What is a good way to start a conversation with a girl in my singles ward?


Recommended Posts

If you're not comfortable yet just creating conversation out of nothing, then find another activity (institute, FHE, before/after sunday school) to find her and talk to her. It's a lot easier to spark up the "hey! how's it going?" conversation when you're both at an activity that you didn't *necessarily* go to specifically to talk to that person (like a date). Then from there you can either continue to make smaller steps towards feeling more comfortable about asking her out, or you can ask her out after the activity/get her number and call her later (or text--as that seems to be the norm now). As someone probably around your same age range, most girls are pretty open to going out on a first date with someone they just met. I say most, cause some weren't taught the "say yes to every first date" rule (barring the obvious creepers and jerks that you know are not worth your time). 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would get a friend of yours or hers to ask her for you, ask her about you. Tell them to just ask her what she thinks of you, but tell them not to tell her you were asking.  I am sorry but all these girls telling you that they dont want to date right now because of "such and such" that is just a nice way for women to say "I dont want to date you".  Women always want to date and be in a relationship.

Edited by Dillon
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thursday is pretty much the best day of the week to do anything involving asking something of someone else.  It is not quite the weekend yet and so people are still properly mentally focused since they will need to do their job the next day.  However, in general, since Friday is the last working day for most people, stress levels associated with work and school are usually significantly reduced.  They are planning for their weekend, but have not necessarily solidified those plans just yet.  There is scientific research which establishes that Thursday is generally the best day of the week to ask for a raise, and cites these types of reasons. Here is an article about it.

Start talking to her on a Thursday.  As far as topic, you're on your own.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Step 1:  Learn to stop caring about what other people might think of you.  Free yourself from the need for external approval.

Step 2:  Catch their eye, smile, say 'Hi, my name is ...', or 'Hi, mind if I sit here? and ask them something about themselves.  Keep them talking about themselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Dillon said:

I would get a friend of yours or hers to ask her for you, ask her about you. Tell them to just ask her what she thinks of you, but tell them not to tell her you were asking.  I am sorry but all these girls telling you that they dont want to date right now because of "such and such" that is just a nice way for women to say "I dont want to date you".  Women always want to date and be in a relationship.

I definitely understand that it is just them telling me in a nice way that they don't want to date me, which I'm fine with.  I wish they would just be straight up with me, though.  I hate beating around the bush.  So dumb.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Dillon said:

I would get a friend of yours or hers to ask her for you, ask her about you. Tell them to just ask her what she thinks of you, but tell them not to tell her you were asking.  I am sorry but all these girls telling you that they dont want to date right now because of "such and such" that is just a nice way for women to say "I dont want to date you".  Women always want to date and be in a relationship.

I would have to disagree with the end of your statement. There's a generational trend right now (with the age group The OP is in, along with myself) where people don't really want to be in a committed relationship. They want to just travel, hang out, and have "fun" (which includes all the "fun" parts of dating, but not labeling it as that). We went from one extreme of getting married young, to the other of not wanting anything to do with the idea of marriage at "our age". They want to be independent for awhile and enjoy that time of their life before "settling down". (I am using quotations because I don't align myself with this type of thinking--but I know plenty who do). While there may be some that have said no to dating because they couldn't just be honest with @Danny Phantom, I honestly believe most of them are truly not wanting to date seriously right now. And this goes for both girls and guys. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, BeccaKirstyn said:

I would have to disagree with the end of your statement. There's a generational trend right now (with the age group The OP is in, along with myself) where people don't really want to be in a committed relationship. They want to just travel, hang out, and have "fun" (which includes all the "fun" parts of dating, but not labeling it as that). We went from one extreme of getting married young, to the other of not wanting anything to do with the idea of marriage at "our age". They want to be independent for awhile and enjoy that time of their life before "settling down". (I am using quotations because I don't align myself with this type of thinking--but I know plenty who do). While there may be some that have said no to dating because they couldn't just be honest with @Danny Phantom, I honestly believe most of them are truly not wanting to date seriously right now. And this goes for both girls and guys. 

I have to second you on this, actually.  I have this new Mutual LDS dating app, and I have to say that I have encountered countless girls on there that say something like "Just looking for people to chill with, nothing more." or "Just on here for the free dinners." in their 'About Me' section.  Honestly, it's ridiculous, and I'm really tired of seeing that.  I mean, I get people have their reasons, but if you're going to put "Just on here for the free dinners." on there, I'm sorry, but that is a really scummy thing to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Danny Phantom said:

I have to second you on this, actually.  I have this new Mutual LDS dating app, and I have to say that I have encountered countless girls on there that say something like "Just looking for people to chill with, nothing more." or "Just on here for the free dinners." in their 'About Me' section.  Honestly, it's ridiculous, and I'm really tired of seeing that.  I mean, I get people have their reasons, but if you're going to put "Just on here for the free dinners." on there, I'm sorry, but that is a really scummy thing to do.

Oh yes, good 'ol Mutual. It really should be the Mutual "I just like to flirt and get attention from multiple people and can't really commit to anything" app. And again, that goes for both sides. I wouldn't waste your time on that app. While it does provide you with a way to potentially meet a lot of new people, most of the time you'll find what you've come across and it's not worth your time. Just stick to the regular "meeting people at church/institute/stake activities" way. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, BeccaKirstyn said:

Oh yes, good 'ol Mutual. It really should be the Mutual "I just like to flirt and get attention from multiple people and can't really commit to anything" app. And again, that goes for both sides. I wouldn't waste your time on that app. While it does provide you with a way to potentially meet a lot of new people, most of the time you'll find what you've come across and it's not worth your time. Just stick to the regular "meeting people at church/institute/stake activities" way. 

Yep, I have definitely learned that the hard way.  I've been on a few first dates from Mutual, and each and every single one of them had the attitude of, "Oh, I'm not looking to date.  Just to hang out and chill."  I've stopped using Mutual almost altogether, because it's gotten me nowhere.  I agree, and that has been my new focus.  Meeting people at church and church activities, that is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Danny Phantom said:

Yep, I have definitely learned that the hard way.  I've been on a few first dates from Mutual, and each and every single one of them had the attitude of, "Oh, I'm not looking to date.  Just to hang out and chill."  I've stopped using Mutual almost altogether, because it's gotten me nowhere.  I agree, and that has been my new focus.  Meeting people at church and church activities, that is.

Next time someone says that (if you're asking to meet up/go out with them) just say "oh, well I was looking to go on a date. You know, where you talk and get to know someone better and find out if this is someone you would like to spend time with. Oh, that sounds like what you're looking for in your 'hang out and chill' scenario? Interesting. Looks like you have a fear of commitment. I'd recommend talking to a psychologist about that so you can move forward with your dating life." 

But probably don't. Just keep it at the back of your mind and then laugh at the person when they use the "hang out and chill" excuse and when they ask what is funny, you can just smile and say "oh, nothing". :D

Edited by BeccaKirstyn
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, BeccaKirstyn said:

Next time someone says that (if you're asking to meet up/go out with them) just say "oh, well I was looking to go on a date. You know, where you talk and get to know someone better and find out if this is someone you would like to spend time with. Oh, that sounds like what you're looking for in your 'hang out and chill' scenario? Interesting. Looks like you have a fear of commitment. I'd recommend talking to a psychologist about that so you can move forward with your dating life." 

But probably don't. Just keep it at the back of your mind and then laugh at the person when they say that and when they ask what is funny, you can just smile and say "oh, nothing". :D

Haha!  A great idea!:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 minutes ago, Danny Phantom said:

Yep, I have definitely learned that the hard way.  I've been on a few first dates from Mutual, and each and every single one of them had the attitude of, "Oh, I'm not looking to date.  Just to hang out and chill."  I've stopped using Mutual almost altogether, because it's gotten me nowhere.  I agree, and that has been my new focus.  Meeting people at church and church activities, that is.

I am not saying that you are not a date able guy, but I am still not buying what the females are "saying"   They purposely put the "not looking to get serious" in order to check the guy out and not feel pressured or lead the guy on in any way until they decide if they want to date the guy. I assure you that when a woman meets a "hot guy" and finds out he has money, they will definitely want a second and third and fourth date.  I am just not buying the idea that women today dont want relationships. I know zero not married women that are not dating a guy or guys.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Dillon said:

 I assure you that when a woman meets a "hot guy" and finds out he has money, they will definitely want a second and third and fourth date.  I am just not buying the idea that women today dont want relationships. I know zero not married women that are not dating a guy or guys.

............probably not even worth my time to respond to this ridiculous statement. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe this is too random for most people, but when I read some of Dillon's posts, I get a mental image of drunken Princess Celestia telling you the way things are. 

CelestiaDrunk.thumb.jpg.cbd52ff3a5fa67c398eb2fa083acf213.jpg

"Lemme tell ya a few things 'bout shtallions!  Buncha filly chasin', unshod (*hic*) hay eaters!  Thash what they are!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Maybe this is too random for most people, but when I read some of Dillon's posts, I get a mental image of drunken Princess Celestia telling you the way things are. 

CelestiaDrunk.thumb.jpg.cbd52ff3a5fa67c398eb2fa083acf213.jpg

"Lemme tell ya a few things 'bout shtallions!  Buncha filly chasin', unshod (*hic*) hay eaters!  Thash what they are!"

Haha! Love it! My phase with that show had its run, which I grew out of, however I love this parallel you've drawn! Ha!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Maybe this is too random for most people, but when I read some of Dillon's posts, I get a mental image of drunken Princess Celestia telling you the way things are. 

CelestiaDrunk.thumb.jpg.cbd52ff3a5fa67c398eb2fa083acf213.jpg

"Lemme tell ya a few things 'bout shtallions!  Buncha filly chasin', unshod (*hic*) hay eaters!  Thash what they are!"

Ha, thats pretty good. I think one of the problems could be there are older women in here and I am mainly talking about younger women when I am referencing dating or immodest dress and things like that. I dont know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Dillon said:

Ha, thats pretty good. I think one of the problems could be there are older women in here and I am mainly talking about younger women when I am referencing dating or immodest dress and things like that. I dont know.

Nope....don't think that's the problem. Keep trying. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, BeccaKirstyn said:

Nope....don't think that's the problem. Keep trying. 

 

1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Stick with that phrase.  Say it often, say it loud, say it over and over until you internalize it.

lol,   Ok.  You guys know all I am trying to do is help. I dont hate women. I just share my knowledge of women and relationships to try and give great advice to those that need it and to those less experienced with women in hopes that they can have long, healthy relationships and have a better understanding of the female gender.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Dillon said:

Ha, thats pretty good. I think one of the problems could be there are older women in here and I am mainly talking about younger women when I am referencing dating or immodest dress and things like that. I dont know.

No.  Your problem is that you very frequently make extremely derogatory overgeneralized statements.

1 hour ago, Dillon said:

You guys know all I am trying to do is help.

What you call "helping" is destructive and offensive.  Please stop doing it.

1 hour ago, Dillon said:

I just share my knowledge of women and relationships to try and give great advice to those that need it and to those less experienced with women in hopes that they can have long, healthy relationships and have a better understanding of the female gender.

I'm sorry.... but not a single word of this statement is correct.

 

@Dillon, the women on this forum has plenty of perspectives on women.  Trust me, we do need your help sharing things about women. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well if I dont know anything why dont you women help him out, and please no "just go talk to her".  if you want to just go talk to her then do just that, just go talk to her,  dont ask her out. That's why you keep getting all these "I dont want to date anyone". You are putting them on the spot, women dont like that.  Find out if she "likes" you first or is at least a tad bit interested before you ask her out. It will give you the confidence you need if you already know she is interested.  Make sure she doesnt have a boyfriend, etc. Save yourself any humiliation and find out these things first.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Danny Phantom said:

I have to second you on this, actually.  I have this new Mutual LDS dating app, and I have to say that I have encountered countless girls on there that say something like "Just looking for people to chill with, nothing more." or "Just on here for the free dinners." in their 'About Me' section.  Honestly, it's ridiculous, and I'm really tired of seeing that.  I mean, I get people have their reasons, but if you're going to put "Just on here for the free dinners." on there, I'm sorry, but that is a really scummy thing to do.

Could not agree more!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Dillon said:

Well if I dont know anything why dont you women help him out, and please no "just go talk to her".  if you want to just go talk to her then do just that, just go talk to her

Talking to her is literally what the OP is wanting to do, so we told him how to do it.

1 hour ago, Dillon said:

  dont ask her out. That's why you keep getting all these "I dont want to date anyone". You are putting them on the spot, women dont like that.

Again, you're falsely overgeneralizing here. In fact, a good portion of women do like it if you just ask them out-- like my sister LOVES it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Dillon said:

I just share my knowledge of women and relationships to try and give great advice to those that need it and to those less experienced with women in hopes that they can have long, healthy relationships and have a better understanding of the female gender.

Words mean things.  You don't have "knowledge of women", you have perspectives about women.  You do indeed share your perspective about women often.  Thing is, when most everyone else here looks at your perspective, it diverges greatly from theirs.  Like, a lot.  Like, 'different color of sky' type of lot.

That, coupled with your language geared towards obviously false-on-their-face blanket statements, just sort of turns folks away from much of the stuff you're here saying.

Edited by NeuroTypical
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share