I need help before fading out of the Church! :(


Jordi
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Here's my story;

I'm a 20 yo male. I joined the Church almost two years ago after a long and exhausting journey searching for the Truth. I joined because I felt so comfortable... As soon as I started to attend Sunday services I realized that the LDS Church was the place where I wanted to be the rest of my life and where I wanted to raise my family. The problem is that now, two years later, I don't feel comfortable anymore. Here's why:

  • I feel overwhelmed with my callings (Ward Mission Leader, Seminary Teacher, Young Men secretary and Elders Quorum instructor). I feel like I don't have time to fulfill all of them. Besides Church activities, I'm attending college and that limits the time I can spend doing Church work.
  • My Bishop doesn't seem to understand my situation. When I talk to him about it, he tells me to fast, pray and study the Scriptures more often, and that's exactly what I've been doing, but I keep feeling the same way.
  • I'm a YSA, and my fellow YSAs rule me out of everything. I'm like the black sheep of the group and I don't exactly know why. My only friend in Church once told me that the other YSAs said that I just "don't belong to the group because I come from a wealthy family". I knoe it sounds ridiculous, but that's what I've heard. (Please note that I'm from Mexico City, economic gap and social status are a huge deal here. Racism and discrimination between wealthy or white and poor or brown people is not uncommon. I'm not racist btw, that's just the way things work in Mexico. I'm the only white person in my Ward and I have felt terribly excluded from all Church activities.)
  • Whenever I think of my future, I feel terribly overwhelmed and desperated. I don't see myself attending Ward Councils for the rest of my life. I sometimes just want to be a normal Christian who attends Church, reads the Scriptures, preaches occasionally and serves others without having to immerse myself in administrative issues of the Church.
  • My Ward doesn't seem to work. Our attendance is lower and lower each week and members are turning unfriendly. Nobody pays attention in Sacrament Meeting anymore, most members sleep or keep texting while the speakers talks.
  • As a Ward Mission Leader, I've talked to my Bishop so we can help return members who faded out. My bishop has promised to talk about it with his two counselors. Needless to say, it's been almost two months since we talked and he still hasn't consulted his counselors.

PLEASE my fellow brothers and sisters, I need help. I know the Church is true and I've felt the Spirit so strong... I just feel like my Ward is not working, like there's something wrong with it and that discourages me so much :(

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Sorry to hear this Jordi!.  

All those callings are BIG callings!  The Lord must trust you with His Church!  That's a good thing.

Ward Mission Leader is a big calling but it is not so bad when you have a good set of Ward Missionaries.  I used to be a Ward Missionary and our Ward Mission Leader delegated much of the stuff to us.  You can also develop friendships with your Ward Missionaries as you work to bring the ward together.  The principle we worked on while I held the calling was to be a Ward that the Lord can Trust with His Mission.  It can be overwhelming but the Ward Mission cannot work without the help and coordination of the Auxiliary groups.  For example, when we make a plan to reactivate certain members, we ask the help of Elders Quorum or Relief Society to get them engaged in these auxiliaries, etc.  So, it makes it easier if your auxiliaries are functioning properly.  I'm not quite sure how YSA is organized especially in Mexico.  Our YSA over here is also having challenges with "cliques".  It's like high school where the members go into little groups and they tend to not be friendly with people outside their little group.  I guess it's a thing with the young single adults these days.

In any case, you can't carry the burden of the entire ward upon your shoulders.  All you can do is your best.  Don't worry about not "fitting in" or being an outcast.  These are things you can't really control except for how you react to them.  What you can control is your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and this requires that you forgive those who trespass against you and that you continue to love your brothers and sisters despite their failings.  Yes,  your bishop is correct that the basics - reading scriptures, prayer, etc. - is what you need.  But what he may not have told you is that you just need to trust Heavenly Father that He will bless you in your efforts to come closer to Him even if it seems like your ward has abandoned you.  Just remember to do your best and lay the rest on Christ's feet.

Big hugs to you, brother.  And may you find comfort amidst your challenges.  You can find good friends in this forum.

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Hi Brother Jordi!

Hey, you don't have to fade out of the church to get the church to lift some of those callings off of your shoulders.  We would like to think that ALL callings are divinely inspired, by and large I think most are, but remember, sometimes those handing out the callings are influenced by other things, for one thing, their perception of you, time availability and energy available coupled with a need to fill the calling. 

You are under no obligation to accept a calling, sometimes that means being firm, when you know you are overloaded or not cut out for the calling, that might be a good time to utilize the power of saying NO.

Talk to your home teacher, talk to your Bishop, voice these concerns. More often than not, your Bishop won't want to saddle you with more than you feel you can handle. 

Bail out of leadership in YSA. Enjoy participating in it, but since your voice is ignored, let another member be saddled with being in leadership of it. This is a source of stress for you. Nip that in the bud. Don't feel bad, some people are not a good fit for EVERYTHING. 

 

I'm a ONE CALLING at a time guy, many a Bishop has heard my firm NO to more than that. Sometimes, I don't even have a calling! Ah. moments of bliss. Heavenly father knows when I am loaded down with whatever and am needing moments to recoup and even heal. Yes, callings run the church, but they must be spread around amongst the body of Christ, not piled up on one member that gives the impression that they can shoulder numerous callings. 

heavenly father already knows your pair, he's already appreciative of you for doing what you've done, never be afraid to go to him and ask him for respite. He **IS** the harbor where you can go for calm waters to weather out the storm. 

Some callings you may one day want, ask your Bishop about them and voice your desire. An example, I am 50 years old. When my youngest son is over 18 and can handle the house himself for a couple of years whilst in college if he is not on a mission is to go on a senior mission with my wife. I talk about wanting to go on a senior mission often, just to keep it on the minds of people I want to be aware of it. I never got to be a full time missionary, I got to be a ward missionary. 

 

I don't know you, but I thank you for serving as you have thus far, our beautiful church and it's wonderful people. 

Blessings! 

 

 

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It does sound like a lot for one so young to take on and you have every right to feel overwhelmed and stressed.  I agree with @Bad Karma just say NO - one calling at a time is enough, and you will be able to do a much better job of that one calling.

Edited by Blossom76
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I echo the postings above, too many callings. I would write the callings on a piece of paper. Pray about which one, if any to keep. Email the bishop with your decision and stick to this decision. If you experience pressure to retain more callings then you feel comfortable, attend only sacrament for a while until the ward leaders adjust their thinking. Your ward leaders have made mistakes, allow them to adjust, they are human. All humans make mistakes. Allow them to learn from this experience.

I have been in a similar situation. Many have been where you stand. Don’t let this experience push you away from the church.

Edited by Sunday21
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First, welcome to the forum. I'm so glad you found the Church and you should be applauded for your willingness to serve and for how much you care about the health of your ward.

- You definitely have a lot on your plate and adjustments need to be made. Until your bishop officially releases you from some of it, I suggest you find solutions yourself. Ask the parents of the seminary kids to teach 2 or 3 times a week, teach EQ every other month instead of every month, make sure you're fully utilizing the ward missionaries, spend 20 minutes at ht assignments instead of 45, etc.

- As far as how you envision the future and don't want to be in ward councils the rest of your life, what came to my mind was the Quorum of the 12. They have a lot of meetings and will until the day they die. Just some perspective on that.

- As far as what's going on in Sacrament Mtg, since you can't change their behavior, sit somewhere so you don't have to see as much of it happening.

- Instead of waiting for the bishop to talk to his counselors about how to reinvigorate the ward, how about you start a thing that when people sign up to feed the missionaries they also invite someone from the ward. This could help bring the ward together as well as fellowship those who are fading out. Also, make sure the ward council schedules activities and gives assignments to some of those who are slipping away. It will get them involved and give them a reason to participate.

Unfortunately, some wards are great and some are awful and I know how frustrating it is to be in one of the latter but I encourage you to do what you reasonably can until things improve or you move. 

Edited by my two cents
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12 hours ago, Jordi said:
  • I feel overwhelmed with my callings (Ward Mission Leader, Seminary Teacher, Young Men secretary and Elders Quorum instructor). I feel like I don't have time to fulfill all of them. Besides Church activities, I'm attending college and that limits the time I can spend doing Church work.

Obviously you have way too much on your plate with all the callings and college.  WML, and Seminary teacher can each be very time intensive to do it right. There is a general principle at work (even in the Church) called the 80/20 rule.  80% of the work gets done by 20% of the people.  The easiest way to get rid of some of the overload is to grow the 20%.  This is something that is often missed when we look to expand and grow the Church.  Baptisms are great, but really we need more people who will work in the Church.   But people have to find the happy balance, if Church work consumes their life than that may not be healthy.  

Also remember the Church is not the Gospel and the Gospel is not the Church.  The Church is the vehicle which the Gospel travels in but to conflate the two will eventually cause pain and heartache down the road.  So in many ways when the Bishop says to read, ponder and pray more . . .it is actually really, really good advice.  What he is trying to tell you is to focus more on the Gospel of Jesus Christ rather than on the Church of Jesus Christ.  A proper focus on the Gospel of Christ will lead to a proper understanding of how to manage all the various callings and duties of the Church.  It will help you understand that in life sometimes things just get dropped on the floor . . . and that's okay! Being guided by the Spirit will help us know when it is okay to drop some stuff on the floor and when it is not okay to drop stuff on the floor.

12 hours ago, Jordi said:
  • As a Ward Mission Leader, I've talked to my Bishop so we can help return members who faded out. My bishop has promised to talk about it with his two counselors. Needless to say, it's been almost two months since we talked and he still hasn't consulted his counselors.

My guess is that your Bishop is also very overloaded. Take your feelings of being overwhelmed and multiple it by 100. As a general principle of leadership, leaders/bosses/Bishops/etc. don't want solve your problems. If you come to your boss with a problem and say, Boss/Bishop we need to do something about this (if he is a good leader) he will throw it right back at you and say well what exactly do you want me to do about it?  The best followers (and future leaders) say, "Boss, we have xyz problem, I've thought about it and we should do abc, if you don't approve of abc we should do def. I prefer abc, do I have authorization to proceed?" 

Don't expect the Bishop to solve your problems for you!!! Take the bull by the horns, know what your callings authorize you to do and then do it keeping the Bishop informed according to how your feel it should be done. Know when you need to ask permission and when you don't (in the church that generally involves money or church resources).

12 hours ago, Jordi said:
  • I'm a YSA, and my fellow YSAs rule me out of everything. 

With the YSA thing, don't feel bad.  It's just the way the world works. Yeah, it sucks but until Christ comes it is that way.  Despite all the modern day blather about "racism", "color-blindness" etc. it's just a fact of life, individuals want to associate with other individuals who look like them and think like them, individuals that come from the same socio-economic status.  The sooner you understand that fact and learn to just accept it the better off you will be.  Yes, there are some people who really don't care what you look like or where you come from (and ideally more of those people should be found in the Church), but in general that just isn't the case.  I would suggest find your own socio-economic group that you can hang out with.  There are plenty of good people out there who aren't members of the Church who would easily become members of the Church.  Obviously don't hang out with bad crowds, but there are plenty of awesome non-members.

Finally, I do have a very simple solution that will solve all your problems. GO ON A MISSION!!!!! LIKE NOW!!!!! :-)

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14 hours ago, Jordi said:

Here's my story;

I'm a 20 yo male. I joined the Church almost two years ago after a long and exhausting journey searching for the Truth. I joined because I felt so comfortable... As soon as I started to attend Sunday services I realized that the LDS Church was the place where I wanted to be the rest of my life and where I wanted to raise my family. The problem is that now, two years later, I don't feel comfortable anymore. Here's why:

  • I feel overwhelmed with my callings (Ward Mission Leader, Seminary Teacher, Young Men secretary and Elders Quorum instructor). I feel like I don't have time to fulfill all of them. Besides Church activities, I'm attending college and that limits the time I can spend doing Church work.

You have to many callings you need to have a frank discussion with your bishop. Ward Mission Leader alone is enough to occupy all of your time if you do it right, but you are in school and that should come first. 

14 hours ago, Jordi said:

 

  • My Bishop doesn't seem to understand my situation. When I talk to him about it, he tells me to fast, pray and study the Scriptures more often, and that's exactly what I've been doing, but I keep feeling the same way.

Again a frank and open conversation, I understand how your bishop feels, you fill a lot of slots for him from an administrative stand point he does not want to lose you.  You can't pray and fast your school assignments away. 

14 hours ago, Jordi said:
  • I'm a YSA, and my fellow YSAs rule me out of everything. I'm like the black sheep of the group and I don't exactly know why. My only friend in Church once told me that the other YSAs said that I just "don't belong to the group because I come from a wealthy family". I knoe it sounds ridiculous, but that's what I've heard. (Please note that I'm from Mexico City, economic gap and social status are a huge deal here. Racism and discrimination between wealthy or white and poor or brown people is not uncommon. I'm not racist btw, that's just the way things work in Mexico. I'm the only white person in my Ward and I have felt terribly excluded from all Church activities.)

I served in Mexico city on my mission, My mother is Latina and I am married to a Mexican.  I understand perfectly well were you are coming from.  This is a difficult situation and not one you can do much about in the short term.  You need to be a little philosophical and think long term about it.  You are afforded opportunities that others are not, educational opportunities and business associations that they will never have.  This creates envy.  You mission is to be humble, do not be ashamed of your/parents success embrace it help when you can and be humble.  Keep going to the activities you are Mexican and Mexicans come in all shades and colors.

14 hours ago, Jordi said:

 

  • Whenever I think of my future, I feel terribly overwhelmed and desperated. I don't see myself attending Ward Councils for the rest of my life. I sometimes just want to be a normal Christian who attends Church, reads the Scriptures, preaches occasionally and serves others without having to immerse myself in administrative issues of the Church.

This is what most members want, but we do rely on faithful members to attend and serve, you know that we do not have a paid clergy and without the service of our members things would be difficult.  You need to look at each calling that you are extended and analyze where you are in life and how that calling will affect your education, work and family before you say yes to it.  

14 hours ago, Jordi said:
  • My Ward doesn't seem to work. Our attendance is lower and lower each week and members are turning unfriendly. Nobody pays attention in Sacrament Meeting anymore, most members sleep or keep texting while the speakers talks.

Like I said I previously served in Mexico and retention and activity rates are very, very low.  Most are former Catholics and like you said previously " I sometimes just want to be a normal Christian who attends Church, reads the Scriptures, preaches occasionally" this is what the culture of Catholicism entails (not the preaching) so it is a huge cultural religious shift for most new members.

14 hours ago, Jordi said:
  • As a Ward Mission Leader, I've talked to my Bishop so we can help return members who faded out. My bishop has promised to talk about it with his two counselors. Needless to say, it's been almost two months since we talked and he still hasn't consulted his counselors.

You don't know that he hasn't talked to his 2 counselors, you are not in that circle.  Remember these people like you are volunteers, they have families and other outside interests.  The Stake picks a member out and with no training make him Bishop this is a big calling and can be overwhelming. 

Jordi, buena suerte y espero que sigues fiel en el envangelio.

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3 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

I echo the postings above, too many callings. I would write the callings on a piece of paper. Pray about which one, if any to keep. Email the bishop with your decision and stick to this decision. If you experience pressure to retain more callings then you feel comfortable, attend only sacrament for a while until the ward leaders adjust their thinking. Your ward leaders have made mistakes, allow them to adjust, they are human. All humans make mistakes. Allow them to learn from this experience.

I have been in a similar situation. Many have been where you stand. Don’t let this experience push you away from the church.

This is a good idea with exception to the email part.  Discuss this with him face to face email is a cop out.

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33 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Again a frank and open conversation, I understand how your bishop feels, you fill a lot of slots for him from an administrative stand point he does not want to lose you.

And maybe you need to make it clear to him that he's going to lose you either in all the callings you now hold (because you're burned out and cannot manage the load) or in some of the callings you now hold (if he releases you from the excess, or if you simply stop doing the excess).  That may sound like a threat, I suppose, but if it's the truth, keeping it to yourself won't help.

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On October 30, 2017 at 7:33 PM, Jordi said:

Here's my story;

I'm a 20 yo male. I joined the Church almost two years ago after a long and exhausting journey searching for the Truth. I joined because I felt so comfortable... As soon as I started to attend Sunday services I realized that the LDS Church was the place where I wanted to be the rest of my life and where I wanted to raise my family. The problem is that now, two years later, I don't feel comfortable anymore. Here's why:

  • I feel overwhelmed with my callings (Ward Mission Leader, Seminary Teacher, Young Men secretary and Elders Quorum instructor). I feel like I don't have time to fulfill all of them. Besides Church activities, I'm attending college and that limits the time I can spend doing Church work.
  • My Bishop doesn't seem to understand my situation. When I talk to him about it, he tells me to fast, pray and study the Scriptures more often, and that's exactly what I've been doing, but I keep feeling the same way.
  • I'm a YSA, and my fellow YSAs rule me out of everything. I'm like the black sheep of the group and I don't exactly know why. My only friend in Church once told me that the other YSAs said that I just "don't belong to the group because I come from a wealthy family". I knoe it sounds ridiculous, but that's what I've heard. (Please note that I'm from Mexico City, economic gap and social status are a huge deal here. Racism and discrimination between wealthy or white and poor or brown people is not uncommon. I'm not racist btw, that's just the way things work in Mexico. I'm the only white person in my Ward and I have felt terribly excluded from all Church activities.)
  • Whenever I think of my future, I feel terribly overwhelmed and desperated. I don't see myself attending Ward Councils for the rest of my life. I sometimes just want to be a normal Christian who attends Church, reads the Scriptures, preaches occasionally and serves others without having to immerse myself in administrative issues of the Church.
  • My Ward doesn't seem to work. Our attendance is lower and lower each week and members are turning unfriendly. Nobody pays attention in Sacrament Meeting anymore, most members sleep or keep texting while the speakers talks.
  • As a Ward Mission Leader, I've talked to my Bishop so we can help return members who faded out. My bishop has promised to talk about it with his two counselors. Needless to say, it's been almost two months since we talked and he still hasn't consulted his counselors.

PLEASE my fellow brothers and sisters, I need help. I know the Church is true and I've felt the Spirit so strong... I just feel like my Ward is not working, like there's something wrong with it and that discourages me so much :(

@JoCa summed up my response.

Do you have your patriarchal blessing? That could be of immense help to you in this situation, especially if you decide to consider serving a mission. 

You are right in that you don't have time to do all of your callings. When you meet with your bishop, tell him which calling(s) you need to sacrifice. You sound like you are overwhelmed, and the Lord has counseled us in the D&C to not run faster than we have strength. Find that scripture and quote it to your bishop. It's ok for a ward to not have a YM Secretary. (It has been at least a year since either our YM or YW have had a Secretary.) Believe it or not, our branch has been without a Ward Mission Leader since June. (Our assigned missionaries and branch president step in when necessary there.) The Elders Quorum Presidency ought to be stepping in if there aren't enough teachers each week; it may very well motivate them to strengthen some of the less active brethren by asking them to teach one week every quarter.

Try not to worry about the failings of your unit's organization. Focus on what you can do to help strengthen yourself and then those around you and in your sphere of influence.

And definitely don't worry about the YSA drama. Go to activities as you can, participate when the opportunity presents itself, and let the opinions of others fall by the wayside. 

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On 10/30/2017 at 8:33 PM, Jordi said:
  • My Ward doesn't seem to work. Our attendance is lower and lower each week and members are turning unfriendly. Nobody pays attention in Sacrament Meeting anymore, most members sleep or keep texting while the speakers talks.

I had another thought - There's a sifting going on and we knew this would happen. It can be difficult to watch but just make sure you're not part of it. Stay in the boat!

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