by saying that video games will always be my first love. I collect old systems and there is almost nothing else I'd rather do than play video games. I've never heard the correlation between gamers and porn, and I don't believe it. 

Just let your husband play games from time to time. If he works hard, provides for you, is a good and worthy priesthood holder there is no harm to it. Sure, if he games all night and day instead of going to work and providing of his family, time for a talk. But otherwise-it's harmless fun. You know where he is, he isn't out at a bar or with another woman, or spending huge amounts of money, so on and so on.  Let him be. Not all men are into wood working and camping. 

I know it's not what you wanted to hear and I do apologize for that. We all have different hobbies. What you (generic) might find boring and uninteresting someone else might love. 

Edited by MormonGator
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Back when I had my "spiritual awakening" last September one of the things I noticed was that video games made those spiritual feelings go right out the door, and I didn't even rage at this point.

I used to be addicted to RuneScape and World of Warcraft. I would wake up with my hands shaking because I had to play.  When I played World of Warcraft, I would slam the desk and scream and yell at whatever the current matter was (was usually Lay on Hands.) 

As far as I'm concerned, there's no way to justify video games as an activity, be they often or occasional. 

If you really ponder why we are here and the principals of happiness. You may find that it's difficult justifying video games in this probation.

I've given them up, but I don't judge people who play them or who don't think as I do.

I should add, my use of video games was 100% escapist and I had larger problems, and it wasn't the video games, they were only a symptom. Also, I became addicted to pornography during my addiction to World of Warcraft, more escapism and more covering my problems in dopamine. But the heaviest exposure to pornography came through HBO, not the computer. HBO was the gateway and I eventually moved to PC for my porn (plus I had an even older masturbation problem.) 

Sidenote, I thought Dark Souls 2 was terrible and lazy.

Edited by Snigmorder
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1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

I am a HUGE gamer. One of my tattoos is the Atari logo. I tease @LadyGator by saying that video games will always be my first love. I collect old systems and there is almost nothing else I'd rather do than play video games. I've never heard the correlation between gamers and porn, and I don't believe it. 

Just let your husband play games from time to time. If he works hard, provides for you, is a good and worthy priesthood holder there is no harm to it. Sure, if he games all night and day instead of going to work and providing of his family, time for a talk. But otherwise-it's harmless fun. You know where he is, he isn't out at a bar or with another woman, or spending huge amounts of money, so on and so on.  Let him be. Not all men are into wood working and camping. 

I know it's not what you wanted to hear and I do apologize for that. We all have different hobbies. What you (generic) might find boring and uninteresting someone else might love. 

Amen, brother!

I have been a gamer off and on for 27 years.  My wife is a far bigger gamer than I am.  

I think games are fine.  I work hard for a living and I work hard in my callings, and I like to do these things called "unwinding" and "having fun" and "being normal" every once in awhile.

I do think it is a good idea to set aside time for video gaming.  No one thinks it is healthy to be "that guy" whose life has been invaded by gaming.  I like to do my gaming late on Tuesday and Saturday nights, after my daughter is asleep.  Then, I can indulge in Splinter Cell or Metal Gear Solid for a couple of hours without my gaming competing with anything more worthwhile.  The rest of the week, my video games stay off.  

My biggest virtual time waster might actually be MormonHub . . . 

I have heard of video game addiction.  For some reason, it always seems to be World of Warcraft, and rarely anything else.  

I have not heard of a correlation between gaming and porn.  I imagine the correlation between gaming and porn has to do with the fact that young men seem to do a lot of both.  I wonder if you could draw a similar correlation between football and porn . . .

I also think many more people are addicted to television and watch TV five hours every single day, yet video games get all the bad press.  I guess people are so used to seeing television addiction all around them all the time, they don't care or even notice these days, but when someone has a video game controller, everyone freaks out . . . 

Edited by DoctorLemon
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15 hours ago, DoctorLemon said:

Amen, brother!

I have been a gamer off and on for 27 years.  My wife is a far bigger gamer than I am.  

I think games are fine.  I work hard for a living and I work hard in my callings, and I like to do these things called "unwinding" and "having fun" and "being normal" every once in awhile.

I do think it is a good idea to set aside time for video gaming.  No one thinks it is healthy to be "that guy" whose life has been invaded by gaming.  I like to do my gaming late on Tuesday and Saturday nights, after my daughter is asleep.  Then, I can indulge in Splinter Cell or Metal Gear Solid for a couple of hours without my gaming competing with anything more worthwhile.  The rest of the week, my video games stay off.  

My biggest virtual time waster might actually be MormonHub . . . 

I have heard of video game addiction.  For some reason, it always seems to be World of Warcraft, and rarely anything else.  

I have not heard of a correlation between gaming and porn.  I imagine the correlation between gaming and porn has to do with the fact that young men seem to do a lot of both.  I wonder if you could draw a similar correlation between football and porn . . .

I also think many more people are addicted to television and watch TV five hours every single day, yet video games get all the bad press.  I guess people are so used to seeing television addiction all around them all the time, they don't care or even notice these days, but when someone has a video game controller, everyone freaks out . . . 

Thanks bud. 

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Every one has hobbies and preferred recreational activities.

Some people like to watch sports.

Some people like to play video games.

Some people like to play board games.

Some people like to play with fountain pens.

Some people like to hang out on internet forums.

All of these recreational activities can be abused and take one away from what they should be doing.  So the trick everyone has is to keep them in the proper balance and perspective.

Now from what you posted it doesn't seem like the problem is with your husband.  You consider what he does to be a vice (not a sin just something that does not advance him) and you turn off.   So lets reverse that.  Since you, like all of us, are an imperfect human, you have your own vices.  Your own things that you like to do that does not really advance you.  How would you want your husband to respond to you when you engage your vices?  Ponder that.  When you have your answer then you apply the golden rule.

 

 

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Was it here some time ago someone wrote in with a horrifically addicted husband (on video games?)

I like video games. I have a Gears of War decal and a Skyrim decal on my car. If I'm doing a deep cleaning session, I have one of the Civilization games running (seriously, it keeps me focused if I can play a few turns whilst cleaning). However, I can't immerse myself into them, and that's probably a good thing. My husband is more of a gamer. He'll go through seasons where he plays them more often, seasons where he forgets we have video games. (For example, sometime ago I taunted @MormonGator with a photo of an Xbox abandoned on a shelf in the laundry room. It's a real picture. We packed the Xbox into a duffle bag to take to the hospital when I was in labor with my now 20-month-old baby, and when we emptied the duffle bag to wash things the Xbox just sort of was left there). 

I have a friend who is the classic Utah Mormon Housewife. She's a clean freak, she sells clothes through an MLM, she's super-cute... and you can only hang out with her on certain evenings because of a handful of online games I know nothing about. 

To wrap up my random musings, I see nothing wrong with video games in moderation. But it's not unheard of them to become problematic. It's easy to say (and the right thing to attempt) to find better and best things to do, but when faced between one frivolous activity and video gaming, what's so wrong with making Ghandi wished he never declared war on me? (Because, I swear, Ghandi is the most warmongering character in the Civilization games.)

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@artista and I will be playing super smash bros here in a few days. Hopefully it will convince her that smashing your apponent across the map and ricocheting him off a wall is  not just ok, but healthy for a relationship :)

Edited by Fether
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Video games are a big waste of time... u want to play call of duty? This cute. Join up and go do it for real. That will fix that fetishes real quick. On a more serious note...had a daughter in a singles ward at one point...most of the guys just spend their time playing games video games and are total losers. If most of them didn't go on missions, they wouldn't have anything going  for them. Still pretty much losers. Crap job, not in school or taking very few classes, directionless etc. Common theme is they all spend the day exercising their thumbs. 

Burn the games and get them off their butts.pathetic

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11 minutes ago, Fether said:

@artista and I will be playing super smash bros here in a few days. Hopefully it will convince her that smashing your apponent across the map and ricocheting him off a wall is  not just ok, but healthy for a relationship :)

Oh my goodness haha. Yes we will be! I want to give video games a shot!! Who knows maybe I'll crush @Fether and be addicted from then on ;)

Ps, just want to give myself some credit here. Before we got married I planned a date where we played video games and ate pizza on the floor because I knew he loved it & I wanted to do what he loved. And i enjoyed spending time with him & watching his ego go up as he beat me everytime (which wasnt hard considering everyone in the game beat me by a long shot). So I'm working on it! ;)

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25 minutes ago, paracaidista508 said:

Video games are a big waste of time... u want to play call of duty? This cute. Join up and go do it for real. That will fix that fetishes real quick. On a more serious note...had a daughter in a singles ward at one point...most of the guys just spend their time playing games video games and are total losers. If most of them didn't go on missions, they wouldn't have anything going  for them. Still pretty much losers. Crap job, not in school or taking very few classes, directionless etc. Common theme is they all spend the day exercising their thumbs. 

Burn the games and get them off their butts.pathetic

 

In highschool I was president of three clubs (Band, Drumline and Seminary), received a state offered prestigious music award, read scriptures every day, held a job, maintained a 3.85 GPA, acquired a dental assistant certificate/degree at a local tech college, performed on a professional level drumline, received my Eagle Scout and Duty to God Award (Only member in my Ward to have received it), and volunteered as a tutor at my local elementary school.

Today I have 3 jobs and work 40+ hours a week, have no dept, I started my own business last month that is so far successful, maintain a high GPA at school, attend the temple weekly, study scriptures every day, read other books regularly, serve in the elders quorum presidency and am fully active, served an amazingly successful full time mission, I will likely be drumline captain next year at my college, nearly made a competition drumline that travels the Western USA competing (but chose to get married I stead) and with the help of my wife I have an amazing and clean home.

oh ya... and I also play video games when I have free time.

Life isn't always so black and white.

Edited by Fether
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34 minutes ago, Fether said:

 

In highschool I was president of three clubs (Band, Drumline and Seminary), received a state offered prestigious music award, read scriptures every day, held a job, maintained a 3.85 GPA, acquired a dental assistant certificate/degree at a local tech college, performed on a professional level drumline, received my Eagle Scout and Duty to God Award (Only member in my Ward to have received it), and volunteered as a tutor at my local elementary school.

Today I have 3 jobs and work 40+ hours a week, have no dept, I started my own business last month that is so far successful, maintain a high GPA at school, attend the temple weekly, study scriptures every day, read other books regularly, serve in the elders quorum presidency and am fully active, served an amazingly successful full time mission, I will likely be drumline captain next year at my college, nearly made a competition drumline that travels the Western USA competing (but chose to get married I stead) and with the help of my wife I have an amazing and clean home.

oh ya... and I also play video games when I have free time.

Life isn't always so black and white.

Thats nice.... you know just as well as I do most kids ur age who are still gaming are accomplishing mostly nothing. I have 2 different singles wards I can point at and locate at least 50 "MEN" who wither away in their parents house playing  games. Lousy jobs, mushy bodies and nothing accomplished. 

Check out this survey...found this from an lds sister

Lack of men! Who is there to marry?! If they are there, they are either addicted to porn or video games. We are raising a generation of boys that never grow up.

http://ldsmag.com/article-1-12850/

 

Edited by paracaidista508
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8 minutes ago, paracaidista508 said:

Thats nice.... you know just as well as I do most kids ur age who are still gaming are accomplishing mostly nothing. I have 2 different singles wards I can point at and locate at least 50 "MEN" who wither away in their parents house playing  games. Lousy jobs, mushy bodies and nothing accomplished. 

Check out this survey...found this from an lds sister

Lack of men! Who is there to marry?! If they are there, they are either addicted to porn or video games. We are raising a generation of boys that never grow up.

http://ldsmag.com/article-1-12850/

 

I agree, I have a few friends who fit under the category you are explaining. But it isn't an all or nothing thing. Video games are not the problem, the people playing them are

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13 minutes ago, Fether said:

I agree, I have a few friends who fit under the category you are explaining. But it isn't an all or nothing thing. Video games are not the problem, the people playing them are

Would you say the same thing about, say, pornography? Crack addiction?

You may respond, "Ah! But those things are wicked per se, not at all like video games!" And perhaps you have a point. Perhaps. But maybe not. While a video game may not be actively wicked (or then again, maybe it is), it certainly is a time sink. Wasting a few minutes per day is, we may rationalize, necessary for a healthy mind. But wasting an hour a day? Two hours? Five hours?

"But how is this any different from television, or internet surfing?" It is not. But maybe television and internet surfing are also wicked pursuits when they lead us to waste the precious time God has given us. I speak as an offender, not as an innocent. But it's about time we quit dancing around the issue and squarely faced the possibility that we are offending the Spirit of God and wasting his gift of life to us in idle, foolish pursuits. Television, internet surfing, and yes, gaming may all fall into that category.

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2 hours ago, Vort said:

Would you say the same thing about, say, pornography? Crack addiction?

You may respond, "Ah! But those things are wicked per se, not at all like video games!" And perhaps you have a point. Perhaps. But maybe not. While a video game may not be actively wicked (or then again, maybe it is), it certainly is a time sink. Wasting a few minutes per day is, we may rationalize, necessary for a healthy mind. But wasting an hour a day? Two hours? Five hours?

"But how is this any different from television, or internet surfing?" It is not. But maybe television and internet surfing are also wicked pursuits when they lead us to waste the precious time God has given us. I speak as an offender, not as an innocent. But it's about time we quit dancing around the issue and squarely faced the possibility that we are offending the Spirit of God and wasting his gift of life to us in idle, foolish pursuits. Television, internet surfing, and yes, gaming may all fall into that category.

To be fair, there is quite a big difference between TV/Videogames/Surfing the internet and doing crack/pornography. But I do see your point.

If I'm honest with myself, I have no arguement for video games.

But if it is all about wasting time on video games rather than spending it on more righteous pursuits then We have to let the rest of the dominos fall. TV, Internet, Movies, Radio, Listening to music, comics, comedy shows. What about amusement parks, what purpose do they hold? Board games? Audio Books?

Edited by Fether
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9 hours ago, paracaidista508 said:

Video games are a big waste of time... u want to play call of duty? This cute. Join up and go do it for real. That will fix that fetishes real quick. On a more serious note...had a daughter in a singles ward at one point...most of the guys just spend their time playing games video games and are total losers. If most of them didn't go on missions, they wouldn't have anything going  for them. Still pretty much losers. Crap job, not in school or taking very few classes, directionless etc. Common theme is they all spend the day exercising their thumbs. 

Burn the games and get them off their butts.pathetic

Charming description of your fellow LDS. Generally people who call others "losers" with "____ jobs" are using name calling to try and make themselves feel better about their own insecurities and failures. And for the record, many gamers are doing quite well. I own my home, graduated college with honors, own two cars, have a nice work from home job, and am doing just fine. So we're not all "losers" with "____ jobs". 

Edited by MormonGator
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2 hours ago, Carborendum said:

@artista, you made me post this.  So, just remember, it's your fault.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3hIzo3MBKY

I really appreciate that video hahaha :P

Thanks everyone for your comments! I've learned a lot and my perspective has changed, just like I was hoping. I wont cringe every time I see my husband play now ;)

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56 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Charming description of your fellow LDS. Generally people who call others "losers" with "____ jobs" are using name calling to try and make themselves feel better about their own insecurities and failures. And for the record, many gamers are doing quite well. I own my home, graduated college with honors, own two cars, have a nice work from home job, and am doing just fine. So we're not all "losers" with "____ jobs". 

Well gee I feel so bad you are offended.

First off I directed this at the "men" in the YSA wards. Not all of them, just the ones who occupy their free time by wasting it on this garbage while they should be trying to make something of themselves. Theres no helping them. If the motivation of having a real life and a wife is not enough, what am I gonna do? After all they served their missions and are priesthood holders so all the boxes are checked right?? Thats waht they think possibly. Little do they know that is just scratching the surface. Not my problem so long as they stay away from my daughter. Now that you mention it- I also know several older men with kids. wife etc who still cant maintain good jobs, etc because they don't have any time to go to school to improve themselves. They do have time to sit around playing games though. I didn't just make this up, this is what they say they do with their free time. Ive been an Elder for 25 yrs and I have heard it over and over. I do also know some who play games and are just fine, but I would bet they don't spend much time doing it- their wives would kill them.

Back to the YSA topic: Just like many here who are fathers or mothers who feel any young man is not worthy to marry their daughter if they didn't serve a full time mission for whatever that actually is worth, I also reserve the right to label and discriminate against anyone I would feel worthy to marry my daughter. When you spend the better part of three years getting feedback from three different YSA wards, knowing dozens of the young men there, what they do with their free time, what their career aspirations are (or are not) and seeing their progress or the lack thereof well you begin to form an opinion.

I mentioned previously being able to point out about 50 or so who are dead enders or "losers" which they are and show you some real winners. Many constantly whine about not being able to get a good job. Well they have no college or only take one class at a time so likely will never finish. Many say they don't have time for school, yet they play games 20 hrs a week. Employment is also a huge issue. We have tons of jobs available here. Problem is many are unwilling to work a night shift, or on weekends, or outside, or at all. The one thing they all have in common- they burn their free time (aside from complaining about not having the ideal job or school stuff) playing video games. Either still living with mom and dad or with four others just like them in a 2 bedroom apt. Three years later, many of them have gone no where, but they are always out and about on their Instagram or FB thing and when not dong that they are playing games.

As a Father, any dude who is gonna court my daughter better have their act together and display a little bit of drive towards accomplishing something. If they cant even do it when it is easy and while they are single with no kids, how can I know they will be even  worth having around as a son-in-law? I mean am I gonna have to support them? Is my daughter going to have to work extra (more than full time) just because mr mushy body cant get off the couch? Naturally she can choose who she marries, but she complains about the same issues with the guys. She openly acknowledges most of them are up to absolutely nothing. Women tend to marry people like their fathers in many cases so go figure where she gets her opinion. 

I'm not the perfect dad, perfect priesthood holder or whatever. I do work very hard and while doing so to get the employment I wanted which was appropriate for our family, I was aggressive about taking as much school as I could afford and worked two jobs (60+ hrs a week). Good thing xbox or PS or whatever wasn't around then. Id still have just my HS diploma and never would have accomplished what I have AND been able to provide a comfortable living for my family. I expect the same of a SIL.

When I was in the Army as a Private- they instilled in me many principles about leadership to include being aggressive about studying, out working your competition, being loyal, sacrificing your time, money, your last bite of that tasty MRE, sleep and even your life to help a brother out. Every time I went to a school or to some kind of training the motivation coming from leadership was to absolutely win at all ethical costs, be ruthless in the pursuit of success and never leave a fallen comrade. By the same token, those who were not willing to be an asset to the team were promptly gotten rid of. I didn't learn that at church and never would have. Perhaps those are terrible traits and values, but they are what I have and I expect any prospective son in law to at least have a little of each of those values. 

I don't care if they went on a mission, went in the military or went straight to school- if they cant step up and be a man and do everything it takes to succeed then they are by my definition a "loser." If they can do all that and still find time to play games then so be it, but they are not the norm.

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