How do I tell a missionary that I like her?

[Kami]

I am an agnostic guy (don't believe in religions but still seeking for the truth) and I wasn't Christians before so I don't really know a lot about Christians or Mormons.

Few weeks ago, I started to meet missionaries and go to church with them. I really liked to go to the church it was an amazing experience I felt like I was born again I can't forget my first day and I still keep going to the church.

There is a sister who I have a crush on her. I liked her because she has a big faith in god and always wants to help me to know more about the god. I wish if I was like her. This why I want to be close to her so maybe she will be the reason of converting me to Mormonism... who knows?

But the problem is that I can't tell her that if I like her or not  she still has 9 months and to be honest I can't wait all that time. Even if I have to wait what if she is not interesting on me after all that waiting? It's impossible to stop thinking about if she likes me or not for 9 months . It's fine if she told me she is not interesting on me now, but not after 9 months. I will spend all these months just thinking like "does that mean she likes me?" and ask google what I have to do. I don't know what should I do I really need your help. thank you

[pam]

She is there to preach the gospel and that is it.  I wouldn't tell her anything at this point.  

[Jane_Doe]

You don't tell her anything.  She is not in a position to do anything about it, and telling will do nothing but hurt the both of you.  If it makes it easier for you, pretend she turned you down. 

Besides, dating you would be problematic-- even if actually you're willing not have sex until marriage, forfeit coffee/tea/drinks for your life, etc, as an agnostic you cannot accompany her in the temple and support her that way.

Edited January 5, 2018 by Jane_Doe

[Latter-Day Marriage]

It is easy to have the feelings you feel as part of a spiritual awakening be taken as romantic feelings towards those who help you get to that point, so while your feelings are real, the situation may be a factor in attributing those feelings in a less than fully correct way.  Even when that is not the case, young romantic and spiritual feelings can intertwine in unhealthy ways. 

Also, if you really do care for her, then you will not put her in a terribly awkward and difficult spot or interfere with her mission by trying to start some kind of romance with her.  She wants you to develop spiritually and if you make a move she will fear her rejecting you would affect your spiritual development.  It would really not be a nice thing to do that to her.

If you really mean it that you love her, wait the 9 months till she is home and then confess your feelings for her.   Don't try to start a romance or even hint at it.  Put it on the back burner and focus on your spiritual development.  In 9 months time you should be solid enough spiritually that your spiritual development won't depend on how  your relationship with her goes, which is as it should be.  Right now those are too closely linked.  When she gets home, then you can approach her romantically without putting her in a super awkward and difficult spot.  You have the advantage of knowing that over those 9 months she won't be dating some other guy.

[Bad Karma]

Kami,

I really caution you against further contemplation in any other manner than she is teaching you more about the faith, should you continue to maintain this thought process while you are an investigator, the lack of possibility for a relationship between the two of you could very well wedge you against further progression in exploring our faith, in essence, the end result is counter to what you even went to church to begin with. Do not look to her for her devotion to God, look to God and grow your own devotion. In the fullness of time, heavenly father will introduce you to many great possibilities in a mate, but this moment is not about you finding a mate, it is about your immortal soul and feeding it the nourishment that it so very much needs. Love is grand, everyone pretty much seeks to be loved by another, get to know God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, you shall be loved and you shall love.

As earlier stated, if you still are so inclined, contact her when she returns home from her mission, until then, spend that time progressing in your walk with Christ. 

A little something about Mormons, we really like connecting with those of like faith, it's pretty important to us. In time, you'll agree! Welcome here, keep going to church and keep the forum posted as to how things are going for you.

[Guest]

On 1/4/2018 at 9:06 PM, Kami said:

There is a sister who I have a crush on her. I liked her because she has a big faith in god and always wants to help me to know more about the god. I wish if I was like her. This why I want to be close to her so maybe she will be the reason of converting me to Mormonism... who knows?

Kami,

You've got to understand that while on a mission, she's like a nun.  Don't act on any kind of romantic feelings AT ALL!!!  Don't state it.  Don't tell her anything about it.

[Guest MormonGator]

First off, I'm not sure you should convert to a religion because of a girl. If you do and the relationship doesn't work out the odds are very low that you'll continue in the religion. Next, if she's a good missionary she'll veto any kind of relationship now because it's not her priority-her priority is serving the church. 

 

[Bad Karma]

1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

First off, I'm not sure you should convert to a religion because of a girl. If you do and the relationship doesn't work out the odds are very low that you'll continue in the religion. Next, if she's a good missionary she'll veto any kind of relationship now because it's not her priority-her priority is serving the church. 

 

It's funny that you should say this, when I was around 16, I had met an LDS girl I was pretty infatuated with. No, she was not a missionary. I was not a member either, and at the time, had no interest in being one. Oh boy, did I like her. She kept trying to bring me to church, she wanted me to meet her Bishop (as if I were going to meet her parents), she did everything a member girl could do to make me suitable for dating in a very proper LDS way. At that time in my life, I thought the idea of being a Mormon was crazy, I spurred her attempts to reform me, ultimately, I am sure I disappointed her greatly, she liked me as well. Funny, I've been a convert for more than 25 years now.  However, no, I didn't join the church over a girl.  Never the less, I guess she could see more in me than I could. She had imaginings of me as a missionary, returning to her after two years, I however was headed to the the Army, and at 17, that was where I ended up. I never heard from her again, I imagine she found herself that dashing young RM and made him hers. 

I still ended up a Mormon.  Irony, eh? 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

First off, I'm not sure you should convert to a religion because of a girl.

 

I'm absolutely 100% sure he (and any other guy) should not convert to any religion because of a girl.

[omegaseamaster75]

On 1/4/2018 at 7:06 PM, Kami said:

. I don't know what should I do I really need your help. thank you

Don"t do anything

[Guest MormonGator]

1 hour ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

I'm absolutely 100% sure he (and any other guy) should not convert to any religion because of a girl.

It's like that episode of Seinfeld where George converts to Latvian Orthodox for a woman. 

[Guest]

18 hours ago, MormonGator said:

It's like that episode of Seinfeld where George converts to Latvian Orthodox for a woman. 

Or My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  One of them worked out.  The other did not.

[Guest MormonGator]

3 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Or My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  One of them worked out.  The other did not.

You watch too many girly movies dude. 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

You watch too many girly movies dude. 

Tell that to the brony.

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, Carborendum said:

Tell that to the brony.

lol! I shouldn't say anything-two of my favorite shows are "90 Day Fiancee" and "Married at First Sight". But I swear, they are just on because @LadyGator likes them! That's my story and I'm sticking with it! 

[paracaidista508]

Kami,

Basically what many here are saying (my interpretation)is since you are not already LDS, then you have no business contacting her. That was not said, but it is implied. 

LDS young men and women write missionaries all the time, maintain relationships via letters/email and etc... No rules against it. Happens all the time. In fact, many LDS return missionaries end up going back to wherever their mission was and marry some girl. How they can just go back to some foreign country (my friend went back to Brazil and came back married a week later) and return with a bride tells me writing and having a relationship (via written correspondence) is not out of bounds. Sure mission presidents. mothers and some on this forum are against it, but whatever. I have not seen any female return missionaries do that, but I'm sure it happens. The rules (whatever they are) apply to her, not you. 

I don't know where you are from, (country). I also do not know where she is from. If she is from the US and you from elsewhere you will likely never see her again once she gets home. Possibly she already has a boyfriend / fiance (prob not since most girls on missions took off because they are not married yet in my opinion).

As for you writing her after she leaves... who is going to give you her address? The mission president surely wont. Ex companion likely wont either so you will have to try and find her. Good luck with that.

Here is my advice:

Don't let anyone tell you who you can and cannot talk to or write. While she is on a mission she cannot date. Just because she is LDS and you are not does not mean she would not want to date you later. No one knows anything about either one of you. Tell you what, write her a note saying you would like to write her once she gets home or transfers and ask for her home address or email. Just leave it at that. She will know you are interested in her. Guys don't ever do that just because they want to be friends and girls know that.

If she gives you her contact info then there is a slight chance. If not - well then I would move on. If it gets awkward afterwards, then different missionaries can teach you if you are still interested. Ward missionaries can teach you also. 

Good luck and don't let people tell you you cant/ shouldn't contact her...that's baloney. Just be mature and don't say/write anything inappropriate. Just ask her if you can write her..thats it

[zil]

4 hours ago, paracaidista508 said:

Basically what many here are saying (my interpretation)is since you are not already LDS, then you have no business contacting her. That was not said, but it is implied

I couldn't disagree more. What was said is, she's a MISSIONARY! She can't do anything good with such a statement. Keep it to yourself at least until she's off her mission.

[paracaidista508]

3 hours ago, zil said:

 

I couldn't disagree more. What was said is, she's a MISSIONARY! She can't do anything good with such a statement. Keep it to yourself at least until she's off her mission.

Yep, all while the church is encouraging the young women to write the young men on their missions. If he were an LDS girl, she would be encouraged  to write a missionary, but since he is a guy and not LDS- he needs to mind his own business. I get it.

Wait till we tell him that if and after he joins the church and if he then has to go on a mission himself before he is worthy of her attention.

 

Source:

https://www.lds.org/manual/the-latter-day-saint-woman-basic-manual-for-women-part-a/women-in-the-church/lesson-19-preparing-and-encouraging-missionaries?lang=eng

• What kinds of letters should young women write to missionaries?

Young women should share spiritual experiences with the missionaries, as well as tell them cheerful news of friends and home"

http://ldsywideasandactivities.blogspot.com/2012/07/how-to-write-to-full-time-missionaries

 

[zil]

28 minutes ago, paracaidista508 said:

Yep, all while the church is encouraging the young women to write the young men on their missions.

This is also contrary to what I've heard.  The council I have heard is to not enter into a serious relationship prior to one's mission.

As for what you quote: that kind of letter is a whole lot different from "I'm madly in love with you and can't wait until you get home so we can get married and make babies."

The OP is not asking about writing letters to encourage this missionary spiritually and keep her spirits up with cheerful news from home.  He's asking about telling her he's attracted to her and wants to see where a romantic relationship between them will lead - now, not after her mission (since he already said he ain't waiting for that to happen).  World of difference.

Clearly this is a sore spot with you and I'm sorry for whatever painful experiences you have in that regard.  But no matter what experiences you had, but no one ought to be telling a missionary about their romantic desires toward said missionary.

Edited January 19, 2018 by zil

[Latter-Day Marriage]

On 1/19/2018 at 10:49 AM, zil said:

But no matter what experiences you had, but no one ought to be telling a missionary about their romantic desires toward said missionary.

Generally that is good advice, but I wouldn't make it a blanket statement.  It depends on how those feelings are expressed and how the missionary is able to handle it.  My wife and I had quite serious and deep feelings for each other for a couple years before I left.  Those feelings  inspired me to be the best missionary I could be.  I wanted to be a missionary she could be proud of.  Our letters never focused a lot on 'love letter' type things, but we did express our feelings, mostly as our hopes for the future, never as complaints about the current situation. 

The only time it might have become a problem was when I reached the 1 year mark.  She sent me a card styled like a wedding invitation announcing that she was still faithfully and loyally waiting for her missionary.  I was a grinning fool for some time after that but she timed so i would get it on P-day. 

[paracaidista508]

 

On ‎1‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 8:49 AM, zil said:

This is also contrary to what I've heard.  The council I have heard is to not enter into a serious relationship prior to one's mission.

--Mebbe you ought to wake up and smell the coffee. This has been going on officially for years. I posted the link so I'm not making it up. The young women have always been used to leverage the young men's attitudes to lean towards mission service. Re the council part- I agree, but I never told him to enter into a serious relationship. Additionally, he is not a member so the council means jack squat. He isn't subject to the churches rules real or made up.

As for what you quote: that kind of letter is a whole lot different from "I'm madly in love with you and can't wait until you get home so we can get married and make babies."

- No kidding. Where did I suggest he write that kind of letter??

The OP is not asking about writing letters to encourage this missionary spiritually and keep her spirits up with cheerful news from home.  He's asking about telling her he's attracted to her and wants to see where a romantic relationship between them will lead - now, not after her mission (since he already said he ain't waiting for that to happen).  World of difference.

- well seems as if you can read too. I just suggested he write  a note and ask if he can write her after she gets off his mission or transfers. Did I write something else? Please show me where if I did.

Clearly this is a sore spot with you and I'm sorry for whatever painful experiences you have in that regard.  But no matter what experiences you had, but no one ought to be telling a missionary about their romantic desires toward said missionary.

- Now for this part. What in the world possessed you to just make up a fake psychological problem on my part as why i have an issue with people telling him he cant write a missionary??? While I'm at it, please refrain from lying about the advice I gave him. Go back and read what advice I gave him. Either you missed it or you are just making crap up.

The only sore spot I have is members of the church making up fake rules esp when it comes to an investigator. We have enough fake rules floating around the pews we don't need another one. My solution was perfectly reasonable. It is not against any rules for anyone to write anything to a missionary. The church leadership strongly discourages a serious relationship with a missionary., but doesn't prohibit it. Who are you to say what he can write to her? 

If it was such a big deal to communicate with missionaries the young women would be the ones who would be told to not communicate with them. Instead it is the opposite.---just as I cited above

Something to leave you with re writing Missionaries: