Always good, want to be bad


MollyMormon
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2 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

I've had the same rag-muffle hair style for the last quarter century (think Merida from "Brave").  It's sounds silly... but that hairdo has just come to be a part of me.   If I were to cut my hair, let alone die it... that would be a huge change for me.  Like.... I don't know- some business woman hairdo, that would be totally different. 

Oooh, we could have a forum pact - we could all shave our heads, just for something different.  Think how much time it would save, not having to wash, rinse, dry, style, or whatever it is people do with hair. ;)

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29 minutes ago, zil said:

Lies, lies, and more lies.  I don't mean you - I mean the people who run gambling establishments.  Seriously, they are thieves, they know it, and they pride themselves on it.  Unless you are going to waste full-time-employment hours learning to count cards (you'll get banned), or out-bluff poker players who are putting in just as many hours or more, you would literally be throwing your money down the drain.  Better to go empty your bank account and literally give it to the poor.

A programmer friend of mine was considering going to work for the folks who program some of the gaming machines used in Vegas.  He learned enough to understand how those machines work, determined that no one with integrity could do that work, because it was indeed theft and lies, and walked away.  So go buy yourself some plain and peanut M&Ms, invite your girl-friends over while the kids are in school, and play "poker" to your heart's content.  But don't do it for money - you'll lose in oh so many ways (not just $, but the Spirit).  (PS: I once visited Reno with my husband-to-be.  The one and only thing which stood out about the experience was that it felt dead, as in, the Spirit was nowhere to be found there.  Everything looked flat, 2-dimensional without actually being 2-dimensional, colorless without actually lacking in colors, lifeless despite the living humans walking about.)

I could tell you stories related to alcohol (as an observer in various situations), but I'm not sure that would help.  Some things, you need your own experiences / reasons to dislike them.  The Word of Wisdom is actually the secondary reason why I avoid alcohol and caffeine and perhaps tobacco.  Knowledge and observation are the first reason.  If hearing other people's experiences is the kind of thing that motivates you, let me know and I'll tell.  If not, well, actively look for your own reasons - whether it's love of God, health statistics, love for your husband and children (who could only be harmed by these things), or whatever.

Perhaps more important is to create a knee-jerk reaction in yourself so that when these thoughts come, they are immediately rejected and replaced with something else - habit-forming works for good as well as evil. ;)

I know...the gambling thing sounds so dumb. And It's not even that I want to do it to try and win money or anything like that. It's purely just to try something to be a little naughty. And yes, I'd love to hearyour examples about alcohol. Thank you!

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18 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

From what i'm reading here, it sounds like what you're feeling defined and trapped by the "Stepford Wife" bubble you're stuck in.  You're looking for a way to change it, but don't know how to go about that change.

Is that correct?

Yes, I think so. It's not just "Stepford wife", though...it's been my whole life. I don't know anything different than to just be "the good girl", but I'm kind of tired of it.

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27 minutes ago, zil said:

These things could be said about a lot of people, not just members.

Satan has found a chink in your armor, and is feeding you lies about it.  He's telling you that you're tired of being the good girl, when what you're really tired of is routine, lack of new experiences and learning.  You are an intelligent, divine being meant to progress to the point where you comprehend eternity.  Such a being cannot be satisfied for long with same-old-same-old.  You need new, different, challenging, interesting.  Satan is telling you those only come through sin.  Satan is very, very good at keeping us convinced that it's the opposite extreme that need - anything to distract us from the real problem and real solutions.

You don't need to sin to alleviate the boredom; you just need to find things which are actually interesting (neither gambling nor alcohol are interesting - at least, not to a sober observer), and do those.  Get Sharpies and Zentangle the livingroom wall - that's pretty rebellious, and relaxing at the same time.

Seriously, before the end of today, I think you need to find and do something you don't normally do - something very simple.  Anything that represents breaking of your routine.  Then tomorrow, break it again in some little way.

Thank you so much! I think you are spot on. I'm definitely going to figure out what I can do today!

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8 hours ago, MollyMormon said:

I know...the gambling thing sounds so dumb. And It's not even that I want to do it to try and win money or anything like that. It's purely just to try something to be a little naughty. And yes, I'd love to hearyour examples about alcohol. Thank you!

When I was in high school, working at a gas station, the manager sent me to the bar across the street to get $20 worth of coins (she had a deal with them or something).  What I saw when I entered was sufficient to convince me never to drink.  It was dark, it was smokey, no one was talking to anyone else, they were all sitting alone and each looked depressed.  Now that I'm older, I know this isn't always the case, but it sometimes is, and for all you know, you're one of those people who will be an instant addict and a lousy drunk - you could be one of those people.  Ick.  Serious ick.  You don't want that.

The US Embassy in Moscow has it's own bar inside (very small).  I spent no shortage of time there with co-workers (they drank, I didn't).  I also would go to parties they'd throw in their apartments.  People who drink are either: behaving normally (e.g. engaged in a conversation), acting stupid and thinking it's funny (it's not funny), acting fairly normally and thinking it's funny (it's not funny), acting pitifully (e.g. one guy was licking photographs of him and his wife on their wedding day?), or over-emoting (usually sad) for no apparent reason.  My point being, you can do the same thing sober, or, once drunk, they're not actually enjoying themselves, it's just that they're too drunk to realize it.  There is just nothing appealing about it.  I helped my drunken neighbor home after a party, once.  He had one of those instant cameras with a wrist strap.  He couldn't get it off his wrist.  I took it off for him.  He then stated that he really needed to pee but wasn't sure he could undo his zipper.  I told him he was on his own there.  Does this really sound appealing?

If you have never witnessed this first hand (and it sounds like you haven't), maybe you ought to - in the company of a strong person who won't let your current temptations get the best of you.  It's not like on TV / in the movies.  From everything have ever seen, it's pointless.

If you want to have fun, at least do it knowing what you're doing is actually fun.  I still think you should Zentangle the livingroom wall.  Go into it knowing that you may have to repaint the wall when you're done, and that's OK.  The point will not be to make the wall look better.  The point will be to do something ridiculous.

Alternately, go sign up for an institute class. :)

Edited by zil
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24 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

It sounds like what you're really wanting to get to know yourself better and explore.   That's not dumb at all!  Rather it's part of getting to know yourself and that's a good Christ-like thing. That's also very extremely different from going about sinning for the sake of sinning (which is a dumb idea).  

Now things to break out of this bubble... well, ok I don't know you so I can't tell you where exactly your bubble is, so I'll ramble about my bubble---

I've had the same rag-muffle hair style for the last quarter century (think Merida from "Brave").  It's sounds silly... but that hairdo has just come to be a part of me.   If I were to cut my hair, let alone die it... that would be a huge change for me.  Like.... I don't know- some business woman hairdo, that would be totally different. 

Naturally I'm shy and mild mannered (rather Molly Mormon that way).  In undergrad I wanted something different so I signed up for martial arts-- let's go beat people up!!  (Ok, not really).  But still, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made: I loved it, got great exercise, filled me out as a person, and really helped my emotional/mental state. 

Stuff like that....

Yes, I think you're absolutely right! Thank you!

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1 hour ago, MollyMormon said:

You made me laugh, so thank you for that! I enjoy sexual relations without procreating, I have eaten after midnight, although I don't drink caffeine. ;-) Things that have been tempting to me lately would be trying alcohol or gambling, watching a bad movie, etc.

I haven't read through all of the responses, so you may have heard what I am about to say several times already.

Alcohol, gambling, and "bad movies" (I am assuming you are talking about X-rated) are really, really dangerous things to try.  All three can result in the loss of your temple recommend, so if you die without repenting of these, you run the risk of forfeiting exaltation, being sealed to the husband, etc.

Also, all three are addictive.  

Many, many teenagers decide they want to take one quick peek into a pornographic magazine because, why not?  They do, and before they know what hit them, they are hopelessly addicted and cannot stop, and ten years later, they are buying hundreds of dollars of pornography a month while their wives and kids are walking out the door, and their shot at eternal life (barring a major change of course) is shot.

Was it really worth the walk on the wild side?

I will tell you a story about someone I know of who decided to "walk on the wild side" with alcohol.  She was 16 years old and decided she was tired of being a goody goody LDS young woman.  One night she went to a party and decided she would try a sip of alcohol.  Just one sip.  Well, one sip turned into three or four, and she was completely drunk by the end of the night.  She then tried to drive herself home and hit and killed a pedestrian (the next morning, she was sober enough to go outside and see her car covered in blood).  Well, she got a very long sentence for her "intoxication manslaughter" (something like 20 years).  I bet she is out of jail now, but there goes her youth, her education, her temple marriage, everything.

I would give you a gentle warning, if you take a walk on the wild side and you go into sinful territory, Satan WILL do everything he can to trap you there, and ruin your entire life if he can.  I have seen it happen before my eyes.  Please don't do something you will regret for the rest of your eternity.

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Okay, I skimmed through this thread, but I don't think anyone really noticed your age and history here.

You married at 18 and pregnant the next month.  

I'm assuming that you've never lived on your own?  If anything, THAT was what you missed out on.  Not being "rebellious", but in living on your own.  You went from your parents straight to married life.

I have no solution, just identifying a phase that many other people go through that you seem to have missed.

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27 minutes ago, zil said:

I'm curious to know: (a) What about these things seems appealing?  (b) Have you observed these behaviors first hand?  (c) Are there things you have never tried which hold absolutely no appeal whatsoever?  (d) Why don't those things also appeal?

You don't have to answer me, but answering these for yourself might help clarify matters.  Though at this point I'm going with my latest answer - you just need to break some routines and expand your soul in good ways - the divine in you is hungry for expansion - feed that and let Satan and his minions starve.  Having a hard time thinking of something new?  Draw that - your soul expanding and Satan and his minions starving - stick figures are OK.

I'm not even sure I know the answers to your questions, other than smoking has no appeal whatsoever because I can't stand the smell of smoke. ;-) Thank you for giving me some things to think about, though! 

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4 minutes ago, skippy740 said:

Okay, I skimmed through this thread, but I don't think anyone really noticed your age and history here.

You married at 18 and pregnant the next month.  

I'm assuming that you've never lived on your own?  If anything, THAT was what you missed out on.  Not being "rebellious", but in living on your own.  You went from your parents straight to married life.

I have no solution, just identifying a phase that many other people go through that you seem to have missed.

I noticed this from the start, and agree.  This is why I think what she really needs is to do new / different things.  Those of us who had time on our own got time to explore these new and different things, to "find ourselves" (whatever that means).  Now she gets to do it a bit later.

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11 minutes ago, zil said:

When I was in high school, working at a gas station, the manager sent me to the bar across the street to get $20 worth of coins (she had a deal with them or something).  What I saw when I entered was sufficient to convince me never to drink.  It was dark, it was smokey, no one was talking to anyone else, they were all sitting alone and each looked depressed.  Now that I'm older, I know this isn't always the case, but it sometimes is, and for all you know, you're one of those people who will be an instant addict and a lousy drunk - you could be one of those people.  Ick.  Serious ick.  You don't want that.

The US Embassy in Moscow has it's own bar inside (very small).  I spent no shortage of time there with co-workers (they drank, I didn't).  I also would go to parties they'd throw in their apartments.  People who drink are either: behaving normally (e.g. engaged in a conversation), acting stupid and thinking it's funny (it's not funny), acting fairly normally and thinking it's funny (it's not funny), acting pitifully (e.g. one guy was licking photographs of him and his wife on their wedding day?), or over-emoting (usually sad) for no apparent reason.  My point being, you can do the same thing sober, or, once drunk, they're not actually enjoying themselves, it's just that too drunk to realize it.  There is just nothing appealing about it.  I helped my drunken neighbor home after a party, once.  He had one of those instant cameras with a wrist strap.  He couldn't get it off his wrist.  I took it off for him.  He then stated that he really needed to pee but wasn't sure he could undo his zipper.  I told him he was on his own there.  Does this really sound appealing?

If you have never witnessed this first hand (and it sounds like you haven't), maybe you ought to - in the company of a strong person who won't let your current temptations get the best of you.  It's not like on TV / in the movies.  From everything have ever seen, it's pointless.

If you want to have fun, at least do it knowing what you're doing is actually fun.  I still think you should Zentangle the livingroom wall.  Go into it knowing that you may have to repaint the wall when you're done, and that's OK.  The point will not be to make the wall look better.  The point will be to do something ridiculous.

Alternately, go sign up for an institute class. :)

Thank you for your examples! I really do appreciate it!

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9 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

I haven't read through all of the responses, so you may have heard what I am about to say several times already.

Alcohol, gambling, and "bad movies" (I am assuming you are talking about X-rated) are really, really dangerous things to try.  All three can result in the loss of your temple recommend, so if you die without repenting of these, you run the risk of forfeiting exaltation, being sealed to the husband, etc.

Also, all three are addictive.  

Many, many teenagers decide they want to take one quick peek into a pornographic magazine because, why not?  They do, and before they know what hit them, they are hopelessly addicted and cannot stop, and ten years later, they are buying hundreds of dollars of pornography a month while their wives and kids are walking out the door, and their shot at eternal life (barring a major change of course) is shot.

Was it really worth the walk on the wild side?

I will tell you a story about someone I know of who decided to "walk on the wild side" with alcohol.  She was 16 years old and decided she was tired of being a goody goody LDS young woman.  One night she went to a party and decided she would try a sip of alcohol.  Just one sip.  Well, one sip turned into three or four, and she was completely drunk by the end of the night.  She then tried to drive herself home and hit and killed a pedestrian (the next morning, she was sober enough to go outside and see her car covered in blood).  Well, she got a very long sentence for her "intoxication manslaughter" (something like 20 years).  I bet she is out of jail now, but there goes her youth, her education, her temple marriage, everything.

I would give you a gentle warning, if you take a walk on the wild side and you go into sinful territory, Satan WILL do everything he can to trap you there, and ruin your entire life if he can.  I have seen it happen before my eyes.  Please don't do something you will regret for the rest of your eternity.

Thank you! I needed this bluntness, for sure!

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10 minutes ago, skippy740 said:

Okay, I skimmed through this thread, but I don't think anyone really noticed your age and history here.

You married at 18 and pregnant the next month.  

I'm assuming that you've never lived on your own?  If anything, THAT was what you missed out on.  Not being "rebellious", but in living on your own.  You went from your parents straight to married life.

I have no solution, just identifying a phase that many other people go through that you seem to have missed.

I actually graduated from high school 2 years early, moved in with some roommates for a few months before getting married. So, I did "live on my own", just not nearly long enough, I think. Yes, I absolutely feel like I missed out on that phase of life.

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4 minutes ago, MollyMormon said:

Thank you! I needed this bluntness, for sure!

I don't mean to be blunt, but the story about the girl - that was from my priest's quorum adviser when I was 17 years old.  The girl was his cousin, and he started weeping when he told us about it.  

I never forgot that talk, and have often thought how it must have felt for this 16-year old girl - she went to bed on Friday a "Molly Mormon", went to the party on Saturday night, and went to bed on Sunday in a jail cell, still just a little girl on the inside, but with her life completely ruined because she made one bad decision and Satan used that opening to destroy her once and for all.

Edited by DoctorLemon
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7 minutes ago, zil said:

I noticed this from the start, and agree.  This is why I think what she really needs is to do new / different things.  Those of us who had time on our own got time to explore these new and different things, to "find ourselves" (whatever that means).  Now she gets to do it a bit later.

Yes, this is exactly what I need! Thank you!

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1 minute ago, MollyMormon said:

Yes, this is exactly what I need! Thank you!

FWIW, for a lot of us, the walk on the wild side consisted of buying an Oreo-yogurt mix when we didn't have enough money to afford it. ;) And then eating it before dinner.  I hereby give you permission to feed your family ice cream and brownies for dinner tonight! ;)

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On 10/12/2017 at 10:16 PM, MollyMormon said:

I am in my mid 30s and have been a member my whole life. I've "always" done the right thing, meaning I've never rebelled or committed any major sins. I got married in the temple when I was 18, got pregnant about a month later and am still happily married and have more kids. Here's the thing...I have this constant pull lately to want to be rebellious. I still do all the right things: serve faithfully in my calling, go visiting teaching, read my scriptures and pray everyday, have FHE every Monday, etc. But for some reason I can't get the desire to be a little naughty, for once, out of my head. I was the ultimate Molly Mormon growing up, and still am to this day, but I'm kinda wanting to ditch that identity. I know it's wrong, but I'm having this major internal battle going on. Please help! Any advice is appreciated! 

Drink a monster, listen to 80s heavy metal, leave all the cupboard doors open, just because...  Go to a restaurant, order milk with your meal, ask for a straw, blow bubbles in your milk while humming, you'll drive everyone nuts. Draw smiley faces on every piece of paper you handle, this is going to make people confused yet too afraid to ask why.  As a matter of routine, start talking to yourself every time someone is looking at you.  There, now you've been rebellious, you didn't get yourself excommunicated, divorced, arrested, etc, but you will have managed to unbalance your own little corner of the world just enough to make life interesting.  Have fun...

Edited by Bad Karma
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1 hour ago, Bad Karma said:

Drink a monster, listen to 80s heavy metal, leave all the cupboard doors open, just because...  Go to a restaurant, order milk with your meal, ask for a straw, blow bubbles in your milk while humming, you'll drive everyone nuts. Draw smiley faces on every piece of paper you handle, this is going to make people confused yet too afraid to ask why.  As a matter of routine, start talking to yourself every time someone is looking at you.  There, now you've been rebellious, you didn't get yourself excommunicated, divorced, arrested, etc, but you will have managed to unbalance your own little corner of the world just enough to make life interesting.  Have fun...

 

Hey, I thought of another way one can be a total rebel and still a good Mormon!

It's simple: keep practicing Mormonism, but move to West Texas.  

Your new Protestant fundamentalist neighbors (about 80% of the population) are going to be shocked!  "What do you mean, you don't believe in every point of the Nicene Creed?  Heathen!"   People will genuinely think you are genuinely edgy for practicing your own religion. 

Growing up in West Texas, I was often seen as being edgier for simply being a Mormon than many of my Atheist friends were seen for being Atheists.  I knew people who would not let their children hang out with me as a child because I was Mormon and therefore I might be a "bad influence".

I wish I could say I was joking.

Edited by DoctorLemon
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