Accepting,forgiving,forgetting boyfriends past

[Hername]

Hello..

I have been dating this guy I am really n love with for about 18months now.

When we met(april2016) he told me within a day of us starting to date that he has been engaged before, and told me details of experiences he had with his ex(this was the first blow)and he went on to say he had more to tell me but that will be revealed in time.

One day we were talking about sex before marriage after reading one of the general conference talks on sexual purity and he confessed that he and his then fiancee had had sex. I asked if it was a one time experience and he said no..many times.This was done while they were both members of the church and had long been baptised. And he said they thought they will be married. 

I thought I was ok with it.i was really trying to be "Christlike"..who was I to judge someone for their sins?

.so i brushed it off. But the thing that made it worse is he told me about the sexual experiences; his first sexual experience with his first girl and his second and even went on to show me his ex fiancee picture. All that information together with the experiences they shared together just blew create deep roots. Once again I brushed it off..who was I to judge.

I think thats what haunted me the most. The fact that i know too much. I wish I would have stopped him from telling me too much information.now it' all stuck in my head..and even when we do talk about a future together I am happy..but after a while..it doesn' seem special. All those images come to my head.

I feel like so many parts of him have been taken already.. he has had sex in the past and he has been engaged to another girl and even had sex with her multiple of times.

I know it seems childish but it' really haunting me. I used to be bring it up..but I realised talking about it only make it worse and he can' change his past. 

Aniway I came to university abroad (October 2016) and he went on his mission.(Jan 2017)

I love him very much but a huge part of me is uncertan if il ever fully forget. I feel like if we do get married..when he kneels down to engage...how will my time be special? Il just be another girl in the list

 

And he used to talk about how his ex fiance "had very good sexual experience"..and i guess that why they had sex multiple times because she pleases him sexually.

But I truly love him and he is a good guy. He is kind.

A part of me feels like I should let go and try date other guys..and huge part of me says I have to learn to forgive..and accept.

Because I do realise even in marriage ones spouse can hurt or offend without intention..a part of me feels like if I can't accept something he did before he met me..how will I forgive in marriage

He also confessed to using pornography in the past.

Sometimes all this just seems like too much baggage.too much!...

I know I'm not perfect.. it' not like iv never sinned.but I never imagined falling in love with someone like him.its really difficult. It's a totally different scene when it's you involved.

And often times I feel angry at him.. 

I feel angry because i am being haunted and I am suffering for things he did..not me. 

 

Does time heal such Things?

Am I prideful for being haunted by such?

Will I ever be ok with ALL OF HIM?