Marrying a Non Member


Jeeshway
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On 4/23/2018 at 1:36 AM, Jeeshway said:

I am currently dating a Non Member. I am in love with her. We've been dating for a really long time and know everything about eachother. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to join the church, but completely supports me to continue to be active in it. We've talked about things like marriage and children and tithing that would affect our relationship because of a religious difference. Idk if this is normally taboo for a Mormon guy like me to say but, I don't want to have kids. If I do, then I'll be happy with them, but... I don't plan on having any. And we talked about that as well and we feel the same way. Certain things I stay far away from for religious reasons such as drugs, alcohol, and pornography//bad movies , She stays away from for other reasons. Although anonymous I don't wish to share those reasons, but I know that she could/would never want to drink, or do drugs or anything like that. I want to marry her. And, we haven't tied any knots yet, but I know she wants/plans on marrying me as well. After reading some of the posts about things like this it seems like marrying a Non Member is some crazy sin. Is it really a sin? Also, I've always been taught that sex is between a legally and lawfully wedded man and wife. If we got married, though not in the temple it would be legal and lawful. So what's wrong with marrying her? I feel really good, and happier than I've ever been before when I think about marrying her. I have prayed about my relationship with her, and, all I can tell is that I'm happy with her. And honestly, I'd like to believe that later on in life she might want to be baptized, and if not I will still love her the same and be happy the same. I want to be with her, even if that means I can't make it into the highest part of the celestial kingdom. 

The only thing that gives me concern is your last statement.  You would rather spend a brief time with someone than attain celestial glory...  Eternal Celestial glory....  That doesn't make any sense to me at all.  It makes no sense to trade an eternity for a fraction of a moment.

Does that mean you shouldn't marry her?  I am not saying that.  If I were you, I would still probably marry her and hope that she joins the church.  Treat her with love, kindness and gentleness throughout your marriage and she will probably come around.

There are no guarantees in life.  My friend married in the temple.  A couple of years later his wife stopped going.  It became harder and harder for him to go.  He ended up stop going as well.  Later she ran off with her boss and the two got divorced.  He is remarried, but the church really isn't part of his life right now.  His only consolation prize is that his wife while married to him was smoking hot.  After she left she let herself fall apart and his new wife is gorgeous in every way inside and out.  Oh, and his new wife let him spread his entrepreneurial wings and has ended up doing very well financially because of it.

keep God first in your life.

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On ‎4‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 8:21 AM, Lost Boy said:

The only thing that gives me concern is your last statement.  You would rather spend a brief time with someone than attain celestial glory...  Eternal Celestial glory....  That doesn't make any sense to me at all.  It makes no sense to trade an eternity for a fraction of a moment.

Does that mean you shouldn't marry her?  I am not saying that.  If I were you, I would still probably marry her and hope that she joins the church.  Treat her with love, kindness and gentleness throughout your marriage and she will probably come around.

There are no guarantees in life.  My friend married in the temple.  A couple of years later his wife stopped going.  It became harder and harder for him to go.  He ended up stop going as well.  Later she ran off with her boss and the two got divorced.  He is remarried, but the church really isn't part of his life right now.  His only consolation prize is that his wife while married to him was smoking hot.  After she left she let herself fall apart and his new wife is gorgeous in every way inside and out.  Oh, and his new wife let him spread his entrepreneurial wings and has ended up doing very well financially because of it.

keep God first in your life.

Also @Jeeshway

There is a ancient saying - That a fool is someone that finely does in the end (when there seem to be no other choice) that the wise desires, chooses and does in the beginning.

 

The Traveler

Edited by Traveler
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I married a non-member 20+ years ago.   We probably have one-off the best marriages I’m aware of, much better than my sealed in the temple parents/siblings.     We love, trust, and respect each other.   The ONLY thing we have argued about is the church, but we have raised our kids in the church, and my wife goes to church every week with us.   I will say this, for me, I would marry her all over again.

   However, it’s hard to go to the temple by myself, even though I do.    I seriously doubt that my wife will ever join the church.

 My advice would be to marry a member if at all possible.

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On 4/23/2018 at 10:13 PM, Grunt said:

As a convert married to a non-member, I would never suggest marrying someone outside the faith.  Even with a spouse who supports your decisions and attends church, it can be very sticky and painful.   Certainly, take it to Heavenly Father in prayer, but I would wait 10 times as long before tying the knot, have her attend Church a number of times so she knows what to expect, then take it to prayer again.  Being LDS isn't just attending Sacrament on Sunday.  It's an everyday commitment.

Also a convert married to a non member, I agree with Grunt.  That being said, we both changed the dynamics in our marriage by converting to the Church, your experience might be different because you are both choosing this.    I don't know if you have family in the Church but i have never felt more alone than the day I received my Endowments without my husband.  If I was ever to get married again I would only marry a member.   From a faith perspective,  for me I didn't expect to be with my family in the afterlife so I have to have faith that Heavenly Father will sort it all out.  I love my husband and have a hope backed with spiritual confirmation that he will join, no idea when that will be.   

Edited by An Investigator
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4 hours ago, An Investigator said:

Also a convert married to a non member, I agree with Grunt.  That being said, we both changed the dynamics in our marriage by converting to the Church, your experience might be different because you are both choosing this.    I don't know if you have family in the Church but i have never felt more alone than the day I received my Endowments without my husband.  If I was ever to get married again I would only marry a member.   From a faith perspective,  for me I didn't expect to be with my family in the afterlife so I have to have faith that Heavenly Father will sort it all out.  I love my husband and have a hope backed with spiritual confirmation that he will join, no idea when that will be.   

 Am the only member in my family so I know how you feel. My hope is that we can visit others in the next life.

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  • 4 months later...
On ‎4‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 5:56 AM, CV75 said:

It's not a sin to marry a non-member.

Is this right? I'm not a member, so I do not know. What is the church's teaching related to 2 Corinthians 6:14, which indicates that believers and unbelievers should not be unequally yoked?  

Growing up in an Evangelical church, I learned that I should not even date non-believers, much less marry them. Further, I should beware about close, influential friendships with unbelievers, since it is much easier for one to be brought down than to lift up another.

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On 4/22/2018 at 11:36 PM, Jeeshway said:

I am currently dating a Non Member. I am in love with her. We've been dating for a really long time and know everything about eachother. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to join the church, but completely supports me to continue to be active in it. We've talked about things like marriage and children and tithing that would affect our relationship because of a religious difference. Idk if this is normally taboo for a Mormon guy like me to say but, I don't want to have kids. If I do, then I'll be happy with them, but... I don't plan on having any. And we talked about that as well and we feel the same way. Certain things I stay far away from for religious reasons such as drugs, alcohol, and pornography//bad movies , She stays away from for other reasons. Although anonymous I don't wish to share those reasons, but I know that she could/would never want to drink, or do drugs or anything like that. I want to marry her. And, we haven't tied any knots yet, but I know she wants/plans on marrying me as well. After reading some of the posts about things like this it seems like marrying a Non Member is some crazy sin. Is it really a sin? Also, I've always been taught that sex is between a legally and lawfully wedded man and wife. If we got married, though not in the temple it would be legal and lawful. So what's wrong with marrying her? I feel really good, and happier than I've ever been before when I think about marrying her. I have prayed about my relationship with her, and, all I can tell is that I'm happy with her. And honestly, I'd like to believe that later on in life she might want to be baptized, and if not I will still love her the same and be happy the same. I want to be with her, even if that means I can't make it into the highest part of the celestial kingdom. 

who are you putting first? if it's anything other than god it's a sin.

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12 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Is this right? I'm not a member, so I do not know. What is the church's teaching related to 2 Corinthians 6:14, which indicates that believers and unbelievers should not be unequally yoked?  

Growing up in an Evangelical church, I learned that I should not even date non-believers, much less marry them. Further, I should beware about close, influential friendships with unbelievers, since it is much easier for one to be brought down than to lift up another.

A non-member is not necessarily the same as a non-believer in Christ, and while I think it would be unwise to marry either outside one's faith or outside the Christian belief, there are extenuating circumstances. Marriage is instituted of God so I don't see how that in itself is a sin. I do think it is a sin to lapse into non-belief, but to then marry a believer or non-believer is not a sin.

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13 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Is this right? I'm not a member, so I do not know. What is the church's teaching related to 2 Corinthians 6:14, which indicates that believers and unbelievers should not be unequally yoked?  

Growing up in an Evangelical church, I learned that I should not even date non-believers, much less marry them. Further, I should beware about close, influential friendships with unbelievers, since it is much easier for one to be brought down than to lift up another.

It's not a sin for Latter Day Saints to marry non-members, but we are highly encouraged to marry within the faith to avoid a lot of the problems associated with interfaith marriage. Not only are you prevented from marrying in the temple for eternity, but there is no gurantee that they will ever join the faith or will support you in continuing either. I'm not saying it's always wrong or that it can't work, my mom joined the church after marrying my stepdad and Latter Day Saints strongly believe in individual revelation so sometimes it absolutely can be right, but generally we are counseled to marry within the faith.

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I think it goes beyond the fact of whether they are members or not. The main thing here is: Temple marriage is for exaltation.

We are encouraged to marry among members because that way we can go inside temples, marry for time and eternity, but most important we get to make covenants, and ordinances necessary for exaltation. That is the only truth. If you marry someone, somewhere outside the temple, the family unit will be separated when death comes, AND there will be no exaltation, in the highest degree of glory.

That is the main thing.

If one doesn't care about becoming a God, having a forever family, and living in the presence of God the Father for eternity, then go ahead and marry in Las Vegas.  An spouse might never join the church, even marrying a member in the temple doesn't guarantee exaltation, but at least your part of the deal with God is done (Sealing ordinance is done as couples, but the promises and covenant is between each spouse and God, so it's a personal matter)

One can be a worthy member of the church, endowed and with a temple recommend, but if the spouse doesn't join, and there's no temple marriage, then ministering angel it is.

 

Edited by Chilean
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2 minutes ago, Rob Osborn said:

??

 

On 4/23/2018 at 2:38 PM, Rob Osborn said:

I have too many choice and personal experiences to comment spcifically about people I know but the summation is that the power of love, true love, has amazing power and when we start placing religious ideals or checklists in front of that as the litmus test rather than true love we may have already lost. I see too many failed marriages both within and outside of our faith because they tried to do the checkoff list rather than seeing if they really shared in a true essence of love and belonging to each other.

Define those bolded phrases in relation to each other.

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6 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

 

 

Define those bolded phrases in relation to each other.

A religious ideal would be something such as- "find and marry a returned missionary". I see too many marriages fail within our religion and I see a strong correlation with their separation/divorce and their belief that sharing a commomn religious ideal is of utmost importance but they dont truly love each other. 

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3 minutes ago, Rob Osborn said:

A religious ideal would be something such as- "find and marry a returned missionary". I see too many marriages fail within our religion and I see a strong correlation with their separation/divorce and their belief that sharing a commomn religious ideal is of utmost importance but they dont truly love each other. 

You still haven't defined what "truly love each other" means and how that is related to religious ideals... because, religious ideals is Jesus Christ.  And I posit that there is no love if not rooted on Christ.

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25 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

You still haven't defined what "truly love each other" means and how that is related to religious ideals... because, religious ideals is Jesus Christ.  And I posit that there is no love if not rooted on Christ.

Well, its not quite so. Atheists fall in love with each other all the time. When I fell in love with my wife I was inactive and at that time hated tge LDS church, didnt want much to do with God, etc. To truly love each other means one is willing to conform to anothers wishes and desires and make great sacrifices for their relationship. It means they view their love for each other above all worldliness, that they are together and thats all that matters. Now I see couples get married who have to have their own "me time" and insist on separate bank accounts and whats theirs and whats not. They are in love with the world, not each other.

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24 minutes ago, Rob Osborn said:

Well, its not quite so. Atheists fall in love with each other all the time. When I fell in love with my wife I was inactive and at that time hated tge LDS church, didnt want much to do with God, etc. To truly love each other means one is willing to conform to anothers wishes and desires and make great sacrifices for their relationship. It means they view their love for each other above all worldliness, that they are together and thats all that matters. Now I see couples get married who have to have their own "me time" and insist on separate bank accounts and whats theirs and whats not. They are in love with the world, not each other.

The bolded is wrong and I am sure you know that it is.

A husband who is incapacitated by fear would lock his wife in the house to prevent her from getting hurt or finding greener grass and risk being separated from him.  That is not love.  A wife who is getting beat up will continue to suffer being beat up rather than risk being separated from her husband.  That is not love.

So, obviously, being together or conforming to the other's wishes is not what matters - not even for atheists.  Atheists may not believe a God exists but it doesn't prevent them from accessing the light of Christ within them even if they simply call it... I don't know, the higher good or whatever.

So, your definition of love is not love.  Not TRUE love anyway.  Wanna give it another shot?

Edited by anatess2
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26 minutes ago, Rob Osborn said:

 Now I see couples get married who have to have their own "me time" and insist on separate bank accounts and whats theirs and whats not. They are in love with the world, not each other.

Wrong. None of that means that couples are not in love with one another. 

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As FYI, I know of couples who married, despite religious differences. It often works out, sometimes beautifully. Some of those post at this site. The same holds true in my faith. There are folk that married non-believers. Eventually the unbeliever came around. On the other hand, I'm sure many here know of those who got into such relationships and ended leaving up the faith. My church takes a stronger stance against these relationships, nearly universally urging our young people not to do so--"Don't be unequally yoked!" Further, if one of our clergy knowingly officiates a marriage between a believer and a non-believer his/her credentials would be revoked. So, yes, I understand the impulse to be empathetic, compassionate, and to share stories where such relationships ended well. That's grace, and grace testimonies are powerful. Nevertheless, to step back from such a relationship in the earlier stages shows tremendous obedience, holiness, faith and spiritual discipline. When these decisions end well, it's actually rewards. However, those who walk this way seldom testify of its blessings, because it might seem like bragging.  BOTTOM LINE: Interfaith relationships can result in grace-filled blessings. They are not God's first or best option, generally speaking. Choosing to hold out for a partner "of like precious faith" is obedience--the type God rewards in ways we may not fully realize this side of glory.

Edited by prisonchaplain
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An eternal marriage (sealed together) is the greatest blessing/gift that we can receive. I am so grateful that my husband and I have an eternal marriage. I’m so grateful that my daughter who died in a car accident at the age of 19 was born in the covenant. Not only do I know that I will see her again, but I cherish and hold to the promise that we are an eternal family. There is no other blessing in my life that is greater than this. Please do not think lightly of eternal marriage.

One of the greatest comforts I had as a child was knowing my parents were sealed together as husband and wife. My father died when I was six years old. I am so thankful for that comfort of knowing we were an eternal family. Even though my father was not with us in this life, I knew we were still a family. There is no other blessing more comforting than this knowledge.

I strive to live my life worthily, even though I often fall short, so I can be with my daughter and other loved ones again. I don’t want anything less than this. For me, nothing else comes close to this blessing and comfort. When you truly love someone you want an eternal union.

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