What is a good way to start a conversation with a girl in my singles ward?

[NightSG]

On 9/5/2017 at 7:46 PM, Danny Phantom said:

Do any of you have any advice for me?

Probably shouldn't ask her out for coffee.

Though given my last few results, don't be surprised if that's what she orders anyway.

[SpiritDragon]

1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

Words mean things.  You don't have "knowledge of women", you have perspectives about women.  You do indeed share your perspective about women often.  Thing is, when most everyone else here looks at your perspective, it diverges greatly from theirs.  Like, a lot.  Like, 'different color of sky' type of lot.

That, coupled with your language geared towards obviously false-on-their-face blanket statements, just sort of turns folks away from much of the stuff you're here saying.

I was going to say the same thing if by the time I finished the thread no one else had. 

@Dillon when it comes to women, I daresay no one has "knowledge" of how they are for the simple reason that no two people are alike, every woman is an individual.  If they were all the same it would be pointless trying to get to know one over another. That's not to say that females and males don't have more common gender characteristics and reactions, but you'd be surprised how much everyone can deviate from expected norms. When you share your experience/observation/perspective on the ladies it often comes across as a rude snap judgment where you think yourself an expert, but the thoughts you share make it seem the opposite - as though you know two or three girls who act the way you say and you've decided that all girls are this way and you 'know' all about it. In fact sometimes it seems like with your attitude toward the ladies you couldn't possibly know any very well and you are projecting your own weaknesses onto womankind. Please do yourself and everyone else a favour and learn to share experiences and observations rather than generalizations, especially potentially offensive ones. We wouldn't really want someone who has interacted on this forum to say, "all Dillon's are chauvinistic pigs with limited vocabulary" because it would certainly not be true, however to say that, "I once knew a fellow who called himself Dillon online who sure seemed to have a fatalistic view of women and girls" is a much more reasonable statement because it shares an experience and doesn't speak in absolutes.

[BeccaKirstyn]

3 minutes ago, SpiritDragon said:

I was going to say the same thing if by the time I finished the thread no one else had. 

@Dillon when it comes to women, I daresay no one has "knowledge" of how they are for the simple reason that no two people are alike, every woman is an individual.  If they were all the same it would be pointless trying to get to know one over another. That's not to say that females and males don't have more common gender characteristics and reactions, but you'd be surprised how much everyone can deviate from expected norms. When you share your experience/observation/perspective on the ladies it often comes across as a rude snap judgment where you think yourself an expert, but the thoughts you share make it seem the opposite - as though you know two or three girls who act the way you say and you've decided that all girls are this way and you 'know' all about it. In fact sometimes it seems like with your attitude toward the ladies you couldn't possibly know any very well and you are projecting your own weaknesses onto womankind. Please do yourself and everyone else a favour and learn to share experiences and observations rather than generalizations, especially potentially offensive ones. We wouldn't really want someone who has interacted on this forum to say, "all Dillon's are chauvinistic pigs with limited vocabulary" because it would certainly not be true, however to say that, "I once knew a fellow who called himself Dillon online who sure seemed to have a fatalistic view of women and girls" is a much more reasonable statement because it shares an experience and doesn't speak in absolutes.

[Fether]

@Danny Phantom

go for the kill. Buy a ring (can be cheap... like $50), get on one knee, and ask the question.

[SpiritDragon]

@Danny Phantom you may be young enough not to have appreciated this wonderful piece on the topic in question, I believe it's worth the 1/2 hour it takes to watch:

 

[NightSG]

9 hours ago, Fether said:

@Danny Phantom

go for the kill. Buy a ring (can be cheap... like $50), get on one knee, and ask the question.

http://claddaghrings.com

[Dillon]

12 hours ago, SpiritDragon said:

I was going to say the same thing if by the time I finished the thread no one else had. 

@Dillon when it comes to women, I daresay no one has "knowledge" of how they are for the simple reason that no two people are alike, every woman is an individual.  If they were all the same it would be pointless trying to get to know one over another. That's not to say that females and males don't have more common gender characteristics and reactions, but you'd be surprised how much everyone can deviate from expected norms. When you share your experience/observation/perspective on the ladies it often comes across as a rude snap judgment where you think yourself an expert, but the thoughts you share make it seem the opposite - as though you know two or three girls who act the way you say and you've decided that all girls are this way and you 'know' all about it. In fact sometimes it seems like with your attitude toward the ladies you couldn't possibly know any very well and you are projecting your own weaknesses onto womankind. Please do yourself and everyone else a favour and learn to share experiences and observations rather than generalizations, especially potentially offensive ones. We wouldn't really want someone who has interacted on this forum to say, "all Dillon's are chauvinistic pigs with limited vocabulary" because it would certainly not be true, however to say that, "I once knew a fellow who called himself Dillon online who sure seemed to have a fatalistic view of women and girls" is a much more reasonable statement because it shares an experience and doesn't speak in absolutes.

You guys dont pick up on my sarcasm sometimes. I was really teasing about telling the guy about all my knowledge etc., really meant more as a joke, however I do have a lot of dating experience and do know how some females can be. One thing I have learned is that a lot of women are the same, the same in their views, their same attitudes towards other women, their same attitudes towards men.

I do have one question for the ladies.  How was my comment about women and a handsome rich guy being "mean" or totally off base. Was it because I said "all" women, because I dont think I said that. Will you not admit that  women go after handsome rich guys? See I think what the problem is I say things that are true but you women think I am being degrading. When I said if  a woman meets a handsome man and then finds out he is rich, that she would probably date him again, I didnt say that to be mean or degrading. I was just saying it because it is the truth, some women go after hot rich guys. I can tell you the poor single guys in my ward never get dates. The guy with the fancy car cant beat them off with a stick. But you guys take it as an insult to women, how is it an insult when its what some women do? I was just pointing out the fact, not trying to be degrading or mean.

[NeuroTypical]

Quote

I am not saying that you are not a date able guy, but I am still not buying what the females are "saying"   They purposely put the "not looking to get serious" in order to check the guy out and not feel pressured or lead the guy on in any way until they decide if they want to date the guy. I assure you that when a woman meets a "hot guy" and finds out he has money, they will definitely want a second and third and fourth date.  I am just not buying the idea that women today dont want relationships. I know zero not married women that are not dating a guy or guys.

 

[Vort]

Pick-up lines are underrated. No woman can resist the charm of their endearing cleverness. They work really great at attracting high-quality chicks for a minimal investment of effort. Make sure you use Mormon Pick-up Lines®:

• "Are you virtue? Because you've been garnishing my thoughts unceasingly."
• "Did an angel fall from heaven? "Cause if they did, and if they saw you, boy, they'd sure get jealous." (Never hurts to mix in a touch of Jack Handeyism, just to keep 'em off balance.)
• "What?! Your name is Britney? Like in my patriarchal blessing?!" (If her name is something other than Britney, you'll just have to figure that one out for yourself.)

Don't be afraid to make up your own pick-up lines. Just try to keep them scripture-related, and you're golden. Hint: Steer clear of the Song of Solomon. Women are strange, and some take offense at having their breasts compared to game animals. Plus, in modern English-speaking countries, "sister" is not really a term of endearment for a romantic interest.

• "You remind me of the sword of Laban, because your workmanship is exceeding fine."
• "I must be sleeping, because I"m having a vision...of you."
• [while dancing] "If not for Martin Harris, there would be another 116 pages between us." (Warning: If she never went to seminary, this one might go over her head. But then she'll just think you're a Spiritual Giant, so it's all good!)

Even better if you can work in some oblique humblebrag about your mission. Throw in a foreign word or two, if you can manage.

• "All that time tracting in the Louvre, and I never saw an objet d'art like you."
• "Who could have known that humbly serving the dirt-poor but wonderful people in the favelas of Rio would lead me to standing here with someone like you, minha querida?"
• "I remember walking with my companion in Florence, seeing the happy couples, and thinking that, one day, it would be me -- like I am here with you, bella scema." (Make sure she doesn't speak Italian.)

Seriously*. A good pick-up line is all you need to start on the path to eternal bliss.

*Not seriously

Edited September 8, 2017 by Vort

[The Folk Prophet]

The first time I saw you I had to confess to my bishop....

...wait..........

....no....that's no good.

[The Folk Prophet]

You must be the prophet because I keep finding myself following you.

 

[Vort]

"If you're like the gold plates, a priceless treasure, I want to be one of the eight witnesses -- I want to see you, heft you, examine your pages, and testify by my own touch of your physical reality."

Ain't nothin' creepy about that!

Edited September 8, 2017 by Vort

[The Folk Prophet]

If you were an article of faith, I'd believe in you.

[The Folk Prophet]

You must be "the law" because I believe in obeying, honoring, and sustaining you.

[The Folk Prophet]

I can't say half of the ones I come up with because they sound dirty.

[anatess2]

2 hours ago, The Folk Prophet said:

I can't say half of the ones I come up with because they sound dirty.

Like... lose that zero and choose a hero?  That doesn't sound dirty at all!

[SpiritDragon]

3 hours ago, The Folk Prophet said:

I can't say half of the ones I come up with because they sound dirty.

I can relate, and thank you for not sharing dirty sounding ones.

[seashmore]

On September 7, 2017 at 6:24 PM, Jane_Doe said:

Talking to her is literally what the OP is wanting to do, so we told him how to do it.

Again, you're falsely overgeneralizing here. In fact, a good portion of women do like it if you just ask them out-- like my sister LOVES it. 

@Dillon In my late 20s, I developed the dating philosophy "If he's not man enough to ask me out, he's not man enough to marry me." #whyimsingle It's interesting that you think you know how the majority of women think without actually being one. And if it's really true that *all* of the women you know act (and allegedly think) the way that you claim they do, I feel sorry that you don't have a wider circle of friends. 

@Danny Phantom Someone mentioned asking out via text, and I would discourage that. Texting/Facebook messaging for  longer getting-to-know-you type conversations is fine. Some girls (like myself) don't mind and may even prefer that method of communication. However, when it comes to the invitation to the physical date, in person or phone call is best. It's more personal. If you aren't comfortable asking for a date straight up, offer to carpool to the next FHE or ward activity and get to know her that way. I'll remind you that Elder Oaks's definition of a date (as given in one of his legendary addresses on dating vs. hanging out) is: paired off, planned out, and paid for. If that seems intimidating, I remind myself that a date is spending 1-3 hours with someone where the majority of the focus is on the other person. 

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[JohnsonJones]

On ‎9‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 10:46 AM, Vort said:

Pick-up lines are underrated. No woman can resist the charm of their endearing cleverness. They work really great at attracting high-quality chicks for a minimal investment of effort. Make sure you use Mormon Pick-up Lines®:

• "Are you virtue? Because you've been garnishing my thoughts unceasingly."
• "Did an angel fall from heaven? "Cause if they did, and if they saw you, boy, they'd sure get jealous." (Never hurts to mix in a touch of Jack Handeyism, just to keep 'em off balance.)
• "What?! Your name is Britney? Like in my patriarchal blessing?!" (If her name is something other than Britney, you'll just have to figure that one out for yourself.)

Don't be afraid to make up your own pick-up lines. Just try to keep them scripture-related, and you're golden. Hint: Steer clear of the Song of Solomon. Women are strange, and some take offense at having their breasts compared to game animals. Plus, in modern English-speaking countries, "sister" is not really a term of endearment for a romantic interest.

• "You remind me of the sword of Laban, because your workmanship is exceeding fine."
• "I must be sleeping, because I"m having a vision...of you."
• [while dancing] "If not for Martin Harris, there would be another 116 pages between us." (Warning: If she never went to seminary, this one might go over her head. But then she'll just think you're a Spiritual Giant, so it's all good!)

Even better if you can work in some oblique humblebrag about your mission. Throw in a foreign word or two, if you can manage.

• "All that time tracting in the Louvre, and I never saw an objet d'art like you."
• "Who could have known that humbly serving the dirt-poor but wonderful people in the favelas of Rio would lead me to standing here with someone like you, minha querida?"
• "I remember walking with my companion in Florence, seeing the happy couples, and thinking that, one day, it would be me -- like I am here with you, bella scema." (Make sure she doesn't speak Italian.)

Seriously*. A good pick-up line is all you need to start on the path to eternal bliss.

*Not seriously

Maybe it's because I'm not a woman, but...if I were a young teen or twenty something individual and someone used some of those on me...I think I might be kind of scared.

That entire patriarchal blessing one for example...I think I might go running in horror hoping to keep the creep away from me.

Maybe it's because I'm just not a woman...but most of those probably wouldn't have impressed me.  On the otherhand when I was young and single (many many eons ago), I never really used pick up lines on girls, taking the more straightforward approach.  If I ever used a pick up line it was with a girl that I was already good friends with and we both knew I was joking when I was saying it.

Edited September 10, 2017 by JohnsonJones

[SilentOne]

@Dillon When talking to strangers online, you can usually assume that your sarcasm will not come through clearly unless you somehow tell us that you're joking. Maybe something like:

Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm 

Or

Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm. But to be serious, my real point.

[Danny Phantom]

So, I've talked to her several times the past couple of weeks, but haven't had a chance to have a good conversation with her because she's always talking to a friend and I never really get in a good opportunity to ask her out.  That, and I only see her once a week at church, and then if I want to approach this in person, I have to wait a whole other week until I *might* get a chance again.  The past couple of weeks I haven't been able to go to YSA activities during the week because of work and school.  I am friends with her on Facebook, so maybe I could talk to her on there, get her number, and call to ask her out.  I don't know.  I know the whole, "Don't ask them out any other way than in person or over the phone, but I only see her once a week and even then it's a roll of the dice of whether I get a good opportunity to say more to her than, "Hey, how are you?".  I don't want to seem overly interested or creepy or anything, so if after church she's busy talking to multiple other girls, I just end up going home because 1) I'm not going to just stand there and wait for a chance to talk to her, because that does make me seem over interested and socially awkward and 2) walking up and trying to talk to her while she's talking to other people would be equally weird of me to do.  I'm just lost on what I can do.  Haha!  Advice appreciated if anyone has anymore to give.  You've all already given me some great advice and I really appreciate it, by the way!

[zil]

9 minutes ago, Danny Phantom said:

get her number

Um, isn't she in your ward?  LDS Tools.

[Danny Phantom]

1 minute ago, zil said:

Um, isn't she in your ward?  LDS Tools.

She is, and I considered that option, but I'm just trying to do this in the most natural, least socially awkward way I can manage.  I'm not socially awkward, but I also am not very experienced dating so I'm not really too familiar with the do's and do not's of dating.  Something about getting her phone number from LDS tools and randomly texting her with no reason aside from, "Hey I want to call you to ask you out because I know I'm not supposed to do it over text." doesn't exactly give me the vibe of not socially awkward, if that makes sense.  Haha!

[zil]

Just now, Danny Phantom said:

She is, and I considered that option, but I'm just trying to do this in the most natural, least socially awkward way I can manage.  I'm not socially awkward, but I also am not very experienced dating so I'm not really too familiar with the do's and do not's of dating.  Something about getting her phone number from LDS tools and randomly texting her with no reason aside from, "Hey I want to call you to ask you out because I know I'm not supposed to do it over text." doesn't exactly give me the vibe of not socially awkward, if that makes sense.  Haha!

Well, you don't have to text her, you could call her.  Doesn't seem weird to me, but ok.

[Jane_Doe]

52 minutes ago, Danny Phantom said:

So, I've talked to her several times the past couple of weeks, but haven't had a chance to have a good conversation with her because she's always talking to a friend and I never really get in a good opportunity to ask her out.  That, and I only see her once a week at church, and then if I want to approach this in person, I have to wait a whole other week until I *might* get a chance again.  The past couple of weeks I haven't been able to go to YSA activities during the week because of work and school.  I am friends with her on Facebook, so maybe I could talk to her on there, get her number, and call to ask her out.  I don't know.  I know the whole, "Don't ask them out any other way than in person or over the phone, but I only see her once a week and even then it's a roll of the dice of whether I get a good opportunity to say more to her than, "Hey, how are you?".  I don't want to seem overly interested or creepy or anything, so if after church she's busy talking to multiple other girls, I just end up going home because 1) I'm not going to just stand there and wait for a chance to talk to her, because that does make me seem over interested and socially awkward and 2) walking up and trying to talk to her while she's talking to other people would be equally weird of me to do.  I'm just lost on what I can do.  Haha!  Advice appreciated if anyone has anymore to give.  You've all already given me some great advice and I really appreciate it, by the way!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking her out via phone!  Go for it!!