Always good, want to be bad


MollyMormon
 Share

Recommended Posts

I am in my mid 30s and have been a member my whole life. I've "always" done the right thing, meaning I've never rebelled or committed any major sins. I got married in the temple when I was 18, got pregnant about a month later and am still happily married and have more kids. Here's the thing...I have this constant pull lately to want to be rebellious. I still do all the right things: serve faithfully in my calling, go visiting teaching, read my scriptures and pray everyday, have FHE every Monday, etc. But for some reason I can't get the desire to be a little naughty, for once, out of my head. I was the ultimate Molly Mormon growing up, and still am to this day, but I'm kinda wanting to ditch that identity. I know it's wrong, but I'm having this major internal battle going on. Please help! Any advice is appreciated! 

Edited by MollyMormon
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, MollyMormon said:

I am in my mid 30s and have been a member my whole life. I've "always" done the right thing, meaning I've never rebelled or committed any major sins. I got married in the temple when I was 18, got pregnant about a month later and am still happily married and have more kids. Here's the thing...I have this constant pull lately to want to be rebellious. I still do all the right things: serve faithfully in my calling, go visiting teaching, read my scriptures and pray everyday, have FHE every Monday, etc. But for some reason I can't get the desire to be a little naughty, for once, out of my head. I was the ultimate Molly Mormon growing up, and still am to this day, but I'm kinda wanting to ditch that identity. I know it's wrong, but I'm having this major internal battle going on. Please help! Any advice is appreciated! 

This is not about wanting to Rebel, I don't think.  This is about you feeling you're in a rot.  I'm not a psychologist by any means so this is just armchair quarterbacking.

Anyway, there are many many many ways to get one's self out of a rot that doesn't get one's self out of the Kingdom of God.  The easiest would be to pick a "I've never done this before" hobby... like Skydiving (I actually have a cousin that did this when she found herself in a rot!).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with @anatess2 .  So, if you want to rebel, rebel against Satan! :)  Rebel against boring or routine or "I've always done it this way".  That doesn't require sin or "naughty".  Take a class, start a new hobby, meet some new people.  If what you want is expensive, start making real plans for how to get to the point where you can do whatever it is.

Think outside the box on how to magnify your calling (including VTing), then take your thoughts to the Lord to ensure you are still acting within the bounds he has set for your calling.  You can use your imagination, talents, and the Gift of the Holy Ghost to come up with your own way that is still accomplishing the calling / purpose, but that does it in a way that's uniquely you.  The same can be said for your scripture study - people often stick with what they were taught as youth, which is often to start at the beginning and read - you don't have to do that.  What you do today doesn't have to follow the same pattern as what you do tomorrow - you can study a topic this week, and then spend a couple weeks reading all the stories of women in the scriptures, and then journal your thoughts about specific verses - whatever you want.

Also, consider whether there's something you used to love doing (like reading, or taking walks, or whatever) that you've stopped doing because you felt there wasn't time for it.  If you can find such a thing, look for a way to start doing it again.  Giving up the (good) things we love to do, because there are more necessary things which we think must be done, can be soul-crushing.  Even an hour a week of something you love can make a huge difference.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, MollyMormon said:

But for some reason I can't get the desire to be a little naughty, for once, out of my head.

You may find that having lived an "ultimate" Molly Mormon life that what you perceive as being "a little naughty" really only moves you from "ultimate" to "normal" Molly Mormon.
"Normal" Molly Mormon is still Mormon, it just may not be as extreme as the ultimate version.

Long story short, what you classify as "naughty" might be what 90% of other Mormons consider normal Mormon life. Just a thought.
If you feel inclined, you might consider sharing what "naughty" is and you might be surprised by the responses that follow. Many of us have tried caffeinated beverages before, eaten after midnight and have had sexual relations (in marriage) without the sole purpose to procreate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

You may find that having lived an "ultimate" Molly Mormon life that what you perceive as being "a little naughty" really only moves you from "ultimate" to "normal" Molly Mormon.
"Normal" Molly Mormon is still Mormon, it just may not be as extreme as the ultimate version.

Long story short, what you classify as "naughty" might be what 90% of other Mormons consider normal Mormon life. Just a thought.
If you feel inclined, you might consider sharing what "naughty" is and you might be surprised by the responses that follow. Many of us have tried caffeinated beverages before, eaten after midnight and have had sexual relations (in marriage) without the sole purpose to procreate.

There are people who don't eat after midnight on religious grounds?

That's just weird.

(By the way, I drink three caffeinated Diet Cokes a day, listen to extreme heavy metal, play first person shooter video games, believe in evolution, and have a beard.  What is key is I don't consider any of these "rebellious" activities to actually be sinning, I consider them to be frowned upon sometimes as cultural matters, and questions as to whether they are right or wrong are inevitably personal opinion rather than Church doctrine.  My best advice to you is, whatever you do, just don't get into (or get close to) any actual sinning).

Edited by DoctorLemon
Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of all congrats on avoiding major sins. That's a really awesome accomplishment that you shouldn't sell yourself short on. I agree with @zil and @anatess2 and I think you should follow their suggestions, but speaking as someone who had to repent of a major sin don't! It isn't fun, it isn't pretty, and you can cause lifelong consequences to yourself even after you repent. When Alma tells his son Corianton that wickedness never was happiness in Alma 41:14 he is deadly serious. Imagine carrying around a crushing weight of guilt and pain every single second of the day, breaking your families' hearts, and struggling daily for the rest of your life not to fall back into your previous choices. That is what being guilty of major sin feels like. So take it from a brother who knows what that feels like sister and the next time you feel that strong urging to be bad, tell Satan to go back to Hell and leave you alone because that's where that thoughts coming from.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi from the other side of the tracks MollyMormon,

Funny thing about rebelling - it can be pretty cool at the time, but it comes at a cost.  From the age of ten through my early 20's I did some pretty bad horrible things.  More than two decades later, I still bear scars and the burdens.  The consequences of those actions have negatively impacted lives of more than just the people around me in those years, but also my wife's life, our marriage, and our children who weren't even born back then.   Although I've fully repented and been through all the hard stuff, even though I walk clean and free of the stain of my past, I still often find it hard to be on the same planet with all the decent people of the world.  The painful, arduous journey back to church activity, the hard-won blessings that only came through spiritual surgery and tears, I wouldn't wish such experiences on my worst enemy. 

I totally get the desire to see what the rest of the world has to offer.  I think you can probably get what you need, without sinning.  There are plenty of non-sacred things you can rebel against - like cultural norms.  Consider stuff like the following:

- Get a radical change in hairstyle and take your husband to learn the tango.
- If you live in Utah, volunteer at a Haunted House a few evenings a week in October.
- For that matter, volunteer wherever you find sinners - rape crisis centers, drug rehab places, work release programs, halfway houses, etc.

You can bring your good LDS self to these places, and you will encounter thrills and be challenged in ways you can't even imagine. No sinning or rebellion against the Lord necessary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, DoctorLemon said:

(By the way, I drink three caffeinated Diet Cokes a day, listen to extreme heavy metal, play first person shooter video games, believe in evolution, and have a beard.)

:jawdrop: Diet Coke - OK, we can tolerate that.  Heavy metal is its own punishment, so fine.  FPS games still allow you to play a "good guy" part.  Evolution - well, we're allowed to be confused, so it's OK.  But a beard!?  No doubt, your stake's excommunication back log just hasn't caught up with you yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think we should be careful in a way - the problem with rebellion in some ways is it is a slippery slope that not everyone may be able to handle, too, and you can start down that path and wind up in sin.

I think I can handle listening to extreme metal music with clean lyrics (e.g., Korpiklaani) without falling into sin.  However, perhaps some teenagers could start there, move into rap metal, then rap music, and wind up a drug dealer in a street gang?  (extreme example I know, my bishop loves his rap music apparently).  Not to mention, when you actually sin, you hurt Jesus, which is never, ever OK.

So there is some danger there.

On the other hand, I do admit I like being just a bit of a pirate around the edges.  What is key, though, is to have red lines that are well short of sinning that one should not cross.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, NeedleinA said:

There is a reason it is used in psychological operations on prisoners and considered "music torture". Ugh...

No, they used Metallica in psychological operations on prisoners.

Metallica is way too soft for my tastes...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest LiterateParakeet

I think you've been given great advice so far.  My thoughts when reading your post were different. Only you can figure out which really applies to you.

My thought is that if you have a desire to be rebellious, you're not obeying for the right reasons. I don't mean that in anyway as a criticism. Likely its a step we all go through. 

Here is my suggestion. Learn about the Atonement. I know you are married with kids. When the Spirit told me to learn about the Atonement, I was a return missionary, married in the temple with kids. I thought I knew about the Atonement. But....I put in the time. I studied the scriptures that mentioned it, all the talks from LDS.org about it, I read a book about it. After all that, I didnt feel like I had learned anything new. So I went to Heavenly Father and asked, "What was it I was supposed to learn about the Atonement?"  I got my answer and  it was life changing.

I believe you can get the answer you need this way a well. But you can't simply ask. First you need to study it out in your mind and then ask. You won't regret it. 

Edited by LiterateParakeet
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:

you're not obeying for the right reasons. I don't mean that in anyway as a criticism. Likely its a step we all go through. 

I agree - eventually, a great many of us hit the point where our previous reasons for obedience aren't good enough - that is, obedience is too hard to be worth it for the previous reasons; we need better reasons to make it worth it.  It can be a very difficult, and even painful, transition from the old reasons for obedience to new reasons for obedience.

It's possible that we could phrase this as "our previous understanding wasn't good enough, and now we need new understanding".

7 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:

I believe you can get the answer you need this way a well. But you can't simply ask. First you need to study it out in your mind and then ask. You won't regret it. 

This can be daunting.  We might think, "Man, that would be a lot of work. I don't have time for that."  Give yourself permission to take months, or years, if that's what you need.  It's OK.  Just do it, no matter how long it takes.  If necessary, give yourself permission to work up to it - so long as you're actually working on it.

Edited by zil
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, MollyMormon said:

I am in my mid 30s and have been a member my whole life. I've "always" done the right thing, meaning I've never rebelled or committed any major sins. I got married in the temple when I was 18, got pregnant about a month later and am still happily married and have more kids. Here's the thing...I have this constant pull lately to want to be rebellious. I still do all the right things: serve faithfully in my calling, go visiting teaching, read my scriptures and pray everyday, have FHE every Monday, etc. But for some reason I can't get the desire to be a little naughty, for once, out of my head. I was the ultimate Molly Mormon growing up, and still am to this day, but I'm kinda wanting to ditch that identity. I know it's wrong, but I'm having this major internal battle going on. Please help! Any advice is appreciated! 

What do you mean by being naughty?

And why would you want to ditch the Molly Mormon identity?

You might not see this, but Molly Mormons are actually rather unique and special.  Outside of the LDS church, those who are "naughty" are a dime a dozen...in fact, more like a thousand a penny.

Is it a desire to be just like everyone else that is miserable in the US and the rest of the world today?

Remember, the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, but normally, it's either the same grass or worse (normally, in farmland bordering wilderness, the grass on the otherside of the fence may actually be worse or even harmful).

There are some in the church that do not realize how unique being good really is, or how being righteous actually makes someone truly stand out and is a very special quality in relation to what the world is like now.  So many think that they are all alike if they are good, but that is not true, something they find out many times to their great sorry. 

More times than not, it's more that they say they are similar to others, but in reality just want to be like the rest of the world, that thousand per penny individuals that are "naughty" and disobey the commands of the lord flagrantly.

that said

How naughty are you talking about?

Playing games and stuff on the Sabbath?

Watching bad movies?

Drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, or that like?

Breaking the law of chastity?

Robbing a bank?

Going on a murdering spree?

Some are far worse than others.  Most of them lead to deep sorrow later, and disappointment that they wanted to follow the world rather than what they knew was right.  A few may not, but many of those bring a sense of being part of the world, but then guilt and sadness for multiple reasons.  They realize just how special and unique they were previously, and they destroyed that.  They realize that what they thought would be fun, actually may have seemed fun at the time, but destroyed a lot of long lasting happiness and in some cases, even lost some freedom they took for granted.

When you say naughty...what exactly do you mean by that and why do you think you are feeling that way?

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
18 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:

Robbing a bank?

Going on a murdering spree?

 

These things are frowned upon? Oh man, @zil you are in SO MUCH TROUBLE. 

Edited by MormonGator
Link to comment
Share on other sites

37 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:

What do you mean by being naughty?

And why would you want to ditch the Molly Mormon identity?

You might not see this, but Molly Mormons are actually rather unique and special.  Outside of the LDS church, those who are "naughty" are a dime a dozen...in fact, more like a thousand a penny.

Is it a desire to be just like everyone else that is miserable in the US and the rest of the world today?

Remember, the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, but normally, it's either the same grass or worse (normally, in farmland bordering wilderness, the grass on the otherside of the fence may actually be worse or even harmful).

There are some in the church that do not realize how unique being good really is, or how being righteous actually makes someone truly stand out and is a very special quality in relation to what the world is like now.  So many think that they are all alike if they are good, but that is not true, something they find out many times to their great sorry. 

More times than not, it's more that they say they are similar to others, but in reality just want to be like the rest of the world, that thousand per penny individuals that are "naughty" and disobey the commands of the lord flagrantly.

that said

How naughty are you talking about?

Playing games and stuff on the Sabbath?

Watching bad movies?

Drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, or that like?

Breaking the law of chastity?

Robbing a bank?

Going on a murdering spree?

Some are far worse than others.  Most of them lead to deep sorrow later, and disappointment that they wanted to follow the world rather than what they knew was right.  A few may not, but many of those bring a sense of being part of the world, but then guilt and sadness for multiple reasons.  They realize just how special and unique they were previously, and they destroyed that.  They realize that what they thought would be fun, actually may have seemed fun at the time, but destroyed a lot of long lasting happiness and in some cases, even lost some freedom they took for granted.

When you say naughty...what exactly do you mean by that and why do you think you are feeling that way?

 

 

I get the sense the OP is probably talking more about not looking and acting like she is on the Donna Reed Show all the time than actually sinning.  And I can totally sympathize.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
5 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

I get the sense the OP is probably talking more about not looking and acting like she is on the Donna Reed Show all the time than actually sinning.  And I can totally sympathize.

My thoughts totally. Sometimes people who have lived a certain type of life can "regret" not being rebellious in their younger days.  In many other cultures it's sort of expected that young people rebel and go a little crazy before they get older and settle down. 

Edited by MormonGator
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

My thoughts totally. Sometimes people who have lived a certain type of life can "regret" not being rebellious in their younger days.  In many other cultures it's sort of expected that young people rebel and go a little crazy before they get older and settle down. 

Even when you are older, you don't have to be some kind of Stepford Wife (or husband, for that matter) to be a good Mormon.  You just have to try where it counts (avoiding sin, trying to do good deeds, trying to take care of your neighbors, etc.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
Just now, DoctorLemon said:

Even when you are older, you don't have to be some kind of Stepford Wife (or husband, for that matter) to be a good Mormon.  You just have to try where it counts (avoiding sin, trying to do good deeds, trying to take care of your neighbors, etc.)

Yup. A little rule bending is fine as long as you don't take it too far. It's like fraternity boy razzing. It's normal and healthy as long as you don't hurt anyone or go to the extreme. 

It's perfectly fine to stay up late, sleep in, eat too much cake,  have a day where you do nothing but sit on the couch and play video games, etc etc. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, MollyMormon said:

I was the ultimate Molly Mormon growing up, and still am to this day, but I'm kinda wanting to ditch that identity. I know it's wrong, but I'm having this major internal battle going on. 

I'm honestly having a hard time understanding why "ditching a Molly Mormon identity" would be "wrong".  You do realize that we already know you're a fallen sinner, in need of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, just like the rest of us, right?  

So learn to let your hair down in ways that ditch the Molly Mormon image, without sinning.  It can be done.  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, MollyMormon said:

I am in my mid 30s and have been a member my whole life. I've "always" done the right thing, meaning I've never rebelled or committed any major sins. I got married in the temple when I was 18, got pregnant about a month later and am still happily married and have more kids. Here's the thing...I have this constant pull lately to want to be rebellious. I still do all the right things: serve faithfully in my calling, go visiting teaching, read my scriptures and pray everyday, have FHE every Monday, etc. But for some reason I can't get the desire to be a little naughty, for once, out of my head. I was the ultimate Molly Mormon growing up, and still am to this day, but I'm kinda wanting to ditch that identity. I know it's wrong, but I'm having this major internal battle going on. Please help! Any advice is appreciated! 

@MollyMormon, I can understand what you're saying, and I can sympathize. The Dark Side® can look so attractive, especially to those who haven't walked it. But honestly, we have all walked along a path we should not have. Has it ever come to good? Do we ever say, "Yeah, you know, shoplifting that sweater was soooooo worth it! I'd do it again!" Or do we say to ourselves, "Seriously? I sold out my integrity before God -- for a SWEATER? What was I thinking?"

When you have thoughts like you describe, I suggest you consciously make the effort to think instead: "I have this constant pull to cut off my fingers. I haven't really cut any of my fingers off, but for some reason I can't get the desire out of my head. I kinda want to ditch the identity as the good little ten-fingered girl and live on the wild side for once."

You will immediately recognize such talk as nonsense, of course. Which is the point. Choosing sin and rebelliousness is choosing death. It's choosing to be spiritually maimed over being spiritually whole. So as Joseph Smith said to Parley P. Pratt when Pratt complained about some unfair censure he received from W. W. Phelps: "Walk such things under your feet." Don't let your fascination with the forbidden -- a manifestation of your very own "natural man" -- deter you from your path of duty and joy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, anatess2 said:

This is not about wanting to Rebel, I don't think.  This is about you feeling you're in a rot.  I'm not a psychologist by any means so this is just armchair quarterbacking.

Anyway, there are many many many ways to get one's self out of a rot that doesn't get one's self out of the Kingdom of God.  The easiest would be to pick a "I've never done this before" hobby... like Skydiving (I actually have a cousin that did this when she found herself in a rot!).

You might be right...I'm not totally sure, but I definitely need to look into some bucket list type stuff. Thank you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share