Paying Tithing As A Married Couple

[Daisy99]

I am struggling in my mind over this and am glad I found a place to anonymously ask this question. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. I was raised to pay tithing as soon as you receive income and that is how I always paid it. When we got married, my husband already had a full time job and he paid tithing all at once at the end of the year at tithing settlement. That check always came from savings. That seemed odd (just different) to me, but I asked the Bishop about it and he said some people do it that way and it's fine. Well, my husband has been ill and unemployed for a period of time, and he is just starting to work again but it's only part time. We are struggling greatly financially right now. I am the one who does all the finances in our family (we have three children). I am extremely concerned that we are not going to have any money to pay tithing at the end of the year. I believe very strongly in paying tithing and I have faith that we can overcome some of our financial struggles by paying it. I have a part time job right now and I feel like I should be paying tithing each month when I receive a paycheck. We really can't afford that but I believe it is the right thing to do. My husband says to wait and we can work it all out at the end of the year. But I really just don't see us having enough at the end of the year.

My questions are this:

Should I just pay tithing for myself on the income I make and let my husband worry about his income?

Should I start paying tithing on my husband's income as he gets his checks (it would be easy to do since i handle the finances....but he may not be happy with me).

Should I honor my husband--who is a very good man and quite stressed out about finances right now--and just wait until the end of the year and see where we are at as he wants?

If we do not have enough money at the end of the year to make a full tithe, will that mean that I am not a full-tithe payer and therefore unworthy to enter the temple?

I am very committed to my husband and to our temple covenants. We have a very peaceful and happy marriage. With income brought in by the husband, is the wife accountable if tithing is not paid on it? I do not want to be accountable, but at the same time, I do not want to cause more conflict with my husband on this subject. We've already discussed it, but I am still uneasy about it

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Jbs2763]

i was always taught you pay tithing first, off your gross

[onyx]

Hi Daisy,

I feel for the quandry that you are in.

I hope you can find the answers that bring you peace.

To be honest I have always been taught to pay tithing first, before any other thing.

The tithing should be paid on the gross amount.

I did a quick search on the lds.org site using the words "pay tithing first."

I found lots and lots of conference talks etc., that counsel us to pay our tithing first and not leave it til last.

The main reason this is taught is because paying the Lord first ensures his help and blessings in being able to budget the rest of our money successfully.

Rather than give you a massive list of hyperlinks I recommend doing the search yourself.

It won't take you long...there is even a simple FHE lesson on the subject which also emphasises paying tithing first.

Hope this helps......Onyx

[Brother Dorsey]

My questions are this:

Should I just pay tithing for myself on the income I make and let my husband worry about his income?

Should I start paying tithing on my husband's income as he gets his checks (it would be easy to do since i handle the finances....but he may not be happy with me).

Should I honor my husband--who is a very good man and quite stressed out about finances right now--and just wait until the end of the year and see where we are at as he wants?

If we do not have enough money at the end of the year to make a full tithe, will that mean that I am not a full-tithe payer and therefore unworthy to enter the temple?

I am very committed to my husband and to our temple covenants. We have a very peaceful and happy marriage. With income brought in by the husband, is the wife accountable if tithing is not paid on it? I do not want to be accountable, but at the same time, I do not want to cause more conflict with my husband on this subject. We've already discussed it, but I am still uneasy about it

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Hi, my advice would be for you to talk with your husband about your concerns. You both should be on the same page regarding tithing. If for some reason he says he dosen't care as long as it gets paid then you take the reins and pay it as you wish.

In my family we pay tithing every week....it easier to just give the Bishiopric an envelope as we enter the chapel. It just feels good to know we are current. Besides, having the Lord's money in a savings account is too tempting around Christmas time or if we found ourselves coming up short and "borrow" from the account. Not good. We just find it's more edifying to pay it as soon as it's earned.

Good luck!

[Old Tex]

I am struggling in my mind over this and am glad I found a place to anonymously ask this question. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. I was raised to pay tithing as soon as you receive income and that is how I always paid it.

Daisy,

Like other things, one person is not responsible for another's action, or lack of action. You have your own income and your husband has his. You are responsible for tithing on yours only. If you wish, you can have the Ward Clerk to set you and your husband up seperately in the computer so you get a seperate your print out for tithing settlement and he get his for his tithing.

If there is only one income in a family, tithing is usually put in the names of both husband and wife, but if both have income there is no reason for doing it that way except that's the way they want to do it. I was Ward Clerk in our Ward for over ten years and we had several married couples with seperate incomes who decided to it that way.

They would both come in on the same appointment at tithing settlement, but the Bishop would handle them as individuals with their own paperwork.

[john doe]

I think you should bring your concerns to your bishop, he can counsel you for your situation. There is no directive from the church as to how or when to pay tithing. Paying as you go or at the end of the year really does not matter as long as you pay it. Some people choose to pay on their gross income, some people pay on their net income, some people figure our their net worth increase from the year before and pay on that. As long as you know in your heart that the way you have chosen to do it is right for you, and you feel you can look God in the eye and say you paid an honest tithe, then you are okay. Many people, including farmers and self-employed people find it easier to figure their tithe at the end of the year rather than on a monthly or weekly basis. Putting money aside monthly in a savings account to pay at the end of the year is completely fine as far as I know.

The only directive I am aware of is that the instructions say you need to pay a tithe on your increase. How you figure it is up to you, and if you aren't sure how to figure it, a conversation with your bishop about your situation will no doubt help.

[boyando]

I think you should bring your concerns to your bishop, he can counsel you for your situation. There is no directive from the church as to how or when to pay tithing. Paying as you go or at the end of the year really does not matter as long as you pay it. Some people choose to pay on their gross income, some people pay on their net income, some people figure our their net worth increase from the year before and pay on that. As long as you know in your heart that the way you have chosen to do it is right for you, and you feel you can look God in the eye and say you paid an honest tithe, then you are okay. Many people, including farmers and self-employed people find it easier to figure their tithe at the end of the year rather than on a monthly or weekly basis. Putting money aside monthly in a savings account to pay at the end of the year is completely fine as far as I know.

The only directive I am aware of is that the instructions say you need to pay a tithe on your increase. How you figure it is up to you, and if you aren't sure how to figure it, a conversation with your bishop about your situation will no doubt help.

John;

I would just add, that this is a conversation, that needs to happen, between the Daisy, her husband and the Bishop. Leaving her husband out, may make the Bishop feel out of place, ie the father is no longer leader of his home.

Daisy;

John has some good advice, as do many others here. But answers are not advice, and you need answers. So choose from what you have read, the advice that fits your situation, and humbly take it to the Lord, in prayer, and everything will turn out, just fine.

[Alaskagain]

There's nothing said so far that I don't agree with.

Since you as a couple have paid tithing at the end of the year in the past, I can understand that your husband wants to continue doing the same thing this year. If your savings account is dwindling because of financial woes this year, I can understand your concern.

A suggestion: Resolve together to not withdraw any more money from savings for the rest of the year (of which, there's not much left!), and from this point forward, deposit what would be your tithing from each of your paychecks into the savings account, specifically dedicating that money for that purpose. It shouldn't take any more discipline and sacrifice not to touch the savings, than it would to pay it direct to the bishop every week.

[Moksha]

I have read this same question on other forums. Generally the best answer is that the believing spouse should just worry about paying on their own income. That way you are giving what have been requested of you and you are not setting yourself and your tithing to the Church up as the source of marital friction.

[john doe]

<div class='quotemain'>

I think you should bring your concerns to your bishop, he can counsel you for your situation. There is no directive from the church as to how or when to pay tithing. Paying as you go or at the end of the year really does not matter as long as you pay it. Some people choose to pay on their gross income, some people pay on their net income, some people figure our their net worth increase from the year before and pay on that. As long as you know in your heart that the way you have chosen to do it is right for you, and you feel you can look God in the eye and say you paid an honest tithe, then you are okay. Many people, including farmers and self-employed people find it easier to figure their tithe at the end of the year rather than on a monthly or weekly basis. Putting money aside monthly in a savings account to pay at the end of the year is completely fine as far as I know.

The only directive I am aware of is that the instructions say you need to pay a tithe on your increase. How you figure it is up to you, and if you aren't sure how to figure it, a conversation with your bishop about your situation will no doubt help.

John;

I would just add, that this is a conversation, that needs to happen, between the Daisy, her husband and the Bishop. Leaving her husband out, may make the Bishop feel out of place, ie the father is no longer leader of his home.

Daisy;

John has some good advice, as do many others here. But answers are not advice, and you need answers. So choose from what you have read, the advice that fits your situation, and humbly take it to the Lord, in prayer, and everything will turn out, just fine.

Of course, you are right, the husband should be a part of any discussions about tithing. After all, he is still a party to the discussion.

[Daisy99]

Thank you so much everyone. I spent a lot of time yesterday pondering this and I decided that I will begin paying my own tithing on my own income as soon as I earn it. I feel really good about that. The rest my husband and I will have to work out whether we start paying as we earn or depositing it back into savings. I know it should be easy to not touch the savings and leave the money in there for tithing, but it hasn't been easy the last few months with our financial situation (thus the reason for my stress-we are both guilty of dipping into it). But at the same time, my husband does prefer to do it that way. I want to do the right thing and he is the head of our home. It's kind of a tough situation. We have no bitter feelings about it, I just don't want to create them. Thank you so much for your advice. I greatly appreciate all the responses.

[the_jason]

Ideally, you and your husband should pay together. However, your salvation is based on your own individual worthiness. If your husband isn't paying tithing, you still should be. Although it's best for couples and families to be saved together, the salvation is based on their individual worthiness, not the worthiness of the family as a whole.

[Andy_Plsn]

alot of good advice has been given and i know how it is to feel like you wont have enough money to pay your tithing. as a college student its very hard to be out on your own with no financial support and have to live on very small pay checks and pay all your bills and tithing but i have made it a priority that i do pay my tithing first because if i didnt that money would go someplace else and not to the lord. yes i may be living on raman noodles and eggs and oatmeal but in my heart i know that i am a full tithe payer. its also kinda of hard to justify my fast offering i have had a hard time with that lately because i usually fast for fast sunday and maybe some other time if i am having a hard time and just need that but of extra guidence so living on raman noodle and getting fed by other members on the weekends has been hard for me to try to see what i should pay for fast offering.

andy

[a-train]

I'll give my advice since it was solicited. Begin right now to pay a tenth of the gross of each payment your family receives as you receive it. Do not worry about the past unpaid tithes for the year at this time. If you are paid every other week, then pay tithing every other week.

I personally pay EVERY week so I don't have to be reminded whether it is a tithing week or not. I simply guesstimate my annual income and pay 10% of that figure divided by 52 every Sunday.

Man, what a burden has been lifted ever since I began that! It's too easy.

Imagine you make $30K a year. Your tithing at the end of the year should be $3K. Pay $60 in tithing every Sunday (I round up to an even figure) and you'll be straight! You'll ALWAYS be a full tithe payer and feel confident and at peace. There will never be any questions or struggles.

Now, what if you get to the end of the year and find that you only made $25K? Then, pay $50 for the next year. Or what if you made $35K? Then, pay $70 for the next year.

Don't worry about going back to pay tithes you failed to pay unless you legitimately saved them somewhere and all you have to do is pay them. But if you are waiting on more money to come in to pay back-tithes, I would call it time to repent.

I am fond of saying: 'We cannot retroactively live any principle of the Gospel, why is tithing any different?' Can I go back and live the Word of Wisdom? Can I be extra chaste now in order to count my previous lack of chastity as chastity?

Repent and offer your tithes from henceforth. You will feel at least the comfort of knowing you are a current tithe payer. If you end up going to your bishop at tithing settlement and saying: 'Bishop, we did NOT pay our tithing the first part of the year, but repented in June and we are paying now and intend to pay from henceforth.', this would be better than putting it all on a credit card in December to pretend you had planned well.

-a-train

[checkerboy]

I just wanted to ask about this paying on your gross thing. I have heard that and done it at points in my life. Right now I pay on my net though and here is my reasoning: We are to pay tithing on our increase. I am not receiving all the money I make, some of it goes to medicare, some to social security, some right into the pockets of greedy politicians, you get my point. I pay tithing on my increase and when I get money back in taxes I pay tithing on that. When I actually start receiving social security I will pay tithing on that. So am I wrong here?

[Canuck Mormon]

I just wanted to ask about this paying on your gross thing. I have heard that and done it at points in my life. Right now I pay on my net though and here is my reasoning: We are to pay tithing on our increase. I am not receiving all the money I make, some of it goes to medicare, some to social security, some right into the pockets of greedy politicians, you get my point. I pay tithing on my increase and when I get money back in taxes I pay tithing on that. When I actually start receiving social security I will pay tithing on that. So am I wrong here?

This is the way me and my wife pay our tithing. I see nothing wrong with that. I beleive that how you pay is between you and Heavenly Father. If you feel your way is correct for you, than continue paying that way. Others may feel differently. If you can honestly day you pay a full tithe, then that's all that matters.

[MadHatter]

It is personal choice on wither to pay on the Net or the Gross.

Here's an example, do you pay tithing on interest gained through stocks and dividends, or your 401K? how do you calculate your tithing on the money you earn on interest in your 401K, that is alot of money.

I pay tithing on my Net, and any money that ends up in my pocket, all of the money i recieve from any source i give 1/10th of that to the Lord.

no matter how you pay your tithing, it shoudl always be done 1st thing, not at the end of the year, because you never know what will happen. that's my personal opinion, of course it is between you and the lord, but as for me and my house we pay our tithing first thing, i don't even count on that money being there.

Also another reason i pay tithing on the net is that i will always feel as if i need to pay tithing, so i won;t ever sit back at any poitn in my life and stop paying tithing, the blessings that coem from it are too great and i see them in my every day life.

[Aphrodite]

a-train, what do u mean about back tithing? Me and my other half dont pay tithing at the minute as you all know, we are struggling with the church a bit. If we one day decide to start paying again are you saying we would have to pay all the money we havent over the last two years? If so, how on earth could anyone feasibly do that? This is concerning me a bit so if anyone has an answer to that Id like to know.

[Canuck Mormon]

a-train, what do u mean about back tithing? Me and my other half dont pay tithing at the minute as you all know, we are struggling with the church a bit. If we one day decide to start paying again are you saying we would have to pay all the money we havent over the last two years? If so, how on earth could anyone feasibly do that? This is concerning me a bit so if anyone has an answer to that Id like to know.

As far as I know you will not have to repay tithing from 2 years ago, but if you and your husband decide to get your Temple Recommends again, you will have to pay tithing for at least 3 months straight, depending on your Bishop. When I started being active in the church again, I went through the same thing. I didn't pay tithing for the first couple of years. Then I decided to get a Temple Recommend. My Bishop said that I should pay tithing and meet with him every month until I get my recommend. I did this and have continued to pay my tithing. I'm not perfect and have missed a few months, but I repented and started again. Here's hoping that you and your husband resolve your issues with the church either way. Good Luck to you and your husband.

[Aphrodite]

<div class='quotemain'>

a-train, what do u mean about back tithing? Me and my other half dont pay tithing at the minute as you all know, we are struggling with the church a bit. If we one day decide to start paying again are you saying we would have to pay all the money we havent over the last two years? If so, how on earth could anyone feasibly do that? This is concerning me a bit so if anyone has an answer to that Id like to know.

As far as I know you will not have to repay tithing from 2 years ago, but if you and your husband decide to get your Temple Recommends again, you will have to pay tithing for at least 3 months straight, depending on your Bishop. When I started being active in the church again, I went through the same thing. I didn't pay tithing for the first couple of years. Then I decided to get a Temple Recommend. My Bishop said that I should pay tithing and meet with him every month until I get my recommend. I did this and have continued to pay my tithing. I'm not perfect and have missed a few months, but I repented and started again. Here's hoping that you and your husband resolve your issues with the church either way. Good Luck to you and your husband.

Thanks Canuck. I feel relieved about that. I can always rely on you for kind, to the point, rational posts. I think you are my favourite poster

[Canuck Mormon]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

a-train, what do u mean about back tithing? Me and my other half dont pay tithing at the minute as you all know, we are struggling with the church a bit. If we one day decide to start paying again are you saying we would have to pay all the money we havent over the last two years? If so, how on earth could anyone feasibly do that? This is concerning me a bit so if anyone has an answer to that Id like to know.

As far as I know you will not have to repay tithing from 2 years ago, but if you and your husband decide to get your Temple Recommends again, you will have to pay tithing for at least 3 months straight, depending on your Bishop. When I started being active in the church again, I went through the same thing. I didn't pay tithing for the first couple of years. Then I decided to get a Temple Recommend. My Bishop said that I should pay tithing and meet with him every month until I get my recommend. I did this and have continued to pay my tithing. I'm not perfect and have missed a few months, but I repented and started again. Here's hoping that you and your husband resolve your issues with the church either way. Good Luck to you and your husband.

Thanks Canuck. I feel relieved about that. I can always rely on you for kind, to the point, rational posts. I think you are my favourite poster

SSSHHHH!! Don't let my wife find out

[Old Tex]

Thank you so much everyone. I spent a lot of time yesterday pondering this and I decided that I will begin paying my own tithing on my own income as soon as I earn it.

Daisy,

From a "bookeeping" point of view, I suggest that you see your Ward Clerk and have him to set you and your husband up in the computer to record yours and his tithing seperately. If you don't, whatever you pay in will go into the same "joint" account that you and he are paying into now and you won't be able to tell which is which at tithing settlement time. If at some future date you decide to combine the accounts again, the computer has the ability to do it.

[Old Tex]

Net or Gross? ..........This has been a decision many have struggled with. I heard something a long time ago that help me decide. "Do you want Net blessings or Gross blessings"?. My wife and I talked it over and choose Gross blessings, That's what it's been for us the last 45 years. Not always easy, but we are glad we choose it. We have been greatly blessed, both financially and spiritually.

[john doe]

Net or Gross? ..........This has been a decision many have struggled with. I heard something a long time ago that help me decide. "Do you want Net blessings or Gross blessings"?. My wife and I talked it over and choose Gross blessings, That's what it's been for us the last 45 years. Not always easy, but we are glad we choose it. We have been greatly blessed, both financially and spiritually.

Good for you. That still does not make it wrong for others to choose to pay on their net or for a home-based business owner or a farmer to figure in business expenses or losses into the equation. It also does not make your way of figuring it any better than those who choose to figure it differently.

BTW, not to say that you are that way, but the whole "net blessings or gross blessings" thing smacks of self-righteousness. It sounds to me like you have chosen a higher level of blessings when in fact, everyone who pays a full tithe no matter how they figure it will share the same blessings, in my opinion. The big thing, in my mind, is the reasons why a person pays tithing, not how much they pay or how they figure it. That's where the blessings will be based, in my opinion.

[Old Tex]

<div class='quotemain'>

Net or Gross? ..........This has been a decision many have struggled with. I heard something a long time ago that help me decide. "Do you want Net blessings or Gross blessings"?. My wife and I talked it over and choose Gross blessings, That's what it's been for us the last 45 years. Not always easy, but we are glad we choose it. We have been greatly blessed, both financially and spiritually.

Good for you. That still does not make it wrong for others to choose to pay on their net or for a home-based business owner or a farmer to figure in business expenses or losses into the equation. It also does not make your way of figuring it any better than those who choose to figure it differently.

BTW, not to say that you are that way, but the whole "net blessings or gross blessings" thing smacks of self-righteousness. It sounds to me like you have chosen a higher level of blessings when in fact, everyone who pays a full tithe no matter how they figure it will share the same blessings, in my opinion. The big thing, in my mind, is the reasons why a person pays tithing, not how much they pay or how they figure it. That's where the blessings will be based, in my opinion.

When I said gross I was speaking of wages earned. Of course if one is in business all business expenses will need to be deducted to get the net on the business, which will be the gross for the business owner, assuming that it is a one owner business.

I never saw anything that I would call self rightous about one's decision to pay on their gross earnings. It was said to me in jest, but it is an option that I choose because it is the one I felt that I should choose. From what I have heard, I think this is what most folks in my ward have chosen also.