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Why You DON'T Ask a Mormon to...

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My FIL was in the Army and his platoon had a policy that everyone had to take a turn preparing the coffee.  He and one other guy were the only Mormons in the platoon.  They both protested to the PL that they shouldn't have to prepare it since they never drank it.  The PL didn't agree.  So, my FIL started to prepare it and did what he figured you're supposed to do.  He knew nothing about brewing coffee. 

He ended up putting all the coffee grounds in the coffee pot.  Added water.  Started heating.  Not only that, but he put in a LOT of grounds.  The resulting mix ended up being a coffee molasses.  

So, the next day it was the other Mormon's turn.  They tried to teach him to put the grounds in the top with a filter. They also warned him that it should, ya know, flow like, well, coffee.  So, no more molasses.  The result was something that resembled urine.  And according to the others, it appeared to taste like it too.

They changed the policy that only those who drink coffee have to prepare it.  And they lived happily ever after.

The End.

Edited by Guest

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When I worked as a server I had to prepare giant vats of both sweetened and unsweetened tea.  I tried to explain to the managers that I wouldn't mind preparing it, but that I couldn't taste it to adjust the mixture appropriately.  Eventually they would make sure someone else tasted it after I prepared it to make sure it was done correctly, but because it was assigned based on which table section you had, I never was able to avoid actually having to do it.

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In business school I had to do a case study on an alcohol company's low-end booze product. 

Something tells me that the case study in question was no longer assigned once I was done with it...

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Guest

This literally made my night. Because I just messed up yesterday with making coffee. I work for the elderly as a caregiver. I have a new person I was assigned to go to and I was suppose to make him coffee for breakfast. The only other time I have made coffee is when I first working with the company 6 months ago. That time the elderly man knew exactly how he wanted his coffee, the first morning, he showed me how to make it (new experiance for me) the next morning he watched as I made it, didn't make any mistakes because he was there watching to do it right, which I was happy for. I only made coffee for him once because I was just filling in for someone.

So fast forward 6 months, yesterday morning. I am suppose to make this man coffee for breakfast. No coffee machine in site, finally look through all the cupboard and find it, find the coffee. It was coffee beans and something in the back of my mind told me something wasn't right but I couldn't figure out why. Put the water in the coffee machine, put the filter in  and then the coffee beans. I turned it on, and it starts making it. But the coffee is coming out all watery and doesn't look right. I realized I didn't do something right so I hurry and Google, how to make coffee. Among  the instruction they show the coffee,  which is ground and then it hits me, when I made the coffee the first time the coffee was ground, I should have ground the coffee beans first. (Who would have thought, obviously not me)

Threw out the wet coffee beans, found the coffee grinder and made him some decent looking coffee, not sure how it tastes but he said it was good.

Yeah, I feel like I won the caregiver of the year award. That what you get for asking a Mormon to make coffee for you.

Edited by miav

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Just now, anatess2 said:

I make coffee for my mom and brother-in-law when I visit.  But then they got a Keurig and a cream and sugar server, so... 

But my mom thinks I'm a heathen for not owning a cream and sugar server.

I have cream and sugar in my herbal tea (including ginseng).  But people think it's an abomination to have cream in your tea.  I don't get that.

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1 minute ago, Carborendum said:

I have cream and sugar in my herbal tea (including ginseng).  But people think it's an abomination to have cream in your tea.  I don't get that.

Cream in herbal tea?  

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On 14/03/2018 at 11:08 AM, anatess2 said:

...But my mom thinks I'm a heathen for not owning a cream and sugar server.

Years ago most of the Mormons I knew didn't even own a kettle (stove or electric). I would boil water for tea (visiting) in a pot. I think that's changed now.

M.

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At my work, we were getting ready for the office party.  My job was to order the beer.  I asked which kind I should order.  They kept saying things like "Just get what you like" and "Oh, you know, an assortment of good kinds" and "Pick the top three most popular".   

I finally told them, "Look, if you ask the Mormon to order your beer, you need to tell him EXACTLY what to get, or you'll all end up drinking lime koolaid!"

They all looked shocked for about a second, as they were worried they had offended me or something. Then they processed what I had actually said, figured out I wasn't offended, and kindly gave me which brands to order.

 

If I ever have to make coffee, I already have my line prepared.  "I absolutely want to help you, but I haven't made coffee since 1978, and that thing in the break room looks nothing like a percolator.  I need detailed instructions."

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Coffee is relatively easy to make.  I'm not sure how one could really mess it up so terribly to make it unpalatable.  If one doesn't know, simply buy the stuff from the store and follow the directions on the back.  That should be simple enough.

You know, of all the things to miss as a Mormon, coffee is what one might miss the most.  I don't drink coffee these days.  In my thoughts though, perhaps it's a sin, but I wouldn't mind if some day the Word of Wisdom was relaxed and we could all enjoy a nice cup of it at our leisure.

Of course, maybe it's the memories that make it seem all that more desired and if it were reality it would not be so vaunted a thing in my mind.  I should probably repent of these thoughts.

 

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The first time I worked at McDonald's as a cashier, it was a brief stint right before I went to grad school, I was tasked with making the instant coffee up front. I stared at the coffee machine trying to figure out how it worked, I vaguely remembered my mom using one before we both joined the church, but it was beyond the comprehension of someone with a mere bachelor's degree like myself. I asked my manager how to do it and, after some increduluty on her part and a look on her face that suggested I had just asked her what direction the sun rose in the morning, she walked me through the process. It was simple once soneone showed me what I was doing, but that look on her face was priceless☺.

Edited by Midwest LDS

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7 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

You know, of all the things to miss as a Mormon, coffee is what one might miss the most.  I don't drink coffee these days.  In my thoughts though, perhaps it's a sin, but I wouldn't mind if some day the Word of Wisdom was relaxed and we could all enjoy a nice cup of it at our leisure.

 

I feel that way about tea. I miss drinking sweet tea and my mouth still waters when I'm around family/friends who drink it. It's been 30 years since I last had it, but I would rejoice if the Church announced we could now drink it. 

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I have always loved the SMELL of coffee.  No joke, if my mom lost track of me in the grocery store as a kid, she'd either find me standing underneath the coffee bean/ground dispensers just inhaling the aroma or reading the greeting cards.  (My favorite had both in the same aisle at one point!)  I experimented a little in college, but never grew to like the taste unless it was in one of those fancy coffee drinks, most of which can be made deliciously without coffee, anyway. 

After college, I worked for a few years at a fast casual restaurant that had tons of coffee.  I became a Mormon barista and made gallons upon gallons of coffee, in addition to the coffee equivalent of cocktails.  Steamed soy milk is nectar from the gods, and it still bugs me when people say "expresso" instead of "espresso."  And if someone could explain to me how a Keurig can provide a cappuccino, that'd be great.  The whole point of a cappuccino is that there is a CAP of foam (from either milk or cream) at the top! 

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On 3/17/2018 at 4:43 PM, Maureen said:

Years ago most of the Mormons I knew didn't even own a kettle (stove or electric). I would boil water for tea (visiting) in a pot. I think that's changed now.

M.

Ooooh!  Yeah, I didn't have a kettle either and my mom  hounded me about it.  I finally bought a kettle and I didn't just get it from Wal-mart either.  I bought it from those they-sell-only-kitchen-stuff at the big mall.  My mom comes to visit and I proudly presented her my kettle and she goes, "this is not a proper kettle.  It doesn't whistle."

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The owners of our CPA firm are all Mormon. We provide free coffee to our employees and clients. It is prepared by whoever wants to have some coffee first!  If we are out, the receptionist does it for clients. Part of her job description. The current one is also a Mormon, but that has not been true in the past. 

 

By all accounts , the coffe is pretty good. 

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On 3/14/2018 at 10:09 AM, Carborendum said:

I have cream and sugar in my herbal tea (including ginseng).  But people think it's an abomination to have cream in your tea.  I don't get that.

They’re not British. Very common across the Pond. 

Edited by mrmarklin

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