harrypark Posted March 12, 2018 Report Share Posted March 12, 2018 My wife is religious which is why she believes that having a church wedding is the only way to get married. I, on the other hand, don’t really believe in anything that has anything to do with religion. I can’t seem to think of a way on how we can compromise with this. I don’t know what to do anymore. We constantly fight about this which is why I’m choosing to ask for help from the internet. It’s hard to argue with someone who was raised in a religious family. It makes sense because I met her through an international dating social event. I should’ve seen this coming when we first got together. I don’t normally do this type of thing but if asking people on the internet won’t work, then I’ll have no choice but to expect the worse. Any suggestions of advice will greatly be appreciated. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 Okay being a female I can see where she is coming from. Not to take sides but us girls dream of our weddings since we are little girls. A church wedding is a tradition for most people. If something like this is causing this much stress, you might want to rethink what your marriage will be like. If you have kids and she wants to raise them in a religious environment. How are you going to take that. How would you support that? There is going to be much to consider. Not just the venue for wedding. person0, GoodNJolly, Sunday21 and 6 others 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 Agree with above. Being married to a religious person means that they have different values, different priorities. Two people tied together and trying to move in different directions. Imagine the different priorities in terms of spending. Sounds like a conflict filled marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 Welcome, @harrypark Um, you're calling her "my wife" - which makes me think you're already married. Is that the case? If so, then by "church wedding", since you're on a Mormon site, I assume you mean a temple marriage - to be sealed together for time and eternity - which would require you to join the Church. If you're not married, then instead of "my wife", I assume you mean "my fiancee"? If you're already married, then I would recommend the two of you go together to a marriage counselor and do what you can to maintain your marriage - especially if you have children. If you're not yet married, then pre-marriage counseling, to help you discuss these issues without fighting, would be wise - if you cannot move past this, it would be a mistake to get married. Even if you think you can move past this, it's a huge challenge and you need to be united in how you're going to approach it. Jane_Doe, SilentOne and Sunday21 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 This is a female thing. You don’t have to be religious. Go with it. If she discusses religion a lot, this could be a potential conflict in your married life. Sort it out now. GoodNJolly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 (edited) 3 hours ago, harrypark said: My wife is religious which is why she believes that having a church wedding is the only way to get married. I, on the other hand, don’t really believe in anything that has anything to do with religion. I can’t seem to think of a way on how we can compromise with this. I don’t know what to do anymore. We constantly fight about this which is why I’m choosing to ask for help from the internet. It’s hard to argue with someone who was raised in a religious family. It makes sense because I met her through an international dating social event. I should’ve seen this coming when we first got together. I don’t normally do this type of thing but if asking people on the internet won’t work, then I’ll have no choice but to expect the worse. Any suggestions of advice will greatly be appreciated. Thank you! Have you ever thought about becoming religious, perhaps, or at least exploring your wife's religion a little bit? Confront the big questions in life that so many people try to ignore, yet secretly worry about? You know, the things like, does God exist, why am I here, where am I going when I die, can the love I feel in this life last forever? Try to understand for yourself the feelings that your wife has towards religion? If you are contemplating marriage, I imagine you are in your 20s, 30s probably by now. As you have probably observed, life doesn't last for very long, and the pleasures of youth are not going to be able to always compensate for the inevitability of death. At some point we all need to ask ourselves the big questions in life, and what better time to do this than right now, with the woman you love? If I were you, instead of just concluding that "my wife is religious, I am not, it is going to be a conflict without a solution", I would recommend perhaps exploring religion with your wife a little bit. If you have an open mind, you may discover something wonderful. At very least, you may have a better understanding as to why your wife believes and acts as she does. Just something to think about! Good luck. Edited March 13, 2018 by DoctorLemon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostinwater Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 1 hour ago, pam said: Okay being a female I can see where she is coming from. Not to take sides but us girls dream of our weddings since we are little girls. A church wedding is a tradition for most people. If something like this is causing this much stress, you might want to rethink what your marriage will be like. If you have kids and she wants to raise them in a religious environment. How are you going to take that. How would you support that? There is going to be much to consider. Not just the venue for wedding. ^^^ +1 to what she said. Regardless, i hope you all find the peace and happiness you are searching for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 12 hours ago, harrypark said: My wife is religious which is why she believes that having a church wedding is the only way to get married. I, on the other hand, don’t really believe in anything that has anything to do with religion. I can’t seem to think of a way on how we can compromise with this. I don’t know what to do anymore. We constantly fight about this which is why I’m choosing to ask for help from the internet. It’s hard to argue with someone who was raised in a religious family. It makes sense because I met her through an international dating social event. I should’ve seen this coming when we first got together. I don’t normally do this type of thing but if asking people on the internet won’t work, then I’ll have no choice but to expect the worse. Any suggestions of advice will greatly be appreciated. Thank you! What is there to argue about and why WOULD you argue about it? If you don't believe in anything, as you stated, then a church is just another building to you. Is there a specific building you have strong feelings about being married in? If so, why? If not, why wouldn't you defer to her on something that she has likely dreamed of her entire life? My advice to a soon-to-be-married man would be don't just love your wife but adore her. If you don't have strong feelings about something, make her feelings yours. Know that happily going along with her desire to be married in something that is a deep issue for her will bring her great joy. However, also be aware that strong religious beliefs affect other areas of her life as well, and you must be willing to compromise in those areas for a happy marriage. What about when she wants your children baptized? What about Sunday School and church? If you aren't prepared to turn a blind eye to things you don't believe in and support her faith, you're going to have bigger problems down the road. Midwest LDS, Sunday21, seashmore and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 15 hours ago, harrypark said: My wife is religious which is why she believes that having a church wedding is the only way to get married. I, on the other hand, don’t really believe in anything that has anything to do with religion. I can’t seem to think of a way on how we can compromise with this. I don’t know what to do anymore. We constantly fight about this which is why I’m choosing to ask for help from the internet. It’s hard to argue with someone who was raised in a religious family. It makes sense because I met her through an international dating social event. I should’ve seen this coming when we first got together. I don’t normally do this type of thing but if asking people on the internet won’t work, then I’ll have no choice but to expect the worse. Any suggestions of advice will greatly be appreciated. Thank you! I would very much urge you to marry someone who has similar religious views/values as you do (including a view "religion doesn't matter"). This is foundational to who a person is, and you want to have that foundation in common before becoming one with that other person via marriage. This is WAY bigger than the question of "which building do we get married in" and has implications throughout your entire lives (and any children's lives). SilentOne, seashmore, Sunday21 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hello Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 I say happy wife happy life ? but in all seriousness if you don’t have any religious preference it stands that there should be no reasons why you wouldn’t get married in a church. It’s just a building if it has no religious meaning, correct? If it means that much to your wife and you love her then you should want to give her the wedding she dreams of. After all girls spend most of their childhood and adolescence dreaming about their wedding. Blossom76, Sunday21, Midwest LDS and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hello Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 Also if you aren’t willing to compromises on this because your different belief systems then you two will have a long road ahead. This will just be one of many things that religious differences will become to play a role in. Especially if you have children. SilentOne, Jane_Doe and Sunday21 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hello Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 @harrypark I’m assuming your wife is LDS? If yes, then just be aware that by marrying you civilly she is giving up her ideal of a temple wedding given that she is marrying a non-lds member. So if that is the case, a church wedding seems to be a compromise. also it’d be beneficial to both of you if despite your non religious preference you did some research into her beliefs. Sunday21 and Jane_Doe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter-Day Marriage Posted March 14, 2018 Report Share Posted March 14, 2018 I could say 'Well if it doesn't mean anything to you, why not just go along to get along' but there is more to this than just the wedding. Religion is a part of her life, and if you are going to share that life with her then religions is going to come into a lot of things. When you have kids she will want them raised in her faith and she will want to share that part of herself with you and have you at least be supportive of her practicing her religion. If you really love her and respect her and want to spend your life with her, then put some trust in her judgement and take a long, honest look at making her faith part of your life. Put aside whatever past bad experiences or negative expectations are and give it an honest shot looking at it with new eyes. No matter what the faith is, a couple that share a faith have a much better chance at a successful marriage. If you have some kind of grudge against religion that you won't let go of, you may want to put some more thought into the wisdom of trying to build a life with somebody committed to something you detest. If it will become a point of conention between you two it is better to find a solution now than hope that somehow after the wedding things will work out. Jane_Doe and Sunday21 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted March 14, 2018 Report Share Posted March 14, 2018 (edited) Yeah, what are you people going to do when you have kids? She'll want to raise them in the church, and you'll want them to have nothing to do with it. This is a fight that needs to be resolved before you get married. Have a good answer both of you can agree with before you get hitched please. Otherwise, you're basically guaranteeing any innocent children are going to get pulled into their parent's crap and used as pawns in their battles over religion. If you can't come to an agreement on this, you shouldn't marry her. There's your suggestion of advice. Edited March 14, 2018 by NeuroTypical Jane_Doe and Sunday21 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 14, 2018 Report Share Posted March 14, 2018 (edited) On 3/12/2018 at 6:49 PM, harrypark said: My wife is religious which is why she believes that having a church wedding is the only way to get married. I, on the other hand, don’t really believe in anything that has anything to do with religion. I can’t seem to think of a way on how we can compromise with this. I don’t know what to do anymore. We constantly fight about this which is why I’m choosing to ask for help from the internet. It’s hard to argue with someone who was raised in a religious family. It makes sense because I met her through an international dating social event. I should’ve seen this coming when we first got together. I don’t normally do this type of thing but if asking people on the internet won’t work, then I’ll have no choice but to expect the worse. Any suggestions of advice will greatly be appreciated. Thank you! This is free advice, so take it as you will. Marriage is a difficult proposition. It takes two people who are really committed to building a life together and share common values and goals. Two things that you should always go into marriage united on are Politics and Religion. While it is difficult to be 100% aligned on these, you want to find someone with as much in common in these areas as possible. You're just asking for trouble going into this marriage. Edited March 14, 2018 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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