Counciling Alone

[seashmore]

I really just need a safe place to vent.  I have no specific question, but welcome any suggestions.

I was called as a Counselor in my branch's YW Presidency in February.  In June, I was called as the YW President (because the other one was moving) and retained the other counselor, Sister A.  I was unsure about how to go about calling a second counselor, as I had never done so before, and met with the Branch President to go over a couple of names.  No one felt right for either one of us, and I was ok going ahead with only one counselor for a little bit due to local circumstances.

Fall comes around, and I know I'm going to be needing that other counselor.  I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and cannot handle the physical and emotional tasks in winter that I can at other times of the year.  I know this about myself, and I plan accordingly as best I can.  Elder Hales said, "When you cannot do what you have always done, you do what matters most."  I trim a lot of fat from my life during the "hibernation" months.  I chat with my BP and mention getting another counselor.  He suggests a name and I was 100% on board, although we decided to wait until after the Primary Program due to her current calling.  Thumbs up; I'm good; I can wait.

Primary Program comes and goes, and I wait to hear the calling announced from the pulpit.  I mention it again in November, when he asked me for names for new class presidencies.  (Which, by the by, still have not been called or set apart even though it was barely two weeks after he asked for them because I sought input from my counselor.)  The week that I was out of town, I follow up with him by email and was given a second name to consider for another counselor.  It took me about two weeks before I felt confident.  I told him the name was agreeable, but with conditions.  Namely, when he called me, he wanted to see the YW classes meet separately (Laurels and Mia Maids) but I said it would place undue stress on both Sister A and myself to have to both teach a lesson every week.  I said once there was a second counselor, we could probably combine Mia Maids and Beehives (once we get one again) and that Sister A could teach twice a month, once to the Laurels and once to the younger girls.  He agreed that he would ask the new sister to accept the call as 1st Counselor and reassign Sister A as the 2nd Counselor.

That was before Thanksgiving. And I still only have one counselor. 

Now, Sister A is great.  I love her, and she has one of the most beautiful spirits I've known.  She is very willing to lend both of her hands to help, and will provide whatever is asked of her.  However, getting her to provide ideas or feedback is like pulling teeth.  She's a quiet person and extremely introverted.  She is not as confident as she ought to be about her English speaking skills, and I've tried to be encouraging in that regard.  I've tried easing her in to helping with the decision making, which is where I need the most help.  Counciling with her is incredibly difficult. 

I cannot function in a council if I'm the only one coming up with ideas.  The stress and responsibility of heading two councils where I am the only one contributing (I live alone, so no one else contributes to my family council) will become too much for me physically and emotionally before January is over.  I NEED a counselor I can council with, or else I need to be released.  I'll see if I can meet with the BP this week; if not, I'll have to tell him as much over email.

[Vort]

It's likely that your branch president is dealing with other issues that he's not at liberty to discuss. In any case, the thing to do is what you said: Talk to your branch president and let him know what's up.

[Guest]

Quote

Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

This may sound too much like a Sunday School answer for your taste.  But I have been given callings that I felt I could not perform.  I felt I was all alone.  But I believed that the Lord gave me such callings for a reason.  And I refused to ask for a release until I figured out why I was called in the first place.  Once accomplished, I felt ok asking to be released.

These callings allowed me to grow and expand.  I learned how to do thing I didn't know before.  I was more capable afterwards.  If you perform your calling in this same spirit, then I believe the Lord will strengthen and teach you as well.

Edited December 26, 2017 by Guest

[seashmore]

16 hours ago, Carborendum said:

This may sound too much like a Sunday School answer for your taste.  But I have been given callings that I felt I could not perform.  I felt I was all alone.  But I believed that the Lord gave me such callings for a reason.  And I refused to ask for a release until I figured out why I was called in the first place.  Once accomplished, I felt ok asking to be released.

These callings allowed me to grow and expand.  I learned how to do thing I didn't know before.  I was more capable afterwards.  If you perform your calling in this same spirit, then I believe the Lord will strengthen and teach you as well.

I appreciate the scripture, but the rest of it were things I've already gone over myself, both recently and with other callings. I don't like the idea of asking to be released, which is why I'm requesting a counselor...again. But only because my BP can't call and set apart someone to be my husband. ;-)

[Guest]

16 hours ago, seashmore said:

But only because my BP can't call and set apart someone to be my husband. ;-)

Wait a minute!  How about that?  What if you chose to actively date and go find a worthy man to BE your husband?  Even if you don't do better at your calling, you'll find won heck of a guy to be your eternal companion.  Whaddaya think?

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Seashmore, that does sound frustrating.  I hope that they get you another counselor soon!  

As I was reading your post, and feeling empathy for your frustration, I couldn't help but think of this quote by Pres. Uchtdorf:

"I suppose the Church would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. God is perfect, and His doctrine is pure. But He works through us—His imperfect children—and imperfect people make mistakes."  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/come-join-with-us?lang=eng

That quote always makes me smile.  Heavenly Father must be infinitely patient to have to work through imperfect people like us (myself included) to do His work.  I thought being a mom and trying to get the kids to do a good job on their chores was bad.   

[seashmore]

14 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said:

Seashmore, that does sound frustrating.  I hope that they get you another counselor soon!  

As I was reading your post, and feeling empathy for your frustration, I couldn't help but think of this quote by Pres. Uchtdorf:

"I suppose the Church would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. God is perfect, and His doctrine is pure. But He works through us—His imperfect children—and imperfect people make mistakes."  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/come-join-with-us?lang=eng

That quote always makes me smile.  Heavenly Father must be infinitely patient to have to work through imperfect people like us (myself included) to do His work.  I thought being a mom and trying to get the kids to do a good job on their chores was bad.   

One of my very favorite quotes is by Elder Holland. "Imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it." 

[seashmore]

On December 27, 2017 at 5:44 PM, Carborendum said:

Wait a minute!  How about that?  What if you chose to actively date and go find a worthy man to BE your husband?  Even if you don't do better at your calling, you'll find won heck of a guy to be your eternal companion.  Whaddaya think?

haha...There is not even one LDS man within ten years and twenty miles of me who isn't currently married. So to actively date worthy men would require me to move....effectively releasing me from my calling. 

[Guest]

11 hours ago, seashmore said:

haha...There is not even one LDS man within ten years and twenty miles of me who isn't currently married. So to actively date worthy men would require me to move....effectively releasing me from my calling. 

That's one way to take care of that problem. 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

12 hours ago, seashmore said:

One of my very favorite quotes is by Elder Holland. "Imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it." 

LOL, I like this one even better!   

[Sunday21]

Hmmm. This may sound harsh but what if God’s plan is to stretch you beyond your current capacity? I know...I know but you can’t...Until recently I had a debilitating medical problem. When I prayed the answer that I got was, ‘This problem will soon disappear’ and recently, the problem disappeared! I was very sceptical but it happened! 

Edited December 29, 2017 by Sunday21

[Sunday21]

Just now, Sunday21 said:

dup

 

[zil]

2 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Until recently I had a debilitating medical problem. When I prayed the answer that I got was, ‘This problem will soon disappear’ and recently, the problem disappeared!

Fortunately for all of us, it disappeared without requiring you to disappear with it!

[seashmore]

On December 29, 2017 at 5:38 PM, Sunday21 said:

Hmmm. This may sound harsh but what if God’s plan is to stretch you beyond your current capacity? I know...I know but you can’t...Until recently I had a debilitating medical problem. When I prayed the answer that I got was, ‘This problem will soon disappear’ and recently, the problem disappeared! I was very sceptical but it happened! 

I'm glad that your problem has disappeared according to the personal revelation you received. One of the nice things about my depression being seasonal is that I know it will get better. I had experiences similar to what I'm having now as a counselor in a RS Presidency in a different unit. As a result of that calling, I learned there are challenges I can knock out of the park in August that I can't even swing at come January. Patterns in my adult life and phrasing in my patriarchal blessing lead me to believe that my capacity will expand and contract seasonally for some time to come.

What if God's plan is to help me teach/show/help others learn how to respond to the needs of someone with depression?

Edited December 31, 2017 by seashmore

[Guest]

On 12/30/2017 at 8:54 PM, seashmore said:

I'm glad that your problem has disappeared according to the personal revelation you received. One of the nice things about my depression being seasonal is that I know it will get better.

What if God's plan is to help me teach/show/help others learn how to respond to the needs of someone with depression?

As someone who has depression myself, permit me to offer some free advice (worth every penny of it). 

• Take additional Vitamin D (or drink more Vitamin D fortified milk).
• Stay wrapped up and be as warm as you can be while not being over-heated.
• Get plenty of sleep.
• Have brighter lights in the areas that you spend the most time.
• Get outside for a while every lunch hour whenever the sun is shining.

You may be doing all this already.  But just in case, I thought I'd share some things that might help.

[the Ogre]

On 12/25/2017 at 10:59 PM, seashmore said:

. . . I NEED a counselor I can council with, or else I need to be released.  I'll see if I can meet with the BP this week; if not, I'll have to tell him as much over email.

So, did you hear from your BP?

I hope he had good news.

I don't have seasonal depression, just the regular kind, but my springtime allergies are so bad, I can barely function. Every time I've been an EQP or SSP, I've had similar problems with counselors. Typically where one (and almost always, both) of my counselors could care less or is so busy with other concerns there's no contribution of any form other than "you go Br. Ogre." It's hard to delegate or get advise when the answer from the rest of the presidency is almost always "no" or "sorry bro, but I got softball/bowling/golf/work/the hunt/wife-problems and there's no way" or "huh?" or "whatever, talk to the Relief Society Pres, it's her job" Yeah, we survived. I always let the the counselors get the recognition when we succeeded and took it on the chin when we failed. Most of the time however, no one but the bishop and I knew there was ever a problem. 

I don't have any advice other than: keep on keeping on. Keep communicating with your BP, I know he wants to know and is supportive even if he can't help. It sounds like you are a pretty amazing person. I'm not saying you can or can't do it, but bide your time through the blue times. You know eventually the rain clouds go away.

[seashmore]

Good news, she was called and sustained this morning! We had talked about her being a first counselor, but she was called as a second counselor, so......we'll see how things roll out. I'm going to try to get us all together this week.