My Bishop took my temple recommend away unfairly. How can I contest his decision?


JayKi
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5 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Your like a small child who does not see anything wrong in what he has done.  Try being a little bit objective and introspective.

I don't have pride but I wasn't raised to view woman as being submissive, if my friend ignore her husband then why do I need to tell her not to? It is her opinion I care for, just because he is a man doesn't mean I must agree with him. 

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8 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Why do you think I have pride?

Take a look at all the quotes I posted.  You again and again say only your opinion matters.  You don't care what others say. Again and again, you don't think you have to pay attention to anyone else or respect anyone else.

That is pride.

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24 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Yeah is nothing to do with me, if my friend doesn't want to take his opinion to not hang out with me. Why should I say to her, "you are woman so I have to listen only to your husband and your opinion to me doesn't matter." No I won't say such a thing to my friend I respect her wish to not agree with her husband. So why responsibility fall on me to make her agree with him?

It's not your responsibility to make anyone agree with you.  It is your responsibility to respect her husband as a human in love with and married to her.  It is your responsibility to respect their marital, presumably eternal, covenant.  It is not your responsibility to dictate her behavior.  It is your responsibility to control your own.  Intentional or not, your relationship with this woman is causing contention in this marriage - per your own words:

22 hours ago, JayKi said:

There isn't I assume that her husband made a bigger deal out of it then what was necessary to the Bishop. ...

Both you and she are showing great disrespect for her husband.  It doesn't matter whether he has a just cause to worry, whether his worries come from misunderstanding, or whether he has a personal weakness in this area.  She has made a covenant in relation to him.  You are his brother and as such it is your duty to help him come unto Christ.  Spending time with his wife when he is not there is harming this.  So STOP IT.

Apparently we need a woman in here to explain one of the risks involved in this, so...  While you may not ever have felt any sexual attraction to this woman, it is almost guaranteed that unless you're kinda disgusting, the more time she spends enjoying herself with you rather than with her husband (RED FLAG), the more likely it is that she will begin to (a) complain about her husband to you (RED ALERT! RED ALERT!), (b) rely on you for comfort (THE SHIP IS SINKING!), (c) start to feel attracted to you (DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!), and (d) fall in love with you (AND SATAN REJOICES).  This then risks exceedingly dangerous things for you, for her, for her husband, and for the woman you intend to marry; also for any children involved, and other family members.

I personally don't care how much she may deny any of the above, the fact that she already disrespects her husband enough to continue a relationship that causes problems for her husband puts us on dangerous ground, and would make any such assertion questionable in my mind.

So STOP IT!

10 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Why do you think I have pride?

Because pretty much every post you've made in this thread oozes it all over the place.

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11 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Why do you think I have pride?

Because you think your personal needs/desires/fun is more important then your friends marriage.

Can you be friends with a married member of the opposite sex?  In theory yes.  In practice not if the spouse has a problem with it.

In your case the spouses problem with you has been very plainly made clear to you.  Your pride make you think that the husband's opinion does not matter.. which leads to you acting in a matter that shows that her marriage does not matter to you.  And that set of action can cost one their recommend

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8 minutes ago, JayKi said:

@Carborendum told me I won't succeed in America. Oh well I don't want to live there I will return to Costa Rica. I have been sponsored by the Costa Rican government to train in UK as a Neurosurgeon. 

Neurosurgeon, well your super smart why do you need advice from us?

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3 minutes ago, JayKi said:

I don't have pride but I wasn't raised to view woman as being submissive, if my friend ignore her husband then why do I need to tell her not to? It is her opinion I care for, just because he is a man doesn't mean I must agree with him. 

It is not about him being a man.  If you were friends with the man and his wife really didn't approve, then he should respect her over you and stop spending time with you.  It is not about submissive or man/woman.  It is about respecting marriage.

Now, if you believe he is abusive, then bring that up.  But you haven't said that.  You just say you don't care.  That's wrong.

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6 minutes ago, lostinwater said:

i hear what you are saying @JayKi.

i don't know - i had a sister who is going through a divorce.  She talked with a lot of people to reach that decision - not just her family - probably some guys.  In my view, her husband was clearly controlling to the point of abuse.  In fact, she didn't come to family activities for years because he was that controlling.  Her husband didn't see it that way, though. 

i think all everyone is trying to say is that bad stuff is more likely to happen when you have two adults of similar age - one of which is married - who might agree the health of a marriage or nature of a spouse is not quite ideal.

It sounds like you care a lot for your friend - and props to you for that.  All i can say is that her broken marriage has been awful.  Awful for her, her ex-husband, and especially for that kids.  The scars will be life long.

It may be an act of kindness and compassion you can show towards her to make sure you do everything you can to prevent her/her family from going through that.  Maybe it's worth considering.  Not sure what that looks like in your culture, though.  You are getting a dose of the USA view of it, for sure.  

But please don't mistake this for meanness or anger on my part.

 

I just be her friend because it is hard to adjust to new culture but when we hang out we can interact like we are at home. I have no desire to ruin her marriage I want her to be happy. She don't have many friend in England. I think her husband doesn't want her to be my friend because he want to isolate her and control her. I don't believe he worries we will have an affair because he knows it is platonic. He only has problem that she isn't doing whatever he says. I don't message her all the time only when she message me and we only hang out once a week to catch up it is all. It is a pure friendship and no one can convince me that showing love and kindness to my friend is wrong. 

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Just now, JayKi said:

I am only book smart not (in English I don't know how you say but in Costa Rica it translate to) street wise

Ok! Progress! I always talk to male colleagues about their wives and family eg How is school going. No man is allowed to criticize his wife to me. If a man insists on criticizing his wife to me, then we are no longer friends. I am not sure if you are in the UK or not but, they do not take kindly to a man messing with their wives, 

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47 minutes ago, Grunt said:

So you have differences with your friend's husband and you take her out to lunch and the movies?  Don't you see anything wrong with that?  You're lucky Mormons are so kind.  A Temple recommend would be the least of your immediate worries around here.   Take our word for it.  What you are doing isn't acceptable in this culture.  You need to either find male friends or include her husband when you see her.  Honestly, this isn't fair to your fiancee, either.

Her husband and I have a difference of opinion because one time I told him he needs to treat his wife better and he told me it was none of my business. My fiancee knows my friend from visiting me in England they get on well, she doesn't mind because she understand it is friendship and I am only romantically interested in her. 

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25 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Do you think I should tell her I can't hang out with you even though you want to because your husband don't like it ? 

Absolutely.  These are the beginnings of what is called an emotional affair.  I know.  My wife had one with a guy at work....  Nothing happened..  Just friends...   It tore my heart in two.  Screwed with my wife's head something crazy as well.

So stop messing with a married woman.  Even if she thinks it is OK, it isn't   The husband will be hurt, the wife will be hurt, the marriage will be hurt in the end and you are too clueless to see it.

Honestly, if I were engaged to you and knew you were playing with another man's wife, I would break off the engagement and move on.  It essentially signals that you will not have the proper respect for your wife to be.

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1 minute ago, JayKi said:

Her husband and I have a difference of opinion because one time I told him he needs to treat his wife better and he told me it was none of my business. My fiancee knows my friend from visiting me in England they get on well, she doesn't mind because she understand it is friendship and I am only romantically interested in her. 

Dude, if you tell an English man how to treat his wife, you are likely to have your nose broken. 

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Just now, Sunday21 said:

Dude, if you tell an English man how to treat his wife, you are likely to have your nose broken. 

"Americans always think that people with an English accent are classy and polite. What nonsense. This guy is a soccer hooligan-he might stab you!"-Gavin McInness 

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1 minute ago, Sunday21 said:

Dude, if you tell an English man how to treat his wife, you are likely to have your nose broken. 

It is cultural in Costa Rica all the time it happens, a man hits his wife all of her brothers and cousins beat him up, he shouts at her all her male neighbours beat him up, he disrespect her same thing. We protect women in Costa Rica, don't leave them to their own device after marriage. They always family and friend.

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If this woman's husband is abusive, then a friend helps her find a marriage counselor - he doesn't give her occasional relief that makes the time with the abusive husband easier to bear, nor does he give the husband more excuses to be abusive.

PS: You have yet to report having gotten a gang together to assault her husband, so your report of Costa Rican retribution doesn't seem to be relevant.

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24 minutes ago, zil said:

Apparently we need a woman in here to explain one of the risks involved in this, so...  While you may not ever have felt any sexual attraction to this woman, it is almost guaranteed that unless you're kinda disgusting, the more time she spends enjoying herself with you rather than with her husband (RED FLAG), the more likely it is that she will begin to (a) complain about her husband to you (RED ALERT! RED ALERT!), (b) rely on you for comfort (THE SHIP IS SINKING!), (c) start to feel attracted to you (DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!), and (d) fall in love with you (AND SATAN REJOICES).  This then risks exceedingly dangerous things for you, for her, for her husband, and for the woman you intend to marry; also for any children involved, and other family members.

 

I don't think such a thing will happen, she is like a sister to me and I am like her brother she won't ever be attracted to me. She calls me El Nino (the child). 

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12 minutes ago, JayKi said:

 

I just be her friend because it is hard to adjust to new culture but when we hang out we can interact like we are at home. I have no desire to ruin her marriage I want her to be happy. She don't have many friend in England. I think her husband doesn't want her to be my friend because he want to isolate her and control her. I don't believe he worries we will have an affair because he knows it is platonic. He only has problem that she isn't doing whatever he says. I don't message her all the time only when she message me and we only hang out once a week to catch up it is all. It is a pure friendship and no one can convince me that showing love and kindness to my friend is wrong. 

Interesting.  You are all about you and how it is affecting you until we point out how selfish that is...  Only then does it becomes all about her.

If you truly believe she is in danger you should start with that not whining about how you have been inconvenienced 

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Just now, estradling75 said:

Interesting.  You are all about you and how it is affecting you until we point out how selfish that is...  Only then does it becomes all about her.

If you truly believe she is in danger you should start with that not whining about how you have been inconvenienced 

The plot just keeps unfolding. The OP should have been much more clear in his initial post. 

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2 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

Interesting.  You are all about you and how it is affecting you until we point out how selfish that is...  Only then does it becomes all about her.

If you truly believe she is in danger you should start with that not whining about how you have been inconvenienced 

No I said all the way through I do these things to be nice even my first post says it. I messaged her to cheer her up is earlier post. You don't know what you talk about and I am not selfish 

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