KyleLD Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) WARNING: VERY LONG POST (sorry) Background: I've been to many different Churches growing up and I have never wanted to make them a big part of my life. And that will probably never happen, probably. Who knows. However, I see nothing wrong with people who decide Church is for them. When I met my wife she hadn't been going to church for a few years and it didn't seem like she would go back. Before I got engaged to her, I asked her repeatedly if she wanted a temple/church wedding, and she'd say no. I'd ask her if she wanted to get sealed, she'd say no. I'd ask her these repeatedly over the course of the next few months and it didn't seem like those were things she wanted. I wouldn't have been with her if she did because it wouldn't have been fair to me and it DEFINITELY wouldn't have been fair to her (for better or worse she knew that too). Fast forward about 2-3 years. Her brother dies in a car accident... and a week later she gives birth to our daughter, plus she's dealing with other temporary medical stuff. So a lot was and is going on... She started to see a counselor and she started to go back to Church, with my "blessing" (not that she needed it). It never even came to mind she would want to get sealed again. But a week ago (8months after her brother's death) she told me she wanted to get sealed and she had been thinking about it for 6 months or so. We had long talks about it. She wants to be with me and our daughter for all eternity. But I told her that if I went through with this and if I faked my way through it would be blasphemous. And I asked her (don't judge) but if God is real then how would they look upon or judge you knowing that you partook in something so blasphemous. Also, if I did fake it, I'd have to somehow convince everyone that I'm Mormon which would be very difficult since they know I question religion a lot (I don't judge it though). If you're asking if maybe I'll start believing if I go to church. Doubtful, I've been to Church(es). I know enough about the Mormon Church that makes me not want to be a part of it. Plus the God factor, I don't see how I can put faith in his existence unless God shows them self to me. During our conversations, she asked me if she should wait for me to possibly become a part of the church… I said no. We both know what that means, but neither of us will say it. Just FYI... Her stepmom has flight benefits for her and I'm in the military. So, in the last 8 months, she's been going back home a lot and I can't go with her. It's been hard, especially on Christmas and New Year's when she was gone for so long. But it's good for her to be with her family. It seems like it's helping anyway. So... I plan on going to church with her the next time she goes which will be the following Sunday and not tomorrow. Not to start actually going to Church but just to go with her and see how she is there (And I'm going to tell her that too). This doesn't mean we're going to stay together and we're probably going to get a divorce this year even though we both still love each other. She just wants something that her and I both know I can't give her. My military contract ends at the end of this year. I'm thinking we should stay together until my contract ends or at least close to it ending. This will give her time to use my medical benefits and not worry about money or getting a job until the end of the year. Plus it'll give me more time with my daughter (even though she travels with my wife). And I won't have to worry about moving twice within 1 year. There's just a lot of benefits for both of us to stay married until the end of the year, even if that means she's lives back in our home state for most of it. When should I talk to her about getting a divorce? When should we stop acting like a couple? When should we stop having sex? When should we stop sleeping in the same bed? Should she move back to our home state before I do? Whether you have anything good, bad or nothing to say, it's good to have gotten all this off my chest. Update 5/5/2018: Let me say this straight, outright. I DID NOT WANT A DIVORCE, I DID NOT ASK FOR A DIVORCE. Church is a good thing for her!! We talked in January about this whole sealing thing, I showed her this post, a lot of people in this post taught her something and she changed her mind and didn't want a divorce. In early March we went to my sister's wedding and my wife got drunk and REALLY cried over her brother (finally, it was long overdue). The next morning she said she didn't want to go to church anymore. I responded with "You need to go one last time to see if you really don't want to go anymore". The following Sunday she went and everything changed, she seemed more interested than before. Which was good, it seemed to help with her grieving. Toward the end of March when we've been back at my duty station, she realized once again she wanted a divorce. Long story short, she's been in Arizona for a little over a month now and we're going to start the divorce process soon. Edited May 5, 2018 by KyleLD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) On 1/21/2018 at 12:50 AM, KyleLD said: But a week ago (8months after her brother's death) she told me she wanted to get sealed and she had been thinking about it for 6 months or so. We had long talks about it. She wants to be with me and our daughter for all eternity. But I told her that if I went through with this and if I faked my way through it would be blasphemous. And I asked her (don't judge) but if God is real then how would they look upon or judge you knowing that you partook in something so blasphemous. Also, if I did fake it, I'd have to somehow convince everyone that I'm Mormon. Plus the God factor, I don't see how I can put faith in his existence unless God shows them self to me. This doesn't mean we're going to stay together and we're probably going to get a divorce this year even though we both still love each other. She just wants something that her and I both know I can't give her. I've shortened your post for the purposes of addressing the actual issues. First comment is this. I don't really understand this line of thinking about divorce. She said that she wants to be sealed to you and you respond with "I want a divorce." There is some serious disconnect here. Do you understand what she means by getting sealed? It means that she's decided you're the one for her. She's decided that she'd rather spend eternity with you rather than go searching for anyone else. She is fully committed to you. And your response is that it is time for a divorce? Is this just a fear of commitment speaking? You have to understand one big thing whether you're a Mormon or not. Divorce almost NEVER fixes anything. It only makes things worse. That is why it should only be used under quite dire circumstances. You'd have to be in pretty bad condition for you to want to consider divorce. And I'm just not seeing anything that rises to that level from your post. Why would you jump to "time for divorce"? You said "she wants something that... I can't give her." What is it you think she wants? She wants you. If you can't give her "you" then why did you get married in the first place? Is there something else going on? This is not judging or criticism. I just don't understand the line of reasoning. Second thing: There's no "pretending to be a Mormon." You're either a Mormon because you've been baptized and you're on the records of the Church, or you're not. We have active and inactive. We have those who are pretty obedient to the commandments and those who are riddled with sin and problems. We have those with strong and powerful testimonies. We have those with little to no testimonies. We have everything in between. I also noticed that you twice referred to God as "they." Is there a reason for this? I just thought it was odd. One thing I did agree with was that you certainly shouldn't get baptized without wanting to make a commitment to BEGIN on the road to discipleship. It doesn't mean that you have had a vision of God and He himself has come to tell you that this is the right path. That's not the way it works. You start out with a simple commitment that says,"I want to learn and I want to get on the path." It is not saying,"I've done everything I need to do. I'm done with my mission on earth." Far from it. It is a declaration that "I have a path before me and I'm willing to walk this path." Think about the movie National Treasure. Is a treasure so great as Heaven going to be gotten simply for the asking? No, you'll have to first believe that this treasure MIGHT exist. Then you have to do some studying to know what path you're supposed to take. Then you have to start taking the path. As you do so, you'll find more information that leads you to further paths. As you continue this, you'll get a sense that you're definitely getting closer. Closer, closer, and closer. And eventually, you will find the treasure. Edited January 22, 2018 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) Dissolving an otherwise-functional marriage in the hopes that one can find another spouse that meets some criteria the first spouse lacks, is a foolhardy gamble to take—and especially destructive where there are already children borne of the first marriage; and utterly tragic when the sole dividing issue is a respectful disagreement over religious beliefs. @KyleLD, you’re being very noble here; but based on what you’re telling us it sounds like your wife is approaching the situation in a very immature way. I think you should encourage her to reconsider. I’ll bet her own bishop would do the same. Edited January 21, 2018 by Just_A_Guy mordorbund 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 Kudos for refusing to fake your way through anything. Respect. Lying about religion to make a spouse happy? Doesn't sound like a good plan to me either. That said, it doesn't sound like anything here is happening that would warrant divorce. There are umpteen couples where one wants something and the other doesn't. Some spouses can't have (or don't want) children, for example. Now, knowing such things before marriage is one thing - someone can go into a marriage with eyes open. But changing your mind after marriage is different. A spouse doesn't get to change their mind and then call foul when the other spouse doesn't follow along. But is that even happening? You say "We both know what that means, but neither of us will say it." How do you know she's thinking that if you aren't talking about it? I'm not sure you have a "she wants me to be mormon now" problem. It sounds like you have a "we both stink at surfacing and resolving issues" problem. Why not just stay married and be happy and respect each other's choices? You've got a kid, for crying out loud - it's no longer just about you and her. Why the immediate jump to expecting imminent divorce? It's sounding like you're so afraid of being hurt, you want to make sure you get a jump on things. To directly answer your questions: When should I talk to her about getting a divorce? You shouldn't, unless you're planning on divorcing her for turning Mormon. When should we stop acting like a couple? You shouldn't, unless you're planning on divorcing her.When should we stop having sex? You shouldn't, because sex with your spouse is good and wonderful.When should we stop sleeping in the same bed? You shouldn't, unless you snore so loudly she can't sleep and it's impacting her health or something.Should she move back to our home state before I do? You're military and do deployments and moves and stuff? That's stuff you work out together. Midwest LDS, Jane_Doe and zil 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Karma Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 Wow, what did I just read? I've got nothing. Happy home wrecking OP! Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter-Day Marriage Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 Faking it is not the way to go, you are right about that, but not feeling a desire to get sealed is in no way, shape or form a justifiable reason to divorce. If you love her and want to be her husband, then be her husband and stay with her. Her bishop will certainly discourage any idea from her of divorcing because of this. If she really wants to be sealed to you, she can pray for God to touch your heart. At the same time however, I would recommend that you be willing to put your assumption that this isn't for you to the test. Conversion is not a matter of becoming convinced of something by debate or argument, it is a a matter of having a spiritual experience that changes your heart so what you feel changes. Your feelings about the church now vanish or fade over time and you instead feel an honest conviction of it's truth and a desire to follow Christ. People far more hostile and set against the church than you (like my own dad for example) have had such experiences. So go to church with her. Have the missionaries come over and teach you the lessons, do the reading they ask and don't hold back on your questions or issues with the church. Bring them up, give the missionaries a chance to answer them and give honest consideration to what they say. Listen to how you feel inside as they teach you and ponder what they say. Then when you have done your part, no matter how you actually feel about what was said, pray to God and ask for his take on it. Be sincere in your desire to know the truth and follow it and have a little faith that if God really is there He will want you know what is true and will help you by answering your prayers. Give the miracle a chance to happen. Tell your wife you are putting it to the test, and you can even tell her you expect it to fail so don't get your hopes up, but at least have the love for her and the courage to give it a real shot. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain. Jane_Doe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 (edited) 17 hours ago, KyleLD said: Her stepmom has flight benefits for her and I'm in the military. So, in the last 8 months, she's been going back home a lot and I can't go with her. It's been hard, especially on Christmas and New Year's when she was gone for so long. But it's good for her to be with her family. It seems like it's helping anyway. You are her family now, and have been for several years. I'm not saying that a few weekends a year with mom and dad aren't a wonderful thing, but if it's causing you any grief, she should be taking that very strongly into consideration. Ideally, those visits should coincide with times when your military service has you less available anyway, for minimal disruption, but either way, you should be her first concern, with your daughter a very close second. Quote This doesn't mean we're going to stay together and we're probably going to get a divorce this year even though we both still love each other. She just wants something that her and I both know I can't give her. What else is wrong with your marriage? If this is really the biggest thing, then you've both got an awfully limited understanding of "for better or for worse." Quote When should I talk to her about getting a divorce? When she brings it up. Even then, not with some sort of misguided eagerness to be rid of this burden you're both apparently seeing your now-interfaith marriage as. Maybe call her bishop (see https://www.mormon.org/worship and use the meetinghouse locator in the blue box; his number should be listed there) before next Sunday and ask if you can both sit down with him for a few minutes while you're there. Heck, be an equal opportunity skeptic and call your unit's chaplain, the local Episcopal, Methodist, DoC and Baptist churches and ask if you could get a brief sit down with their pastors as well; given the reason, I'm sure most will happily work you in. Even the most fire-and-brimstone-all-you-others-are-bound-straight-for-Hell Southern Baptist preacher is virtually certain to tell you the same thing; you're both going to Hell for not being Southern Baptist anyway, so it's better to do it together and cut down on the paperwork. Maybe listen to the Methodists or the Primitive Baptists more. They'll tell you the same as the bishop; don't break up an otherwise good and faithful marriage because of something that doesn't force it to become an abusive or unfaithful marriage. I've met a lot of women who were sealed to RMs, who now would gladly take their chances with a good, caring nonmember. I could be wrong, (it's happened once or twice before) but the simple fact that you've put aside your pride enough to come in here and tell us your story strongly suggests to me that divorce isn't what you really want, and I don't think it's what she really wants deep down, either. If nothing else works, find out who the ward and/or stake single adults rep is, and arrange to have some of the divorced mothers chat with her about her actual prospects for finding a good, available RM willing to settle for not only the ever popular "licked cupcake," but one who has already broken up an otherwise good marriage over something that can be easily fixed in Eternity anyway. (After all, extrapolating from your own words, if the Lord reveals Himself and His plan to you, you will believe and accept the ordinances in death that you cannot in life. If He doesn't then it's all meaningless either way.) Be prepared for the slight possibility that she's already got someone picked out and/or prequalified to be her eternal partner, though, in which case a long talk with the bishop is in order anyway, as such would be very much counter to Church teaching. Let me just be blunt here and ask the important questions in the simplest way: Is she a good wife and a good mother to your child? Do you make every effort to be the best husband and father you can be? Do you love her? Do you believe she loves you? Why, in simple terms, do you believe that she does or does not love you? Do you believe that she believes you love her? Same as above; what have you done to cause her belief either way, and what indications have you received of it? Answer those honestly, and some answers just might come to you on their own. If not, share your answers and we'll work from there. Edited January 22, 2018 by NightSG Jane_Doe and Vort 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 LDS Lady married to a non-LDS guy speaking here And with a cute kid too! It is possible to have a happy interfaith marriage. It is a TON of work. It takes a TON of communication, dedication, and respect. But it is possible. Things it sounds like you're doing right: - Being honest. "Faking it" is dishonest to you, your wife, God, and everyone else. And it doesn't work anyways. - Supporting her in her decision to go to church with you "blessing" (... I can't think of a better word for this... ) - Going to church with her. Things you're doing wrong: thinking "oh, we should get divorced". WHOA. Hold on- back that train up. Why!?! Just because she started going back to church? No!!! Rewind- there's no reason to remotely go there right now. Now is not the time to "stop acting like a couple" but to BE the very real couple you are. Be her husband- keep supporting her, keep talking to her, keep loving her. And all of that vise-versa. And love that little one too! In regards church/sealing, one thing you should do (and/or keep doing) is talking to your beloved wife about what she believes. Listen to her joys, her concerns, her hopes etc. Keep supporting her on her journey like the loving such husband you are. And support little one too! Going to church is great, taking lessons just to learn is great, chatting with her directly is essential/great. You don't have to enjoy the same things she does to be happy she is happy. Start there and share in her joy. Now, focusing specifically on your faith (and/or lack thereof): asking oneself "what do I believe" in always a good thing. Better learning/exploring/pondering what you believe is always a good thing. And if you wife is wanting to talk with you about what she believes and says "what do you believe hubby?", it's good to be actively thinking about that answer. Even if you don't have the answer right now, to be actively on the journey to finding that answer. That's the best place ANY person can be. Blossom76, seashmore, NeuroTypical and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 (edited) 33 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said: Things you're doing wrong: thinking "oh, we should get divorced". WHOA. Hold on- back that train up. Why!?! Just because she started going back to church? No!!! I may be going out on a limb here, and the OP is welcome to correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems his stated reason centers on her desire for a sealing and his inability to give her that. Her asking whether she should wait for him to convert appears to have strengthened his belief that she wants to divorce over it, but he may be misinterpreting it; she may have just been asking if she should get her hopes up or settle for understanding that it's not going to happen in this life. OP, let me throw in a personal anecdote here that may be of some value. Something well over a decade ago, a few years before I met my now-ex wife, I dated one of the most stunningly beautiful, sweetest women I have ever met. I really think that toward the end I was close to, if not at the point where I could have proposed and gotten a yes. I'm absolutely certain that had I married her and it didn't work out, the fault would be entirely mine. (Not that she lacked faults, or that I glossed over them through intense infatuation - she certainly had a few, and I was fully aware of them, but to this day, and even with the experience I now have in how irritating little things can become over time, I have no doubt that she would have been an excellent wife...and I still hope that she has found a man who will be an equally wonderful husband.) As you can likely guess, I didn't ask. In fact, I stopped dating her, though we stayed good friends for some time, and ultimately I lost track of her altogether. Now, some of my reason for not asking was typical male fear of commitment. Some was fear that I wasn't ready to take on the responsibility of her then-toddler daughter from a previous, brief marriage. (He was no longer in the picture at all, and to my knowledge has never accepted any role in the child's life, so I would have been the only father figure to her.) Mostly, though, it was that she was so far out of my league that I felt I could never give her what she deserved. I know that what she really wanted was someone who would love and cherish her and her daughter in the way her ex absolutely didn't. I deeply regret that I was the one keeping her firmly in the friendzone while she was saying all the things women normally say to friendzoned guys except for the "you're just a friend" part. (Yep, even "I hope I can find someone like you one of these days," and idiot me walked away from it.) Though after some soul searching I now regret it far more for at least delaying her from having what I was able to give her right then, rather than for costing myself the opportunity to have such a wonderful woman in my life every day. I screwed that up because I couldn't give her what I thought she should have, regardless of whether I could give her what she thought she should have. While it sounds like your wife thinks she should have something you can't give her in this life, I'm hoping she can see that you're already giving her what many women, including many sealed to not-necessarily-all-that-bad husbands, would dearly love to have, and I hope you will see that as well. Edited January 22, 2018 by NightSG Midwest LDS, NeuroTypical, Jane_Doe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 (edited) Addressing a few specific parts of your post--- On 1/20/2018 at 11:50 PM, KyleLD said: She wants to be with me and our daughter for all eternity. Your wife loves you On 1/20/2018 at 11:50 PM, KyleLD said: But I told her that if I went through with this and if I faked my way through it would be blasphemous Not to mention have to active effect. Faith is the first principle and ordinance of the Gospel, without it... you just got no footing. On 1/20/2018 at 11:50 PM, KyleLD said: very difficult since they know I question religion a lot (I don't judge it though). Questioning a lot = a GREAT thing! Don't be sorry about that, celebrate it! On 1/20/2018 at 11:50 PM, KyleLD said: If you're asking if maybe I'll start believing if I go to church. Doubtful, I've been to Church(es). Simply being a bench warmer doesn't give anyone faith. So I agree that it's doubtful you'll ever find faith that way. Faith comes when you question what you believe and search the larger world / scriptures / self / prayer. Edited January 23, 2018 by Jane_Doe Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 25 minutes ago, NightSG said: OP, let me throw in a personal anecdote here that may be of some value. Maybe it would be worth seeing if she's still unmarried. Just saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 29 minutes ago, Vort said: Maybe it would be worth seeing if she's still unmarried. Just saying. At one time, I tried to track her down, but I don't recall her maiden name. (She was still using her ex husband's name as she didn't want to have a different last name from her daughter, so I doubt I even heard her maiden name more than a couple of times.) and her married name was very common. As in, even filtering for every bit of identifying information the search could take, there were still hundreds of matches, and at a quick glance through the photos, plenty that could be her but none that definitely were. At the time, she was living in an apartment with two roommates, and using her parents' address, (which I never had any reason to pay attention to) so I can't even narrow it down with the street or neighborhood. I just can't see me taking a list of several hundred phone numbers and calling each one to say "hi, did we date once and if so, do you want to get married now?" A friend with more resources offered to give it a shot, but changed her mind when I gave her the name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 (edited) On 1/21/2018 at 1:50 AM, KyleLD said: 1. When should I talk to her about getting a divorce? 2. When should we stop acting like a couple? 3. When should we stop having sex? 4. When should we stop sleeping in the same bed? 5. Should she move back to our home state before I do? Whether you have anything good, bad or nothing to say, it's good to have gotten all this off my chest. 1. Dude, @Carborendum hit this nail right on its head. She loves you so much she wants to be married to you for eternity! That's commitment and a half! But yes, you don't think you can give her what she wants. I'm just telling you this straight out - she already accepted the chance you won't be able to give this to her now. She still chose you anyway. She could have just said she's leaving you, but she didn't! You say you love her yet you are willing to not just hold back the cake that you are just not capable of baking, you're gonna strip her of her presents too. In any case, you have a daughter. As a person of the military you understand missions. Your daughter is a mission you undertook - to raise her in a secure and stable family with a father and mother who may not be perfect but love each other as an example of what she can become. That mission is not yet accomplished. Don't be a cuck and just easily let another man be the father to your daughter and the husband to your wife. And here's something you might not know... the opportunity to be sealed to one's spouse does not go away. There's no expiration date. Eternal Marriage is exactly that - eternal. If you're waiting to get a direct edict from Christ himself that God exists, then you have that opportunity after you die. She can get sealed to you then. 2. You shouldn't. Ever. 3. When you get erectile dysfunction. Those meds are just not good. I take this back. ED shouldn't mean it's the end of it. There are many ways to please a woman. 4. When you get deployed. Then you resume it when you come home. 5. She shouldn't. You already have wierd things running in your head with her close to you, how much more for when she's far. Get your family responsibilities in order, soldier! Peace. I'm not American but I still do thank you for your service. You are appreciated worldwide. And don't worry about that idiot government shutdown. Gen Matthis is working to get the impact to you guys as small as possible. Edited January 22, 2018 by anatess2 Jane_Doe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 23, 2018 Report Share Posted January 23, 2018 On 1/21/2018 at 7:04 PM, NightSG said: I may be going out on a limb here, and the OP is welcome to correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems his stated reason centers on her desire for a sealing and his inability to give her that. Her asking whether she should wait for him to convert appears to have strengthened his belief that she wants to divorce over it, but he may be misinterpreting it; she may have just been asking if she should get her hopes up or settle for understanding that it's not going to happen in this life. OP, let me throw in a personal anecdote here that may be of some value. Something well over a decade ago, a few years before I met my now-ex wife, I dated one of the most stunningly beautiful, sweetest women I have ever met. I really think that toward the end I was close to, if not at the point where I could have proposed and gotten a yes. I'm absolutely certain that had I married her and it didn't work out, the fault would be entirely mine. (Not that she lacked faults, or that I glossed over them through intense infatuation - she certainly had a few, and I was fully aware of them, but to this day, and even with the experience I now have in how irritating little things can become over time, I have no doubt that she would have been an excellent wife...and I still hope that she has found a man who will be an equally wonderful husband.) As you can likely guess, I didn't ask. In fact, I stopped dating her, though we stayed good friends for some time, and ultimately I lost track of her altogether. Now, some of my reason for not asking was typical male fear of commitment. Some was fear that I wasn't ready to take on the responsibility of her then-toddler daughter from a previous, brief marriage. (He was no longer in the picture at all, and to my knowledge has never accepted any role in the child's life, so I would have been the only father figure to her.) Mostly, though, it was that she was so far out of my league that I felt I could never give her what she deserved. I know that what she really wanted was someone who would love and cherish her and her daughter in the way her ex absolutely didn't. I deeply regret that I was the one keeping her firmly in the friendzone while she was saying all the things women normally say to friendzoned guys except for the "you're just a friend" part. (Yep, even "I hope I can find someone like you one of these days," and idiot me walked away from it.) Though after some soul searching I now regret it far more for at least delaying her from having what I was able to give her right then, rather than for costing myself the opportunity to have such a wonderful woman in my life every day. I screwed that up because I couldn't give her what I thought she should have, regardless of whether I could give her what she thought she should have. While it sounds like your wife thinks she should have something you can't give her in this life, I'm hoping she can see that you're already giving her what many women, including many sealed to not-necessarily-all-that-bad husbands, would dearly love to have, and I hope you will see that as well. Night, You have shown a level of empathy and compassion here that we rarely see. I'm pleased to have seen this side of you. Keep on keeping on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted May 5, 2018 Report Share Posted May 5, 2018 (edited) I know an elderly lady (97) who was baptized in her 20s to please her Lds husband. He became a bishop, cheated on her, she stayed and stayed in the marriage, and became a pillar of the church. The church is a big tent that holds many and can potentially hold all. ‘Doing religion’ to please your spouse can work. Going through the motions can be the spark that ignites the fire. The various interviews along the way for baptism, for recommends, for callings, protect people from making commitments that they are not ready for. In fact going through the motions in concert with these interviews can help you to realize that you do in fact have faith. Conscientious people who begin their journey to please others make great saints. Something odd is going on with the OP. Your spouse develops a greater commitment to religion and wants you to join them in the faith...happens all the time!...and the response is ‘I want a divorce!’. Something is seriously wrong when this is your response. Or there are some serious issues that have not been mentioned. Edited May 5, 2018 by Sunday21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted May 7, 2018 Report Share Posted May 7, 2018 (edited) On 1/21/2018 at 1:50 AM, KyleLD said: Which was good, it seemed to help with her grieving. Toward the end of March when we've been back at my duty station, she realized once again she wanted a divorce. Long story short, she's been in Arizona for a little over a month now and we're going to start the divorce process soon. I got whiplash just reading the update. Is your wife seeing a professional therapist? If she's not, she should. This back-and-forth thing is not normal and I don't want you both to go through something you're going to soon regret. It would be a good idea for both of you to see a marriage therapist and for her to see a grief therapist on top of that. Edited May 7, 2018 by anatess2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted May 7, 2018 Report Share Posted May 7, 2018 Odd that someone won't even participate in an activity once a week for the benefit of their family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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