JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 3 minutes ago, Carborendum said: And how well do you know her husband? I know him a little but we have some differences. We never were friends but we got on okay a few times when we all hung out together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 14 minutes ago, Vort said: DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!!! Is rare we are in private but it doesn't matter to me or to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, JayKi said: I know him a little but we have some differences. We never were friends but we got on okay a few times when we all hung out together. So you have differences with your friend's husband and you take her out to lunch and the movies? Don't you see anything wrong with that? You're lucky Mormons are so kind. A Temple recommend would be the least of your immediate worries around here. Take our word for it. What you are doing isn't acceptable in this culture. You need to either find male friends or include her husband when you see her. Honestly, this isn't fair to your fiancee, either. askandanswer, BeccaKirstyn, Sunday21 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 9 minutes ago, JayKi said: It isn't a date. It is just hanging out like if I went out with a male friend. My friend, casually hanging out with a woman is going on a date. mirkwood, Just_A_Guy, askandanswer and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 33 minutes ago, JayKi said: We like to live our lives a little slower but we have fun and aren't afraid to enjoy life. This is a completely separate issue. And if you're going to live in the US, you will not really be very successful. But this has nothing to do with your recommend, unless you take the same attitude with the temple covenants. 22 minutes ago, JayKi said: I think it is okay we only go for lunch together or to the cinema, sometimes shopping. We don't hang out in private places most of the time. Her husband should get over it, she can be friends with who she choose, he can't control her life. 17 minutes ago, JayKi said: Why? We are friends what is the problem? If you trust your wife there is nothing to worry for 13 minutes ago, JayKi said: No we are only friend I have only friendship feeling toward her. I did nothing wrong and neither did she. Is not fair just because she is a woman we can't be friend. 7 minutes ago, JayKi said: No we aren't close because we have some differences. We are very close before she was married because she is from Nicaragua and we bond over that, we used to celebrate festivals we celebrate back home and cook national dish for each other, she my best friend in England but we only ever friend. I respect his wish a little bit but I respect hers more, she is not his property so her opinion to me is what I care about. When a couple is married, they are supposed to be one. If you have the mentality that separates them from one another -- THAT IS WRONG. What is more disturbing than anything else is that you feel no remorse over this. You feel like you've done nothing wrong. You have done something wrong. You've disrespected the marital relationship between a man and a woman. It has nothing to do with treating her as property. It is about treating the husband and wife as one. You do not have the right to separate them. This is the underlying issue. The fact that you don't see it is very disturbing. The fact that you are unrepentant about it and refuse to change is the real reason you don't have a recommend. Repent. Humble yourself. Change your attitude. If you don't respect another couple's marriage, how can you respect your own? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 7 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said: I believe he will be fair, and I believe he will side with the bishop. When you date married women against the specific objection of her husband, even though you "only have friendship feeling", that is a sinful, horrible thing to do. You are sinning and could be destroying their marraige. And you stomp your foot and demand you are right and everyone else is wrong. You are caught up in the sin of pride, and I would bet ten bucks your SP will tell you the same things your bishop has told you. I DO NOT DATE MARRIED WOMEN! I have a fiancee I only date with her. I DO NOT CARE if her husband objects it is up to my friend to choose if she wants to hang out. Why should her husband decide for her? 9 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said: You meet with the SP. He will probably tell you the same thing the bishop has told you. You have continual opportunities to humble yourself and stop dating married women against their husband's wishes. Stop flirting with them in texts too. Or, you can remain hard, prideful, demanding that you are doing nothing wrong, and you won't have your temple recommend. That's the process. I don't send flirtatious text to her but I see why it is interpret like that. It is not pride from me but I have morals I won't go back on. 10 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said: I do not believe you will be able to get any priesthood leader "on board" with your notion that you should be able to date whoever you want and their husbands should just get over it because you're just friends. Well so be it if they want to be men who control women I don't want their approval. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, JayKi said: I DO NOT CARE if her husband objects\ Major red flag. Open communication is key here. My friend had a boyfriend (they broke up a few months ago, sadly. He was a super great guy) and he knew everything that we talked about and was 100% cool with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, JayKi said: I DO NOT CARE if her husband objects Why should her husband decide for her? Well so be it I don't want their approval. It is your pride above all else that justified revoking your recommend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, Carborendum said: This is a completely separate issue. And if you're going to live in the US, you will not really be very successful. But this has nothing to do with your recommend, unless you take the same attitude with the temple covenants. 30 minutes ago, JayKi said: I dont live in the US please I wouldn't live there. Why American think every hispanic want to live in their country. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 (edited) 2 minutes ago, JayKi said: I dont live in the US please I wouldn't live there. Why American think every hispanic want to live in their country. You talked as if there was a cultural conflict. I deduced that where ever you were, you were not in Nicaragua. The US was the most probable since you're on an English speaking board. It has nothing to do with your race or nationality. Ger off that track. Now, for the rest of what I wrote? Edited April 24, 2018 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, MormonGator said: Major red flag. Open communication is key here. My friend had a boyfriend (they broke up a few months ago, sadly. He was a super great guy) and he knew everything that we talked about and was 100% cool with it. Yeah is nothing to do with me, if my friend doesn't want to take his opinion to not hang out with me. Why should I say to her, "you are woman so I have to listen only to your husband and your opinion to me doesn't matter." No I won't say such a thing to my friend I respect her wish to not agree with her husband. So why responsibility fall on me to make her agree with him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 8 minutes ago, JayKi said: Yeah is nothing to do with me, if my friend doesn't want to take his opinion to not hang out with me. Why should I say to her, "you are woman so I have to listen only to your husband and your opinion to me doesn't matter." No I won't say such a thing to my friend I respect her wish to not agree with her husband. So why responsibility fall on me to make her agree with him? When someone in your situation says "It has nothing to do with me." That almost always means "It has a lot to do with me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 11 minutes ago, Carborendum said: You talked as if there was a cultural conflict. I deduced that where ever you were, you were not in Nicaragua. The US was the most probable since you're on an English speaking board. It has nothing to do with your race or nationality. Ger off that track. 1) I am from Costa Rica 2) I live in England for study 3) You think because I am from Costa Rica I couldn't succeed in America Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, MormonGator said: When someone in your situation says "It has nothing to do with me." That almost always means "It has a lot to do with me." Do you think I should tell her I can't hang out with you even though you want to because your husband don't like it ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 Just now, JayKi said: 1) I am from Costa Rica 2) I live in England for study 3) You think because I am from Costa Rica I couldn't succeed in America 1. Costa Rica is a beautiful country 2. Good for you, what are you studying? 3. No one said you couldn't succeed in America of course you can this is the land of opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, JayKi said: Do you think I should tell her I can't hang out with you even though you want to because your husband don't like it ? YES! mirkwood, Vort and NeuroTypical 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 13 minutes ago, JayKi said: So why responsibility fall on me to make her agree with him? 1 Because you hold the Priesthood. With it comes great responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 18 minutes ago, Carborendum said: It is your pride above all else that justified revoking your recommend. Why do you think I have pride? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 Just now, JayKi said: Why do you think I have pride? Your like a small child who does not see anything wrong in what he has done. Try being a little bit objective and introspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said: 1. Costa Rica is a beautiful country 2. Good for you, what are you studying? 3. No one said you couldn't succeed in America of course you can this is the land of opportunity. @Carborendum told me I won't succeed in America. Oh well I don't want to live there I will return to Costa Rica. I have been sponsored by the Costa Rican government to train in UK as a Neurosurgeon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 6 minutes ago, JayKi said: Do you think I should tell her I can't hang out with you even though you want to because your husband don't like it ? I think you need to take a long look at your situation. I was on your side at first but I am increasingly not sympathetic to you, so... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 So, JayKi, since we're all answering your questions, and you're not liking the answers, what else can we do for you? mirkwood 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 (edited) 13 minutes ago, JayKi said: 1) I am from Costa Rica 2) I live in England for study 3) You think because I am from Costa Rica I couldn't succeed in America You said Nicaragua in another post. You may have been referring to the woman in question. But I took it to mean you. My mistake. England would have been my next guess. I believe you can't succeed in America because you don't take life seriously. That was YOUR description. Edited April 24, 2018 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostinwater Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 10 minutes ago, JayKi said: Yeah is nothing to do with me, if my friend doesn't want to take his opinion to not hang out with me. Why should I say to her, "you are woman so I have to listen only to your husband and your opinion to me doesn't matter." No I won't say such a thing to my friend I respect her wish to not agree with her husband. So why responsibility fall on me to make her agree with him? i hear what you are saying @JayKi. i don't know - i had a sister who is going through a divorce. She talked with a lot of people to reach that decision - not just her family - probably some guys. In my view, her husband was clearly controlling to the point of abuse. In fact, she didn't come to family activities for years because he was that controlling. Her husband didn't see it that way, though. i think all everyone is trying to say is that bad stuff is more likely to happen when you have two adults of similar age - one of which is married - who might agree the health of a marriage or nature of a spouse is not quite ideal. It sounds like you care a lot for your friend - and props to you for that. All i can say is that her broken marriage has been awful. Awful for her, her ex-husband, and especially for that kids. The scars will be life long. It may be an act of kindness and compassion you can show towards her to make sure you do everything you can to prevent her/her family from going through that. Maybe it's worth considering. Not sure what that looks like in your culture, though. You are getting a dose of the USA view of it, for sure. But please don't mistake this for meanness or anger on my part. Anddenex and NeuroTypical 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted April 24, 2018 Report Share Posted April 24, 2018 28 minutes ago, JayKi said: . 10 minutes ago, JayKi said: Do you think I should tell her I can't hang out with you even though you want to because your husband don't like it ? Yes. Exactly right. Husband not happy? No go! askandanswer, mirkwood and NeuroTypical 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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