Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Q. How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?A. I dunno - not my period. Q. How many revisionist historians does it take to change a lightbulb?A. In actual fact, against popular consensus, the lightbulb was never actually changed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 what did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker??? my pop is bigger than your pop.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siouxz72 Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 How does batman's mom call him home for dinner? she stands on the porch and yells... dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner.. BATMAN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 what do you call two elephants wearing the same colored T shirt.....there on the same bowling team..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 hahah ouch Pale hahaha====Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! A4. Rottweiler: Make me. A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ... A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster... A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?" ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 how many feet are in a yard........depends on how many people are standing in it....:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Lame jokes are the best!===Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's condition is improving every day. Any reports of it's lack of incandescence are totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it's ego. Why do you hate freedom? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)" Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.A: None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 why did the chicken cross the road.......to get to the other side.....:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other SLIDE! hahahahha ===Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.Q: How many Labour Party members does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. They haven't got a policy on that.Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an American light bulb.Q: How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None, if he wants to sit in the dark, it's his business.A: None, because somebody might come into the room who likes to sit in the dark.Q: How many Perot supporters does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, they all just quit and go home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs,so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.A: Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra lightbulb. Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Less and less all the time. Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it? Q: How many presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?A: 220! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates can't even spell "lightbulbe", eighteen to find out what the other candidates did when the lightbulb failed, and another two hundred to find out what the other candidate's families think about lightbulbs, bulbs, pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy. Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?A: (Mike Dukakis) In Massachusetts, my enlightened government has made it unnecessary for people to screw in their own light bulbs, as we have put thousands of former welfare recipients to work for the Dept. of Light Bulb Installation. These employees will come to your home or business and install any incandescent bulb, on only a few months notice.A: (Bruce Babbitt) It's foolish to talk about screwing in light bulbs when we haven't even taken the first step, and that is to remove the old bulb. I challenge my fellow candidates to stand up with me and help me remove this old light bulb [stands, but nobody else does] Hah! What wimps. You guys make Bush look like Rambo.A: (Richard Gephart) It doesn't matter whether the bulb is changed or not; it tonly matters that the new bulb was made in the US of A. Taiwan and South Korea have put up massive barriers to importing US light bulbs; we'll see hey like it when their bulbs cost $10,000 to screw in here.A: (Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.A: (Al Gore) As usual, the other left-wing wacko candidates are putting forth solutions that moderate Southerners won't cotton to on Super Tuesday. At least I hope not.A: (Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But that's what Paul Simon's about. And I suppose my media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in all candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did in50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn it.A: (Jesse Jackson) Changing the light bulb is a partial solution at best. I'm more of a Lone Ranger than a light bulb changer. But even the Lone Ranger had Tonto and Silver, and the shameful fact is that the Indians of today don't have enough silver, or gold, or even paper money to allow them to buy into the American Dream or some extra light bulbs. We must ensure that all Americans can light their homes,from the lighthouse to the White House. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Q: How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, that's the proletariat's work!A: Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production! Q: How many American Imperialist Pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Three - one to put in the bulb, and two to search through the cartons of inferior American produced light bulbs for one that isn't defective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gualeguaychu Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 nice hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted April 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2010 Q: How do you get the water into watermelon?A: Plant it in the spring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daenvgiell Posted April 8, 2010 Report Share Posted April 8, 2010 I don't know if they've already been done, but I don't feel like reading through them all. Q. Did you hear the joke about the butter? A. I can't tell you, you might spread it Or a similar one Q.Did you hear the joke about the wall? A. I can't tell you, you might not get over it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted April 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2010 I LIKED them! Q: What did the horse say when he tripped and fell? A: "HELP! I've fallen and I can't giddy-up"" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohadba Posted April 8, 2010 Report Share Posted April 8, 2010 Real funny ya'll! Visit us at Art-LDS.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daenvgiell Posted April 8, 2010 Report Share Posted April 8, 2010 I just thought of another one. There was a chicken talking with her friend the frog. The frog wanted to read a book. So the chicken went to the library and said "bock, bock, bock" she was given a book and then returned to her friend only to be told "reddit reddit reddit". =D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mysticmorini Posted April 8, 2010 Report Share Posted April 8, 2010 Q: what did the hockey stick say to the goalie???A: lets get the puck outta here!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted April 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2010 Ok then, Q: What is a frog's favorite game? A: Hopscotch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted April 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 (Remember these are lame jokes)Q: What did the hurricane say to the island?A: I've got my eye on you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 Q: what did the hockey stick say to the goalie???A: lets get the puck outta here!!! Since this thread is about jokes to tell kids..not sure I'd be telling them that one. Gives them an excuse to use other words for words we're teaching them not to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie123 Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 Who won the 1975 Formula One Championship?LaudaI said, who won the 1975 Formula One Championship?!Lauda!I said, who won the 1975 Formula One Championship?!!!!Lauda!!I SAID, WHO WON THE 1975 FORMULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP?!!!!!!!LAUDA!!!!I SAID!!!!! WHO WON THE 1975 FORMULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP?!!!!!!!!!!etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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