Another missionary problem

[Kazmat]

So I feel like this is a pretty lousy thing to ask for advice on, but I’ve been struggling with it for a while.

I really like one of my friends who recently left on his mission. I have no idea if he has feelings for me, and so I really don’t want to dwell on it.However it’s bothered me to the point that I have been praying for some kind of help for MONTHS. I often switch up what I’m asking for, but for the most part it’s for help knowing what to do right now. It’s been difficult because I just feel like I’ve been receiving mixed promptings. Wait, don’t wait, it will work, he isn’t meant for me. It’s really confusing, and I just hate it because right now I’m just unable to be interested in anyone else because it consumes my thoughts! I have yet to really tell anyone for fear they would think I’m being pretty dramatic, and if you honestly think I need to get over it already and stop worrying so much, let me know. I DON’T want to tell this boy my feelings, because it’s wrong for me to cause any kind of distraction when he’s taking this time to do the Lord’s work. Not only that, but we have grown up close and I don’t want to ruin a good friendship. I know that no matter what, I need to take these few years apart and experience dating, but it’s a little hard when I feel like I’d only be comparing every boy I meet to him. I don’t know. I’m really new to dating and what not, so I’d just really like to get feedback from my fellow Mormons  thanks

Edited November 2, 2017 by Kazmat

[zil]

Welcome, @Kazmat!  Glad you came to join us.

You're right not to tell him - that would not be helpful to him no matter what he feels.  Seems like being a friend, sending letters and cookies (or whatever) would be nice for him, though.

IMO, 2 years is a very long time at missionary age.  Your feelings will likely be long gone by the end of that time, unless you spend the whole time feeding them.  Personally, I wouldn't recommend that.  Find things to occupy your mind and make a conscious choice not to think about him (at least, not to obsess about him).

Final thought: you say you're confused.  Who is the author of confusion?  Perhaps your own feelings (including fear) are too strong for you to receive an answer from Heavenly Father, so Satan is stepping in...  Let it go for a while, there's no rush here - he'll be gone a long time and unless you plan to get married after the third date with someone else, you're not going to have to make a "final" decision next month.  After your emotions have calmed, you may be able to hear the whisperings of the Spirit more clearly.

(Or wait for someone else to give you better advice.  It's possible I'm an alien robot who doesn't know what she's talking about.)

[Jane_Doe]

Let the crush go.  If something is meant to be between you, it'll happen when he gets back.  Right now holding on to it is just hurting you- no one wants that, including God and your friend.  

[seashmore]

2 hours ago, zil said:

Welcome, @Kazmat!  Glad you came to join us.

You're right not to tell him - that would not be helpful to him no matter what he feels.  Seems like being a friend, sending letters and cookies (or whatever) would be nice for him, though.

IMO, 2 years is a very long time at missionary age.  Your feelings will likely be long gone by the end of that time, unless you spend the whole time feeding them.  Personally, I wouldn't recommend that.  Find things to occupy your mind and make a conscious choice not to think about him (at least, not to obsess about him).

Final thought: you say you're confused.  Who is the author of confusion?  Perhaps your own feelings (including fear) are too strong for you to receive an answer from Heavenly Father, so Satan is stepping in...  Let it go for a while, there's no rush here - he'll be gone a long time and unless you plan to get married after the third date with someone else, you're not going to have to make a "final" decision next month.  After your emotions have calmed, you may be able to hear the whisperings of the Spirit more clearly.

(Or wait for someone else to give you better advice.  It's possible I'm an alien robot who doesn't know what she's talking about.)

@Kazmat I'm in agreement with what Zil said. Focus your thoughts on your calling. Consider serving a mission yourself. Read your patriarchal blessing (and get one if you don't have one). Keep him at arm's length while he's on a mission. Don't spend more than an hour a week reading his emails or writing to him. 

Study and do all that you can to prepare yourself to receive your own endowment. 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

There is no need to tell him, he isn't out looking for a girlfriend right now and who knows what things will be like in two years.  Maintain the friendship, and if you still are romantically interested in him two years from now act on that AFTER he gets home.

In the meantime, date.  Give other guys the chance to show you if they measure up to the standard his missionary sets.   You can be picky, these guys have to win you away from him if they can so there is no pressure on you to win them.  Be yourself and see what's out there.  If you find someone better, that is super, you don't have to break a missionary's heart.  If you don't find someone better then you at least will have some fun and gain some experiences be much better able to know for sure if that missionary is the one or not. 

In your letters don't discuss your dating life with him just in case he might have feelings for you.

Edited November 2, 2017 by Latter-Day Marriage