Why is the law of chastity still important for engaged couples (like myself and my fiance)?

[paracaidista508]

3 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

OK I read the rest of your posts.  They should not have told everyone with ears, what they did, because frankly it ain't anyone else's business!  What is that saying - don't show your dirty laundry?

Might as well tell everyone and get the story out there. If not some of the more verbally accomplished women in the ward will make up their own reason and it won't be good.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, paracaidista508 said:

Might as well tell everyone and get the story out there. If not some of the more verbally accomplished women in the ward will make up their own reason and it won't be good.

That has always happened no matter what.  Time passes.  And people move on and build a life anyway.

[paracaidista508]

7 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

OK I read the rest of your posts.  They should not have told everyone with ears, what they did, because frankly it ain't anyone else's business!  What is that saying - don't show your dirty laundry?

My very first post I said they told everyone. 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

19 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

I think that is very sad.  The couple in your ward were just trying to take care of themselves and avoid a really bad situation.  Getting married under such circumstances is honorable, not a subject for ridicule.

Right, and I hope they still have that kind of passion in their marriage.

[anatess2]

On 4/5/2018 at 6:10 AM, IronMormon7 said:

I'm an LDS girl engaged to an amazing LDS guy. We both served missions and both love the gospel. That being said, we are having a hard time with the law of chastity. I'm not sure if we've broken it, but if we haven't we've definitely played with the line. I think a big reason why I personally have had such a hard time is that I don't understand why it is important under the circumstances my fiance and I are in. We are committed to each other. We are going to get married. We love each other and likewise have strong sexual feelings for each other. We're not going to be sexual with just anyone. I honestly don't get why we have to wait until we're married to be sexual with each other. Furthermore, if I'm being honest, the times we've either crossed the line or gotten close I've really enjoyed it. I want to be sexual with my fiance, and I don't think that's a bad thing. 

Can anyone help me understand why the law of chastity is still important when two people are going to be married very soon, are very committed to each other, love each other, and want to be sexual with each other? What's the big difference between being sexual now and being sexual in a few months from now? I'd appreciate answers with more substance than 'it's a commandment'. I know it's a commandment (which is why I haven't had sex yet), but I would like to know if anyone has insight as to why its a commandment for two people in our given situation. 

The law of chastity is NOT changed by someone's un-covenanted promise.  A covenant is important and has meaning.  Planning to make the covenant is not the same as making the covenant.

I disagree with everyone's solution above - to go get married civilly.

DO YOU LOVE YOUR FIANCE?  If so then you will not want to do anything to him that will bring him FARTHER from Christ instead of closer to Christ.  Getting physical with him puts you and your fiance FARTHER from Christ.  How much is that covenant worth to you?  Is it worth getting married civilly and have to wait a year to get sealed adding that extra challenge of not having the blessings of the temple before then including the risk of not having it at all... ever... in mortality?  What for?  So you can assuage your physical passions?  IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?  If you think that physical intimacy is more important than the blessings of a marital covenant sealed by God, then you should not marry.  You don't have the commitment it takes to really LOVE your husband the way Christ taught us to love.  And if he is fine with you being physical and doesn't control himself either, then he doesn't LOVE you the way Christ taught us to love.  BE CAREFUL ABOUT THIS KIND OF MARRIAGE.

It's okay if you did not understand the Law of Chastity which is why you broke it even if you love your fiance very much.  You have a chance to ponder and pray about the Law of Chastity and repent before you decide how you enter into the marital covenant.  Talking to your bishop about it might help you with the process.

Edited April 6, 2018 by anatess2

[Backroads]

18 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

Now I have a question for you: why have you not gotten married today?  What is the reason you are not walking down to the courthouse and saying "I do" right now?  Why are you not one completely (legally, financially, spiritually, sexually, etc) right now?

Those reasons are the reason you are not one right now, and the reason you should not engage in sexual activities.  You two are still two.

I love this answer so much.

Indeed, if you are struggling not to have sex, then why aren't you also struggling not to combine bank accounts, sign papers, create a join social media account?  (Yeah, those probably aren't as much fun, but Jane_Doe makes such an excellent point).

I know several people who broke up days before a temple wedding. It does indeed happen. 

You're both adults. You can wait. You can understand the law of chastity is worlds more than "don't have unmarried sex" but is an eternal principal about devotion to one another and God and respect for the order of heaven. 

Perhaps you and your fiance would consider studying up together on it?

Edited April 6, 2018 by Backroads

[Guest]

To those saying that they should not marry: I see the wisdom in your arguments.  It is certainly not showing respect for temple covenants or to each other to not bridle one's passions long enough to wait through an engagement period.  Marrying early civilly is certainly not ideal.  All couples absolutely can wait (no one has a sex drive so strong that they are "predestined" to fornicate), and most do wait and get married in the temple free from sin.

However, I must bring for consideration the scripture found in 1 Corinthians 7:9, where Paul advises: "But if they cannot control themselves, let them marry.  For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."  

Take those words for what you will!

[Backroads]

33 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

To those saying that they should not marry: I see the wisdom in your arguments.  It is certainly not showing respect for temple covenants or to each other to not bridle one's passions long enough to wait through an engagement period.  Marrying early civilly is certainly not ideal.  All couples absolutely can wait (no one has a sex drive so strong that they are "predestined" to fornicate), and most do wait and get married in the temple free from sin.

However, I must bring for consideration the scripture found in 1 Corinthians 7:9, where Paul advises: "But if they cannot control themselves, let them marry.  For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."  

Take those words for what you will!

I know many really do encourage the temple wedding ceremony, but it really doesn't bother me any if a couple does get married civilly first, as long as temple sealing is the goal.

[anatess2]

56 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

To those saying that they should not marry: I see the wisdom in your arguments.  It is certainly not showing respect for temple covenants or to each other to not bridle one's passions long enough to wait through an engagement period.  Marrying early civilly is certainly not ideal.  All couples absolutely can wait (no one has a sex drive so strong that they are "predestined" to fornicate), and most do wait and get married in the temple free from sin.

However, I must bring for consideration the scripture found in 1 Corinthians 7:9, where Paul advises: "But if they cannot control themselves, let them marry.  For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."  

Take those words for what you will!

 

22 minutes ago, Backroads said:

I know many really do encourage the temple wedding ceremony, but it really doesn't bother me any if a couple does get married civilly first, as long as temple sealing is the goal.

There's a difference in a failure to understand the Law of Chastity - for which the civil ceremony can be part of repentance - and a failure to LOVE.  A failure to LOVE does not end at the courthouse.  Rather, it continues through the ceremony and plagues the marriage through to its possible demise.  There's one thing in the apex of my dislikes - and it's a failed marriage.

[Vort]

54 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

There's one thing in the apex of my dislikes - and it's a failed marriage.

When I was a child, I learned the mathematical concepts of a "line" and a "ray". A line is a one-dimensional construct that extends forever in  both directions. A ray is like a line, but only extends forever in one direction. That means a ray is, well, really weird, like "half a line" or something.

As children of God, we are lines. We extend forever in both directions, past and future. The very idea of terminating the existence of such an eternal being is an abomination. "Monstrous" does not begin to describe the idea. It is a negation of all that is true, holy, and decent. (And not coincidentally, it is exactly what Satan would have happen; the negation of our very existence as children of God, as independent entities capable of action and agents to ourselves.)

Eternal marriages are sort of like that -- except our marriage has a moment of creation. At that moment, when the sealer pronounces the ordinance, this new, eternal entity flares into existence. Where before there existed nothing (as far as our understanding goes), now there exists an eternal entity, capable of enduring through all generations of time and beyond. THIS IS A MIRACULOUS THING. This eternal sealing is a ray; it has one endpoint -- its creation -- and ideally, no end. Thus, it is of the same nature with the existence of God's children. It is a thing of eternity.

So the dissolution of a sealing is a momentous and catastrophic event. In a sense, it is akin to the eternal destruction of a soul. It is a horrific event, to be viewed with the utmost distaste and regret. It is a nightmare made real. If we had any real inkling of the momentous nature of the breaking of an eternal sealing, I think we would approach the whole issue with a great deal more caution and soberness.

[classylady]

On 4/5/2018 at 4:10 AM, IronMormon7 said:

I'm an LDS girl engaged to an amazing LDS guy. We both served missions and both love the gospel. That being said, we are having a hard time with the law of chastity. I'm not sure if we've broken it, but if we haven't we've definitely played with the line. I think a big reason why I personally have had such a hard time is that I don't understand why it is important under the circumstances my fiance and I are in. We are committed to each other. We are going to get married. We love each other and likewise have strong sexual feelings for each other. We're not going to be sexual with just anyone. I honestly don't get why we have to wait until we're married to be sexual with each other. Furthermore, if I'm being honest, the times we've either crossed the line or gotten close I've really enjoyed it. I want to be sexual with my fiance, and I don't think that's a bad thing. 

Can anyone help me understand why the law of chastity is still important when two people are going to be married very soon, are very committed to each other, love each other, and want to be sexual with each other? What's the big difference between being sexual now and being sexual in a few months from now? I'd appreciate answers with more substance than 'it's a commandment'. I know it's a commandment (which is why I haven't had sex yet), but I would like to know if anyone has insight as to why its a commandment for two people in our given situation. 

Simply put: “Wickedness never was happiness.”  Knowing the gospel as you do, if you give in it will bring tremendous emotional and spiritual pain and sorrow.  One cannot simply go through the steps of repentance without godly sorrow.  And to feel true godly sorrow can be harrowing and heart breaking.  Please take the necessary steps to keep yourself on the right track.  Please avoid the pain and sorrow that comes from breaking this beautiful commandment of being chaste.

[Lee]

On 05/04/2018 at 11:10 AM, IronMormon7 said:

I'm an LDS girl engaged to an amazing LDS guy. We both served missions and both love the gospel. That being said, we are having a hard time with the law of chastity. I'm not sure if we've broken it, but if we haven't we've definitely played with the line. I think a big reason why I personally have had such a hard time is that I don't understand why it is important under the circumstances my fiance and I are in. We are committed to each other. We are going to get married. We love each other and likewise have strong sexual feelings for each other. We're not going to be sexual with just anyone. I honestly don't get why we have to wait until we're married to be sexual with each other. Furthermore, if I'm being honest, the times we've either crossed the line or gotten close I've really enjoyed it. I want to be sexual with my fiance, and I don't think that's a bad thing. 

 

My wife and I had the same problem it was hard to see the point of waiting a couple of months because we thought nothing will change, we thought we love each other now and we are committed to each other now so why bother waiting. We decided that we should pray about the situation, I realised that I have to show not only my love for my fiancee by being intimate with her but I must show my love for god by keeping his commandments as thanks for him sending me my fiancee. I also had a strong feeling that I should honour my fiancee's covenants and purity to show my love for her.

 

I would add that after marriage your husband should still honour your purity and such. Wouldn't worry about it though you will be fine if you pray and keep the commandments. Also, obviously it is not wrong to want to be sexual with your fiance I would be concerned if you didn't. Also, don't rush marriage for the sake of being able to be intimate, not worth it at all. 

[bytebear]

If you can't resist the temptation now, how can you trust each other for 50+ more years?  Because there will be times when temptations come around.

[Bad Karma]

On 4/5/2018 at 3:10 AM, IronMormon7 said:

(SNIP) I don't understand why it is important under the circumstances my fiance and I are in. We are committed to each other. We are going to get married. We love each other and likewise have strong sexual feelings for each other.(/UNSNIP)

 Hear the thunderclap of a rumbling voice from above yelling down at you as if you're in trouble saying "BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY'! 

 

Now, there's your answer, and all is well again. Simplicity is awesome, no?