What should someone search when looking for a wife?


SMARTchaser
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At 18, the best thing you can do to attact a good wife, is to be the man that will make a good husband.  Strive to be the most Christ-like you can: develop a great active love of God, a active love of mankind, and transition to adult life (get education, savings, life management skills, etc).  Once you have those traits in yourself, you'll readily recognize them in a woman, and be drawn together.

 

Note: I have no idea if this is relevant, so if it's not please ignore.  I'm just putting it out there.  A key part of developing a great active love of God and mankind (including ladies) is to be sexually clean.  Stay 1000 miles away from pornography of ANY form/type/degree.  Such is a poison which will warp how you view women and treat them.  If you are already consuming this poison, you need to stop-- and you'll probably need help rather than trying to solo-white-knuckle it.  Marriage is not way a cure for that poison, but instead sickened/weakened by it.

Edited by Jane_Doe
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25 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Since you're 18, is there a reason you're not working on preparing for a mission rather than marriage?

So, my parents are not baptized in the church, i really wanted to go, but for that, i would need their permission. i dont really know what to do so they can allow me to serve. :(

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36 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

At 18, the best thing you can do to attact a good wife, is to be the man that will make a good husband.  Strive to be the most Christ-like you can: develop a great active love of God, a active love of mankind, and transition to adult life (get education, savings, life management skills, etc).  Once you have those traits in yourself, you'll readily recognize them in a woman, and be drawn together.

 

Note: I have no idea if this is relevant, so if it's not please ignore.  I'm just putting it out there.  A key part of developing a great active love of God and mankind (including ladies) is to be sexually clean.  Stay 1000 miles away from pornography of ANY form/type/degree.  Such is a poison which will warp how you view women and treat them.  If you are already consuming this poison, you need to stop-- and you'll probably need help rather than trying to solo-white-knuckle it.  Marriage is not way a cure for that poison, but instead sickened/weakened by it.

let's add something else to this thread which i worry a lot about marriage. can i keep on loving someone the entire life?

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26 minutes ago, SMARTchaser said:

let's add something else to this thread which i worry a lot about marriage. can i keep on loving someone the entire life?

The secret to keep loving someone your entire life is to keep falling in love every day.  Ok that sounded totally cheesey.  But really, you keep dating and keep the love flowing every day.

24 minutes ago, SMARTchaser said:

and i'm ok about pornography. i'm far away from this sin.

Awesome!

31 minutes ago, SMARTchaser said:

So, my parents are not baptized in the church, i really wanted to go, but for that, i would need their permission. i dont really know what to do so they can allow me to serve. :(

Have you asked them about it?

Edited by Jane_Doe
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28 minutes ago, SMARTchaser said:

let's add something else to this thread which i worry a lot about marriage. can i keep on loving someone the entire life?

If you both do things right, eg, love and look after each other, protect and suppor and help each other, the love grows throughout your life. I suspect that many couples married for many years love each other more now than when they were first married. One of the best ways to help this happen is through service. We come to love those who we sincerely serve. 

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41 minutes ago, SMARTchaser said:

So, my parents are not baptized in the church, i really wanted to go, but for that, i would need their permission. i dont really know what to do so they can allow me to serve. :(

What President Uchtdorf said in his October 2008 address during the Priesthood session might be applicable to those who desire to serve a mission but for some reason are not able to:

Some years ago in our meetinghouse in Darmstadt, Germany, a group of brethren was asked to move a grand piano from the chapel to the adjoining cultural hall, where it was needed for a musical event. None were professional movers, and the task of getting that gravity-friendly instrument through the chapel and into the cultural hall seemed nearly impossible. Everybody knew that this task required not only physical strength but also careful coordination. There were plenty of ideas, but not one could keep the piano balanced correctly. They repositioned the brethren by strength, height, and age over and over again—nothing worked.

As they stood around the piano, uncertain of what to do next, a good friend of mine, Brother Hanno Luschin, spoke up. He said, “Brethren, stand close together and lift where you stand.

It seemed too simple. Nevertheless, each lifted where he stood, and the piano rose from the ground and moved into the cultural hall as if on its own power. That was the answer to the challenge. They merely needed to stand close together and lift where they stood.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/lift-where-you-stand?lang=eng

 The message becomes clearer if we change the word "lift" to "serve." If you cannot serve a full time mission I encourage you to consider how you can serve where you stand.

Edited by askandanswer
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5 hours ago, SMARTchaser said:

So, i'm 18 Years old, i wanted to know what's important to consider someone for marriage. I am really confused, you know that the heart will fall in love with anyone that looks pretty enough, and that's something bad. In the midst of these " pretty enough" which one should I choose, what qualities should I look for?

Neither my wife or I married the person we loved. We married who the Spirit told us to. The love came later and its still coming. We'd been married for 8 months before my wife first told me that she loved me. I would commend this course of action to everyone. Love can bloom and fade depending on how well you look after it but the promptings of the Holy Ghost are constant and true.

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1 hour ago, SMARTchaser said:

So, my parents are not baptized in the church, i really wanted to go, but for that, i would need their permission. i dont really know what to do so they can allow me to serve. :(

I take it you're not in the US?

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2 hours ago, askandanswer said:

What President Uchtdorf said in his October 2008 address during the Priesthood session might be applicable to those who desire to serve a mission but for some reason are not able to:

Some years ago in our meetinghouse in Darmstadt, Germany, a group of brethren was asked to move a grand piano from the chapel to the adjoining cultural hall, where it was needed for a musical event. None were professional movers, and the task of getting that gravity-friendly instrument through the chapel and into the cultural hall seemed nearly impossible. Everybody knew that this task required not only physical strength but also careful coordination. There were plenty of ideas, but not one could keep the piano balanced correctly. They repositioned the brethren by strength, height, and age over and over again—nothing worked.

As they stood around the piano, uncertain of what to do next, a good friend of mine, Brother Hanno Luschin, spoke up. He said, “Brethren, stand close together and lift where you stand.

It seemed too simple. Nevertheless, each lifted where he stood, and the piano rose from the ground and moved into the cultural hall as if on its own power. That was the answer to the challenge. They merely needed to stand close together and lift where they stood.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/lift-where-you-stand?lang=eng

 The message becomes clearer if we change the word "lift" to "serve." If you cannot serve a full time mission I encourage you to consider how you can serve where you stand.

this gave me a new perspective, everybody around was everytime saying that i should go to the mission whatever the costs may be, and well, now i realize that it is not exactly like that.

2 hours ago, askandanswer said:

Neither my wife or I married the person we loved. We married who the Spirit told us to. The love came later and its still coming. We'd been married for 8 months before my wife first told me that she loved me. I would commend this course of action to everyone. Love can bloom and fade depending on how well you look after it but the promptings of the Holy Ghost are constant and true.

i dont know if i have this kind of faith, for me to marry someone, it will only happen if first i feel passion.

2 hours ago, Carborendum said:

I take it you're not in the US?

yep, i live nearby the capital of Brazil. I hope my english is at least understanble for you all. :D

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Guest MormonGator

Look for someone who you can have fun with. Some people (key word, some) take marriage super seriously and with no sense of adventure or fun. Sure respect is important, love is important all that jazz-but fun matters too. 

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7 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Since you're 18, is there a reason you're not working on preparing for a mission rather than marriage?

The decision to go on a mission is a very personal thing.  Don't feel you need to defend or justify yourself with an answer.  Even though you did answer it.  It's really none of our business on that matter.

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14 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Look for someone who you can have fun with. Some people (key word, some) take marriage super seriously and with no sense of adventure or fun. Sure respect is important, love is important all that jazz-but fun matters too. 

i have seen this over and over in my life, after all, it might just be the fun between a man and his wife, that might help keep the flame of love lit. this thing i'll remember when the time to choose my beloved wife falls on me. Thanks @MormonGator

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2 minutes ago, SMARTchaser said:

i have seen this over and over in my life, after all, it might just be the fun between a man and his wife, that might help keep the flame of love lit. this thing i'll remember when the time to choose my beloved wife falls on me. Thanks @MormonGator

Very welcome my friend. Marriage isn't work when you find someone special. LG and I have been married for 15 wonderful years and we haven't worked a day in any of them. 

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1 hour ago, pam said:

The decision to go on a mission is a very personal thing.  Don't feel you need to defend or justify yourself with an answer.  Even though you did answer it.  It's really none of our business on that matter.

It was not a judgment.  It was a precursor to an answer to his question.  When I went on my mission, one thing I kept an eye out for was husbands and wives of good families -- how they behaved one to another.  Such a thing could be where he gets the answer to his question.

@SMARTchaser,

If you're looking for what characteristics to seek from a potential wife, look at the mothers and fathers of the good families you see around you.  Are you like the fathers of those families?  Is the woman you're interested in like the mothers of those families?

I can't tell you each individual characteristic to look for because, I believe that beyond the general "Loves God, has a great testimony, and will not go plum loco when things get tough," all other characteristics are fairly individual.  But if there are existing couples that you know are getting along well, then be the man of that family that you admire.  Find the woman who can be the mother of that family.

Being on a mission where you see many more families in their homes would give you a great opportunity to do so.  That is why I personally would advise you to go on a mission to learn about those characteristics.

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4 hours ago, SMARTchaser said:

yep, i live nearby the capital of Brazil. I hope my english is at least understanble for you all. :D

3

It's fine.  My brother and my childhood best friend both served in Brazil for their missions (Rio and Porto Alegre respectively).  They loved it.

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12 hours ago, SMARTchaser said:

So, i'm 18 Years old, i wanted to know what's important to consider someone for marriage. I am really confused, you know that the heart will fall in love with anyone that looks pretty enough, and that's something bad. In the midst of these " pretty enough" which one should I choose, what qualities should I look for?

A different perceptive from the other answers but.... My son is 18 next week, I think he (and you) are WAY to young to be thinking about marriage.  What do you want to do for a career?  Are you finished studying? I think you should focus on what you want in life and have some fun while you are still young enough not to have too many responsibilities.  Don't be so quick to tie yourself down.  

Marriage is eternal, date for a few years first (following the law of chastity of course) get to know girls, so you can work out what qualities are important to you in a potential wife.  Don't overlook the importance of pre marriage counselling, being on the same page on the important things can help give your marriage the best chance possible.  Things like money and how it is made, spent as well as long term financial goals, division of labour in the household, romance and what you need from each other with regards to this.  Children and how they are to be cared for, common interests and probably the most important question - Dogs inside or out!

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10 hours ago, Carborendum said:

It was not a judgment.  It was a precursor to an answer to his question.  When I went on my mission, one thing I kept an eye out for was husbands and wives of good families -- how they behaved one to another.  Such a thing could be where he gets the answer to his question.

@SMARTchaser,

If you're looking for what characteristics to seek from a potential wife, look at the mothers and fathers of the good families you see around you.  Are you like the fathers of those families?  Is the woman you're interested in like the mothers of those families?

I can't tell you each individual characteristic to look for because, I believe that beyond the general "Loves God, has a great testimony, and will not go plum loco when things get tough," all other characteristics are fairly individual.  But if there are existing couples that you know are getting along well, then be the man of that family that you admire.  Find the woman who can be the mother of that family.

Being on a mission where you see many more families in their homes would give you a great opportunity to do so.  That is why I personally would advise you to go on a mission to learn about those characteristics.

that's how i came to know the church, the families that attend the church always got the atenttion of my family since my father made friends at his work ( he works at a farm that the church owns), at first that was how i decided to be a " mormon", their families were something i've never seen anywhere before, the general manager ( he was from the united states ) of the farm was always inviting dad for dinner and we were increasing our curiosity about the "mormon church", after all these years, i'm still active and going. but thats it, the main thing that made me baptize in the church was because of families. :)

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10 hours ago, Blossom76 said:

A different perceptive from the other answers but.... My son is 18 next week, I think he (and you) are WAY to young to be thinking about marriage.  What do you want to do for a career?  Are you finished studying? I think you should focus on what you want in life and have some fun while you are still young enough not to have too many responsibilities.  Don't be so quick to tie yourself down.  

Marriage is eternal, date for a few years first (following the law of chastity of course) get to know girls, so you can work out what qualities are important to you in a potential wife.  Don't overlook the importance of pre marriage counselling, being on the same page on the important things can help give your marriage the best chance possible.  Things like money and how it is made, spent as well as long term financial goals, division of labour in the household, romance and what you need from each other with regards to this.  Children and how they are to be cared for, common interests and probably the most important question - Dogs inside or out!

i just finished high school and i am preparing for a lot of exams, to tell you the truth, getting a girlfriend now would trouble me a lot, but my main goal is to know what kind of woman i want to marry, i dont need to get a girlfriend right away, the thing is that for me marriage is something very hard, before i got to know the church i didn't want to get married actually, the idea of staying alone sounded great to me, now i am getting used to the idea of getting married although i already have 3 years of baptism.

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