What do women want in dating?


Chacabuqueño
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So I am a young twenty something year old guy who is trying to meet a special someone. Turns out it is kinda hard.  I have really struggled these past few months, I’ve asked many girls out and very few have accepted. I have felt little connection with any of them, likely because they displayed no engagement or interest.  

          It seems as if many girls have complexity ceased to try, as if they consider it only the  man’s job to prove himself worthy.  Many a time I have put in the first couple of moves, to no avail. (Just so you know, I am a normal guy, I’m not inactive, I’m not a stalker, I’m not a jerk, and I don’t have 3 eyes) 

 

So, what is it that women look for? What do they expect from a man in the dating process? How can I know if she is interested? 

 

I know now that a lot of girls lament that they don’t get asked on dates, and that there aren’t any nice guys, but my experience has lead me to discredit the validity of those sentiments. 

Edited by Chacabuqueño
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You really didn't give a whole lot of details here.  So, I'm going to have to make a whole bunch of assumptions.  Forgive me if I'm wrong on one or ten of them.

The following are all very important... and in no particular order.

1) Get to know them first.  Make them friends.  Dating is one thing.  Finding the  "special someone" is quite another.
2) Do everything you can to make yourself more desirable.  Dress nicer.  Work on your hair, skin, etc.  Hygiene is a must.
3) Smell.  You've got to smell nice.  Your body, your hair, especially your breath.  And don't expel gases -- from either end of your body.  At the same time you REALLY don't want to put TOO much cologne on.  That is also a deterrent.  Balance.
4) Compliment people.  Be genuine in this.  It is very important that she feels "pretty" around you.  But also find more things to compliment her or else you seem too creepy.
5) Do everything you can IN A SUBTLE WAY make her feel comfortable around you.  Making her feel creeped out is a sure-fire way to have her running for the exits no matter what else you've got going on.

There's really no such thing as an "ugly person" in my mind.  But there are characteristics that make someone less desirable.  Not taking care of your body or practicing nice dress and grooming are big visual signs that tell people that they don't want to be around you.  This doesn't mean that you have to have expensive clothes.  It simply means that you need to do your best to look your best.  If you're extremely overweight, look at ways you can change that.  If you've got acne going on, well, do what you can to deal with that as well.

Whether some characteristics are not within your control or not is not the issue.  You have to remember that girls do want to get to know you are a nice guy that they want to spend time with.  But you have to find a way around the visual barrier.  That is, if you don't feel you are physically desirable, you need to either A) change your physical characteristics or B) find a way for people to get to know you without having your looks be a barrier.

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I've only dated one woman for decades (my wife), and I hear things are very different these days (it used to be men would ask women out, and when they did it was far more formal then how I hear people ask each other out today).

I think some things probably stay the same, even as some things change.

1.  Many women would not admit it, but the very first thing they look for (though not the only, and many times not the most important, but this is normally the FIRST thing they see) is how someone looks.  They are very similar to guys.  They want someone they think is handsome.  I can't tell you what a woman thinks is handsome (for one, I am not a woman, and second, it may vary from woman to woman).  Unfortunately for us guys, some are more handsome than others.  If one has gotten on the bottom of that list, fewer girls are probably going to look their way.  There are some things one can do to offset that, such as what @Carborendum stated above.  Dress nicely, Take Baths, Groom yourself, Hygiene, etc. are all good things which can improve how women perceive your looks.

2. Have a solid foundation in the Gospel and the scriptures.  Now, I'm not sure if this still applies, but back in my day the GOOD girls always were looking for someone who had a strong faith in the gospel.  This could be exhibited in many ways (and from the latter end of the 20th century I'm certain many have heard the suggestions that girls look at dating return missionaries...though that is not the ONLY way for them to tell if one has a strong faith in the gospel).  They will notice if you go to church or not.

3.  Be nice to everyone.  Many women notice if someone is nice to others or are just acting.  They notice the small things.

4.  Be a Gentleman.  Once again, not sure if this still applies today.  Back in my day when I was in the dating world before I was married, which was a while ago, being a gentleman was VERY important.  Open the doors for them, use table manners (chew with your mouth closed, elbows off the table, etc), use thank you and your welcome to servers and others as well as your date, and in general be on your best behavior.

5.  Listen to her.  I think this one would stay the same.  Many guys just want to impress the girl and so they start bragging or talking all about themselves and what they want.  Many women may listen to you, but they have things to say as well.  Listen to them and ask them questions about themselves. 

Today I understand the youth have different things they are interested in , but I think some of the things I listed above are universal things for women in the church and things that they look for.  Obviously not all of those things (for example, maybe a girl in today's modern society isn't really looking for chivalry and hence being a gentleman may be a turn off.  Personally I might avoid that type of woman, but I'm old fashioned in that way). 

Be patient and perhaps if you do not seem to have success with the girls you want to go out with, perhaps take a look at those girls that may have

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