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Hello, my name is Rain and I was raised in the Mormon church, but I stopped going when I was about 12 because I realized I was gay. I know God exists and is real but it was too hard for me to stay in a church that says God made me perfectly in a certain way but then also says I can't love. 

I'm not going to stop dating men, I have a fiance and everything. I know if i went back to the church I would not be able to be married in the temple but would I able to still be a member of the church if I'm in a gay marriage? 

So this comes to the title, I'd choose my fiance over God every time. If I went to church and was not welcomed, I would stop going. That's how important he is to me. 

I am willing to elaborate on anything I've said if anyone has questions, but I'd like other people's perspectives. 

 

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I'm confused of what kind of responses you are looking for. Are you looking for an answer to this question? 

1 hour ago, uns4 said:

I'm not going to stop dating men, I have a fiance and everything. I know if i went back to the church I would not be able to be married in the temple but would I able to still be a member of the church if I'm in a gay marriage? 

 

Because you've made it clear that it doesn't really matter what the answer is. You, as you said, will still "choose your fiancé over God every time". So does any response/answer to your question actually matter? I don't think so. 

So beyond that, the next thing I can think of is are you looking for validation for your feelings/reasons? I can promise you that you won't find that here. If you peruse any other "advice" seeking column about scenarios looking for validation for their sin-like decisions, you will see that the members here will not give you a validating "perspective". They will give you what the doctrine of the Church says, and why they find it important. 

Since you've made it very clear that you would "choose your fiancé over God every time", I don't know what other information you could possibly be looking for on a mormon forum, outside of validation for your decisions. At the end of the day it is your life, your choices. Because God gave you the agency to do that in this Earth life. Does that agency come without consequence? Absolutely not. But it does come with a full, free rein to do whatever you'd like. So no one is going to stop you from making your own choices--not even God himself. He won't stop you from choosing your fiancé over Him. Because that's how important you are to Him. Your ability to decide for yourself is something He will never take away from you. 

So fair warning to whatever other responses you get. 

Edited by BeccaKirstyn
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41 minutes ago, BeccaKirstyn said:

Since you've made it very clear that you would "choose your fiancé over God every time", I don't know what other information you could possibly be looking for on a mormon forum, outside of validation for your decisions. At the end of the day it is your life, your choices. Because God gave you the agency to do that in this Earth life. Does that agency come without consequence? Absolutely not. But it does come with a full, free rein to do whatever you'd like. So no one is going to stop you from making your own choices--not even God himself. He won't stop you from choosing your fiancé over Him. Because that's how important you are to Him. Your ability to decide for yourself is something He will never take away from you. 

 

Thank you very much for your reply, and you're right I don't know what kind of answer I was looking for. I guess I probably was looking for validation but you're right I wouldn't get that here. 

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1 hour ago, uns4 said:

Hello, my name is Rain and I was raised in the Mormon church, but I stopped going when I was about 12 because I realized I was gay. I know God exists and is real but it was too hard for me to stay in a church that says God made me perfectly in a certain way but then also says I can't love. 

I'm not going to stop dating men, I have a fiance and everything. I know if i went back to the church I would not be able to be married in the temple but would I able to still be a member of the church if I'm in a gay marriage? 

So this comes to the title, I'd choose my fiance over God every time. If I went to church and was not welcomed, I would stop going. That's how important he is to me. 

I am willing to elaborate on anything I've said if anyone has questions, but I'd like other people's perspectives. 

 

You *should* be welcomed at church as a human being and a child of God with intrinsic value and unlimited potential, yes.  Hopefully that’s what will happen; and you’ll be able to attend and feel uplifted and experience camaraderie and feel like you’re lifting others in return in a meaningful way.

But, the Church’s ideals are what they are; and its definition of “sin” is what it is; and its teachings on “the Fall” and our responsibility to act in ways that transcend our baser instincts are what they are.  And if you’re waiting for that to change—you’ll be waiting a long time.  And if the Church’s holding to its teachings on those topics is going to make you feel “unwelcome” no matter how warmly and sincerely and charitably other congregants treat you, then brother, you’ve got a hard road ahead of you.

So yeah, I would encourage you to start going again; but you should also be aware that you aren’t going to be *exactly* like every other member—because they will be assumed to be keeping covenant that you aren’t; and that will have ramifications for what rituals you can participate in, what jobs in the congregation you may or may not be given, opportunities for temple attendance, etc.

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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6 minutes ago, uns4 said:

Thank you very much for your reply, and you're right I don't know what kind of answer I was looking for. I guess I probably was looking for validation but you're right I wouldn't get that here. 

Many, if not most, will not provide validation. But we are here for support as your brothers and sisters through Christ in your trials. If this is the life you choose, then that is up to you. As @Just_A_Guy said, I would hope that those you interact with would still love you any way. Because that is one of the most important teachings from Christ. 

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Church policy is pretty clear that you will not be able to be a member of the Church in full fellowship and be in a same sex marriage. However, I see examples of people in that situation who still participate in the church to the extent the Church (as decided by their bishops/leaders) will allow. John Gustav-Wrathall is one that comes to mind (http://www.nomorestrangers.org/john-gustav-wrathall/ if mormonhub does not object). I also recall this article (http://religionnews.com/2017/06/13/married-gay-mormons-try-to-stay-lds-part-1/) describing a gay couple who had found a place in their Hawaiian ward, and were hoping to find a similar place in their DC area ward. You will need to decide exactly how you feel about "full fellowship" and such, but you would not be the first gay couple that I have heard of who have tried to be "active" in the Church. Should you decide to go forward, I wish you the best of luck in developing such a relationship with the LDS Church.

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1 hour ago, uns4 said:

What lie am I living exactly?

I'm assuming this is a sincere question.

I'll answer this one.  It's a pretty easy one actually because you stated it in your OP:

2 hours ago, uns4 said:

Hello, my name is Rain and I was raised in the Mormon church, but I stopped going when I was about 12 because I realized I was gay. I know God exists and is real but it was too hard for me to stay in a church that says God made me perfectly in a certain way but then also says I can't love. 

The bolded above is a lie.  This lie stems from the basic reason why gay marriage is a mockery of God's order.  Gay marriage teaches that Love's foundation is physical attraction.  That is a lie.

When God commanded us to Love, He did not base such a commandment on physical attraction.  Rather, Love is based on Christian charity - that sincere and honest desire to give of ourselves to bring someone with us closer to Christ.

To say that God says you can't Love because you're gay shows a vast lack of knowledge of what Love means.  Therefore, a marriage based on that false Love is living a big lie.

That said, we don't go to Church because we are perfect people.  We go to Church because we are sinners pleading for Christ's atonement and God's mercy.  Unfortunately, a Bishop may decide that having you and your gay partner sitting together as a married couple, holding hands, exchanging physical displays of affection, etc., is too much of a distraction and would sow division within the ward.  So it is possible that the Bishop will ask you to not do that at Church or not attend the meetings.  But that's just me talking.  It would be better if you go ahead and talk to the Bishop and hear what he has to say about it.

I wish you the best.

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To answer your question, you can stay a member of the church as long as you don't have your name removed or get yourself excommunicated.  Stuff that gets you excommunicated includes having sex with someone you're not married to, and we Mormons continue to figure that God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman.  So if you married someone of the same gender and had relations with them, that'd probably get you excommunicated.

This site might have more answers for you: https://mormonandgay.lds.org/

 

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3 hours ago, uns4 said:

Hello, my name is Rain and I was raised in the Mormon church, but I stopped going when I was about 12 because I realized I was gay. I know God exists and is real but it was too hard for me to stay in a church that says God made me perfectly in a certain way but then also says I can't love. 

I'm not going to stop dating men, I have a fiance and everything. I know if i went back to the church I would not be able to be married in the temple but would I able to still be a member of the church if I'm in a gay marriage? 

So this comes to the title, I'd choose my fiance over God every time. If I went to church and was not welcomed, I would stop going. That's how important he is to me. 

I am willing to elaborate on anything I've said if anyone has questions, but I'd like other people's perspectives. 

 

You may attend LDS church in your current apostate state, and will be welcomed.   But we will also preach Truth, even in the presence of sinners (which we are all).  That means we preach honesty in front of front of the liar, humility in front of the proud, and the law of chastity to all (which means sexuality is reserved for a lawful heterosexual relationship).  Of course we do love many people, as @anatess2 explained.

If you're interested, one of the apostles has gay brother, and his story is actually be broadcasted the weekend between General Conference sections.

http://www.sltrib.com/religion/local/2017/09/17/mormon-apostles-gay-brother-shares-his-religious-journey-preaches-love-for-his-former-partner-faith-and-family/

Edited by Jane_Doe
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Honestly brother I don't think there's much I can tell you. You are, of course, welcome to come to church and I'm sure the members of the congregation will welcome you. In fact, I encourage you to come, the Church is a hospital for all of us sinners. But you made it clear in your post that you love your fiance more than God. Homosexuality is a serious sin, and it will keep you out of the Celstial Kingdom, and eternally seperated from your family. I could give you scriptures and quotes to that effect, but I suspect they would fall on deaf ears at the moment. Peace be with you brother.

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23 hours ago, uns4 said:

it was too hard for me to stay in a church that says God made me perfectly in a certain way but then also says I can't love. 

Does the Church claim that God made you perfectly?

Does the Church say you can't love?

I think both of these claims are false. Maybe you can educate me.

23 hours ago, uns4 said:

I know if i went back to the church I would not be able to be married in the temple but would I able to still be a member of the church if I'm in a gay marriage? 

No.

23 hours ago, uns4 said:

So this comes to the title, I'd choose my fiance over God every time.

I am sorry to hear this. I hope you get your priorities straightened out as you get older and, hopefully, wiser.

As long as you are not disruptive, you are always welcome at Church. I think it would do you good to go. Hope you do.

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22 hours ago, uns4 said:

What lie am I living exactly?

Among other things: That you came here to earth for any other purpose than for that which God sent you. That purpose being to obey Him, repent, and prove yourself by way of being tested that you may, by said obedience, return to live with Him someday. That your sexual proclivities define who you are. That you require sexual fulfillment. That sex equates to love. That you can ever find happiness in sin. That choosing anything other than God's will will lead to anything but utter misery. Etc., etc. Pretty much everything about your views on the matter.

Edited by The Folk Prophet
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On 9/28/2017 at 8:49 PM, uns4 said:

I'm not going to stop dating men, I have a fiance and everything.

Whelp . . . if you are not willing to obey God over you wicked desires then nothing anyone can really do for you.

Couple of questions for you.

Were you ever abused as a child? How did you find out about homosexuality?  Did anyone older ever inappropriately touch you?  (statistically speaking a there is a very high correlation between being homosexuality and sexual abuse).  When and how did you start acting out?  Did you start looking at pornography on the internet?  Did you start watching homosexual porn?  Did you start online chatting in homosexual forums?

God did not "make" you like this. . . that is a total utter lie by the Father of Lies. It is possible to live a different life, you have to choose, you have to change.  But you have decided to not obey God, nor His scriptures, nor his Prophets and have sought your own god made in your own image. 

It will never bring the happiness that is found within a marriage between a man and a woman raising a family together.  NEVER.  So you can choose to have a counterfeit or the real thing.  Good luck in your choice and may God bless you. 

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1 hour ago, Vort said:

Does the Church claim that God made you perfectly?

As long as you are not disruptive, you are always welcome at Church. I think it would do you good to go. Hope you do.

To the 1st sentance.  The Church never has said anything like this; in fact it says the opposite.  The "natural man" is an enemy to God.  We are all fallen from God-we live in a fallen world with sin and we are all sinful.  The purpose of the Gospel is to provide a way whereby we can be reminded of how to become more like God-how to repent of our sins (even if we keep making them) and ultimately overcome the natural man.

As to the 2nd-I would say as long as you leave the homosexual behaviors at home, sure you are welcomed. This should obviously be done out of respect for those there.  You wouldn't expect a man who is committing adultery to come to Church with his mistress and that'd be peachy queen now?  Will anyone say anything (probably not), but just out of good manners one would recognize it would be inappropriate to bring homosexual behaviors into church . . . unless one has an agenda of trying to force others to become comfortable with them.  

Honestly, I'd walk out of Church if a homosexual came in with his partner holding hands . . .I have kids and my kids (who are young but old enough to ask plenty of questions) do not need to be exposed to homosexuality at Church (the one place in the world where they should be safe from it).

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  • 3 weeks later...

The OP still has a desire to listen to the spirit despite his mortal weaknesses. I tip my hat to you sir and encourage you to continue to seek the words of our prophets, if you do not feel comfortable attending church every week the internet is flooding with LDS content for you to maintain your beliefs in the Gospel and feel his love.

Edited by priesthoodpower
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Blessings are predicated on covenants and decisions we make.  You cannot make decisions contrary to blessings and expect to both make the decision and have the blessing.  You can't have your cake and eat it too.  Eternity is based on a man and a woman bonding and procreating.  Precluding a third person in some manner, you simply cannot have that with your potential spouse.  It's just a no-go, even in a perfect world.  That's just a biological (and spiritual) fact.  Now, once you accept the limitations of your own choosing, I think the rest will fall into place.  The church and the gospel has a place for you, even if you choose not to accept all the potential it offers.  Love still abides.

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On 9/28/2017 at 7:49 PM, uns4 said:

Choosing my love of men over god.

Wow, I guess I missed a lot in my hiatus.  And, uhmm... wow... someone admitting they're "choosing" to abandon God.  Interesting.

Ever since I was young I had to admit that I'm attracted to animals.  I'm going to have to divorce my wife and marry my sheep because God made me that way.  It doesn't seem fair that I'd have to give up my love of animals just so I have to live the way God says to.  He made me this way.  And I have to be true to who I am.

Recently, I found that the only way I can truly be fulfilled is if I molest said creature while it is on fire.  So, I'll have to learn how to attempt the act while wearing a Nomex suit.

If I went to church would anyone object to this?

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1 minute ago, Carborendum said:

Recently, I found that the only way I can truly be fulfilled is if I molest said creature while it is on fire.  So, I'll have to learn how to attempt the act while wearing a Nomex suit.

If I went to church would anyone object to this?

Depends on whether you're bringing your flaming sheep.

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7 minutes ago, Vort said:

Depends on whether you're bringing your flaming sheep.

I prefer the term "flaming farm animal". It's more alliterative.  And I threw the fire in there in hopes someone would bring up the word "flaming" in reference to the OP.

Edited by Guest
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