Guest Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, estradling75 said: Interesting. You are all about you and how it is affecting you until we point out how selfish that is... Only then does it becomes all about her. If you truly believe she is in danger you should start with that not whining about how you have been inconvenienced 3 minutes ago, MormonGator said: The plot just keeps unfolding. The OP should have been much more clear in his initial post. Goes to credibility, your honor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 7 minutes ago, zil said: If this woman's husband is abusive, then a friend helps her find a marriage counselor - he doesn't give her occasional relief that makes the time with the abusive husband easier to bear, nor does he give the husband more excuses to be abusive. PS: You have yet to report having gotten a gang together to assault her husband, so your report of Costa Rican retribution doesn't seem to be relevant. He isn't abusive but he is insensitive to her. I am not a thug haha I wouldn't do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 Just now, JayKi said: He isn't abusive but he is insensitive to her. I am not a thug haha I wouldn't do that. If he's not abusive then we're right back to where we were before - out of respect for him as a person and for their marriage, you and she need to STOP IT. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, Carborendum said: Goes to credibility, your honor. I've told you before, I prefer to be called "Your Highness". I'll let it slide this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 Just now, zil said: If he's not abusive then we're right back to where we were before - out of respect for him as a person and for their marriage, you and she need to STOP IT. It is her call, I can't justify to myself walking away from a friend to please a man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 3 minutes ago, MormonGator said: I've told you before, I prefer to be called "Your Highness". I'll let it slide this time. No, that's too far. Would you settle for "His Exalted Excellency"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 (edited) @JayKi, From the time I returned from my mission to Italy, I had an Italian pen pal. She actually was sort of "in love" with me, but after I made it clear that we weren't going to go in that direction, we had a very nice, years-long letter-writing relationship. (This was in the years before email.) Though I didn't want romance with her, I really cared about this young woman. When I married my wife, she objected to my Italian female pen pal. Like you, I didn't understand this attitude. Like you, I thought I should be able to be friends with whomever I wanted, and it was really not any of her business. I mentioned this to my mother one day in passing, and she quickly set me straight. I decided that if my wife and mother agreed about that thing, it was probably myself that was not seeing things right. So I wished my pen pal well and stopped writing her. That's the kind of thing we do to safeguard marriage. The marital state is a sacred thing, and we should sanctify it. Honestly, friend, if this woman's husband doesn't want you seeing her, You Should Not Be Seeing Her. Her marriage to her husband is vastly more important than your friendship with her. Look, you're a smart guy. Be smart enough to realize that when two dozen people tell you the same thing -- two dozen people who, by the way, probably wouldn't find anything else to agree on in a year of conversation -- that means that you are probably the one who's wrong. Don't be prideful, friend. Be humble. Tell your friend you are happy to keep hanging out with her, as long as her husband is there, too. Maybe you can bring your girlfriend/fiancée with you and make it a double date. Just keep it on the up-and-up. Edited April 24, 2018 by Vort mirkwood, NeuroTypical, NeedleinA and 10 others 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 Just now, Carborendum said: No, that's too far. Would you settle for "His Exalted Excellency"? As long as you keep kneeling my presence, I'll allow it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 (edited) 13 minutes ago, JayKi said: No I said all the way through I do these things to be nice even my first post says it. I messaged her to cheer her up is earlier post. You don't know what you talk about and I am not selfish Isolation can be a tactic that abusers use... But isolation can be caused by many life altering events (marriage, moving, etc) with no malice or evil intended. If your friend is feeling isolated and lonely it is her responsibility to handle it (not yours). If she needs to have it out with her husband about how her marriage is working that is her right and responsibility and not yours. You can not fight this battle for her and it is Pride once again to think you can. If she wants to have you as a friend then she is the one that needs to fight for it with her husband... not you. Edited April 24, 2018 by estradling75 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, MormonGator said: As long as you keep kneeling my presence, I'll allow it. One knee or two? Hint: I ain't doing two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 Just now, Carborendum said: One knee or two? Hint: I ain't doing two. Genuflecting is fine, I'll allow it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, Vort said: two dozen people who, by the way, probably wouldn't find anything else to agree on in a year of conversation I disagree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 12 minutes ago, Carborendum said: 17 minutes ago, Vort said: two dozen people who, by the way, probably wouldn't find anything else to agree on in a year of conversation I disagree. I'm offended at your disagreement with Vort's judgment. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeedleinA Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 30 minutes ago, MormonGator said: The plot just keeps unfolding. The OP should have been much more clear in his initial post. 23 hours ago, NeedleinA said: Other plausible explanation: 3. This story is a story or a really misconstrued story agreed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 13 minutes ago, Vort said: @JayKi, From the time I returned from my mission to Italy, I had an Italian pen pal. She actually was sort of "in love" with me, but after I made it clear that we weren't going to go in that direction, we had a very nice, years-long letter-writing relationship. (This was in the years before email.) Though I didn't want romance with her, I really cared about this young woman. When I married my wife, she objected to my Italian female pen pal. Like you, I didn't understand this attitude. Like you, I thought I should be able to be friends with whomever I wanted, and it was really not any of her business. I mentioned this to my mother one day in passing, and she quickly set me straight. I decided that if my wife and mother agreed about that thing, it was probably myself that was not seeing things right. So I wished my pen pal well and stopped writing her. That's the kind of thing we do to safeguard marriage. The marital state is a sacred thing, and we should sanctify it. Honestly, friend, if this woman's husband doesn't want you seeing her, You Should Not Be Seeing Her. Her marriage to her husband is vastly more important than your friendship with her. Look, you're a smart guy. Be smart enough to realize that when two dozen people tell you the same thing -- two dozen people who, by the way, probably wouldn't find anything else to agree on in a year of conversation -- that means that you are probably the one who's wrong. Don't be prideful, friend. Be humble. Tell your friend you are happy to keep hanging out with her, as long as her husband is there, too. Maybe you can bring your girlfriend/fiancée with you and make it a double date. Just keep it on the up-and-up. I am like your pen friend. It should be for my friend to decide what is best, the same way you did. I don't want to hurt her by telling her I can't be her friend anymore. I am not being prideful I have no pride on this matter, I only want to be a good friend we go back a long way. I don't think I could hang out with her husband . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said: I'm offended at your disagreement with Vort's judgment. "Let's agree to disagree"-Principal Skinner "I don't agree with that."-Edna Krabappel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 (edited) 3 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said: I'm offended at your disagreement with Vort's judgment. I'm offended that you think @Vort was being judgemental! Edited April 24, 2018 by zil Sunday21 and NeuroTypical 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, NeedleinA said: agreed You have no idea I was honest in my first post, those were the only 2 reasons the bishop gave me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
e-eye Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 HAHA - This whole thread cracks me up. If I have learned one thing, it's that if a bishop pulls someones recommend it's probably for a good reason. It seems as though the natural man looks for justification and support in his actions. NeuroTypical, mirkwood, Sunday21 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 22 minutes ago, estradling75 said: If she wants to have you as a friend then she is the one that needs to fight for it with her husband... not you. I agree that is why I said it is up to her to end our friendship not me. I don't message her first maybe once a week to check she is okay, I don't ask her to hang out she asks me. I just be nice to her because she is a friend of mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 25 minutes ago, JayKi said: I agree that is why I said it is up to her to end our friendship not me. I don't message her first maybe once a week to check she is okay, I don't ask her to hang out she asks me. I just be nice to her because she is a friend of mine. That is your pride talking again making yourself more important than her marriage. What you need to do is tell her that you will respect her husband's wishes, and that it is up to her to change his mind on the matter. Until that happens you can not be friends anymore Anything less that that encourages deception and break up of her marriage Vort 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeccaKirstyn Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 @JayKi You can be a friend to her without hanging out with her one on one. You can hang out with her in group situations, with your fiancé present, or her husband present. You can hang out together at the ward during ward socials. Do you find it interesting at all that not one single person has agreed with what you are doing? Maybe something to think about. You came to this forum to ask for what other people thought. You've gotten your answers. If you came with the intention to get validation for your feelings, I think it's clear you won't find that here. If you want objective advice from other faithful members about your behavior and the situation, you've got plenty of it. And it might be wise to look at those words with a clear mind and a desire to understand why everyone disagrees with your way of thinking. Midwest LDS, mirkwood, lostinwater and 5 others 6 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 1 hour ago, e-eye said: HAHA - This whole thread cracks me up. If I have learned one thing, it's that if a bishop pulls someones recommend it's probably for a good reason. It seems as though the natural man looks for justification and support in his actions. I wish this was always true. There is a reason why bishops are often counseled from stake presidents to ask the questions that are only in the temple recommend, as those are the questions that determine worthiness to enter the temple. It seems as though the natural man looks for justification and support in his actions. This though I can agree with 100%. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 As a follow question, can you lose your temple recommend for smacking around someone having an emotional affair with your wife? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 10 minutes ago, Grunt said: As a follow question, can you lose your temple recommend for smacking around someone having an emotional affair with your wife? Possibly, but I would worry more about the spouse filing an aggravated assault charge. My personal opinion, I think most bishop's would think the action was justified, but you never know and it really depends on how bad/thorough the beating was. I know of someone who did just this and he was "smacked" with an aggravated assault, but nothing happened to his recommend as to my knowledge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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